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The plate slips. Ben didn’t mean to drop it and he certainly didn’t throw it. The shattering plate on the tiles also shatters the tense silence of the Solo household. The look of fear on his mother’s face makes Ben want to crawl back to the cell he so recently came out of, at least there he didn’t have to deal with the damage he has caused his family.
The noise brings Ben’s father straight into the kitchen.
“What the HELL have you done now!?” Han demands upon seeing Leia’s expression and the broken plate.
“It's not what you think,” mumbles Ben, “I’m sorry.” He wants to hide but his 6’3” frame couldn't hide anywhere. He is too bulky for the kitchen. He doesn’t suit the house. He doesn’t fit in. He couldn’t fit in.
“It was an accident.” Ben tries again. The more his parents yell the more scrutiny he will get from the neighbors. Han and Leia may have let him back into their house but the neighbors had not let him back into the street. Why would they? A suburban street is no place for a criminal.
“It had better have been. We’ve let you back in our house and look at how you treat your mother. She fears you Ben.” Han yells at him.
Ben focuses on her face. It is old and frail. She was very beautiful when he was younger, did he do this to her? He takes in the room shiny, clean except for the broken plate. The whole house is beautiful and well kept a testament to his parent's successful careers. They spent their lives achieving while he spent his in a cell.
“You know why I can’t trust you Ben. You’re a killer. You murdered someone. We let you back in but you can never change that.”
Ben walks away. Behind him he can hear his mother scold his father.
Ben on his bed in his room. It hasn’t changed since he went to jail. The violent posters and contraband were missing but the furniture is the same. He feels like all the anger has flooded out of him in his years away. Ben doesn’t know when it happened but his will to fight is gone. The Ben that called himself Kylo, that threw plates at his parents, that murdered someone is a distant memory. All those anger management groups, therapy sessions and breathing techniques -no longer necessary to him. But the fear he instilled in those around him may never leave. His eyes come to rest on a carving on the bedhead. One of the reminders of his past. ‘Kylo Ren’ carved into the wood like an ugly scar.
Ben sneaks out of his room to the garage. Most of the dangerous tools are locked away but the sandpaper is easy to find. Without disturbing his parents who are in deep conversation he goes back to his room and gets to work. Ben slides the paper with and across the grain. He doesn't really know what he is doing, woodwork was an easy subject to skip. With each shh shh sound he erases some of the remaining violent persona from his bedroom.
With the job completed Ben lays back on the bed, black hair resting in the dust yet to be cleaned up. Just as he starts to doze there is a knock at his door. Ben makes a noise in response and his mother and father enter the room. Han grunts, “Look kid,” Ben flinches a kid, of course his dad would still look at him as a child, “I just want to say I’m sorry. I said some things out of line, I know you are trying.” After finishing his piece Han leaves. Never been good with emotions his dad, Ben had inherited that in some way.
“Darling I know this life has been cruel to you but I believe you can and have changed,” His mum tells him.
“I love you, I have always loved you. And your father too, although he has more difficulty showing it.