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chapter 1 - some boo-boos lie beneath the surface
Every time Langa closed his eyes it was there. The image so vivid he had to repeatedly remind himself it was nothing more than a memory.
That the blood running down Reki’s forehead wasn’t real anymore, that he was no longer stranded on the dirt track of S. That the endless loop of Reki saying, “I’m sorry, I lost,” was nothing more than Langa’s own mind toying with him.
Because Reki was sitting on the comfort of his bed now, a scene so intimately familiar to Langa he could paint it with his eyes closed. Except this didn’t feel familiar at all. There was no warmth to the sight of Reki’s slumped shoulders, his bandaged head, the sling around his arm. There was no warmth in Reki’s eyes, and that struck his chest with the poignancy of a knife.
Reki didn’t look like himself.
Langa’s immediate reaction upon seeing his boyfriend after he finally left the hospital was the sudden urge to kiss him. It was silly really because there were so many words Langa wanted to say to him, so many questions to ask. Except when Langa walked into Reki’s room the redhead barely acknowledged his presence at all.
He sat on the bed and desperately searched for the honey amber of Reki’s eyes but they actively avoided him.
Langa had never seen Reki so quiet. It was unsettling.
Even when he slept Reki was loud. He could never stay in the same position for too long, restlessly moving around the bed and against Langa until he found a spot comfortable enough for him to stay for the following hour. And when he did, Langa could always hear the comforting sound of his breathing, hear the strong beating of his heart.
The Reki before him was silent and distant and cold and Langa hadn’t wanted to scream as he did right now, in forever.
He moved closer instead, slowly taking Reki’s battered face between his palms and placing a soft kiss over the bandage on his head. He stayed there, in a desperate attempt to make everything better because Reki’s kisses always did. No matter how absurd the pain of a fall, no matter the weight of fatigue on his limbs, Langa could swear it would all dissipate into nothingness the moment Reki’s sweet lips touched his skin.
But when Langa backed away and looked into Reki’s eyes nothing had changed.
It seemed Langa’s kisses couldn’t fix anything.
It was hard to see the shame swimming in Reki’s eyes like the redhead was embarrassed to look at Langa. And he suddenly understood why Reki had avoided his gaze for so long.
“Reki,” he pleaded in a whisper, his heartbeat so heavy Langa could swear it would shatter itself in its fragile state.
The concerned and hesitant tone in his voice must have finally gotten to Reki because his tight lips stretched in a half-smile.
“Hey, Langa,” he said back, eyes guarded and voice hoarse. He watched Reki’s expression harden as he looked down at his injured arm. “A lot of boo-boos to kiss better this time huh,” he snickered bitterly, the words serving as the final blow to Langa’s heart.
And for a second all Langa could see was red. Bright and vivid, scarlet red like Reki’s blood had been. All that he could think was how could anyone hurt Reki?
How was anyone capable of hurting someone like him?
He could’ve given in to the anger oh so easily, but what mattered most, what always would, was Reki’s wellbeing. So Langa dropped it.
“It’s okay, I have all the time in the world,” he tried but the humor in his voice was hollow.
Instead, he marked his words with a soft kiss on Reki’s lips and something in him finally warmed up when the redhead circled his good arm around his shoulders and brought Langa closer to him.
There was a fragile second where neither of them said anything after the chaste kiss was over. Langa let his forehead gently rest against Reki’s and didn’t mention the little tremors he felt going up and down his boyfriend's body. When they ceased, Reki craned his head up to look into Langa’s eyes.
“It was about time you were the nurse,” he finally said.
Langa could swear there was a hint of a quirk to Reki's lips and a trace of amusement in his voice this time. And at that moment Langa could feel a ray of hope spark to life in his chest.
“Nurse Hasegawa reporting for duty, Kyan-san,” Langa opened a tentative smile -- this one felt lighter than his earlier attempts, and placed a tender kiss on Reki’s cute little nose.
Under his lips, Langa felt Reki scrunch up his nose in quiet laughter.
“Hmm, do you kiss all your patients, Nurse Hasegawa?”
Langa chuckled.
“It is my preferred method of treatment,” he played along, moving on from Reki’s nose to softly kiss his cheeks, his eyes, his forehead, his neck. Langa took his time with every kiss, savoring the feeling of Reki's skin and hoping they conveyed even a fraction of all the affection he held for the boy. “But don’t worry, I serve only one patient.”
This time Reki actually giggles. Maybe because of his words or maybe because Langa knew Reki was extremely ticklish near the back of his neck and had no qualms about abusing it.
The sound is sweet and fills Langa’s chest so promptly with warmth. He could hear it forever, the finest music couldn’t compare to the melody of Reki’s laughs.
“That’s good," Reki lets out a breathy laugh."‘Cause you’re mine,” he says with the same air one would have when stating the sky is blue.
Like it was the most obvious observation in the world.
It sent a chill down Langa’s back that made his stomach flip as if he had just pulled off a difficult trick while snowboarding.
He kissed Reki’s mouth one more time, slowly and thoroughly. Hearing Reki uttering those words made Langa want to hold him in his arms and never let go, never let anyone else ever hurt him again. The boy in his arms was far too golden, far too bright, far too lovely to ever look so blue.
“Yours,” Langa reassures and carefully tightens his arms around Reki, holding him close, planning on not leaving him alone anytime soon.
“Kiss me?” Reki whispered and if Langa hadn’t been so close he wouldn’t have heard how his voice wavered.
“Always.”
He wasn’t naive enough to think that everything was fine now. Because the storm in Reki’s sunny eyes was simply hiding around the corner, covered up by the momentary ease that fell upon them as their mouths explored one another. Reki’s wounds weren’t skin deep this time. His heart was troubled and riddled with guilt and failure and Langa’s kisses, maybe even his words, wouldn’t be enough to heal him.
Still, Langa was thankful to see some warmth return to Reki, happy he didn’t feel as distant as before. He wouldn’t rest until the storm was gone from his eyes for good but for now, this was enough.
For now, kissing it better would do.
Langa would take care of the rest.