Chapter Text
“The nagging- stop it. I’ll take care of this. Whatever I do, I’ll take care of it.”
You ran your hairbrush through the strands of your hair as you sang to the song blaring from your phone. You really couldn’t help the way that you bounced your shoulders to the beat, losing yourself in an instant to each and every sound the song emitted.
“I do what I wanna. Can you just let me live a normal life or not? Because I live my life anyway.”
You set your hairbrush back on the counter and started to bounce your foot nervously. You still had a few minutes before you needed to be out on stage, and you were so antsy… You genuinely didn’t really know how to properly pass the time…
“I’m so bad bad-”
Before you knew it, your hairbrush was back in your hand and you were up to your feet, heels be damned.
“I’d rather be selfish! It’s a hundred times better than being hurt pretending to be nice.”
You felt yourself dancing instantly to the dance that you had grown used to watching Itzy perform, your hairbrush becoming your microphone. You didn’t hold back, knowing that there wasn’t really anyone in the room to find your behavior to be annoying anyways.
“I’m just on my way. No, no interference. Maybe I’ll tell you just be nice to yourself.”
You began to bounce a little, getting too excited for the imminent chorus.
“No matter what anyone says, I’m me I just wannabe me- I wannabe me me me- It doesn’t have to be something I’m just perfect when I’m-”
“How you’ve made it in the entertainment industry, I truly don’t know.”
You screamed in surprise, your hairbrush dropping to the ground at the sudden sound, and when you realized that it was just Kara, you felt like the biggest idiot on the planet. You bent over and picked up your brush, giving her a short glare.
“You’re not supposed to be back here,” you mumbled. She shrugged and placed a hand on her hip.
“Don’t worry, I was careful,” she assured. “Besides, I wanted someone to show you off to your first stage!”
You hummed nervously, your fingers messing with the strands of your hair as you turned away from Kara to look in the mirror.
“It’s only a big deal if we make it a big deal,” you mumbled. After only a short second, you turned back to look over at her. “But I’m glad that you came.”
“Are you nervous?” Kara asked. She rolled her eyes at her own question. “Of course, you’re nervous. I mean really… This debut idea is crazy.”
You looked away from her again, your eyes turning to look down at the white mask that would complete your outfit for the day. You couldn’t believe that you had actually even gotten this far. Getting signed to a company in itself had been practically unbelievable. What had been even more insane was the fact that they had agreed to your concept, liked your music, approved of your choreography? You genuinely couldn’t believe it.
When you had proposed this idea, drunk on life, one night with no one but your closest friends to back you up you had never imagined that everything would get this far and yet here you were.
“I almost think it will get me more attention,” you murmured shyly. “I just really hope that people get the right message from my music.”
Kara hummed and came up behind you, her hands falling on your shoulders as she looked at you, a scary knowing expression on it.
“You hope they get the right message and that Ji-”
“Don’t say his name!” You blurted before she could finish. Kara snickered and turned your chair towards her. She slowly raised your mask to your face securing it carefully. She stared at you in silence and then began to fix your hair around the mask.
“Alright, alright, you’re going to do great you know that?”
“I know,” you replied softly. “Thanks for being here for me.”
Kara stepped away from you, and she crossed her arms in thought.
“Alright, there’s nothing else I can do for you. It’s your time to shine.”
“And shine I will,” you agreed. You held out your hand and beamed at her: “I don’t wannabe somebody, just wanna be me, be me.”
“I don’t wannabe somebody, just wanna be me, be me,” she joined in with a roll of her eyes.
“Errbody errbody errbody teachin’ me (All eyes on me). One word-” You guys both began to rap excitedly together. Kara laughed and before she could say more, you both heard a short knock at the door. You gasped at the sudden sound and jumped back, but Kara was faster than you. You watched as she slid behind a fixture in the room, and you plastered on a smile despite already being hidden under your mask as your manager pulled the door open.
He smiled at you.
“Okay you're on soon, come on,” he called. You nodded and set your phone down on the dressing room table. You didn’t say a word as you left but you did hear Kara whispering: “Fighting.” To you as you walked out of the room.
-
“Have you heard about that new idol? What’s her name again?”
“Starts with an S right?”
“Yeah, she has such a soothing voice. And her new song-”
“It’s so beautiful! I can’t believe she’s just now debuted. Under such a small company too, she could’ve managed to be under any company if she really wanted.”
Jihoon glanced up from his phone, his eyes narrowing at the group of guys before finally resenting to the conversation.
“Who are you guys talking about?” He asked. “What incredible new idol?”
“Everyone is talking about her,” Seungkwan replied, wasting no time in jumping to his feet, and showing Jihoon the phone in his hand. There stood a girl in the center of a stage, microphone in her hands. Seungkwan turned up the volume, leaving Jihoon to be able to hear what she was saying.
He called me Poetry, said that’s what I am. He said he owed me, all that I am. Claimed he created me from the dirt in his hands. He called me Poetry, and then he left me as I am.
Her voice was beautiful, almost angelic. Jihoon found himself transfixed for a moment in his seat as he stared at the beautiful singer.
“Who is she?” He asked softly. Seungkwan smiled at him adoringly.
“Siae.”
Siae.
“And why is she hiding her face?”
Siae was a brand-new solo artist under Kithewhale entertainment. She was a young beautiful artist about the same age as Jihoon, and she had talent beyond belief. She could sing and dance, and despite everything she had only been training to be an idol for the last year or so.
And the most alluring part about her was the mysteries behind her origins.
“Honestly, I didn’t debut just to share music. I can share music anyway I want to nowadays without getting into the cut-throat kpop industry. I came to this specific world for one reason. Because I want one idol to hear my music, to know my name, and to fall in love with me the same way that I fell in love with them.”
Jihoon stared at the stunning idol as she laughed, a sound that made his heart jump.
“Okay but seriously I also just want to share my music,” she stated. “I’ve loved song-writing since I was young, and I just kind of let the dream die since I never imagined that I had anyone to write music for. But this idol that I fell for gave me hope and a dream, and the realization that I have a voice, and finally I’m ready to use it.”
The mask that the young idol wore was easily explained too.
“I don’t want people to judge me for how I look. I want people to judge me for my music. I want my first win to be because I have talent, not because I have a pretty face. Once I get my first win, and once I meet the idol, I want to notice me, then I’ll take the mask off. Until then, the mask stays.”
“A girl like her only comes around every… Who knows how often,” Seungkwan said with a dreamy sigh. He pushed his phone back into his pocket and smiled. “I wonder who she joined the business for.”
Jihoon considered responding to Seungkwan’s words but he found he couldn’t so instead he settled back on his phone and tried to focus back on his rhythm game.
When he instead ended up looking for more stages of this new idol… Well… He tried his best to convince himself it was just because he wanted to know more about all the idols around him.
-
“Hey there kiddo.”
You felt a hand bury itself in your hair before you could stop it. You tried to bat away the hand but, there was little to no point in doing so as the person who had done so was taller than you, and much more insistent to mess with you then you were to escape their clutches.
Ever since debut your life had felt like a whirlwind of activity. You had assumed that since Kyuhyun had been in charge of your schedule you would feel rather relaxed... After all, you trusted the man with your life. But even though every event you were partaking in had at length been discussed between you and Kyuhyun, it was suddenly beginning to feel like a little too much.
You had many days in which you were able to take a break. In fact, you would have one day off almost every other day... It was just that on those days that you didn’t have a break, you were so packed with events that you could barely breath.
Luckily, today wasn’t one of those days.
“Hey Kyu,” you murmured back. “What’s going on?”
“We were practicing, and I thought I’d check on my favorite trainee.”
You rolled your eyes.
“Your favorite idol,” you replied back. “I’m a debuted kid these days.”
Kyuhyun swung around your body to smile at you, his hand falling from your hair down to your shoulders. He gave you a small squeeze.
“And you’re taking the world by storm,” he mumbled softly. “But in your last stage-”
“Stumbled over my heels, I should drop an inch,” you agreed.
“And that outfit with the pink skirt-”
“Too short,” you agreed. “I spent the whole time worried I would flash myself.”
“Which is why you need to remember-”
“Always wear safety shorts,” you said in unison with him. You both smiled at one another.
You and Kyuhyun were similar in a lot of ways. You both had a similar drive and a go-get-them kind of attitude. When you had first joined the company, you had been... A fish out of water. You were so completely and totally sure all of the time of what you were doing, and yet at the same time you thought you were crazy for trying to do this at all.
Kyuhyun helped you realize that it didn’t matter whether or not you started off belonging in a world. No one was born belonging in any place. Everyone started off in the same place, no one ever began belonging. You earned that feeling of belonging.
“Kara got accepted into Pledis Entertainment,” you said. Kyuhyun let go of your shoulders in surprise at your words and smiled a gentle smile.
“That’s great! How’s it going over there?” He asked. “Has she run into-”
You interrupted Kyuhyun by kicking the heel of his foot an action at which he just laughed at.
“Okay, okay I’ll keep my mouth shut,” he said. “But now that she is over there, you’re going to have to bring her all of the stuff she left at my apartment.”
You rolled your eyes as he wandered over to the corner of the room. In that corner sat a small box of things that Kara had left lying around in the past. Kyuhyun lifted up the box and lugged it over to you. Before you could say a word, he had shoved the box into your arms. You stumbled, struggling to get a grip on the box as he trudged away.
“Wait I have a few more things-”
Kyuhyun and Kara had a sort of... On and off again relationship to describe it as accurately as possible. While they weren’t dating their friendship was one that was often stuck in rapids rather than drifting in smooth waters.
Kyuhyun was a busy guy who could be very clingy at times, and Kara was obsessed with constantly being on the center of attention. Making the two friends with you- who tended to try to make everyone feel included in a group- wasn't the best combination and the two were always fighting for your attention.
At times it was a tiring endeavor, but it was mostly endearing. Especially when the two got like this.
“She also left her dumb jacket in my studio and tell her if I find one more of her bracelets lying around, I’m going to throw them away.”
It was dumb, this little love language that the two shared with one another, but it was cute either way.
“Alright, alright. I’ll take it all over to her.”
Kyuhyun looked a little surprised by the statement, and he pushed his hands into his pockets, raising an eyebrow.
“You mean... You’re just going to go over to Pledis and give it to her?” He asked. You adjusted the weight of the box and nodded.
“Yeah of course,” you replied. “She might need this stuff.”
Kyuhyun gave you an amused look.
“Uh huh. Well, if you run into anyone-”
You rolled your eyes.
“I’m only going to see Kara and go, I won’t be running into anyone,” you insisted. “It’s not like I want to go to Pledis. Dumb company anyways.”
“I still can’t believe you didn’t even try to get signed there,” Kyuhyun murmured. “You totally could have made it.”
You ignored him and instead hoisted the box of things in your arms up higher.
“It’ll be a quick in and out.”
-
“Oh my god!” Kara squealed, throwing her arms around your body. You laughed, the box dropping to the ground as she did so. “I’m so glad you are here. Practice today has been so hard.”
“Has it? Do I need to talk to a certain CEO?” you asked. You backed away from her and cracked your knuckles. “Who do I have to fight?”
She giggled.
“Would you believe that it’s actually your one and only-”
You threw your hand over Kara’s mouth, your eyes growing wide at where Kara’s words were leading and shot her a look.
“Don’t,” you warned. “I haven’t heard his name spoken to me in such a context since debut and I want to keep it like that.”
Kara just giggled beneath your hand, smiling that mischievous smile at you. You were a little afraid to move your hand, but when the trainees around you two started to give you weird looks you sighed and pulled your hand away.
“Anyways,” you said, changing the topic as you wiped your hand over your pants. “What have you been up to?”
“Well, we have free time, so I thought I would do some dancing.”
You could see a twinkle in her eye as she looked at you and you put a finger up in the air.
“No,” you murmured.
“Come on,” she encouraged. “It’s a Seventeen song- and you probably don’t even know the choreography. Just give me some tips!”
You tried to protest but before you could, Kara had grabbed her phone and began to play Seventeen’s Hit.
And the next millisecond you were dancing.
You didn’t mean to let it go on for so long- you truly didn’t. But learning a dance choreography was just too much fun to do. Especially when it was one choreographed by the Kwon Soonyoung. A large smile crossed your lips as you lost yourself in the movements of the dance, the music blaring in your ears as you fell in position beside your friend.
A small group formed around the two of you as you two danced, them cheering you guys on as you hit each and every move with perfect precision.
“I didn’t know you knew this dance,” Kara exclaimed in excitement as you guys neared the second verse of the song. You twisted your torso sharply to the side and looked off to the side.
“Of course, I know all Seventeen dances.”
The rest of the dance you two spent cheerfully quipping back at one another, and once you two hit your final pose, your chest heaving, and a large smile spread over your lips, you had pretty much completely forgotten about the fact that you two had a crowd.
You held the pose for a good few moment, pretending as if you were actually on stage, making a face for the camera, when finally, you allowed yourself to collapse into a ball of exhaustion on the floor.
In fact, you were so happy to be down there that you hardly even managed to collect your own thoughts as commotion dissolved around you. At first you thought that it was just a bunch of girls around you being loud for no reason-
“Well done.”
Your eyebrows furrowed at the sound of a deeper voice then you had heard just a moment before. You had thought when you came in earlier there were only girls in the room, so a male voice was a little off-putting. You sat up, brushing your hair out of your face to look at who was there- worried it might be a manager but when your eyes fell on the person before you suddenly were struck with the thought that maybe a manager would’ve been better to run into.
You felt Kara grab your forearm and together you both scrambled to your feet, dropping into mirroring deep bows. You felt yourself scrunch your eyes shut tightly as you two did. Your heart jumping a few beats.
There was no way...
“Thank you, so much,” Kara blurted. She squeezed your forearm again, reminding you to speak as well, and you quietly thanked her for that in your head.
“Yes! Thank you.”
You heard Jihoon make a noise- something that resembled a soft exhale, and the air around you shifted.
“You don’t have to be so formal,” he mumbled softly. “Stand up. What’s your names?”
Kara was the first to bolt upright, dragging you with her. Your eyes fell on Jihoon, and you admittedly zoned out a little bit as she began to speak. You heard her say her name and Jihoon said something back to her but... Everything else was like white noise.
Until, of course, Jihoon turned his attention to you.
“And you are…?”
You felt your heart skip a beat at Jihoon’s words, your gaze completely transfixed on him standing there before you. There was no amusement on his face, no trace of humor as he stared you down. No… He wasn’t the Jihoon that you so often saw in videos. Relaxed and at ease, simply taking life around him as it came. This was a Jihoon that you didn’t often see when you were searching the web or watching Going Seventeen. One that you had only dreamt of meeting.
He was entirely focused on the situation at hand, and such a thing was honestly quite scary. You knew that he could tear you down with one word, humiliate you in front of all the trainees around you in an instant, but for some reason you couldn’t really bring yourself to care because Lee Jihoon was staring at you. Lee Jihoon thought that you were training under his entertainment company. Thought that you were there to study under him and honestly it was all too much.
For the first time ever, Lee Jihoon had his eyes on you, and his focused tuned to yours. This was it. The moment so many girls dreamed about. The few moments that you got with your idol, the guy you were completely and totally in love with, and you could spend them however you chose, leave any impression that you wanted. This was-
Kara elbowed you sharply in your ribs, jolting you out of your fantasy and back to the reality at hand. You knew that Kara could get in trouble for letting you in, and you didn’t want to leave a bad impression on Jihoon the first time you got to meet him, so instead you let your gaze drop to the floor.
You knew that if you wanted to focus and say anything smart you had to pretend that it was someone else standing there. Seungcheol, Soonyoung, hell even Jeonghan was less intimidating at the moment then the man standing in front of you right now.
“Oh… Uh… Right, my name…” You trailed off laughing nervously, quickly wracking your brain for any name that you could come up with. It couldn’t be your stage name of course, or your real name either. That would be too risky. You needed something else, something believable.
“Sang Goo!” You blurted out suddenly, before your brain had even fully wrapped around the words. “God, that’s so embarrassing, can you imagine forgetting your own name?”
You laughed again and rose your eyes back up to the man in front of you. Once your eyes met his, you felt the nerves bubbling right back up to the surface. His gaze was still as sharp as before, except this time there was something else behind the light in his eyes.
A suspicious glint.
He didn’t completely believe you. Hell, you didn’t even believe you. You knew that you were better at lying then this on a normal occasion, but you supposed maybe meeting Lee Jihoon made the situation a little less normal.
You had so many things you wanted to say to him, so many feelings you felt like you had to tell him.
Honestly you wanted to drop to one knee right then and there and tell him exactly how he had weighed on your heart in the past. How much you yearned to be the person that he came to in his times of need. That person that he would be willing to risk everything for. That person that got to be there to hold his hand when no one else had the right.
“Sang Goo?” He repeated slowly, trying the name out for himself. You could tell by the slight scrunch of his nose that he didn’t really like the way it tasted in his mouth. Not because it wasn’t a good name, it was a brilliant name.
In fact, you were glad that you had always been so obsessed with names and their meanings because this one… Well, it would be a funny story to tell one day.
No, he didn’t like the sound of your name because he knew it was fake, a part of him knew you were lying, how could he possibly know you were lying?
“That’s my name!” You repeated brightly. You sent him one of those large toothy smiles that you used to win over your own company’s employees and leaned towards him ever so slightly. “Isn’t it something?”
Jihoon stared at you for another long moment, and you found it was a little hard to believe that it was really him standing there in front of you. You had imagined this so many times. And yet, none of those times had you ever imagined that this would be how it all unfolded.
“Heo Yunjin,” Jihoon addressed, his attention turning to the trainee standing next to you. You let your eyes wander over to the girl. She smiled at Jihoon. “The others are looking for you.”
Yunjin’s face contorted into one of surprise, and she turned around, racing over to where she had previously left her shoes. The girl she had been standing beside, looked after the girl with a desperate expression on her face. Yunjin ran back over to her and patted her on your shoulder.
“Don’t worry Dohae. I’ll be back faster than you even know!” And then Yunjin caught up to Jihoon and followed him out of the room. As soon as Jihoon had left the room, the girl, Dohae, dropped down to the ground, her face as red as an apple.
You didn’t really know how you were supposed to react to that so in response you dropped down to your knees, feeling a little worried for the girl.
“Hey are you-”
“Isn’t he perfect?”
You felt yourself fall silent as you stared at Dohae, watching as she stared absently at her hands. You couldn’t find the words to respond to her, so when she looked up at you, you were surprised that she continued to talk.
“Jihoon I mean… He’s just so perfect,” she elaborated. “Handsome and hardworking. He doesn’t take any shit, but he is also so considerate and-”
She interrupted herself to let a pout whine over her lips.
“He’s just… Perfect. I don’t understand how he could possibly still be single,” she murmured. She brushed her long raven hair out of her face and turned her gaze over to the floor. “And yet I don’t have a chance with him.”
You weren’t sure why that of all things kicked you back into action. Your eyebrows raised and you set your hand on her shoulder.
“What do you mean you don’t have a chance?” You asked suddenly. “Are you telling me that Jihoon doesn’t like tall beautiful girls training to be idols?”
Dohae scoffed at your words, her expression looking honestly a little self-loathing.
You hated to see people hate on themselves. Not because you didn’t do it from time to time but because you were a major hypocrite and you thought that it was important that everyone believed in themselves, especially when you could see the self-worth in someone.
After all, Dohae was gorgeous and she had everything that any man would fall for. Not just Jihoon.
“I mean-”
“Why wouldn’t Jihoon like you? You’re beautiful, I’m sure you have a nice personality. You’re a trainee so you must have musical talent. What is there not to like?” You asked her. You clambered to your feet and dragged Dohae up with you. “If you like him you have to tell him!”
“Are you crazy?” Dohae hissed as she got to her feet. “I can’t just tell him!”
“And why not?” You demanded. “Because he would say no? You’re going to be an idol one of these days who cares if he says no. There’ll be another guy out there just as beautiful who will actually appreciate you for how incredible you truly are.”
You heard Kara come up behind you, but you ignored her.
“Besides Jihoon is nice, so he’ll be sweet about it,” you insisted a little less aggressively. You shrugged. “I mean the least you can do is confess. It’ll take the weight off of your shoulders.”
“The thing is… I can’t,” Dohae murmured softly. “I, uh… Well, I just don’t know how to word it.”
You opened your mouth to ask what that meant but before you could Dohae began to elaborate.
“Look, it’s like…”
She wandered over from you and grabbed one of the bags from the walls. She began to rummage through it and then grabbed out a small crumbled piece of paper. Your eyebrows rose at that, but she didn’t seem to mind it. She took a deep breath and then handed you the paper.
Your eyebrows furrowed and you took the paper in your hands. You looked up at her taking note that her face was especially red, and then you unraveled the papers.
You realized quickly that it was a love letter, albeit a poorly written one. Among the many spelling errors and grammar structure errors that you honestly didn’t blame Dohae for too much, it was clear that she didn’t really know what she was trying to say with the letter.
The thoughts were all half-finished and even the thoughts that were started in no way conveyed love.
“Well...” You trailed off as your eyes skimmed back over the contents of the letter. “The sentiment is there.”
And that was true.
The idea of being so completely in love with someone that you couldn’t put it in words was possibly one of the cutest and most timeless themes of a love confession. It conveyed strong emotions. It conveyed a sort of bravery for even attempting to confess.
But with a guy like Jihoon, the confession would have to be better worded. More fledged out. He would find it hard to believe that Dohae’s feelings were completely genuine and he would need a lot of convincing that this were so.
Looking at Dohae you didn’t really think she had what it took to get herself into a relationship with Jihoon without any prompting.
You looked from her and her flushed face, down to her letter.
“I mean, you want to be with him, don’t you?” You asked. Dohae’s eyes shone at your words.
“I only dream about it every night.”
You handed Dohae back her letter tenderly and she took it back, noting the way that you had folded it.
“I’ll help you.”
Dohae’s eyebrows shot up at your words and so did Kara’s.
“What?” They both exclaimed. You shot Kara in particular an aggravated expression.
“I’ll help. You’re really pretty, and you like Jihoon.”
You reached forward and gestured for her to hand you her phone. You took it and clicked to add yourself to her contacts. You barely caught yourself typing in your real name over the one you had given Jihoon.
You handed her back her phone.
“Text me, I’ll be around.”
You looked at Kara who still looked completely and utterly surprised to hear what you were saying. You opened your mouth to say something to her but before you could Kara grabbed you by your wrist.
“And now Sang Goo and I will be going.”
You could barely wave as Kara dragged you away. She pulled you out of the dance studio and smacked your shoulder. You whined out, grabbing your shoulder.
“Hey what was-”
“What are you thinking?” She demanded. “You want to help Dohae get with Jihoon? I can’t even begin to express why that is a dumb idea.”
“It’s not-”
“Seriously, I mean- Seriously, Sang Goo?”
As she berated you two people came walking down the hall. You both stopped in your conversation to offer them smiles, and you in particular were surprised to find that it was actually Seungcheol and Hansol. Your mouth opened in surprise and you turned your attention over to Kara.
“Was that-”
“Yeah they just walk around the place,” she whispered back, her eyes wide to. “I’ve run into Soonyoung in the elevator more times than I can count.”
“That’s-”
“Insane I know,” she agreed. She stood there for a moment in shock and then seemed to remember why you two were talking in the first place.
“You know I love you,” she prefaced. You rolled your eyes.
“Dramatic,” you mumbled.
She grabbed you by your shoulder and raised an eyebrow.
“Don’t do anything that will just leave you hurt in the end.”
“Okay,” you relented. “Okay, don’t worry. No one is going to get hurt.”
And when you said that you truly did mean it. Even when you knew that you didn’t really have any control over that in the end.
When you went back into the practice room, Jihoon was calling trainees over. You weren’t sure what the context was exactly, but the moment that you stepped foot in the room, Dohae turned towards you.
She had wide eyes, and a terrified expression on her face as she looked over at you. Her mouth fell open when she saw you and she pointed.
“Sang Goo!” She exclaimed loudly. You didn’t know what to say or do really as Jihoon and Dohae and the other two trainees standing there looked over at you. You looked away from the two and around as if a different “Sang Goo” was standing there doing something near you, and you weren’t the one that Dohae was referring to.
When you saw no one around you except for Kara, you scrunched your nose and turned back to them, pointing at yourself.
“Me?”
“Yes! It’s time for vocal training!” Dohae blurted back. She raced over and part way across the practice room she about fell onto the ground, tripping over her own shoes. Your eyebrows rose in surprise at that and you rushed over to catch her. Your arms caught hers just before she hit the floor, and you eased her back up to her feet.
You gave her a minorly panicked look.
“I can’t go to the vocal training,” you hissed to her but to your dismay when you looked up Jihoon was standing right there giving you a suspicious look.
“And why not?” He asked you. You gave him a smile that was all teeth.
“Uh,” you tried to desperately search your brain for a reasonable answer. “I’m dancing right now?”
It might have seemed like a better answer had it not been for the fact that you said it with clear question in your voice and when Jihoon didn’t really seem to care for your answer you, began to hum Aju Nice under your breath half doing the choreography to what you were singing.
His eyebrows rose at you, and you stopped in the middle of your dancing.
“Or I could go to vocal training.”
“Sounds like a good idea,” Jihoon agreed, a bit of an edge to his voice.
It became pretty clear to you pretty fast why Dohae had dragged you into this, and sadly it wasn’t because she just wanted to spend time with you.
Vocal training with Jihoon was probably one of the more intimate things that you thought you had ever done in your small amount of time training for your career as a kpop idol and you weren’t even a trainee for Pledis.
You watched as Jihoon slowly handed all four of you some sheet music with lyrics and took one of the girls aside to a corner of the studio where you couldn’t hear them. Dohae reached over and grabbed your wrist as soon as he was out of ear shot, giving you the same look as she had before.
“What are we going to do?”
You shot her a glare.
“You’re just now thinking of that? Dohae I’m not a trainee under Pledis I’m just here helping Kara today,” you hissed back. Her freaked out look didn’t even flicker from her face. You could tell that your words only freaked her out now.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” She blurted back. You gave her an incredulous look.
“We just met!”
Instead of denying that Dohae began to tap her fingers nervously against her leg.
“So what I’m hearing is that right now we are both screwed,” Dohae mumbled. “I’m going to make a fool of myself in there I just know I am.”
You turned to her and you took her hand in yours.
“Dohae-”
“I can barely talk to Soonyoung or- or- Junhui as it is and I don’t even like them. I can’t even manage to talk to the other male trainees! Much less Jihoon-”
“Dohae-”
“And now you’re going to get caught as not being a trainee here and we’re both going to get in a lot of trouble. I can’t get in trouble-”
“Dohae!”
Finally, she stopped talking to give you a frightened look. Your surely frustrated expression turned into a more soothing one when you two made eye contact and you leaned towards her ever so slightly.
“First of all, you need to keep yourself calm,” you told her softly. Dohae gave you a look that you couldn’t really describe- eyes squinted towards you, eyebrows furrowed, lips pursed. You waited until it faltered. “Second of all I’ll go first.”
Dohae’s eyebrows shot up, and her fingers tightened around your wrists.
“Really? You’d do that for me?”
It was an awful idea. But you figured in the long run, it was the best plan. If anything was going to happen in the next hour the person who you wanted to be the most in the crossfires was you. Sure, you had just met Dohae but you could already tell that she had a good soul. She must not have been working with Jihoon for long before today because otherwise, she wouldn’t be so worried about this.
You weren’t sure how she had been able to avoid this in the past, but you did know one thing for sure. If you were going to help her overcome her fear of Jihoon (why were you doing this anyways- it went against the entire reason you were doing all of this in the first place) you were going to have to get her out of this for as long as possible.
“How long do sessions with Jihoon tend to last?” You asked. She shrugged.
“It depends-”
“So, I just have to keep him busy,” you murmured. It was mostly to yourself, but the plan was already building itself in your brain. Postpone actually singing, drag out singing as if you were bad at it. Or just ask him for help with a really hard song.
You rubbed your hand nervously over your knees, but as you began the action you noticed that Dohae was watching you. You shot her a confident smile and patted your knees.
“Easy,” you stated pointedly. You could tell that she wasn’t entirely convinced by you and you reached over, giving her a comforting pat that you immediately regretted. “Seriously you don’t-”
“Who’s next?”
Both you and Dohae jumped about a foot in the air at the sudden sound of Jihoon and the girl he had taken returning to the room. Jihoon didn’t look even slightly amused by the jump, and the girl he was with didn’t look so much bothered as she looked concerned for the two of you.
You all sat there in silence for a few moments, no one really sure what to say until Jihoon got tired of the silence. He cleared his throat and placed his hand on the door frame.
“Well?”
That- luckily- kicked you back to action. You jumped up from the seat and smiled brightly at him.
“That would be me!” You stated excitedly. You made a bit of a show about stretching your arms out, and then you rushed over to Jihoon. You gave Dohae a wink. “Wish me luck!”
Jihoon sit down at his desk, his fingers fiddling around with a few of the items on it. You watched quietly, unsure of what to say or where to stand or even where to go. This action seemed to only irritate him further. His brows furrowed in frustration and he gestured at the chair beside him.
“Sit down,” he mumbled.
You didn’t hesitate for even a moment at the instruction, knowing that you didn’t want to make Jihoon upset at all. You still needed to convince him- at least for the day- that you were a trainee here... Without saying those words exactly (if that were even really possible). You squirmed in the chair beside Jihoon, thinking that it was awfully close to the boy.
You had only had a small number of crushes before you had one on Jihoon, and they had all been fairly short-lived. There was something about people that they just didn’t end up living to the expectations that you had for them.
Joon in elementary school ended up being frustratingly self-centered. You found that out when he refused to share any of his pudding cup with you at recess.
Lee in high school was too busy fucking other girls to really care about you in the end.
Your initial infatuation for them would always disappear eventually, and you would be left with this realization that you not only shouldn’t be with this person, or that they weren’t really what you had expected.
The point was you eventually moved on.
But when you looked at Jihoon, when you sat this close to him and you could barely breath, it was hard to imagine ever moving on.
He was so intune to the world around him, it was kind of incredible to think that it was just him moving there. He had this fluid motion about the way he moved. He grabbed his papers and shuffled them in such a way that you almost didn’t realize that he was even moving.
You watched him in awe as he tapped on the microphone before him, shifting it so that it was directly in front of you. Since getting picked up by an entertainment company you had been in front of a number of microphones. All of which were solely set there for you. You were used to being the center of attention.
Unafraid of what would happen if you were to mess up because when you got behind a microphone, there was nothing you were couldn’t do. Some people were just born knowing who they were meant to be and what they were meant to do in life. You had always sort of known deep down that you were meant to sing, and that was only further confirmed when you wrapped your fingers around the metal of a microphone.
But with Jihoon there, you were suddenly at a loss for words. Being in front of the microphone meant absolutely nothing to you. Your confidence was gone.
“So, what will you be singing today?” Jihoon asked you without even looking up at you. “It would be best if you just gave me an idea of your range is- How about you singing something with a lower register and then something with a higher register, and we’ll go from there. Do you have anything that fits that?”
You had a million songs, that could fit with this. A million responses that you knew that you should try to get out to make Jihoon believe that you had even the smallest semblance of intelligence.
But instead of any of that you just looked at him. You couldn’t get even a single thought straight in your mind. All you could think about was the fact that Jihoon was expecting something from you that you couldn’t really deliver.
“Sang Goo?”
You blinked.
“Lee Jihoon?” You responded back stupidly. You could tell he was annoyed by the slight raise of his eyebrow towards you, and honestly it didn’t do too much to help you find your words. He grunted softly, and his index finger tapped the desk impatiently.
“Are you actually planning on singing?”
“Yes!”
You felt your eyes narrow as you thought of a song that you could sing for Jihoon right off the top of your head. Not much came to mind- until as you were flying through your options you remembered that song Elkie had come out with.
Elkie was a good friend of yours- a cube entertainment trainee that debuted in the group CLC. You hadn’t seen her in a while, but you had been utterly obsessed with her song I dream when it came out. It was so beautiful.
Your eyes sparkled with excitement as you pulled out your phone to bring up an instrumental.
“Are you excited for what I’-”
“Just play the song,” Jihoon said softly, not even batting an eye at your antics. You huffed, but shifted anyways, clicking your music on and taking a deep breath.
“When the snow starts to fall, my heart flutters so much that I close my eyes,” you started off softly. You felt a little raw singing the song under such intense scrutiny from Jihoon. You had never really been shy of singing in front of people before. Sure, the was the normal nerves of singing in front of a crowd, and the little shakiness that sometimes accompanied an important recording, but overall, you were never nervous to sing in front of others.
When you had first met Kyuhyun you had shocked him by your unabashed attitude and how comfortable you were in a studio. But something about today. Something about this moment. You were so nervous to be singing.
Especially when as you started to sing Jihoon’s pen dropped from his hand, and he looked up at you in shock.
“I hope you’ll listen to my heart. I had-”
“Stop.”
You stammered over the lyrics of the song that you were singing and looked up to Jihoon in complete shock. He had a sort of breathless look on his face- as if he had just been running, and... Still was. The way he looked at you, was a little overwhelming honestly. You turned away your face red.
“Wh... What’s wrong? Was it the way I was singing?”
Again, that shyness that you simply weren’t used to overtook you. You weren’t sure why your heart was beating so hard in your chest or why the sudden thought of singing again made you want to throw up but it really did. You took a deep shaky breath, trying to remind you that there was nothing that you should be so nervous about.
“No, nothing like that,” Jihoon said finally, interrupting your stream of thoughts. When you looked back at him, he looked less shocked. In fact, his expression was once again, relaxed and monotone. “Your voice is beautiful. That’s all. Can you start again from the beginning?”
You knew that wasn’t everything, but you were relieved to be let off the hook anyways.
You resumed the song from the beginning- paying close attention to the way you articulated each and every word. Jihoon gave you a few notes, which you took to heart- it took a lot of cross-analysis to apply it to your current stages, but you liked the input he had to give- and finally after you thought a fair amount of time had passed, you stopped pestering Jihoon with questions and told him you were feeling better about your vocals.
When Jihoon told Dohae he would just have to work with her another time, you swore you almost saw her faint from relief- and that alone made everything you had just risked worth it.
And that was the extent of social interaction that you could manage for the day. So, with a deep breath you mustered up a few more smiles and goodbyes and began to head out.
You had a lot of practice to make up for and you had performances later this week.
God Kyuhyun was probably going to kill you making up for the time you wasted today.
“Hey wait!”
You skidded in your tracks, your heart beginning to thump in your chest at the sound of Jihoon calling you. Maybe he wasn’t calling you, maybe he was calling someone else and it just sounded like he was calling for you.
“Sang Goo, wasn’t it?”
You wanted to be put off by the fact that he was indeed calling for you. After all, every second that you spent at Pledis was another second that you risked him finding out that you weren’t supposed to be there. Every moment that you spent there talking to Jihoon was another moment that you spent lying to him. It was an awful way to start off when meeting a person. And you so desperately didn’t want to start off knowing Jihoon with lies.
You turned around, brushing your hair out of your face as you shot him a tentative smile.
“Oh, Jihoon. Are you calling for me?”
And he was.
You couldn’t lie, you felt near light-headed when you realized that Jihoon really was talking to you. His gaze was a lot less intimidating now, more observant than anything else. You weren’t sure what he was now looking for when he saw you, but you knew that he was looking for something specific. You tried not to let it show that you could tell, letting an innocent look shine in your eyes.
You, he really was looking at you. He had called what he thought to be your name, he had been trying to grant your attention. He had discovered you existed only a few hours prior, and he was already using that information to his advantage.
Your heart simply couldn’t stop beating.
“Yeah, I was wondering where you were off to,” he replied as he slowly strolled over to you. He slid his hands into his pockets as he took in your after-practice appearance. “The other trainees are going out to eat. Considering you’re new, I wouldn’t really advise missing out on it.”
“Honestly…” And this was it. All you had to do was tell him the truth. The rouse didn’t need to go on after all. You had done what you needed to for the day.
“I’m not a trainee under Pledis.”
Good, that was a great start. Jihoon looked a little surprised by your words, but it wasn’t anything to be too concerned about. You could tell by the mood that he was in that he wouldn’t be angry. He would probably understand if you just explained it.
“See my friend is a trainee and she needed me to help with something, and we really didn’t want her to get into any trouble, so I just thought I would play along.”
Good, honest.
“I sort of figured,” he murmured. “You didn’t really seem like you belonged here.”
“I am a trainee,” you replied, stubbornly. “I’m training under Kithewhale.”
You could see the confusion in his eyes, and you sighed.
“It’s a small company,” you explained. “I should be going. What did you stop me for anyways?”
Jihoon looked at you with a strange look in his eyes. One that honestly, you didn’t really recognize.
“It’s your voice,” he replied.
You stared at him, confusion crossing over your face.
“I’m sorry?” You asked.
“At first I thought it was just me imagining things but… Your voice is so familiar,” he insisted. “I knew when you sang. I’ve heard your voice before.”
You stared at him, unsure of what to say. You had just debuted. Only a handful of stages, one mini album, and as far as you knew, Jihoon and Seventeen weren’t at any of them. Sure, you had already gained a lot of attention for your stages and for your whole concept, but that didn’t mean that Jihoon should’ve heard about you at all.
You had to play this right, after all, you had unwittingly told him the actual company that you were under. If he connected the dots, then he might actually figure it out. But you also knew that Jihoon had no reason to let this keep him up too late. So, you just needed to…
“Well, I am quite the fan. Maybe you’ve stumbled upon my covers online before?” You suggested. Jihoon looked at you, his eyes narrow.
“I think I would’ve remembered the name Sang Goo.”
“I don’t use that name for my Youtube covers,” you said with a laugh. You could see that there was still doubt in Jihoon’s mind, but you had convinced him just enough that you knew now you could leave. “Well, I have my own schedule to keep up with at Kit. Sorry for being trouble.”
Jihoon didn’t say another word to you, and as soon as you were out of his sight you pulled out your phone calling your friend. He answered after only two rings of his cellphone.
“Y/n what’s-”
“Joonjae, how much do you love me?” You asked instead. You heard a drawn-out sigh from the other end of the line.
“How is it that I can see the expression on your face even though I’m not standing in front of you?”
Joonjae was one of your oldest friends. When you two had been in primary and the school bully had decided that they needed to teach Joonjae a lesson for spending recess in the computer lab, you had been the one who helped him escape out the window and held his hand as you guys escaped the school yard, running halfway across town before finally being picked up by the police an hour later.
Your whole school had gone under lockdown because of you two, and despite the fact that you had both been grounded for two entire months over the ordeal, it had made you two the best of friends, and lucky for you, Joonjae was a huge computer nerd.
“Do you think that you can put up a fake YouTube channel for me in which I sing covers to songs online?” You asked. You clicked the button on your car fob to unlock the door, pressing your phone up to your ear with your shoulder as you got into the car. “Please¸ for your bestest friend?”
He sighed.
“I swear these days you just use me,” he murmured. “Honestly when was the last time we went out? Is Siae too popular for little old Joonjae?”
You rolled your eyes at his antics.
“We had lunch just yesterday Joonjae,” you mumbled. “And you know I wouldn’t ask unless I really needed the help.”
There was a moment of silence on Joonjae’s end, and you hummed into the phone.
“Can you do it?” You asked him softly.
“It’s already been done,” he replied. “You started the channel a couple of years back, a thousand subscribers, and you get a fair amount of views on every video. Lucky you I have copies of videos of you singing.”
You sighed in relief.
“Thanks. Lunch is on me tomorrow okay?”
“Anything for you!”