Chapter Text
Oikawa and Iwaizumi have had an unspoken, unbreakable bond ever since they met. Although he was at first reluctant to befriend the boy with chestnut-colored hair and wide, brown eyes to match, Iwaizumi quickly learned his life would never be the same without Oikawa by his side.
Those eyes that sparkled when they played the games he chose as children, shined in appreciation when he was given milk bread after practices, and glistened with unshed tears that day their team was defeated ending their hopes of going to nationals. Those eyes, which are a window to Oikawa’s soul, but one that only Iwaizumi sees through, bearing all his strengths, weaknesses, feelings. Those eyes he not only has the privilege of seeing during his waking hours, but also appear in his dreams at night.
That fluffy hair he used to make fun of everyday growing up, purposely messing up the perfectly styled locks on their walks to school, never failing to remind him of when he needed a haircut; all just to see Oikawa’s reaction and how flustered he could make him. That hair which only Iwaizumi had the chance to see without products and tousled from sleep whenever they’d stay the night at one another’s house. That soft hair Iwaizumi had the opportunity to touch a handful of times; yet, wishing he could run his fingers through the wispy locks every day.
Chocolate brown eyes, silky hair and that often quirky smile would haunt Iwaizumi, in the best way possible, for the rest of his life. And as much as he wanted Oikawa by his side forever, he couldn’t stand to be selfish and get in the way of his best friend’s dreams. Iwaizumi couldn’t fathom the idea of holding him back from his goals for the future, or being the reason Oikawa was unable to accomplish what he wanted in life. No, Iwaizumi could, would never be an obstacle in his path towards a career in volleyball, and that’s why he decided to keep his feelings hidden and unknown, or at least he tried.
~~~~~
While Iwa has always harbored deep-rooted romantic feelings for his best friend, he never was absolutely sure if the pining was mutual. From the time they were in junior high, Oikawa was a flirty person; girls, guys, even light teasing with some of their teachers, Iwaizumi realizes early on it’s just a part of his best friend’s personality. Iwaizumi never takes Oikawa’s coyness seriously, even when the advances and ribbing are directed towards him. It’s all a seemingly innocent act, in his opinion.
That is until Oikawa starts getting more handsy, towards the end of their second year of high school, but seemingly only with Iwaizumi. While never inappropriate, the touches are just a bit more friendly than usual. A lingering hand on his back during a huddle at a practice match, absentmindedly grazing fingers across his arm while the two are studying, even laying his head on Iwaizumi’s lap while they watch movies together, claiming he’s unable to get comfortable any other way. He initially thinks he’s imagining the increase in personal contact, yet the frequency doesn’t stop. And he’s not complaining, though he doesn’t know why it’s happening, unaware of any shift in their relationship.
Iwaizumi wants to address the situation, ask Oikawa about his behavior, but at the same time he wants to be a little selfish. He knows what he has with his best friend right now isn't going to last forever. At least not in its current capacity. Seeing each other almost every day, playing volleyball together, talking about whatever mundane topics happen to be brought up. Their friendship, this closeness, both literally and figuratively, will inevitably change as they graduate, go on to college, and move into adulthood.
Iwa feels like it has an expiration date, and their time is slowly running out.
*****
The team’s loss to Karasuno had been devastating, yet Iwaizumi knows just how hard Oikawa is taking the small failure. Of course, he wanted to make it on to nationals, representing their prefecture on the next level, but Oikawa- Tooru wanted it, needed it like the air he breathes, the water he drinks. Tooru needs it like Hajime needs his best friend to stay in his life, in any way that Tooru is willing to have him.
After their meal at the ramen shop, and the pick-up game with the other third years, the two are walking home and a wave of nostalgia washes over Iwaizumi. The day has been unforgettable, the last three years with Oikawa by his side unparalleled, and he can’t help but feel happy and proud. He would be rueful not to share his emotions, not to boast how incredible it’s been to have Oikawa as his partner. And throw in a jab too.
They bump fists and Oikawa then asks, “hey, you want to come over Iwa-chan?”
“On a school night? You sure?” Iwa answers, ignoring the silly nickname.
“Yeah, umm- I don’t really want to be alone right now.” Oikawa responds, a bit shyly, a blush spreading across his cheeks. His candor is a bit shocking to Iwa.
“Uhh, okay. Sure. I thought you’d want to ruminate on your own after today, but I’ll come over.” Iwa still surprised by the invitation. He knows when to give his best friend space, this being one of those times, but he’s not going to say no if the offer is being presented.
“Cool! C’mon Iwa-chan, you can even stay the night if you want, mom won’t care,” he says attempting a nonchalant tone.
Arriving at Oikawa’s home, they enter, removing their shoes at the genkan, and then Iwa follows him to his room. Iwaizumi has been here countless times before, yet this visit is charged with a different type of energy. A tension, of sorts, he can’t quite put his finger on. Maybe he’s feeling a lingering sense of embarrassment from his proud and boastful moment earlier, or maybe it’s just all his deeply hidden feelings coming to a head. Either way, he also senses a change in Oikawa, in the way he’s been acting since he invited Iwa over.
In Oikawa’s room, Iwa drops his bag near his desk and starts getting his school books out, figuring they would do some studying for the rest of the night. He stops mid-motion when he hears Oikawa call his name from his seat on the bed, “Hajime.”
He turns to look at his best friend to see a shy, yet hopeful look along with a small smile gracing his face. Finding his voice he finally says, “you haven’t called me that in years,” vaguely recalling the last time he used his name when they were children.
“Come here,” Oikawa speaks again.
Iwa stands from where he’s crouched over his bag, and slowly walks over to Oikawa on the bed.
“Please, sit,” he says, patting the space next to him.
Iwaizumi, hesitantly, sits down in the spot, worrying he might have said or done something wrong. When Oikawa moves to cup his right cheek in his hand, while his other comes to rest on Iwa’s thigh, a shiver goes down his spine. Oikawa’s calloused yet delicate setter fingers grazing his cheek makes him feel things, things he probably shouldn’t feel for his best friend who’s not interested in him that way.
And then Oikawa surges forward, bringing Iwaizumi’s face to meet his lips in the middle. An initial tingling sensation, then slightly chapped lips press against his own and Iwaizumi isn’t sure how to react. The kiss is over before he can even begin to process what just happened. Did Oikawa, my best friend, my partner, who I never even guessed could be interested in me, did he really just kiss me? What in the hell? Am I dreaming?!
He snaps out of his thoughts when he hears Oikawa’s soft voice repeat ‘Hajime’, the familiarity paired with that voice, bringing to life a warmth deep inside of him. Oikawa’s hand is still cradling his face, as he brings his own fingers to his lips, still puzzled by this development in their relationship.
“Hajime. You’re not dreaming, this is real life,” Oikawa says smiling.
Damn it, I said that all out loud...
“Shittykawa! What the hell?” Iwa exclaims, grabbing him by the wrist, not sure whether he should shove his best friend away, or pull him in closer.
“Oi! Such a brute, Iwa-chan. You don’t need to be so aggressive.” Oikawa tries to free himself from his hold, not realizing the tightness of his grip.
Releasing his wrist Iwa then takes Oikawa’s hand in both his own, tracing the lines of his palm with his thumbs. “Sorry, Oikawa,” Iwa says looking down, entranced by seemingly nothing.
“Tooru, call me Tooru,” Oikawa says softly.
Iwa looks up, surprised, searching his friend's eyes for a semblance of a joke, not really believing what is occurring right in front of him. He’s almost afraid to say his name, nervous, scared of the implications behind it. Worry filling his mind, knowing once they take this step, there will be no going back. He hasn’t used his given name since they were kids, since they reached an age where it felt no longer appropriate to be that familiar around others.
He desperately wants to say his name, remembering the feeling of it on his tongue every time he called out to his best friend. Memories come flooding back, of them catching bugs in his backyard, or stargazing when they’d camp out in Oikawa’s yard. Now he wants to see what new memories they can make, speaking familiarly as they once did years ago.
“Tooru,” Hajime whispers, his mouth forming around the name like he never stopped using it. Again, “Tooru, what’s this all about? Why did you kiss me?”
“Hajime- I knew you were dense, but not this stupid,” Tooru responds with a chuckle.
At the insult, Hajime moves to take Tooru into a headlock, but before he can Tooru waves his hands in defeat saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it was just a joke.”
“Oh, so now my feelings are a joke to you, Crappykawa?” Hajime scoffs, then starts to get up from his spot on the bed to leave.
Tooru reaches out to grab Hajime’s arm, quickly saying, “wait! What? No, not that...I meant calling you stupid. You’re the furthest thing from stupid, Hajime, you’re one of the smartest people I know.”
Sitting back down, the force of Tooru pulling his arm almost landing him in the other’s lap, Hajime asks, “and the kiss?”
“What about the kiss?” the setter says, trying not to smile.
Rolling his eyes at Tooru’s expression, yet fiddling with his fingers, “was the kiss a joke?” Hajime says, not wanting to make direct eye contact, to lessen the blow of what he’s expecting to come.
Tooru extends a hand out to lift Hajime’s chin between his thumb and forefinger, he looks directly into his eyes with his piercing brown gaze, and then says, “do you really need to ask that, Hajime? What do you think?”
Hajime is rendered speechless at the words, rooted to the spot by those eyes, those brown eyes which reflect back all he could ever want in his life. Still unable to speak, he shakes his head ‘no’ and attempts to hold Tooru’s deep stare. Tooru then brings his thumb up to graze Hajime’s plump bottom lip, wanting more than anything to kiss his best friend again, and again.
In the silence, which feels like hours, but lasts only seconds, Tooru finally speaks up, “can I kiss you, again, Hajime? Sorry, I didn’t ask the-” but he’s cut off before he can finish, as Hajime closes the distance, their lips meeting again.
Their mouths slot together for an innocent caress, but then lips part and Hajime sucks Tooru’s bottom lip in between his own, pulling away slightly. Once his lip is free, Tooru moves his arms around his best friend’s neck, leaning back in for an open-mouth kiss, his tongue sweeping into Hajime’s mouth. His calloused hands find Tooru’s waist, trying to pull him closer, while their tongues meet in the middle.
Hajime is really enjoying kissing Tooru, kissing his best friend -- but wait, they shouldn’t be doing this, should they? He pulls away from Tooru’s lips, which are now red and swollen from their previous activity. “Wait, stop. What are we doing?”
Dipping back in towards Hajime’s mouth, “we’re kissing, what does it look like?” Tooru says before trying to capture his lips again.
He pulls back, “stop! Are you sure this is okay?” Hajime now worries about the invisible line they’ve crossed, the line they can’t turn back from, the line from which everything has changed. For the worse, or the better, he would soon find out. Though going back from this, after he’s already had a taste, Hajime’s not sure he’d survive.
While Tooru’s lips were initially a bit chapped, after that first kiss, it made way for heaven divine- his mouth so pillowy, soft, Hajime knew he was a goner. And the taste, the flavor was something indescribable, incomparable, so uniquely Tooru.
“Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?” Tooru says, looking into Hajime’s eyes once again. “Unless- unless this doesn’t mean anything to you.”
“What? No, Oik-Tooru,” still trying to get acclimated to using that name, “this means everything to me. Every. Thing.” Hajime tries to verbalize his emotions in this moment, taking Tooru’s hands in his own to prevent him from shying away. “Here, let’s talk a minute, huh?”
“Okay, yeah.” Tooru speaks quietly.
“Look, Tooru- I can’t tell you when it started for me, but I like you. I really like you a lot. Honestly, I never had any intentions of ever telling you-”
“What? Why? You were never going to tell me?” Tooru explodes, taken aback by Hajime’s words.
Hajime gives him a stern look, “hold on and let me finish, will ya?”
“Alright, fine,” the brunette sighs trying not to whine and listen wholeheartedly.
“I never had any intentions of telling you because I never thought you might feel the same way, that you’d return my feelings. Tooru, you mean so much to me that even if you don’t like me, I’d be okay with having you in my life just as a friend; I couldn’t imagine a life without you in it. Still, we’ll be graduating soon, moving on to college, becoming adults, and it’s foolish to think our friendship will stay exactly the same as it stands now.”
Hajime notices the nervous look Tooru gives him so he continues, “I don’t mean we will no longer be friends,” he squeezes Tooru’s hand, “just that we won’t get to see each other everyday, walking to school, at volleyball practice, on the weekends. Our lives will change some but I’d like to keep you in my life for as long as you’ll have me.”
Tooru stares back at him, eyes gleaning, “oh, Hajime. I really like you too, isn’t that obvious though by now?”
Now it’s Iwa’s turn to be confused, “what do you mean?” he tries to think back, only the more familiar touches from Tooru coming to mind.
He receives a deadpan stare at his question, “seriously, Hajime? You haven’t picked up on my accidental intentional touches? Me wanting to lay on your lap during movies?”
“Well, yeah, I have, but I thought you were being your normal flirty self. How was I supposed to know there was a hidden meaning behind it?” Hajime questions.
Rolling his eyes, Tooru responds, “I certainly don’t go around laying on just anyone’s lap,” feeling a bit offended by the insinuation.
A fierce blush colors Hajime’s cheeks, then he stutters, “w-what? No, I-I didn’t mean that-” Pausing to regain some composure, “I did notice, Tooru. I didn’t want to think too much into the touches though, get it in my head that you, Oikawa Tooru, could be interested in me.”
Reaching up, Tooru takes Hajime’s face in his pretty hands and says, “I like you, Hajime. I-I might even love you. It’s always been you.”
Hajime smiles wide at Tooru’s confession, and closes the distance, pulling him forward with a hand behind his neck, slotting their lips together for another kiss. This one sweeter, more ardent than the others, now with their mutual feelings exposed, out in the open.
Breaking the kiss, “so does that mean I can call you my boyfriend now, Hajime?”
He blushes again, leans in, his lips just centimeters away from Tooru’s and whispers, “yes,” kissing his best friend, no, boyfriend, soundly.
~~~~~
A few weeks pass by, Tooru and Hajime are enjoying their newfound relationship. Hajime felt a small sense of apprehension at first, but he quickly got over that when he realized not much has changed between the two. They still walk to school together, study side by side, stay the night at one another’s house, though now there is kissing involved, hand holding, cuddling (well more so than usual because they already, always shared a bed), even a few hot makeout sessions. The spiky-haired teen blushing at the thought of them.
With the tournament season over for Seijoh after their elimination at the hands of Karasuno, volleyball practice is optional for the third years. Tooru, of course, participates every day; however, Hajime is roped into tagging along even when he’d rather stay after school to focus more on his studies. One day in particular, Hajime is late getting to the club room to change for practice due to his classroom cleaning responsibilities.
Arriving he hears, from the hallway, Tooru speaking with an older man who has an unfamiliar accent -- Hajime can’t hear any specifics of the conversation but he can tell the man is giving his best friend some kind of advice. He decides to go inside instead of listening in from the hallway, though as he’s opening the door, the mystery person is exiting the room, giving Hajime a nod as he walks past. Tooru is standing inside staring out the window when Hajime approaches him and asks, “who was that?” attempting to keep his voice level.
Not realizing he is no longer alone, Tooru startles and says, “ahh, I’ll tell you later. You gonna get ready for practice?”
“Oh, okay then.” Hajime responds, a bit surprised by his cryptic behavior. It’s not a big deal really, but Tooru usually tells him everything, and it’s almost always in the moment.
Practice is mostly uneventful that day, with Tooru and Hajime being the only third years present. The workouts are just the right amount of exhausting to keep Hajime distracted from the conversation Tooru had with that man. Still, he senses a weird mood and vibe coming off Tooru, and he doesn’t like it. He tries to ignore it but it nags at him. Luckily, practice wraps up after his last spike during blocking drills, warm down stretching and clean up the only thing keeping him from talking to Tooru, not wanting to bring up the subject at practice.
After showering and changing, their walk home starts off quietly, Hajime still waiting for the right time to bring up that man from before. Tooru is the first to break the silence, saying, “Hajime, I can hear you thinking from here. Just ask already.”
“Who was that man you were talking to earlier?” Hajime asks, looking over at his boyfriend.
Tooru doesn’t return his gaze, instead looking up at the sky, attempting to see what stars are beginning to show as the sun goes down. “We need to talk when we get home, okay?”
A feeling of dread washes over Hajime in that moment, but all he can say is “alright, Tooru,” and they continue on home.
Once they’ve reached the Oikawa residence, the teens enter, peeling off jackets and removing shoes at the door. Hajime waits to follow Tooru to his room, feeling strange inside his best friend’s house for the first time in this life. Tooru notices his lingering presence as he organizes his outerwear, saying, "you can go on ahead to my room, Iwa-chan," the use of his nickname off-putting as his mind is already reeling.
"It's fine, I can wait," Hajime replies, avoiding eye contact. He's so on edge, why does he feel like something bad is about to happen? Who was that man? Why is Tooru acting like it's some big secret?
"Come on then, let's go talk," Tooru says, making his way down the hall to his room, Hajime a few steps behind.
Inside his room, behind the closed door, a rising tension reaches its peak as Tooru speaks again, "Hajime, relax would you? Why are you acting like you're about to receive the worst news of your life?"
"Aren't I though? You're acting super secretive? You breaking up with me or something?" Hajime grits out, unable to hide his annoyance. "If that's the case, just get it over with already."
"Huh? What, no, what would make you think that, Hajime?" Tooru says, his voice filled with concern, closing the distance between them.
Hajime recoils at first but allows Tooru to take his hand, pulling him towards the bed for them to sit down. He looks down at his hand being held in Tooru’s, his rough, calloused ones next to long, slender ones, the comparison both beautiful and strange. "Because, Tooru, you're being so weird, about telling me who that guy was, about talking. What am I supposed to think?" Hajime replies, struggling to keep his voice even.
"Hajime," Tooru starts, rubbing small circles on the back of the other's hand with his thumb, "it's nothing like that at all. I wanted to tell you about my plans for after high school. I'm not going to university once we graduate, I've decided to go pro, and an awesome opportunity has presented itself. And that man was Jose Blanco, don’t you recognize him from that game we went to as kids? Well, I’m going to play for his team and learn all that I can from him."
Immediately a weight is lifted off Hajime’s shoulders, he feels like he can breathe again, no longer thinking this is the end for what would have been a short-lived romantic relationship. And Hajime is so incredibly happy and proud at this moment, Tooru, his boyfriend, lover, and best friend is going to be a professional volleyball player. He’s both amazed and shocked by the drive and determination living inside Oikawa Tooru, yet in the same breath, he has always known that Tooru would achieve anything he set his mind to. His boyfriend is almost too cunning for this world, unafraid to claw his way to the top, stepping on or over whatever might be in his way.
“Tooru!” he exclaims, bursting forward to wrap his arms around the former’s back, crushing him in a tight hug. With his lips now close to his ear, in their embrace, Hajime continues, “I’m so damn proud of you, Tooru. That’s amazing, I know you’ll accomplish anything you put your mind to. You're incredible, and I-I love you, so much.”
Freezing at the last words, Tooru replies, “thank you, Hajime. I love you, too.”
It’s now that Hajime finally realizes what he said; the two haven’t exchanged those words yet, but he doesn’t regret it nor does he not feel love for Tooru. All the love Hajime holds for Oikawa Tooru is impossible to contain, or even express fully. Sure, it’s probably early as hell in this relationship to be throwing around the four-letter L word, yet he can only be honest with himself and Tooru alike. And his truth is that he loves him with all his heart and then some.