Chapter Text
Baekhyun is in shock, unable to stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks as he stares at the blood tests results he holds in his hands. The pressure in his chest stops him from breathing properly and his stomach churns distastefully, making him feel nauseated.
Or maybe that's just normal, considering he's five weeks pregnant. A month, one week and 99% positively pregnant.
At 26, Baekhyun thinks it should feel like a blessing. It should feel like he's accomplished at least three of his many goals in life: a good, stable job, economic stability and a family; but it feels too far from that, Baekhyun knows he's not ready to raise a child on his own.
It was a mistake, he had too much to drink that night at Jongdae's birthday party and no one even bothered to stop him, but Baekhyun can't blame them, they were probably just as wasted.
It isn't a secret for his friends, after all that Baekhyun had always have feelings for the man that has been by his side ever since he can remember, the man who has been his shoulder to cry on, the only one who would agree to watch those old American movies Baekhyun loves so much without complaining, the only man who had ever made Baekhyun's heart go crazy inside his chest, his best friend: Park Chanyeol.
The opportunity presented itself for him to take. Chanyeol had been clinging at him all night, drunk and acting like the sweet and caring boyfriend that he wasn't and would never be; but who was him to refuse such an opportunity, probably the only chance he'll ever get to be with Chanyeol in that way.
He could always leave the next morning, without Chanyeol knowing and pretend nothing ever happened. That's exactly what Baekhyun did and since then, none of them dared to speak about that seemingly harmless night.
🔸
Baekhyun lets out a small sigh, putting the paper down on his lap and closing his eyes for a moment as he rakes through his cabinet of scarce options. What is he going to do? He's not ready to do this, especially not alone.
Telling Chanyeol is off the table, the man has his life already planned. He's always been a stubborn person, persistent and always doing what he believes in, that's what has taken him to where he is now: about to go to America after accepting a job offer as a music producer and lyricist on a huge and very well-known record label.
Chanyeol hadn't even hesitated about taking the job, who would? And who was Baekhyun to truncate his best friend's one and only dream? He can't ruin it for him. There's also the small and insignificant detail that Chanyeol despises kids. He hates them and he's never been afraid of being vocal about it, of showing his reluctance towards the small human beings. Not even his beautiful baby niece had been able to crack him; Baekhyun is sure an unwanted baby would be no different.
His phone rings on his bedside table, startling him. Baekhyun wipes his tears with the back of his hand and sniffles, clearing his throat to regain some control of his voice. Jongdae's name flashes insistently on the screen, waiting to be picked up.
"Hey." Baekhyun says, cursing under his breath at how hoarse his voice sounds.
"Finally!" Jongdae exclaims from the other side, not noticing. Baekhyun sighs in relief. "Are you ready?"
"Ready for what?" Baekhyun frowns.
"Chanyeol's farewell party?" Jongdae says and Baekhyun can almost hear in his voice how hard he's rolling his eyes.
"Farewell party? But─ but there's still a month left before he leaves." Baekhyun sounds suddenly alarmed, if Jongdae notices anything, he doesn't comment on it.
"Change of plans. He got a call from the label yesterday, they want him there next Monday."
"That's─ that's a week from now." Baekhyun mumbles.
"Short-noticed, yeah. That's why we're having the party today, so he can rearranged his schedule─ wait, he really didn't tell you anything?"
Baekhyun shakes his head before he answers verbally. "No."
It's unlikely for Chanyeol to not share things with him. Baekhyun was the first one to know about his friend's sexuality, he was the first to know about Chanyeol's first major crush, he was there to help him through his first heartbreak, he was the first to know he was going to America. Baekhyun has always been Chanyeol's first, at least for the most things; it's not an obligation, Baekhyun knows, for Chanyeol to inform him everything about what is going on in his life, but a heads-up would've been nice. The pressure of his situation and the fact that he now has less time to figure out what to do, has him gasping for air. He can't do this.
"Well, then, uh..." Jongdae rambles after a few seconds of uncomfortable silence "be ready in twenty minutes, I'll pick you up."
"But Iㅡ" Jongdae hangs up before he can finish his sentence. Baekhyun stares at the black screen for a couple of seconds, he's not in the mood to go out, much less to Chanyeol's party. He's not ready to face the man yet, not knowing how he'd have to act in his presence. Chanyeol's a smart guy and he knows Baekhyun like the palm of his hand, what if he figures everything out without him saying anything?
Baekhyun shakes his head to get rid of the thoughts; all he has to do is show up and act normally. He can do this.
Twenty minutes is plenty of time, so Baekhyun spends five breathing in and out, taking deep intakes of breath and releasing with a loud huff. It's just a party… a party where there will be alcohol and he'll have to come up with a good excuse as to why he can't drink. A party where he'll be saying goodbye, maybe forever, to his best friend and baby's father.
Baekhyun likes to think of himself as a non-complicated person. He has a daily routine he likes to follow, he has a simple taste in food and a simpler taste in clothes, nothing too striking, so in a little more than ten minutes he's showered and dressed on a pair of tight jeans ─he'll have to make the best of them before he can't wear them anymore─, an un-tucked button-up shirt and his hair neatly styled up. Three minutes later, Jongdae is calling again to say he's outside, waiting for him.
Baekhyun looks at his reflection on the mirror one last time before rushing outside his apartment building.
"You know, sometimes I envy you." Jongdae says as soon as Baekhyun climbs up his truck.
"Hello to you too." Baekhyun nods, buckling his seatbelt on.
"No, I'm serious. I mean, I gave you twenty minutes, I bet you barely used ten and you still managed to look this good."
"What did we say about the flirting?" Baekhyun quirks an eyebrow, a slightly amused look in his eyes.
Jongdae shrugs. "What can I say? I'm persistent."
Baekhyun laughs. "Well… keep trying."
"Asshole." Jongdae chuckles. "So, Chanyeol..." He adds as he drives off down the street "he really didn't tell you about the call?"
"Really." Baekhyun nods.
"That's weird."
"I guess he was just busy organizing himself." Baekhyun shrugs. "It's not like he has to tell me everything all the time, right?"
"Well, no... but this is important. He's leaving the country and who knows when are we going to see him again. And he does tell you everything all the time."
"I'll see him at the party, I'm sure he'll tell me then." Baekhyun says, with a determined tone on his voice, ending the conversation.
Half an hour later, Baekhyun finds himself climbing down Jongdae's truck and looking up at Chanyeol's huge and fancy apartment building. The dreaded feeling in his stomach begins to increase the closer they get to the fifth floor: Chanyeol's floor, and Baekhyun can only pray to whatever it is up there to help him get through this without any trouble and most importantly, without him being stupid enough to let his emotions show.
He unconsciously places a hand over his very much flat stomach and takes a deep breath as the apartment door is finally being pulled open, but instead of his tall best friend, Baekhyun is suddenly face to face with Taewoo. And is not that Baekhyun doesn't like Lee Taewoo, but ever since they met for the first time at one of Chanyeol's many get-togethers, their relationship hasn't been the best.
There's always a pending tension, a stiffness in the air whenever the both of them are in the same room, with what Taewoo being Chanyeol's ex-boyfriend turned other best friend, Baekhyun can't help but feel certain apprehension towards the guy; not because of his past bond with Chanyeol, but because Chanyeol cares for him enough to keep him in his life even when it was Taewoo himself who ended their relationship because he was in love with someone else. Baekhyun remembers taking care of a very heartbroken Chanyeol for days to no end after that, without asking any questions. Because despite everything, Baekhyun has never had the intentions to meddle in Chanyeol's personal life.
Baekhyun put a label to their friendship, but he's not quite sure is entirely accurate. Yes, he is the one Chanyeol goes to whenever he feels sad or happy and he is the one who is always there to share important life moments, but when it comes to Chanyeol's romantic life, he has left Baekhyun, implicitly very clear, that is none of his business and Baekhyun is okay with that, because Baekhyun is a person who knows how to appreciate what he gets.
"Chanyeol is making drinks, come on in." Taewoo says with a smile on his face, mostly directed to Jongdae, but Baekhyun smiles too, nonetheless. He's not here to ruin the party with his sour mood.
Almost everyone is already there, chatting with drinks in their hands; the music is to a considerable high volume, enough to be considered adequate for a party but not enough to disturb Chanyeol's neighbors and Baekhyun is thankful for that, not wanting to add a headache to his distress.
"Finally!" Baekhyun hears Chanyeol exclaiming from the kitchen, peeking his head over the wall dividing it from the living room. A minute later he comes out, a tray of cocktails in his hands. He places it over the glass coffee table and quickly moves to wrap his arms around Baekhyun on a tight hug; it has never felt more suffocating, Baekhyun thinks as he hesitantly wraps his arms around his friend's shoulders as well, trying to keep the lower part of his body as far from Chanyeol's as possible, somehow wary and scared that Chanyeol will notice his state if he stays too close for too long. It's a ridiculous mindset, he knows, considering he's not even showing yet, but he can't help it. "Made you your favorite." Chanyeol grins after he releases him, handing him a glass with a yellowish drink in it; it smells strongly like vodka, making Baekhyun's stomach churn in disgust.
"Thank you but... I'm not drinking tonight." He refuses with a tone too polite to be casual. Chanyeol frowns at him and then quirks an incredulous eyebrow.
"Why not? It's my party! I'm leaving in a week and with all the things I have to do I don't know if I'll be able to see you again before I leave!" The words struck Baekhyun in a different way, deeper and sharper; he swallows the hard lump in his throat and holds back the urge to cry.
"I'm sorry, my stomach hasn't been feeling very well. I don't want to end up in the bathroom for the rest of the night." Baekhyun comments, covering with a small laugh the shakiness of his voice.
Chanyeol hums. "Alright then. There's lemonade in the fridge, want some? It'll help with your stomach."
"Yes, please." Baekhyun nods this time, still not in the mood to drink anything, but not wanting to refuse Chanyeol for the second time. "You uh... you didn't tell me about the label calling." He mumbles once Chanyeol is back.
"Yeah, sorry about that. It was last night and I had to change my ticket today and start packing. I forgot." Chanyeol gives him a sheepish smile.
"It's fine." Baekhyun shakes his head, lips curling up on a tiny smile.
"Are you okay? You seem a little off."
Baekhyun blinks as he stares at Chanyeol for a few seconds too long. "Yeah." He answers in the end. "Just, you know... my stomach." Chanyeol nods and it's so awkward he feels like throwing up. "Go away, I'm not the only one here." Baekhyun pushes him away playfully, encouraging him to interact with the others, but in reality, not wanting to have his friend around for longer than necessary. Chanyeol winks at him before wandering around while Baekhyun goes to greet the rest of their friends.
Baekhyun doesn't talk to Chanyeol that much after that small conversation. The taller busies himself in the kitchen, making drinks after drinks for everyone... with Taewoo helping. Baekhyun doesn't dare to step in, so he stays in the living room, pretending Junmyeon's jokes are funny and forcing himself to laugh when everyone else does. His eyes wander to the kitchen from time to time, his heart squeezing painfully at the sight of his best friend and Taewoo laughing at whatever Chanyeol is saying. Chanyeol's jokes are funny.
"And Baekhyun here" Jongdae's arms come up to wrap around his shoulder, pulling Baekhyun out of his thoughts "still refuses to date me."
"Why would Baekhyun date you?" Chanyeol butts in the conversation, arriving with a new serving of drinks that disappear in a second. "He's too good for you." He adds with a scoff.
"Who should he date, then? You?" Jongdae snorts. Baekhyun shifts uncomfortably under Jongdae's arm, but he waits expectantly for Chanyeol's answer, although he's not really sure he wants to hear what he has to say.
"Why not?" Chanyeol says, shrugging a shoulder as he brings his glass up to his mouth and takes a small sip. Baekhyun feels the air missing from his lungs and his cheeks heat up at the way everyone is looking at him. He suddenly can't breathe. "I'm funnier than you, taller, smarter, better looking, that's obvious."
"And you're also leaving. You're not coming back and Baekhyun will be left here, all alone for me to take care of." Jongdae teases, a smug grin splattered on his lips, pressing Baekhyun closer to his body.
"As if. I'm sure he knows better and he can take care of himself, right Baek? " Chanyeol turns his head at him, an expectant look in his eyes.
It's suddenly too much. Jongdae's arms around his shoulders feel suffocating, the way they're talking about him as if he's not sitting right there and how everyone's eyes are on him, feels like a rope constricting his throat. "Excuse me." Baekhyun manages to mumble out, shaking his friend's arm off of him and rushing towards the bathroom.
Baekhyun closes the door behind him and leans against it, breathing deeply to try and calm himself. Coming to this party was definitely a terrible idea, he should have just stayed at home and bid goodbye to Chanyeol later on the week. A text would have been enough, he's sure, probably Chanyeol wouldn't have mind.
A minute in the bathroom feels like an eternity. Baekhyun can hear his friends' chatter under the music going back to normal.
A knock startles him and he jumps away from the door, staring at it full of fear.
Baekhyun doesn't even know why he's acting like this, but he blames it on his hormones being all over the place. It at least gives him some peace of mind and convinces himself he's not going nuts.
"Baek, are you okay?" It's Chanyeol.
"Um, yeah. Just a minute!" Baekhyun exclaims, putting on a show of flushing the toilet and turning on the running water on the sink. He quickly splashes his face and dries it with the hand towel Chanyeol keeps on a hook next to the mirror.
Baekhyun opens the door slowly, bracing himself for what's coming. He knows his friend is here to ask questions and he confirms it when Baekhyun finds him leaning against the door, a look on his face that tells Baekhyun that he should better start talking.
"I'm okay." Baekhyun says, answering a silent question. "Really."
"Is not your stomach, is it?" Chanyeol asks, but there's a knowing tone in his voice that has Baekhyun trembling a little.
"It is." Baekhyun nods.
"Baek, I know you, please don't lie to me."
After a few seconds, Baekhyun sighs. "I'm just... it's just─ you're leaving and I─"
"Baek─"
"It's stupid, I know, but I can't help it. I don't want to miss you."
Baekhyun looks down.
"Hey." Chanyeol mumbles, straightening up and taking Baekhyun by the hand to pull him into a soft embrace. "I promise you we'll keep in touch. We'll Skype every day; you can call me whenever you want, we'll text each other and I'll be coming back for the holidays."
Baekhyun smiles, because when Chanyeol says it like that, it gives him a sense of hope, but deep inside he knows it won't last.
"Should I remind you of the huge time zone difference?" He asks, leaning his head on Chanyeol's shoulder.
"We'll make it work. You'll see."
Baekhyun nods, tightening his arms around Chanyeol's back. It's easier this way, to pretend everything is going to be okay and that everything is going to be the same. But time does not forgive and Baekhyun knows that sooner or later, he'll become nothing more but a distant memory for Chanyeol.