Archive of Our Own ^beta

So please hurry leave me

I can't breathe

Please don't say you love me

— First Love / Late Spring, Mitski

Walk past, quick brush

I don't like slow motion double vision in rose blush

I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush

— Gold Rush, Taylor Swift

★☆

SPRING, 2019

It’s spring. The flowers are blooming, their petals are scattered all over the sidewalk. Yuna is terrified. 

Yuna had always dreaded this day, where she wouldn’t have Jisu by her side on the way to school anymore. The station looks like it’s going to eat her alive, so big and loud while Yuna is nothing but small and quiet, hands trembling inside the pocket of her brand new uniform.

Yuna enters the train, resting her back against the door as soon as it closes. She regrets staying up all night texting Jisu about how scary starting high school by herself feels, because now she can barely keep her eyes open and her backpack insists on slipping from her shoulders. 

That’s when she comes in, cute ears peeking from her hair, smile shining from ear to ear, eyes all big and kind and so, so gentle, saying, “Do you want me to carry that for you?”

That’s how the story of Yuna’s first love begins.

★☆

WINTER, 2021

It’s not uncommon for Chaeryeong to spend the night at Yuna’s apartment. 

Chaeryeong has trouble sleeping when she’s stressed, and considering the fact that she’s a creative writing student starting to work on her second novel, it isn’t that hard for her to slip into the I want to delete everything I ever wrote and chew my left arm off mindset. And, in her own words, Yuna’s company works better than any sleeping pill or ASMR video ever could— which sort of messes up Yuna’s smitten heart. 

The sleepovers started happening more often since Jisu, Yuna’s roommate and best friend of ten years, started dating Yeji and Ryujin. Jisu spends most of her time at her girlfriends’ apartment, probably having to stop the two idiots from choking each other to death every three seconds. It’s oddly entertaining, Yuna admits, to watch the trio when they’re together. 

And Yuna wants to grab her phone to send Jisu a message asking how many childish fights she had to break today, she really does, and she would if Chaeryeong’s head wasn’t pressed against her shoulders, if her arms weren’t firm around her waist, almost as if she’s afraid of letting Yuna go. And Yuna is stupid, so she makes the mistake of tilting her head to the side to catch a glimpse of Chaeryeong’s sleeping face and, god , they’re so close— she can count every single one of Chaeryeong’s lashes and if she leaned down a little she would be able to kiss the pretty mole Chaeryeong has on her chin. 

Yuna turns her head back to the window, biting her lips to avoid letting out the most exasperated sigh in the world and disturbing Chaeryeong’s much deserved moment of peace, fixates her gaze on the moon shining on the night sky instead. She looks beautiful today, almost as beautiful as the girl sleeping next to her, and she looks sort of understanding, too. It feels like she knows exactly what Yuna is going through, has been for the last two years, ever since Chaeryeong stepped into her life and stole her heart without warning. It’s comforting, somehow. 

So Yuna closes her eyes and asks— no, Yuna begs the moon: Please, make Lee Chaeryeong love me back.

Yuna keeps her eyes shut, too ashamed to stare at either the moon or Chaeryeong after such a personal request, and it doesn’t take too long for drowsiness to take over her senses. She can feel herself slipping into dreamland, and all she can think is please, Chaeryeong, please.

When Yuna opens her eyes, Chaeryeong isn’t beside her. 

Yuna frowns as she scans her bedroom for any trace of Chaeryeong. There was no way the girl would leave without at least leaving a note behind, right ? She must’ve left it on the living room table, or maybe in the kitchen next to Yuna’s favorite mug—

“Oh, you’re up!” Chaeryeong pushes the bedroom door open with her foot, trying to balance a plate filled with pancakes in one hand while the other is busy holding a bottle of homemade syrup. “I made you breakfast.”

Yuna blinks. Her eyes dart from the food to Chaeryeong’s face to the empty space on her bed a thousand times before she blurts out, “Breakfast? For me ?”

“Yes, silly,” Chaeryeong giggles, hands Yuna the plate and places the syrup on the nightstand. “For who else could it be?”

“No, it’s just—“ Yuna pauses for a moment, having a hard time trying to find the right words and processing what is happening. It doesn’t help that Chaeryeong’s big brown eyes are focused on her, waiting patiently for an answer. “We usually buy our breakfast. We don’t—“ Yuna gestures vaguely between the pancakes and the syrup. “Do this .”

“I know.” Chaeryeong nods, sliding her legs under the covers and sighing as she melts over the soft mattress. “But I wanted to do something for you.” Chaeryeong turns her head to the side so she can flash Yuna a smile. “I wanted to show you how much I like and care about you.”

Yuna is speechless. She opens her mouth, closes, tries to formulate a comprehensive sentence again and gives up on the task. If Chaeryeong knew how much love Yuna secretly carries inside of her heart, she wouldn’t go around saying or doing things like that unprovoked. Chaeryeong would at least feel pity, wouldn’t make it impossibly harder for Yuna to consider the idea of finally, finally moving on. 

Instead of going with, hey, I like and appreciate you a lot, too, Yuna chooses a barely audible, “T-Thanks, unnie.”

Chaeryeong hums, smile still shining on her face, and puts her chin over her knuckles, “Now eat before the pancakes get cold.”

“Don’t you want some?” Yuna asks, hoping her cheeks aren’t as red as she imagines them to be. “There’s enough for the two of us.”

“I’m good,” Chaeryeong reassures Yuna with a gentle pat on her leg, “I’ll just grab something on my way to class.”

Yuna wants to protest, but Chaeryeong is urging her to eat and it’s too early to fight against her hungry stomach and the way Chaeryeong is staring at her makes her weak to the core, so she obeys.

The pancakes taste of sunshine, happiness and love. Yuna can’t help but to wonder if Chaeryeong’s lips taste like that, too.

★☆

Yuna is picking up some flowers from the mini garden she has in the back of her apartment when she feels her phone vibrate inside of her pocket. She assumes it’s Ryujin stealing Jisu’s phone and sending her a funny selfie with the caption hacked by RJ as she always does, but is surprised to see the name of the girl she adores the most displayed on the screen instead.

love of my life chaeryeong unnie <3

baby!!! is there anything you need for your new potions?

Baby. It’s no big deal when Jisu, Ryujin or Yeji call her that. But when it comes to Chaeryeong, it feels like there’s a sky full of twinkling stars dancing inside of Yuna’s stomach. It’s stupid. Yuna knows Chaeryeong is doing nothing but treating her like the tall child that she is, but she can’t help it. There’s a lot of things that she can’t help when it comes to her feelings for Chaeryeong and it sucks , to be so out of control of yourself.

And, pause— is Chaeryeong offering what Yuna thinks she’s offering?

yuna

unnie, are you...

love of my life chaeryeong unnie <3

i went out to grab some coffee and just… thought of you?

so, tell me!! i’ll stop by the market and get all you want :)

Oh, heavens. Chaeryeong needs to stop doing this before Yuna’s poor heart gives out. Yuna stops and admires the sunset for a moment, allowing herself to imagine Chaeryeong sitting at a cozy coffee shop, typing on her laptop while she thinks of her . It sounds a lot like something Yuna knows they’re not and it stings.

It doesn’t stop her from longing for a reality where they’re the something she’s been daydreaming of. Her imagination is the only thing she has to cope with the fact that she’s head over heels for a girl that doesn’t love her back.

Yuna looks down at her phone. The message. Real world. Right.

yuna

you don’t have to… T^T

love of my life chaeryeong unnie <3

i /want/ to!!! let me take care of you okay?

now send me that list i know you have shin yuna!!! >:(

yuna

sigh FINE!!! you WON!!!

[screenshot.jpg]

love of my life chaeryeong unnie <3

see you in an hour baby ;)

Baby again. Wink emoticon. Only an hour until Chaeryeong shows up at her door with her pretty face and pretty smile. Yuna needs to sit down.

“I hope I didn’t forget anything,” Chaeryeong says as she makes her way into the apartment, leaving the bags in the kitchen before she returns to the living room with wide, innocent eyes. “Are you going to work on the potions now?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Yuna scratches her cheek, watching as Chaeryeong’s face lights up in pure wonder. “Do you— uh, do you want to help me?”

Chaeryeong looks like an excited puppy like this, nodding her head nonstop, hands clasped behind her back. In moments like this, Yuna forgets Chaeryeong is the older one between the two of them. It’s endearing, in a way.

“You know, I want to write about a witch someday,” Chaeryeong starts as they make their way to the kitchen. “A cute one, just like you.”

Yuna’s heart should win a medal for all the laps it's been running these days. “You think I’m cute?”

“Of course I do,” Chaeryeong says, lifts her hand up to her lips to shield a giggle, and throws her arms around Yuna’s waist from behind. “I think you’re the cutest, Yuna-yah.”

Yuna squeezes her eyes shut, feels her breath get stuck in her throat and hopes that she won’t choke herself to death because Chaeryeong gave her something as simple as a hug. Okay, maybe it’s not that simple. It’s no secret that Chaeryeong can get touchy when she wants, however, back hugs aren’t exactly her thing— not with Yuna, at least. Chaeryeong likes to cuddle when she’s sleepy, likes to hold Yuna’s hand and to ruffle her hair, but this — this is new, and Yuna is not sure if she wants to dive right into the warmth Chaeryeong is offering or if she wants to hide under her bed forever.

“You’re so cheesy, unnie,” Yuna whines, thanking the universe for her long enough to protect a flushed face hair, reaching for the bowl filled with dandelion roots that Chaeryeong bought. Oh wow, Yuna thinks as she looks at the price tag, this was expensive as hell. “By the way, are you going to help me or are you here just for writing inspiration?”

Chaeryeong huffs, breaking the hug. Yuna hates how much she misses the proximity between their bodies. “I call you cute and this is the treatment that I get?”

Yuna, stupid Yuna, chooses to face Chaeryeong instead of focusing on the ingredients and is greeted by the view of Chaeryeong pouting and batting her eyelashes at her. The pot nearly slips from her grasp. 

“Unnie,” Yuna sighs, brows creasing. “Stop teasing me.”

Chaeryeong bursts into laughter, holding her stomach as she leans on the counter, and the sound paints every corner of Yuna’s kitchen with gold. Yuna can feel the tension flying away from her shoulders, and she finds herself chuckling while Chaeryeong fans her face, struggling to regain her composure. 

“Sorry.” Chaeryeong pats Yuna’s cheeks with both hands before she turns to the sink, carefully removing the lid of a bottle of frog venom. Another expensive item, Yuna notices and a pang of guilt strikes through her chest. She takes a mental note to tell Chaeryeong she doesn’t need to buy the pricey, high quality stuff for her potions— the cheap ones would do just fine. “I wanted to see how long it would take until you got sick of my love and affection.”

I could never get tired of it, Yuna says in her head and Chaeryeong flashes her the most disarming smile in the world and— wait, why is Chaeryeong smiling? Did she say that out loud—

“Aw, baby,” Chaeryeong coos, and Yuna wants nothing but to chug down thousands of invisibility potions. “Look who’s being cheesy now.”

Baby, baby, baby. Yuna doesn’t know how she’s supposed to survive this afternoon when Chaeryeong doesn’t seem like she’s going to stop calling her that any time soon.

“Enough!” Yuna groans, pretending she didn’t notice how hard Chaeryeong is trying not to laugh at her reaction. “Let’s start this thing before it gets too late.”

Chaeryeong spends the night again.

Yuna lends Chaeryeong her clothes, tries not to swoon when she sees how big they look on the girl, tries not to think how great it would be if Chaeryeong was hers . She stares, stares, and stares— craves for something she’s trying to bury, because it’s been years— two summers, two springs, two autumns and now two winters — and if they were meant to be, they would have figured it out, would be together already.

The clothes belong to Yuna, but Chaeryeong doesn’t. 

Yuna keeps that in mind, repeats the phrase until they’re stuck in her brain. 

But when she closes her eyes, she finds herself dreaming of Chaeryeong and a world full of new, unexpected possibilities.

★☆

There’s something weird about Chaeryeong tonight.

She asked Yuna to come over to her dorm, which she shares with Minjeong— who left right when Yuna arrived, saying something about giving them privacy while wiggling her eyebrows that made Yuna’s cheeks burn a bright red. And while Yuna usually doesn’t mind sitting on Chaeryeong’s bed, reading a book while the sound of Chaeryeong’s non-stop typing fills the room, there’s this heavy, uncomfortable silence between them that makes Yuna feel all sorts of uneasy. 

Yuna knits her eyebrows when she sees Chaeryeong biting down on her manicured nails for the nth time since she got there and finally gathers the courage to ask, “Is everything okay?”

Chaeryeong startles on her chair, closes her laptop and turns around to face Yuna. Yuna’s frown only deepens as she analyzes Chaeryeong’s face— her eyes are slightly red and it looks like she’s been crying. “Not really, but—” Chaeryeong shakes her head, drums her fingers on her thighs. "It's silly.”

“It’s not silly if it’s bothering you.” Yuna pouts, then she leaves Chaeryeong’s bed to kneel in front of the girl instead, taking Chaeryeong’s cold hands on hers. Yuna wants to warm them up with kisses, but keeps the wish to herself. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Chaeryeong nips on her lower lip, fixing her gaze anywhere in the room but Yuna’s face. Yuna knows Chaeryeong well enough to know this is her trying not to let her walls crumble, helplessly holding on to the urge of not displaying any hint of weakness. But Yuna knows Chaeryeong well enough to know the barrier won’t stand tall for long, too. “You remember that writing blog I have with Ryujin, right?”

Of course Yuna remembers. She visits the website every single day, clutching her chest like the lovesick girl that she is as she reads Chaeryeong’s pretty words. Not that anyone needs to know about that. This is her precious little secret, and she wants to keep it that way.

“I do,” Yuna confirms, nods. “What about it?”

“Someone—” Chaeryeong chokes up and Yuna squeezes her hands in an attempt to comfort her. “Someone sent me a really rude message about my writing. God, it was awful, Yuna. You know I don’t mind critics when they’re constructive, but this one was just mean,” Chaeryeong spits out, and the mix of anger and hurt in her voice is enough to shatter Yuna’s heart. “I shouldn’t let that get to me, but…”

Yuna pulls Chaeryeong into a hug, breathing in the scent of strawberry coming from her hair as she runs her hands up and down Chaeryeong’s back. She can feel Chaeryeong becoming lighter in her embrace as she draws circles over her shirt, shoulders relaxing and breath softening, welcoming the proximity between them wholeheartedly. Yuna is not that great with words but, according to Jisu, her hugs work better than months of therapy. 

Chaeryeong has been like this for as long as Yuna knew her. The girl prefers to keep her problems to herself and deal with them on her own, carries tons of rocks on her back instead of sharing them with someone that can and wants to help her ease the weight. She tries her best when it comes to Yuna, though— and Yuna takes in every word that flies out of Chaeryeong’s mouth like it’s her own story, feeling like the luckiest person in the world for being the one that crawled under her skin and earned her trust. 

“It’s okay to feel sad, unnie,” Yuna says, lips curling up when Chaeryeong places her head on her shoulder and deepens the hug, “You’re only human, after all. Just remember that that monster — whoever they are, is a miserable asshole that has nothing better to do with their life other than bringing people down on the internet.”

Chaeryeong’s entire body shakes as she chuckles. Yuna releases the breath she didn’t even know she was holding before— she’ll take that as a win. “Did you just curse, Shin Yuna?”

“I guess I did,” Yuna can’t help but to laugh along, because the sound of pure happiness that slips from Chaeryeong’s lips is contagious like that, and soon enough their stomachs start hurting from laughing too much, still tangled in each other’s arms. 

This is a good kind of hurt, Yuna thinks when they pull away, heart skipping a beat because Chaeryeong still looks heavenly like this, with a red nose and tired, puffy eyes. It’s the type of hurt that she wouldn’t mind if it’s eternal as long as Chaeryeong is by her side, smiling at her, ribs throbbing the same. 

It’s almost midnight when Yuna gets home, finding the apartment dark and empty because of course it would be— Jisu spent the whole morning rambling about this revolutionary healing potion she was working on with Yeji, so it’s safe for Yuna to assume she’ll be spending the night by herself. Which is exactly what she wanted, because she has something in mind that will definitely lift Chaeryeong’s mood after what happened to her earlier.

Yuna sneaks into Jisu’s bedroom, grabs the notebook where the girl writes down every little detail about her spells and potions — Yuna is painfully aware that she would be done for if Jisu finds out she touched her stuff without her permission, but it’s for a good cause — and dashes to the kitchen, grabbing all the ingredients she needs and placing them neatly over the table. She stretches her arms, cracks her knuckles, and begins to work. 

Yuna doesn’t stop until the sun is peeking through the clouds, shyly announcing the beginning of a new morning. Her hands are covered in dirt, her eyes are on fire and her back is screaming for some rest. But still, Yuna beams as she stares at the colorful liquid she created, and decides she doesn’t regret wasting a night of sleep, not even a bit. 

★☆

yuna

jisu unnie!!!!!

we’re throwing a lil party this weekend ^-^

my mortal enemy

uh… why

yuna

reasons 🤷♀️

my mortal enemy

shin yuna. what the hell are you plotting

yuna

IT’S NOTHING

my mortal enemy

crickets

yuna

UGHHH i’ll tell you everything when you get home >:(

my mortal enemy

you better

★☆

Okay, maybe calling this a party was a reach.

Apart from the usual five, only Chaeryeong’s closest friends from college were invited. 

They’re an interesting group of people, those four— from Minjeong with her odd drink choices (“Jisu, do you think that if I mix three different types of energy drinks with vodka and down everything in one go I’ll have a heart attack?” “Probably.” “Okay, cool.”) to Jimin rolling her eyes whenever a boy group song comes on, they’re a fun and energetic bunch and Yuna wonders why Chaeryeong doesn’t invite them more often.

“You like them more than you like me,” Chaeryeong says, pout visible on her lips, “I’m a little jealous.”

Geez, Yuna thinks as Chaeryeong materializes behind her, right after she’s done screaming her lungs out to Bad Romance with Yizhuo on the karaoke. Speaking of the devil. Or of the angel. Or of the love of her life. Whatever.

“You’re not jealous because I like them, you’re jealous because we crushed you and Aeri on karaoke,” Yuna says, throws her hair over her shoulders like a mean girl on a poorly written western TV show, then points at the numbers shining on the screen. “Highest score of the night, baby.”

Chaeryeong tsks, looks at Ryujin and Jimin doing a terrible job at trying to copy IU’s high note in Good Day without making their voices crack. “We’ll rank higher than those two, at least.”

They get twenty five points. Ryujin sits on the floor and whines like a baby until Jisu and Yeji get her to stop with a series of tickles, hugs and kisses. Yuna wouldn’t admit that to anyone, but they’re cute sometimes, those three. She can’t help but to think about how lucky they were to find each other in such a busy, heartless city like Seoul.

Chaeryeong pokes Yuna’s shoulder, tilts her head to the side. “Penny for your thoughts?”

Yuna shrugs, plays with her nails as she watches Ryujin’s mood shift again (“You two still love me even though I’m not a witch, right?” “Ryujin, we’re literally dating you.”) and wonders why the girl always insists on drinking that much if she knew she wouldn’t be able to open her eyes without feeling like vomiting the next day. “These idiots,” Yuna says, gestures to their friends. “This thing they have— it’s destiny, right?”

Chaeryeong taps her index finger on her lips as she hums, pondering her next words. Yuna has a hard time trying not to stare, grip tightening on her can of soda. “Maybe. Maybe not. Destiny or not, they worked really hard to be together and didn’t give up on each other when things got rough. That has to count too, right?”

Yuna is about to continue the conversation about destiny and all its meaning when Chaeryeong has the nerve to interrupt her, a sly grin appearing on her face before she says, “What about you and me? Are we destiny or not?”

Yuna groans. She wishes Chaeryeong was at least drunk so she could blame the bluntness on alcohol. And since she can’t, she’ll blame this one on Ryujin— Chaeryeong needs to stop hanging out with her before the cheesy pickup lines become her only personality trait. Or before her heart bursts out of her chest, because she is in love and it’s not fair that Chaeryeong keeps throwing these bombs on her lap all the damn time, for the fun of teasing her and nothing else.

“Stop,” Yuna shoves Chaeryeong’s arm, scowls. “You will never get yourself a girlfriend like this.”

Chaeryeong looks at Yuna for a solid minute, her eyes shining with words of a foreign language that Yuna can’t decipher, and a chill runs down Yuna’s spine. Then Chaeryeong wraps her arm around Yuna’s freezing one, her lips curl up, and she says in a lighthearted tone, “Maybe. Maybe not.”

Yuna wants to scream. And she would, if she wasn’t in a living room with eight other people. Maybe she needs to find a place to be alone for a while, gather her thoughts and take a long, long breath. Yeah, that’s what she will do.

“Unnie, I’ll— I’ll go grab some snacks. Yeah. Be right back.”

Yuna disappears into the kitchen, missing the evident confusion, worry — and, somewhere between that, hurt? — in Chaeryeong’s face. 

Yuna doesn’t stay in the kitchen for long.

The moment the girls went to Jisu’s bedroom — Yuna overheard something about Ryujin being dared to scream at their neighbors from the window — she disappeared through the door, going straight to the park that stays in front of their building. The place is empty, exactly how she was hoping it would be, so she takes a sit on the wooden bench next to the trees and allows her muscles to relax.

This party was supposed to be all about Chaeryeong, about comforting her and bringing a smile to her face no matter what. Yuna knows she’s not doing a good job so far because, here she is, outside, instead of being there with and for Chaeryeong, all because she’s a coward that can’t keep her own feelings in control.  

Loving Chaeryeong has never been this difficult. Still, Yuna holds on to it, because it’s the only thing she’s sure of.

With that in mind, Yuna removes her phone from her pocket, opens her messages, and starts typing.

yuna

unnie!!!

love of my life chaeryeong unnie

WHERE ARE YOU???

yuna

i’m at the park :<

can you come and meet me?

love of my life chaeryeong unnie

…

i’m a little mad at you for leaving me alone with these drunks but fine

yuna

yay!!! :D

oh, please bring the purple bottle i forgot on my bedroom ;-; it’s next to my laptop

love of my life chaeryeong unnie

👀

okay baby, i’m omw 

Yuna exhales while her body melts against the wood, eyes shutting as she throws her head back. If Chaeryeong called her baby she can’t be that mad, right? And if she is, Yuna silently prays that the bottle that she’s bringing will be enough to ease her stress, even if a little.

Yuna only opens her eyes when she hears footsteps getting closer, being greeted by an obviously annoyed but having a hard time trying to keep her intimidating posture Chaeryeong. Yuna wants to laugh, because the frown on Chaeryeong’s face makes her look like a cute baby fox, but she wouldn’t dare to piss the girl off even more.

Plus, this is the moment she was waiting for. The solid reason why this party exists. It’s time for Chaeryeong’s gift, the one she spent hours making sure would be flawless. And while she planned to give it to her while sitting on the balcony of her apartment, the park is a perfect place for that, too— even better, now that Yuna thinks about it. 

“Here’s your thing,” Chaeryeong mutters as she hands Yuna the bottle, crosses her arms around her torso. Then she turns to Yuna and says through pouty lips, “You lost the chance to see Ryujin embarrassing herself.”

Yuna laughs. “Please, that girl embarrasses herself every single day.”

Chaeryeong tries to hold it in, but ends up laughing in the end. Yuna has never felt so content to hear someone else’s laugh in her entire life. “You have a point.”

Yuna puffs her chest, “I always do.”

“Don’t try me, Shin Yuna. I’m still mad.”

“Alright, alright,” Yuna throws her hands in the air in redemption. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left like that.”

Chaeryeong’s mouth opens, and her eyes tell that she’s desperate to ask a question, but decides against it. Instead, she nods and offers Yuna a smile. “It’s okay,” Chaeryeong pats Yuna’s head, then gestures to the mysterious bottle Yuna is holding. “What is that about, anyway?”

“Oh,” Yuna smiles, so wide that the corner of her mouth hurts, “It’s your gift.”

“Gift?” Chaeryeong stares at the glass, then at Yuna, then at the glass again. She blinks. “For me ?”

“Yes, silly,” Yuna smirks, the sense of familiarity spreading all over her stomach. “For who else would it be?”

Chaeryeong shoves Yuna’s shoulder, but the smile growing on her face is enough to let Yuna know she’s thankful. “It’s a potion, right?”

Yuna hums as she opens the bottle, shoving the lid inside of her hoodie pocket. She takes half of the liquid, grimacing at the taste, then holds the glass out for Chaeryeong with a smirk. “Are you ready?”

“Hell yes.” Chaeryeong drinks her part, intertwining her fingers with Yuna’s as soon as she’s done. 

Yuna still finds it fascinating how easily Chaeryeong trust her when it comes to potions— not even Jisu and Yeji, who are also witches, find it easy to dive into her crazy ideas. Whenever they find themselves like this, Yuna’s mind travels back to when Chaeryeong found out she is a witch, all curious eyes and hushed do you need help with these? whenever Yuna was having a hard time with new ingredients. Yuna couldn’t have asked for a more supportive, understanding friend.

“I need you to close your eyes and focus on the feeling of our hands together, okay?” Yuna says, closing her eyes the same moment Chaeryeong does.

It doesn’t take more than two minutes for Yuna to crack one of her eyes open, heart beating wildly against her chest as she realizes that the potion worked the exact way she pictured. She squeezes Chaeryeong’s hand to grab her attention, too dazed to speak, and waits patiently for the girl to get used to the new view. 

Chaeryeong gasps when she looks up, grip on Yuna’s hand getting tighter, and for a second Yuna thinks Chaeryeong is about to start crying, until the prettiest smile Yuna has ever seen blooms on her face, eyes shining brighter than the stars above them. 

“Yuna, this is—“ Chaeryeong pauses, still in awe. “This is just— wow.”

It’s a breathtaking view, indeed. The sky and the moon are painted in pastel pink while the stars sparkle in a white that has never looked so alive. The clouds are soft and fluffy and if Yuna didn’t know any better she would reach out and try to grab a piece of them. But if anyone else walks through the park all they will be able to see is the old, dark night sky. 

Yuna understands it now, why Jisu and Yeji spend so many hours in the kitchen making this potion whenever Ryujin is sad, because this— this otherworldly spectacle is enough to heal any wound. Or to at least make it stop bleeding, even if for a brief moment. 

She would throw a night of sleep in the trash in the blink of an eye if it meant Chaeryeong would look like this again— safe, peaceful, and most importantly, alive . Chaeryeong is so, so alive right now. Yuna can feel it, from the hold on her hand to the light radiating on her face, everything about this Chaeryeong screams happiness in its purest, strongest form.

Chaeryeong starts drawing shapes on the back of Yuna's hand, eyes still lost in the stars. They feel like hearts. Yuna hopes they are.

“Did you like your gift that much?” Yuna jokes, taking the opportunity to rest her head on Chaeryeong’s shoulder. 

“Yuna, this is the best gift I’ve ever received,” Chaeryeong answers, voice dripping with sincerity, and Yuna finds herself blushing. “Thank you. For this, and for the party too. I know you did it to cheer me up.”

Yuna straightens her back, confusion written all over her face as she turns to look at Chaeryeong. “You do? Did Jisu tell you? Because if she did—”

“No.” Chaeryeong grins, then she continues, “Your eyes did.”

Yuna doesn’t think twice before she returns to her previous position, because Chaeryeong can’t see how red her cheeks are when her head is pressed against her shoulder. Be still, my heart, Yuna tells herself before she answers, voice tinted with fake annoyance, “Don’t even start.”

“Why do you hate my jokes so much?” Chaeryeong whines, and Yuna can almost see the crease between her brows.

Yuna rolls her eyes. “Because they suck.”

“Ouch.”

“You deserved it.”

Chaeryeong giggles, low and right next to Yuna’s ear, and the sound makes goosebumps rise all over her arms. “I did.”

It’s silent after that, both busy tracing their fingers on each other’s hands and basking in the view on top of their heads. It’s blissful, almost utopic, until Yuna turns her head to the side and— oh. Her soul leaves her body, because Chaeryeong was already looking at her, and she might be imagining things, but Chaeryeong’s eyes keep darting from her eyes to her lips and she thinks she’s starting to lean in and—

The effect of the potion is over. The sky is back to normal. The magic is over.

Chaeryeong blinks multiple times, shakes her head, then taps her own cheeks as if trying to regain her senses. Yuna is still frozen, heart threatening to jump out of her throat, legs melting like ice cream in the summer. 

Yuna doesn’t know if she wants, isn’t sure if she’s strong enough, to process what happened. Or was about to happen, to be exact. Was Chaeryeong trying to— were they really —

“Let’s go inside,” Chaeryeong says. “It’s freezing and your hoodie is too thin.”

They return to the apartment, still holding hands. Yuna stares, analyzes how Chaeryeong’s fingers fit perfectly between hers, and she can’t breathe.

The party doesn’t last for too long. Half of them are drunk and the other half are exhausted, looking ready to sleep for the rest of the winter. So, eventually, it ends up being just the five of them again. Then Jisu, Yeji and Ryujin go to the bedroom after saying good night, and it’s just Chaeryeong and Yuna and their secret almost in the middle of a living room that reeks of alcohol.

“I think it’s time for me to go,” Chaeryeong bites her lips and looks down, quietly kicks a can of beer abandoned on the floor. “Thank you again, for the gift. And for everything.”

Yuna is staring at the lipstick someone forgot on the table, and her hands are shaking violently when she answers in what she hopes is a stable voice, “No need to thank me.”

Chaeryeong takes a few steps towards the door, hesitates when she grabs the knob, and turns around to flash Yuna a small smile. “I’ll text you when I get home.”

Yuna nods, still so affected by what happened at the park that she can’t even bring herself to return the smile, then the sound of the door closing echoes through the walls of the silent apartment.

Yuna shoves her head into the cushions. She wants to disappear.

★☆

It’s been two days after the party, also known as two days after the I think Chaeryeong was about to kiss me breakdown, and Yuna is walking around in circles while Jisu, Ryujin and Yeji stare at her from the couch as if she’s grown a second head. And she would keep doing that until her knees turned into dust if it weren’t for Ryujin’s careful yet very confused, “Yuna, sorry to interrupt, but what the hell are you doing?”

Yuna stops abruptly, shoulders slumping. “It’s Chaeryeong unnie.”

“What happened?” Yeji asks with a frown on her face, “Did you guys fight?”

“No, no,” Yuna shakes her head, “It’s quite the opposite. She’s been so… nice to me lately. It’s driving me insane.”

“But Chaeryeong is always nice to you, Yuna,” Jisu says matter-of-factly, narrowing her eyes as if she was trying to read Yuna’s mind. Yuna wouldn’t be surprised if Jisu developed the ability of knowing exactly what’s going on inside her head after a decade of friendship and two whole years of listening to her whine about how incredible Chaeryeong is. Yuna had to hear Jisu cry over Yeji and Ryujin for way longer than that, so she guesses they’re even. 

To be honest, Jisu has a point. There has never been a time where Chaeryeong was anything less than an angel to Yuna. However, Yuna is convinced that something switched between the two of them after— Oh.

Please, make Lee Chaeryeong love me back.

Oh no. No, no, no—

“Oh my god,” Yuna croaks out, eyes nearly jumping from her skull as everything starts falling into place inside of her brain, “I think I casted a spell on Chaeryeong.”

“Yuna,” Ryujin speaks slowly, sounding a lot like a mother about to say something her child is not going to like, “What do you mean by spell?”

“So, listen,” Yuna starts as she resumes her walk through the living room, “She spent the night with me a few weeks ago, and she looked so damn beautiful sleeping on my bed that it physically hurt me so, obviously, I had to look away. And the moon looked really pretty that night, too, so I kinda— I asked the moon to make Chaeryeong love me. And now I think she does. God, I’m so stupid—“

“Yuna, stop!” Jisu raises her voice, successfully making Yuna pause her monologue and attempt to dig a hole on the floor with her sneakers. Jisu clears her throat, fixes her tone before she continues, “A wish can’t become reality just because you asked the moon for it. You know that.”

Yuna knows that. It doesn’t stop her brain from going wild with theories and new possibilities, though. “Yes, but what if it was a special occasion? What if the moon pitied me—“

“Oh, boy,” Ryujin throws her head back, sighing exasperatedly. “She’s not going to let this one go, is she?”

Yuna pouts, tapping her feet impatiently on the ground. “I’m serious! That would explain a lot about how Chaeryeong has been acting around me!”

It would explain the way she looked like she wanted to kiss me the other night, Yuna almost adds, but manages to stop herself. They would never stop teasing her if they were aware of that detail, so Yuna holds it all in, decides to carry that burden alone. 

Great, now she’s starting to behave like Chaeryeong, too.

“Come here,” Yeji pats her legs and Yuna doesn’t think twice before she throws herself on her friend’s lap. Yuna feels like a child again when Yeji makes her rest her head against her shoulder, but the action is enough to ease her nerves, for a second. “You didn’t cast a spell on Chaeryeong, okay? That’s not how our magic works. Chaeryeong loves you a lot and wants you to feel how much she cares— that’s all.”

There are tears threatening to fall from Yuna’s eyes by now. She hides her face into her palms and asks in a small voice, “You’re sure?”

“We are,” Jisu smiles, running her hands up and down Yuna’s back. “You did nothing wrong, I promise.”

They stay like that for a while. Yuna is clutching onto Yeji’s sweater for dear life as the girl runs her fingers through her hair, and she’s so exhausted after an entire week dedicated to perfecting new potions that Yuna feels like she could fall asleep right then and there.

“Okay, so,” Ryujin claps, a smug smile dancing on her lips as she points to the collection of DVDs organized on the shelf, “Who’s down for a Barbie movie marathon?”

Yuna perks up at the mention of the one thing that never fails to bring her comfort when she needs it. Other than Chaeryeong’s hugs, of course . “Me!”

Yuna sings all of the songs. Ryujin complains whenever Yeji repeats a line from the movie. Jisu tells them to shut the fuck up or we’re breaking up . It’s a good evening.

★☆

Our magic doesn’t work like that.

Yuna knows she should listen. And she did, for the first few days. But now, browsing every shelf in an old, nearly unknown library, Yuna realizes that Yeji’s words weren’t louder than the voices in her head telling her that she most definitely casted some sort of love spell on Chaeryeong. Jisu would kill her if she knew she went to this side of the town by herself in the middle of the night, but one more second alone with her thoughts would have driven her insane. 

At this point, Yuna’s eyes are burning— it’s midnight and she’s been reading secret spells books for the past three hours, ignoring the weird looks the librarian is giving her. She has to find something — something that will put her mind and heart at ease, something that will make things between her and Chaeryeong go back to normal.

Normal . An invisible hand squeezes Yuna’s throat at the thought of not having Chaeryeong all over her anymore. It’s not that their relationship was bad before— no, that’s far from the truth. But the way they are now— that’s what Yuna spent the last two years dreaming about, always thought of when she had her earphones on and a silly love song came on. 

But none of it is real— the attention, the hugs, the kisses. At least that’s what Yuna believes in, no matter how irrational the theory might sound to the rest of her friends. 

And Yuna doesn’t want Chaeryeong’s love like this, can’t keep letting herself receive affection that comes from something Chaeryeong has no control of. It’s wrong, immoral, makes Yuna feel like she’s drowning in guilt every second of the day, and it has to stop.

That’s why Yuna keeps reading. She reads, reads and reads until it’s two in the morning. She groans when she checks the time in the wooden clock on the wall and drops her head on a book called Collection of Legendary Rookie Mistakes and The Steps To Fix Them. The cover is hard as a rock and it stings, but Yuna is too numb to care.

“Hey, uh— do you need some help?”

Yuna cracks one eye open and comes face to face with the librarian that was eyeing her like she was from another planet earlier. The woman straightens her back, clears her throat, and scratches her neck awkwardly; “Sorry to interrupt but you seem like you’re in trouble. And you’ve been glaring at these poor books for five hours.”

Yuna lifts her head up, squinting to read the name tag attached to the woman’s cardigan. Im Nayeon, says the white letters. She has a bunny band-aid on her cheek, curious eyes and her voice is warm. Yuna decides it won’t hurt to trust her.

So Yuna tells Nayeon everything, every little detail of the mess she got herself into, hoping that the librarian and senior witch knows a way to save Yuna from this nightmare. 

What Yuna receives instead is advice, some hugs, and a new friend. Time flies when she’s talking to Nayeon and before she knows, it’s almost five. God, Jisu is so going to murder her.

“I’m sorry, I talked too much,” Nayeon grimaces as they make their way to the door. “Nights here are usually boring so I guess I got excited.”

“No problem, unnie,” Yuna says. She tried to be formal at first, but after five minutes of conversation Nayeon shrugged it off and told her to simply call her unnie. “I enjoyed our talk.”

Nayeon smiles, and Yuna can’t help but to mirror the action. “It’s too dark for you to go home alone. Let me give you a ride, yeah?”

“But who’s going to take care of the library?” Yuna asks, worried that Nayeon might get in trouble for her. 

“Give me a second,” Nayeon rushes to a door at the back of the library, and Yuna can’t help but to chuckle when she hears her scream, “Park Chaeyoung, it’s your turn! No, I don’t care if you’re on the phone with Jisoo— get your ass here now!”

Then she returns, as if nothing happened, and smirks while she twirls her keys on her finger, “Tell me, Yuna. Are you afraid of cheap motorcycles?”

Jisu is asleep when Yuna arrives. Which is a blessing, really, because Yuna is not in the mood to hear a monologue about why she shouldn’t go out alone at night. If she’s being honest, she’s not in the mood for anything at all.

Apart from the fact that she became friends with the coolest witch ever, the search for answers was a total failure. She still has no idea how to fix what she did to Chaeryeong and the hopelessness is eating her alive. 

Yuna takes a hot shower, changes into her pajamas, and drags herself into her bedroom. She sits on her study desk and stares at her old diary, blending with some of her favorite books and magazines. There’s an urge to grab the pink object, to see what was going on inside her head back then, so she gives into it.

The first entries are funny, filled with stories about Jisu’s failed potions and complaints about how her best friend and Yeji liked that lame writer — Ryujin — more than they liked her. It took some time for Yuna to warm up to Ryujin, but if she knew how happy the girl would make her friends in the future, she would’ve gone easier on her. Maybe.

Then she gets to the beginning of her freshman year in high school and, oh— Chaeryeong’s name is everywhere. The pretty girl from the train to Chaeryeong unnie. Yuna’s eyes take in every word written in multiple glitter pens and her chest grows heavier with every page she turns. She was so innocent, so happy to have Chaeryeong around and to love her in secret, not caring if the feeling was mutual or not. Now she’s about to turn eighteen and she’s wetting the same diary filled with precious memories with bitter tears, wondering how she let her feelings for Chaeryeong turn into scars around her heart.

Is this what it means to grow up? To watch the small things that used to make you smile turn into sorrows?

All she wanted was an answer. Or to move on, so she could stop feeling like the worst person in the world. But how can she move on when it comes to Chaeryeong, her favorite unnie, the only person she’s ever loved?

Yuna unlocks her phone and sees multiple missed calls from Chaeryeong. She goes to her messages and sees a text that says did something happen, baby? i’m worried about you. Yuna throws her phone on the desk and cries harder.

Yuna ignores all of Chaeryeong’s texts that morning. And in the morning after. And in the next one, too.

★☆

A week passes and Yuna is still avoiding Chaeryeong.

It burns, to leave Chaeryeong in the dark like this— to read all of her messages and pretend they don’t mean anything to her. The most recent one was sent last night, and every time Yuna thought about Chaeryeong’s words, she felt like she was being kicked in the guts. I just hope you’re okay, Yuna-yah, Chaeryeong wrote, after being ignored for days, because she’s good like that. Yuna’s stomach might as well be a mess of purple and blue bruises by now. 

Yuna is taking the train home after spending the entire afternoon in the library, learning new tricks from Nayeon and her friend, Chaeyoung. Chaeyoung’s girlfriend, Jisoo, was there too, and Yuna couldn’t help but to feel jealous of how happy they looked. Yuna knows she could have something like this too, in the future, when she’s older and wiser. However, the thought of giving her heart to anyone other than Chaeryeong was enough to make her feel sick, left an acid taste on her tongue. 

Being in the train without Chaeryeong feels all sorts of wrong, Yuna decides as her gaze falls on the trees outside the window. Even when Chaeryeong wasn’t beside her, her soothing voice would be filling her ears through the phone, asking Yuna if there was anything she would like to eat at night. 

It’s been only a week but Yuna misses Chaeryeong. Terribly so. 

Yuna knows she has no right to feel that way, considering the fact that she’s the one pushing them apart, but she does. She longs to see Chaeryeong, to jump into her arms and listen to her talk for hours while they have coffee. But she knows she can’t give in to her wishes— at least not now, when she still doesn’t have a solution to her problems, when she’s still trying to get used to the possibility that Chaeryeong is never going to love her back.

When Yuna is busy considering the existence of a reality where the butterflies don’t sing whenever Chaeryeong is around, and if she’ll ever be able to get herself there, one day.

Yuna walks— no, she drags herself to the elevator and presses the fifth floor button, head dropping against the metallic wall. She’s exhausted, both physically and emotionally, and the only thing she wants to do is to update her mother on the process of her new potions and sleep for ten hours straight. 

But she sees her plans going downhill when she unlocks the door and finds Chaeryeong sitting on the couch, her legs bouncing up and down, looking like she’s been waiting there for a while. 

Yuna’s voice is barely above a whisper when she finds the strength to ask, “Unnie? What are you doing here?”

“Yuna, you’re finally here!” Chaeryeong exclaims as she jumps from the couch and wraps her arms around Yuna’s neck, hugging the girl like her life depended on it. Yuna doesn’t hug her back, feels like a monster for it. “I was so worried about you— why aren’t you answering my texts? And ignoring all of my calls?” Chaeryeong breaks the hug to be able to examine Yuna’s face, running her fingers through Yuna’s cheeks, “Did something happen to you? Did someone hurt you—“

“Unnie,” Yuna interrupts Chaeryeong’s monologue, grabbing her wrists and pulling her hands away from her face. The pain in Chaeryeong’s eyes is tearing Yuna apart because she knows she doesn’t deserve this— Chaeryeong’s worry, Chaeryeong’s attention, Chaeryeong’s love. Her voice breaks when she speaks up again, “Don’t. Please.”

“Don’t what, Yuna?” Chaeryeong asks, eyes glistening with unshed tears, “Did I do something wrong? Was it because of the day at the party—” 

“ No! It’s not—“ Yuna drags her fingers through her hair, takes a deep breath before she continues, “It’s not you. It’s me. I did something that I shouldn’t have and I’m trying to fix it.”

“Then what is it?” Chaeryeong’s tone is louder this time, and guilt settles inside of Yuna’s chest when she notices the dark circles under Chaeryeong’s eyes. “What did you do that you can’t even talk to me?” The first tear slides through Chaeryeong’s cheek. Yuna fights back the urge to wipe it off. “Being away from you is killing me.”

Yuna only realizes she’s also crying when her vision starts to become blurred. “Please, don’t make things harder—“

“Harder?” Chaeryeong sobs, and Yuna could have never predicted her next words, “I thought you loved me too, Yuna.”

Yuna freezes. Her hands are curled into fists and her shoulders are stiff. She feels like she can’t breathe. “W-What do you mean?”

Chaeryeong sighs, angrily wiping her own tears. “I heard what you said that night. You thought I was sleeping but I wasn’t. I heard everything.”

Yuna’s head is spinning. Did she— did she say that out loud? The wish? It can’t be. 

Her mind travels back to the day in the kitchen, where the same thing happened. Is she that much of an idiot? Can’t she keep her damn mouth shut?

Yuna is pretty sure she has never felt this anxious before. Please, make Lee Chaeryeong love me back. She said those words out loud, didn’t just think them as she thought she did. Which only adds more fuel to the theory that she casted a spell on Chaeryeong, a spell that ruined everything between them and keeps damaging Yuna’s already shattered heart. 

And now Chaeryeong is right there, in front of her, saying she loves her like Yuna always pictured, but it doesn’t matter because it’s not real.

“You don’t love me, unnie.” 

Chaeryeong’s expression goes from heartbroken, to angry to one of utter disbelief. She scoffs, then blurts out, “How can you say that?”

“Because—“ Yuna’s mouth opens and closes multiple times, and she exhales tiredly before she finally confesses, “Because I did this to you. I don’t know how yet, or how to fix it, but I accidentally casted a spell on you that night. I’m so sorry.”

Yuna turns into a sobbing mess, burying her face into her palms as shame washes over her. That’s what she wanted to avoid— the explosion, the hurt, the sound of her own heart hitting the floor and breaking into a million pieces. It’s too much for her to take, and she’s about to lock herself inside of her bedroom when Chaeryeong grabs her wrists, makes her turn around and look into her eyes. Yuna frowns when she notices the anger has vanished from Chaeryeong’s face, being replaced by a look of confusion mixed with understanding. There’s relief somewhere in the middle, too. 

“Baby,” Chaeryeong calls, careful and soft, as she always is, “You did not cast a spell on me.”

Yuna shakes her head, staring down at her own feet. “I did. I know I did. I just have to figure out how it happened—“

“Yuna, I didn’t start loving you a few weeks ago,” Chaeryeong cuts Yuna, voice firm but her eyes remain gentle, “I’ve been in love with you for two years. Two.”

Yuna blinks. “How—“

“I was afraid to scare you off. You were so cute and pure back then, and I was, well, me— a bookworm nerd.” Chaeryeong giggles, intertwines her fingers with Yuna’s, and continues, “So I decided to love you in secret. Then you said those things that night, and I thought, this is my chance. I decided to be bolder. But what I feared happened— I scared you off. I felt terrible and so, so guilty, Yuna. I thought you hated me.” Chaeryeong sighs, then her lips curl up, “But turns out you were just being an idiot.”

“Hey! I’m not an idiot!” Yuna tries to stand up for herself, even though she’s painfully aware that she is an idiot and that she looks like a crybaby right now, with her makeup completely ruined and nose redder than a tomato. 

“You are,” Chaeryeong laughs, reaching out to cup Yuna’s cheeks. Yuna lets her, this time. “But you’re an idiot that loves me, aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” Yuna sniffles, chuckles, “I am.”

Chaeryeong smiles, and Yuna’s heart flutters when her cheeks get covered by a light shade of pink. Yuna decides Chaeryeong looks the prettiest like this, even if there are tears still running down her face. Chaeryeong looks mesmerizing when she’s in love, and is being loved back in the same intensity. Yuna makes it her duty to keep Chaeryeong like this for as long as she lives.

“Go take a shower,” Chaeryeong ruffles Yuna’s hair, “I’ll be waiting for you in your bedroom. There’s something to show you.”

Yuna’s heart skips a beat as she nods. “Okay.”

She never went to the bathroom this fast before.

Yuna admires Chaeryeong from the door, hair still damp from the shower and towel hanging from her shoulder. Chaeryeong has been in Yuna’s bedroom countless times before, but it feels so different now— there’s a new fondness to the way Chaeryeong is scanning the polaroid pictures on the walls and Yuna’s heart is beating faster than it used to, too. This feels like a sequel to a novel they started writing years ago, wearing their school uniforms in the middle of a packed train. 

Yuna wants to write infinite chapters, hopes their love story comes without an ending page. 

“You’re back,” Chaeryeong says with a smile, breaking Yuna out of her daze. She pats the empty space beside her on the bed, “Come here.”

Yuna obeys, immediately melting into Chaeryeong’s arms as the girl pulls her into a side hug by the waist. She enjoys the comfortable silence between them for a while, nuzzling her head into Chaeryeong’s neck, then she asks, “What did you want to show me?”

“Oh, right,” Chaeryeong breaks the contact between them to reach for her bag, pulling Yuna back into her embrace as soon as she removes a wooden box from inside. Yuna tilts her head to the side, visibly confused, and Chaeryeong hands her the object with expectant eyes, “Open it.”

Yuna does as she was told, getting curious once she spots a yellow paper sitting above the pile of white ones. She takes it in her hands, unfolds, and reads the words out loud. “ My dear Yuna, ” Yuna starts, side-eyeing Chaeryeong as she does, only to find the girl wearing a smug smile on her face. “ Here are all the poems I wrote about you. I hope you like it. Love, your Chaeryeong. ” Yuna pouts, already having a hard time trying not to cry from this introduction alone. She can’t begin to imagine how much of a mess she’ll be when she starts reading the actual poems. “Unnie…”

The smirk on Chaeryeong’s lips doesn’t falter. She points to the rest of the papers on the box, “Read them.”

Yuna bites her lips as she reads the first poem. According to the date, this one was written on the day they took the same train for the first time, before they even knew each other’s names. Yuna’s knees get weaker with each sentence, overwhelmed by the amount of adoration Chaeryeong always had for her. How could she have been so blind, for so long? 

Minutes later, Yuna gets to the poems written after Chaeryeong graduated high school. She chuckles at how adorable Chaeryeong’s choice of words are, imagining her sitting at her desk with a heavy heart because she wouldn’t be able to tease Yuna in the hallways anymore. They’re sweet, lighthearted, but still filled with so much love that Yuna wonders how Chaeryeong does it — how can she turn her thoughts into masterpieces so easily. 

After reading the ones from Chaeryeong’s first year in college, Yuna arrives in the most painful section of poems in that box— the ones written during the week they spent apart. There’s a lot of them, more than the past months combined, and Yuna can feel hot tears starting to slide down her face. She hurt Chaeryeong so bad, all because she couldn’t believe she was deserving of her love— that in order for Chaeryeong to love her, something out of their control must have happened. 

“I’m so sorry,” Yuna whispers, then lifts her head up to look into Chaeryeong’s eyes. “I’m really, really sorry.”

“Hey, hey,” Chaeryeong brings Yuna closer, resting her chin on top of Yuna’s head as she threads her fingers through her almost dry hair, “It’s okay, baby. You didn’t mean it.”

“But still. I hurt you. Even though you were being nothing but kind to me.” Yuna mumbles, feeling her body relax as Chaeryeong keeps caressing her head. 

“Let’s leave that in the past, hm?” Chaeryeong takes Yuna’s face in her hands, smiling when Yuna leans into her touch. They stay like that for a while, basking in the comfort of each other’s company, until Chaeryeong’s gaze drops from her eyes to her lips and Yuna’s breath hitches, the butterflies in her stomach start to dance. Yuna can feel it in her bones that this is it . “Yuna,” Chaeryeong begins, thumb brushing against the corner of Yuna’s mouth, “Can I?”

Yuna nods and Chaeryeong finally connects their lips in a tender kiss.

Yuna revels in the feeling she’s craved for so long, throwing her arms around Chaeryeong’s neck and bringing her closer. Yuna loves it, how Chaeryeong sighs into the kiss, how the girl clutches the edges of her shirt, how she smiles against her lips. This feels right, feels like they were meant to be. 

And if the look on Chaeryeong’s face when they pull apart is any indication, it means that she feels it, too.

“Help me write a new poem?” Chaeryeong asks, still dazed, their noses brushing. 

Yuna forgot how good it feels to smile this big. “I thought you would never ask.”

It’s winter. The snow looks beautiful, scattered all over the sidewalk. Yuna is no longer terrified.

That’s how the story of Yuna’s first love begins, again.