Work Text:
Normally when he looked to the window and saw the sun, he would have thought that the sunlight was pouring in. But then, just as the day, it slowed to a dance. Dust particles in the air made themselves known as they passed through the sun.
Akaashi sometimes wondered if they had a mind of their own. If they danced in harmony, never bumping into one another. Sometimes Akaashi fantasized reaching out and touching them. If they didn’t run from his hand, he would start a conversation with them.
He wondered what a dust particle had to say when there was no one around but him in the otherwise empty convenience store. It was a Tuesday; The cicadas and the whirring of the barely living air-con made him much too aware that it was a Tuesday.
He sat at the register, hunched over on an impossibly uncomfortable stool. Even with a stiff back and hanging legs because there was nowhere to put his feet, his head grew heavy with the promise of sleep.
In the stretch of silence and the clinging warmth that came with the summer, Akaashi found it made for the perfect environment to take small naps in.
He hadn’t dared to since he started working at the store of course, but it was a tempting idea.
In the attempt to not give in, Akaashi scanned over the store, looking for something to fix or clean up.
He supposed mopping up never hurt. He was told to do it at closing time but no one looked to be coming in and there were only about two hours left of his shift.
Akaashi pushed himself off of the stool, groaning along with a crack in his lower back before walking to the supply closet with dragging feet. He considered if it would be better to stand during his shifts altogether.
Trudging the short distance from the counter to the supply closet, he swung the door open revealing a mess he would surely be tasked to clean up.
Akaashi sighed, squinting in the closet’s dim light, as he searched for a sign of the mop.
With no such luck, he figured he might as well get ahead and take care of the scattered pieces of trash cluttering the space.
Glancing around the closet, he knew he would have to tactfully go layer by layer. By the time he reached the back of the closet, Akaashi figured his shift was nearing its end. Not a single chime of the shop's bell rang, as he predicted.
Turning with the last of the mess in his arms, he stood with a heave. Settled onto his feet, he looked up. When Akaashi was met with a person standing on the other side of the supply closet door, his lungs nearly fell out through his mouth.
Normally, Akaashi wouldn’t consider himself a jumpy person. He was calm, collected; he made sure of that. But after spending a very focused hour in solitude with no worries of customers, perhaps the small yelp he let out at the sudden presence of another was justified. Though that wouldn’t make it less embarrassing.
Well it wouldn’t have been if a mirrored exclamation from the customer hadn’t preceded. Along with the scream, a crash echoed off the walls of the store, thundering in Akaashi’s ears. A neon yellow liquid cascaded across the floor, welling up in the cracks of the store’s tiles.
Akaashi jumped back, holding in a curse for multiple reasons, he knew he would only mourn if the bottom of his shoes grew that awful tacky feeling.
He sighed, finally gaining whatever strength left in him he had to look up to the accomplice.
A man. The man just about matched Akaashi in height, but he was much broader, dressed in athletic wear. Akaashi noted the unusual hair, the dyed white tips and styling screamed he didn’t care what others thought.
“Oh my god! I’m so sorry.” The words came out loud and rushed as the man bowed towards Akaashi repeatedly, apologetically.
“No, that’s alright.” Akaashi waved his hand, trying to catch his breath as the shock wore off. Reaching for the mop handle, “I was just about to mop anyway.”
“I can pay for it.” The man wrenched his hand into his pocket.
“No need. This happens all the time.”
This type of situation was explained to Akaashi during his time training for this job, supplemented with the constant reminder to always ‘make the customer feel comfortable.’
“Then I’ll buy two of these.” The man fumbled with the two drinks, holding them between his arm and torso. It only made it more difficult for the man when he tried to get his wallet, the loose change falling out only seemed inevitable.
The man was obviously not feeling the most comfortable he could be feeling.
Akaashi reached down to grab the coins before placing them in the man's open palm.
“Oh. Thank you.” Embarrassment was written in a flush across the man’s cheeks as he bowed for the ninth time.
Akaashi nodded. “Of course. Would you like me to ring you up?”
“Yeah, I’m ready.”
At the counter, the man placed down his two drinks. As Akaashi scanned them, he saw a pack of cinnamon gum enter his peripheral.
Cinnamon gum. Akaashi liked cinnamon gum.
Having seen and still sensing the man’s nerves, he thought it might be an appropriate time to try and relieve some of the tension. For the man’s sake, but mostly for his own. He smiled as he picked it up to scan it. “Mm, good choice.”
The man’s eyebrows hiked up, pointed teeth emerging from an open mouthed grin.
“Thanks!”
He was still new to the job and he didn't think interacting with customers was one of his strengths just yet, especially not cases like this. Akaashi let a small, inaudible sigh pass through his lips. It hadn’t been that hard to get the mood back up, maybe Akaashi was better at customer service than he thought.
The man left just as colorfully as he came in, bumping into a cardboard stand as he tried to wave goodbye to Akaashi. The stand collapsed. The man had looked to the stand, then to Akaashi, and then back to the stand once more. Before the man could attempt to say he would pick it up, Akaashi interjected, only foreseeing more havoc.
“I’ll pick it up, don’t worry. Have a nice day,” he said with a tight smile.
The man nodded and quickly escaped through the automatic doors.
He sighed to himself as he walked around the counter, he just hoped the man would never come back.
-
With great difficulty, Akaashi walked to work.
Well, he walked to the bullet train, the midday sun beating down on him with every step he took.
Arriving at his station successfully, his body sagged with the exhaustion of a late night turning into a rough awakening by what had to be the worst possible alarm noise to exist.
He felt the fatigue in his feet, in the way they clung to the ground. His legs swayed under the weight in a plea to lie down and sleep for just a little longer.
“Akaashi-kun!”
His heavy eyes, previously trained on the floor, rose to see Tamura-san running towards him, waving as she went. Even when others sent her dirty looks for nearly bumping into them.
“Akaashi-kun!” She exclaimed as she stopped just next to Akaashi, “Good morning!”
“Good morning, Tamura-san,” he grumbled, but still managed to hold a respectful tone.
“Rough night huh?” She chuckled absentmindedly as she dug through her bag. “Ah, here we go!”
She pulled out a steamed bun, shoving it into Akaashi’s hands before he could say anything.
“Before you say anything! I got it on my way here and I know we could’ve gotten some at the convenience store but I was hungry! So eat up!”
Akaashi mustered a small smile and bowed in his head in thanks.
Despite working at a convenience store, Tamura-san frequented the store on her way to the station for their pork buns specifically. When he asked why, she said there was something magical about them. He had yet to find the magic in them himself, but he still ate the steamed bun. It wasn’t bad after all.
They mindlessly chatted, talking about things at work that they dreaded to do and their weekend plans. Akaashi never had weekend plans, yet Tamura-san always insisted on asking. Sometimes she invited him over for dinner with her and her girlfriend, but he didn’t have a significant other of his own, so he always declined. He feared third wheeling more than he did a tipsy Tamura-san in that situation.
In other situations, a tipsy Tamura-san was something he avoided at all costs.
He went drinking with her once and it ended with her staying at Akaashi’s house because she had managed to lose her wallet, keys, and subsequently ‘forgot’ her own address.
The drunk calls telling him to cover for her were also something to note, but not something he could fondly recall without a shudder.
“Oh come on! Just one dinner, I won’t even drink.”
“I will have to decline, Tamura-san.” He said, knowing she hated how he’d speak so formally when he refused her invitations.
“You’re a no good brat, Akaashi-kun,” Tamura-san’s eyes narrowed as she scolded him, attempting to imitate the voice of a parent.
“Don’t I know it, Tamura-san.” He said with the warmest smile he could muster in the moment. The ‘tsk’ he received was well worth it.
In a moment of silence, Akaashi could almost hear the dialogue playing out in Tamura-san's head. He prayed it would stay there, never making its way past her lips, but he knew her better than that by now. He knew what was coming.
“You know, you could bring someone with you.” The usual fire in her eyes had subdued a few notches. Akaashi was sure it was just a tactic meant to convince him.
She had a point. Sure, he could bring someone along to make the visit a little more bearable. Someone to turn to when Tamura-san and her girlfriend got too wrapped up in each other, someone that he could laugh with about the whole affair once they had left.
Just for the fun of it, Akaashi mentally sifted through the list of people he considered friends.
Of the fair amount of people who popped up, he was sure a majority would agree to accompany him to dinner at Tamura-san’s. People were kind, after all.
Unfortunately but not unexpectedly, Akaashi came up short when it came to people he actually would want to go with him. Of course he knew people were kind, of course he knew he had support from the people in his life. Akaashi didn’t consider anyone a friend if he didn’t feel they were good enough to be considered one.
But if he were honest, he couldn’t really remember the last time his shoulders relaxed around someone, so to speak.
In truth, this situation had been occupying Akaashi’s mind quite a while before Tamura-san’s suggestion. Recently, he had begun to notice how drained he would feel at the end of a day spent with friends. How he had started losing sleep when he opted for a few hours of alone time as a replacement for proper rest.
Once again, he smiled at Tamura-san. He knew it hadn’t been as convincing as his first, but it was enough for her to look away, leaving him to his thoughts through the rest of the ride to work.
-
Akaashi found himself sitting slumped in the stool. He never did go through with moving it in favor of standing. Tamura-san would have it there when she was done with her shift and who would he be to move it? It would be inconvenient to move it back for her. So he sat.
It was almost the end of his shift, surely he could put up with it just a half hour more.
He sighed under his breath, unsure what to think or do.
It was Friday, and he had decided he wasn’t going to Tamura-san’s house for dinner, though he was grateful for the invitation. The night the invitation was given as an option, Akaashi had looked through his contacts, his most recent photos.
Tamura-san continued to remind him of the dinner throughout the week. Each time, he would shrug it off with,
“Maybe on the next occasion, Tamura-san,” knowing his tone would get her miffed enough to let go of it for the moment.
He couldn’t deal with the confirmation that he had no one to depend on, no one he truly wanted to be around.
His mother often warned him when he started to avoid his own life, telling him he needed to confront these things. To go out and make friends, take chances, live his life.
At times, Akaashi felt he didn’t know how to. His friendships were fulfilling until they weren’t. Then that’s all they were.
If the people he knew now came to dinner with him, Akaashi would notice every awkward laugh, every tight smile. He would notice when their eyes would look to him, when they looked to be thinking something that Akaashi couldn’t understand.
Maybe it was that Akaashi wouldn’t, refused to, understand.
He didn’t care to think about it.
So, instead, he decided that night while looking through old videos of friends, that he would be spending a Saturday in the desolate space of his house.
-
Akaashi stared up at the man in front of him, disbelieving.
He let out a sharp exhale, just a little too audibly, at the sight of him.
“Welcome,” he said with a nod towards the returning customer.
Akaashi hoped the exhaustion in his breath hadn’t been detected.
The man jumped at the greeting despite the fact that he was already looking right at Akaashi when he spoke.
“Ah- Hi! Good afternoon.”
Akaashi broke eye contact first, focusing instead on the stack of receipts on the table. There was nothing to be done with them, but he fiddled with them nonetheless, his eyes never catching any of the words as they fogged over. He did this until he was sure the man had moved to another part of the store.
He still felt the presence of eyes on him even when the man was out of sight, causing him to squirm inwardly.
Akaashi felt every irritably slow second stamping into his skin. He itched to move or even yell just to break the growing uncomfortable silence. He busied himself with the tasks he usually put off until the last minute: sorting bills, wiping down the counter, looking over the order list.
He must have moved his elbow in an atypical way while counting bills, a clattering sound following the movement. Thankfully, it was only his metal thermos which he always made sure to close tightly.
Akaashi didn’t even try to hold back a groan, digging the heel of his palm into the countertop before retrieving the water bottle.
At least this time it’s not glass.
He heard a light chuckle from above.
“Guess neither of us are very graceful, huh? At least this time it’s not glass.”
Akaashi stared up at the man who stood before the counter once again. He felt very tired, his inner dialogue slow and going hazy.
He chose to ignore the man’s uncanny vocalization of his own thoughts.
“Perhaps,” he said with a shrug. He straightened up and began scanning as if he were on autopilot.
The man liked his sports drinks and his sweet buns, Akaashi noticed.
“Uh, bad day?”
It more so felt like a bad few months, if Akaashi was honest.
He pursed his lips. “You could say that.”
Why did the man feel the need to ask him a question like that? Wasn’t it clear enough? When he passed the mirror before work every day, Akaashi could see the permanent bags under his eyes.
It was probably some kind of joke.
The man furrowed his brow. “I hate when that happens,” he said, grabbing a pack of gum once again and placing it on the counter. It was almost hesitant, like he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to purchase it.
After making his payment, he remained at the counter instead of leaving.
He looked down at the gum, then back up to Akaashi, as though he were making a decision and asking for confirmation. Akaashi prepared to ask if he wanted a refund.
Before he could, a hand holding a pack of gum reached out to him.
“Here...it’s for you.”
...Huh?
For him?
Akaashi couldn’t take the extended gum packet seriously. He couldn’t understand why this customer, who he’d only once had an embarrassing interaction with, would purchase a ¥300 packet of gum to then give it to him.
“For…me?” Akaashi asked, barely aware of the sound of his own voice, clouded with confusion.
“Y-yeah!”
“Why…?”
He could be nicer. Should be actually, it was required of his job but he just couldn't get past the obvious nerves of the man who stood before him with slightly shaking hands.
“Well, uh, y’know. Just thought that I would…” Akaashi couldn't hear the rest as it was hidden under a mumble. “...And so! Here!”
The man pushed the gum closer to Akaashi’s face. His hand smelled of lavender. Akaashi liked lavender.
He looked past the gum and up to his face.
It was filled with a familiar emotion. One Akaashi hadn’t experienced in a while. It felt foreign as he looked into the man's face, and not just because the man was essentially a stranger.
Even though Akaashi knew the emotion, he couldn’t exactly place the words that paired with it. His eyes looked like the red part on a matchbook after a match was dragged across it. If Akaashi hadn’t been looking for it, he may have thought it meant the man’s eyes welled with dullness. But it was quite the opposite.
Akaashi felt that the man was the kind to hold a matchbook fire everywhere he walked.
Akaashi felt that this emotion came by the man with enough to spare.
Akaashi felt ridiculous.
He was sitting, thinking absurd thoughts, staring in confusion at this stranger who was offering him a pack of gum with a bit too much intensity.
He offered an awkward chuckle in exchange for accepting the gum.
“Thank you.” He tried sounding earnest, he did.
He liked this flavor of gum, it wasn't the worst thing to give him. Especially when it was someone who knew he liked it. But that was just about the only thing the man knew, and that made it different.
“No problem!” The man grinned.
A silence passed over them, the man stood staring uncomfortably at him until Akaashi asked, “Well I’m sure you’ve got someone to share those buns with.”
The man smoothly replied with, “Share… yeah,” as he laughed, though it sounded a bit struggled. “Uh, I sure do! See ya later!”
The whining door chime sang beautifully to Akaashi in a way it never did.
Akaashi continued with his shift, his eye continuously being drawn to the cinnamon gum.
The man was strange, he thought as he recalled the way he had looked when he offered the gum. Though he had the determination to rock any boat, there was still an unsureness to it. But there was also a thoughtfulness. Like the man thought the cinnamon gum would solve his problems. And maybe the man truly did believe it would.
Either way, when Akaashi caught sight of the gum, the corner of his lips would tick up.
Akaashi may have felt ridiculous, but as he chewed the gum, he knew he would be dealing with something incredibly beyond ridiculous from there on.
-
He certainly hadn’t expected he’d begin seeing the man every single day he worked a shift. What kind of person needed to frequent a single convenience store every day? Akaashi had three days off, spread throughout the week, so he couldn’t be certain that the man was showing up every day, but he guessed it was so.
Perhaps seven in the evening was just around when his...sports practice ended. That would explain his need to buy those electrolyte drinks day after day. Perhaps he lived nearby, and the store just happened to be on his way home.
Akaashi denied himself any other thoughts on the matter, the things that made him nervous to think about. He denied himself the fact that he still hadn’t finished the pack of cinnamon gum, a part of him not wanting it to run out.
He denied himself the fact that one pack of cinnamon gum had become three, and that by then he figured he should ask the man's name. The fact that he actually really wanted to know his name.
But who wouldn’t want to know the name of a man who became a small part of your life, four days a week, and kept buying you gum?
Akaashi would sometimes catch him staring from behind a shelf, that strange look still in his eyes. Akaashi never directly looked back, for both the man's sake and his own. It would be an overall embarrassing affair.
Making actual eye contact was reserved for the man's entrances and exits only, the times where it was appropriate. He could argue that it was all for the sake of professionalism. From a professional point of view, it made sense.
Akaashi wished it were that simple.
Frightening was a good word to describe the way their interactions felt to Akaashi. It wasn’t too dissimilar from the feeling one might get in their chest and stomach the moment the rollercoaster they’re strapped into plummets.
Akaashi had never really enjoyed rollercoasters. He only had to experience that plummeting feeling once before deciding it wasn’t his thing.
“But you were smiling, Keiji. During and after.” His mother had said.
“That doesn’t necessarily mean I liked it, though.”
The man was staring at Akaashi behind a shelf now. Akaashi was growing increasingly impatient. He wished the man would just come up and pay already so Akaashi wouldn't have to worry about looking at him or worse, looking for just a touch too long.
The sooner he left, the sooner Akaashi would be able to release the breath he held.
He couldn’t see, but he heard the man’s feet scuffing the ground, squeaking with each step he didn’t quite pick his feet up for.
A coffee and a chocolate cake moved into direct view as the man placed his items onto the counter.
Not being able to help himself, Akaashi muttered, “That’s new.” He hadn’t even realized he said it aloud until sputtering from above him sounded.
“Y-Yeah! Just thought it’d be nice, being a Friday and all!” The man laughed off his awkwardness, or attempted to.
Akaashi finally looked up to the man’s face. He stood there, obviously nervous, hands tied in front of him, fingers shuffling in unsureness.
There that word was again.
Akaashi looked back to his eyes. He wasn’t sure if the golden hue was his natural eye color or if it was just the store’s lights.
Akaashi let a barely noticeable, gentle smile pass through his face, “That should make for a good Friday.”
Akaashi watched the man’s face as he took in what he said. His face may as well have been made of glass. He watched the gears turning, pinpointing the exact moment it was processed. It was amusing as ever. Akaashi felt like he was experiencing his own words for the first time again.
“Of course! Chocolate’s my favorite after all,” the man grinned.
Akaashi latched onto the grin, “Just cake or chocolate generally?”
He knew asking another question would only get the man going, not leaving as he wanted earlier.
But that grin.
Well, he could excuse it by saying he was making the playing field even. If the man knew a flavor of gum he liked (which wasn’t even his favorite, but one could say it was slowly coming to be), Akaashi figured he was at least entitled to knowing one thing about the other.
“Both,” a smirk replaced the grin. Akaashi mourned the grin, but the smirk intrigued him. “My buddy works at a chocolate shop and he gives me special chocolate sometimes.”
Akaashi took one look at the man’s smirk, the way he puffed out his chest in pride. He knew that was no special chocolate.
“You sure it isn’t chocolate they messed up cutting?” Akaashi asked with his own teasing smirk. The man's shoulders tensed, the red that rimmed around his face in embarrassment didn’t have him regretting it.
“I- I-”
The man crossed his arms, eyes narrowing at Akaashi as he grumbled, “If I knew your name I’d lecture you.”
Akaashi hummed both inwardly and outwardly. A chance, Akaashi thought, it was a chance and it felt like his only. A gift from whoever was watching.
“I don’t know,” he dragged out. Half of him wanted to blurt his name out already, but from what he’s seen of the man so far, this was the more amusing approach. “I think I’m better off without being yelled at.”
“I won’t yell, just lecture.” He said, matter-of-factly.
Akaashi stopped himself from smirking. So honest.
“I see, well in that case.” He slowly said, watching the man take in the words. His eyes widened. Nothing but hope in them. Too honest. “I’m Akaashi Keiji.”
He hoped the man would take the hint and offer his name as well.
“Akaashi, eh?” The man whispered to himself. “Well watch your back Akaashi! I’ll bring some and just you wait!”
His name. Say the name. The name.
The man didn’t seem to be picking up on any of his silent demands.
Akaashi couldn’t outright ask.
Why? He wasn’t sure, though he could think of many possible reasons.
He would get teased for wanting to know, he would seem pushy even though he’d already given his own. The man would see through him and ask if he wanted to know for reasons Akaashi wasn’t sure of himself. The man looked to be the kind who knew your thoughts before you did.
In the emotional aspect at least.
So the next best thing.
“We’ll see about that, also, that’ll be ¥1300.”
The man paid and soon left, declaring that this wasn’t over and that Akaashi would be proved wrong. Each use of his name made Akaashi’s mood worsen, and not from the way he said it. Well, just a bit, he pronounced it wrong but that was the least he cared about at that moment.
The man never gave his name and Akaashi was left with an hour or so more left of his shift.
Not much later, Tamura-san entered the store with her usual, “Hi, Akaashi-kun!” and a wave.
Akaashi responded with his usual, “Hello,” and a nod. There followed a comfortable silence between the two of them, a rare occurrence Akaashi would normally bask in on most days.
Today though, he couldn’t stop a certain buzzing in his mind that told him to be the one to speak first for once.
“Do you know the man with the bleached spiked hair who comes in here all the time, athletic type?”
Akaashi instantly felt regret sink in his stomach. He wasn’t sure what it was, but something about asking about the man felt like he had broken a sort of rule. That now, something quiet and personal had been brought to center stage.
At the thought of being so affected, Akaashi realized he may have been thinking of the man far too often.
“Oh, I’m sure I’ve seen someone like that before, but no specific customer comes to mind. Why?”
Akaashi shifted his weight uncomfortably in the stool, tapping his foot against the floor, no rhythm or purpose to it other than to move his feet somehow other than walking away. He forced himself to answer.
“Because he’s been in here every day I’ve worked for the past few weeks.”
Tamura-san continued scrolling through her phone as she had been doing since she arrived, obviously wrapped up in something. What she was looking at that could be so interesting Akaashi didn’t know, but he was thankful for whatever it was, as long as it kept her occupied.
“Huh, well, we do have some regular customers,” she said, still focused on her phone.
“Mm,” Akaashi nodded, relaxing as the conversation fizzled out.
Silence was maintained long enough for Akaashi to finish mopping the floor, long enough for Akaashi to grab his bag and sling it over his shoulder. But there was always a goodbye at the end of a work day.
“Good night, Tamura-san.” He kept it short and sweet as he bowed, turning towards the door.
“Oh! Wait, wait.”
Akaashi stopped, turning back around.
“Is there something up with that guy you mentioned?” Tamura-san finally looked up with a glint in her eyes, the corner of her mouth turned upwards.
Of course she would become responsive right as he was leaving.
Should Akaashi tell her about their interactions? The gum? The staring? The frightening idea that the man could pry things out of him that he liked to keep inside?
“I think we might be something like friends.” he trailed off, his voice coated in uncertainty.
For a moment, Tamura-san just stared at him, looking like Akaashi had just spoken to her in a foreign language. And then she stood, letting out a hearty chuckle and slapping a hand over Akaashi’s back a bit roughly. Akaashi winced, and it wasn’t because she hit hard.
“Something like friends...Akaashi-kun, that’s open ended.”
Akaashi supposed that open ended was one way to think about it.
He did not want to think about it. He had done enough thinking about it for one day. He decided instead to think of the warmth promised by a hot dinner and a shower as he boarded the train heading home.
Curry sounded nice for tonight, he thought.
-
Akaashi laid in bed, his hand hovered over his incessantly loud alarm, not turning it off just yet.
In the corner of his eye, the sun blaring through the blinds bothered him.
He felt an exhaustion creeping into his body, an unpleasant but familiar one.
An exhaustion that made it next to impossible to flip his body upright and get ready for work. One that made him want to phase into his blankets at the prospect of having to feed himself, knowing that even if he did manage to get up and make food, as soon as he took a bite, it would lie on his tongue with nowhere to go.
He hated that feeling, hated the invasive and disgusting feeling of food just lying there, the idea of it made him never want to eat again.
So Akaashi laid there, alarm still going off, hand still hovering, unsure what his next step was.
Those types of days happened every so often. Before, he didn’t have any obligations, so he was able to just turn over and continue with pretending the world didn’t exist.
But now he worked at a convenience store, and if he didn’t show up, he would be fired and would be forced to find a new job or go back home.
He stopped the alarm. The silence that followed should’ve been relieving but it only cluttered the room.
He picked up his phone, staring at Tamura-san’s contact.
He’d never called in sick, or asked for her to cover for him. Usually he was fine. Any off day he’d had he was able to push aside enough to continue working.
With a deep sigh, he called her.
A few rings passed, Akaashi started to lose faith. He would lose his job and have to face his three roommates to tell them he wouldn’t have rent this month and a few months would pass and they would confront him and-
“A… Akaashi-kun?” Her voice was rough, he must’ve woken her up.
“Tamura-san.” He croaked out.
“Akaashi? Are you okay? Why are you calling so early?”
“I need to ask you a favor.”
“Sure, what’s up?” She asked, attempting to be casual but it was obvious sleep was close in her mind. He felt bad for what he was about to ask.
“I, I need you to cover for me today.” Speaking was coming easier to him but his voice was still gravely.
“Why? Did you get hurt?”
Oh. He hadn’t expected a follow up question. He was pretty sure he couldn’t say he was bedridden because of depression.
Feigning a cough, he spoke in a lower, weaker tone, “No, no. I’m just,” he coughed again, “I woke up sick.” He cringed at the lie and his shoddy coughing, but he hoped she would believe him.
“Oh, well you can’t help that. Are you sure you’ll be okay on your own? You have food?”
He probably wouldn’t be eating at all today, but he couldn’t just say that.
“Yeah,” coughing once more, “Thanks Tamura-san. I owe you.”
“You sure do, I could be sleeping right now,” she grumbled but she didn’t sound mad. “Well I’ll see ya bud, take care.”
He mumbled a thanks and they hung up. His hand grew weak, his phone dropping to the floor, but Akaashi didn’t care.
Akaashi buried his body into the worn cover, his mind wandered from place to place as he waited for sleep to claim him once again.
He wondered what his mother would say about him lying like that, she would probably think he was making excuses.
And just briefly, when Akaashi wasn’t even really awake, he wondered if the man would come to bring the chocolate like he said he would. If the man was someone who prided himself on his words with actions or if it was an empty promise in order to make conversation.
Akaashi wanted more than anything to do absolutely nothing. It was a familiar thing for him, feeling the comforting, warm weight of his blanket being replaced by a weight that was cold and unwelcome, pushing down on his chest. He had never been able to make peace with his depression, and he really had no intention to.
Instead, he had always tried things to force it out, like with the late nights or overworking. It was obvious that it was only a temporary solution, he wouldn’t deny that.
His mother had told him as much on one of their phone calls.
“You can’t keep doing that. The real answer is in taking care of yourself.”
Akaashi had frowned at that. “I eat enough, I usually sleep a fair amount, I talk to Tamura-san at work.”
“I mean do something nice for yourself, Keiji. I know your father and I never set a good example for you in that department. But I’ve been reading about self care and trying it out a little, and I think you should too.”
He had heard of self care, but something about the way the concept was delivered most of the time really put him off.
“Okay, I will mom.” A lie, but he didn’t want to concern his mother at the time.
He rolled over now that he had been given the chance, and fell back into a deep sleep. He hoped the weight would be gone when he woke.
Hours later, his eyes peeled open.
He laid there, sitting in exhaustion from getting too much sleep. But also in the fact that he didn’t feel any better.
His neck craned to the side in a sluggish movement, the clock read,
15:00.
He groaned, he’d slept too long. He missed both breakfast and lunch and though the thought of eating made him feel queasy, he still felt bad about missing them.
He didn’t want to get up. He knew all the things he should do, all the things that the world said would make him a functioning person, but it felt impossible.
The sun that blinded him earlier was no longer persistently moving through the blinds. It’d been replaced with a warm yellow.
A ringing came from the ground and he jumped at the sound. He moved his body as fast as he could, scouring the ground for his phone.
Finally picking it up, he answered without checking for who it was.
“Hello?” He asked, his voice groggy.
A voice came through the speaker, loud and rushed. “Akaashi-kun! I’m checking up on you. How are you feeling? Do you need anything? Food? Medicine?”
“Tamura-san?” He should have checked but he was glad it wasn’t a random person.
Realizing he hadn’t answered though, “Ah, no, thank you for thinking of me, though. I’m feeling better already. I...rested a lot today.”
“That’s great! I‘m glad because my girlfriend really wants me home, but who would I be to not check up on my Akaashi?”
Usually that sort of comment would cause a lot of stress for Akaashi. He would feel sour at the thought of being a bother for someone, like he did that morning when he called in sick. But this time, Tamura-san’s doting brought the first smile of the day to his face.
“I’m glad too.”
“That’s not the only reason I called you.”
Ah, not another dinner invitation, he hoped. Just because they were having a nice moment didn’t mean he felt inclined to agree just yet.
“Oh?”
“Your guy with the hair came in today. He looked kind of confused and disappointed, and I’m pretty sure he was looking for you for at least five minutes before he realized he was in a store and bought a sports drink. It was kinda cute, Akaashi-kun!”
Akaashi could see the scene perfectly, the man walking into the convenience store, excited and ready to prove Akaashi wrong as he had promised, then his weird staring through shelves, hoping to catch a glimpse of Akaashi even though he wasn’t there.
He actually hoped to see the man the next time he worked, walking in with a bag of his special chocolate, this time finding Akaashi at the counter as usual.
The thought of it remained as he ended the call, finally getting himself up and even managed to brush his teeth along the way. If he was smiling as he cooked dinner, that was his business alone.
-
The man shifted from one aisle to the next, pretending to be in a detective movie from the looks of it. Akaashi, as usual, pretended not to notice him until the moment he stepped up to the counter.
It was early in the morning, he had just clocked in and settled into his stool. Not five minutes later, the man walked into the store. The man never came early, Akaashi almost actually acknowledged him in his shock. He barely managed to hold back his, “What are you doing here?”
But despite the man being early, he walked up to the counter later than usual. Much later. Akaashi wondered if the man felt shame at all to be walking between the same two aisles, pretending to look for something for at least ten minutes. Not to mention the side glances and the hiding behind chip bags, how he kept parting them noisily just to look at Akaashi.
But he eventually walked up to the counter, a single pastry in hand despite the amount of time he’d spent in the store.
Neither of them said anything for a moment.
Akaashi usually didn’t have to think about saying anything first, the man usually began talking the second he placed his food on the counter. Akaashi wondered if he should say something, what he could possibly say to start the man into his usual conversation.
Why wasn’t he talking, anyways? Could he be mad for some reason? Akaashi didn’t remember saying anything or doing anything to the man that could’ve made him mad. Especially since they didn’t talk outside of these five minutes spent checking out. So really, why wasn’t he talking when they only got five minutes-
“Hey! Uh,” the man started, startling Akaashi out of his head.
He looked down to his hands, he hadn’t been bagging the pastry as he should’ve been.
“The other lady who works here said you were out sick yesterday?” The man continued in an unusually quiet, edging on nervous, voice. “Are you okay?”
Akaashi dropped the pastry into the bag instead of gently placing it in as he was instructed.
The man…was asking if Akaashi was okay?
The man had an honest expression, he only ever had the most honest expressions. Even when teasing Akaashi they were still honest. Akaashi had grown to admire it in a way, being someone who was always having to put on a face. His face would droop down at the end of the day, tired with how much he had to smile for others.
For a moment, Akaashi attempted to imagine how the man would be working his job. He would probably exclaim over the things people bought, sparking conversations over likes and dislikes. Asking to pet people’s dogs, going around the counter to coo at them.
If Akaashi didn’t have to answer the man with a matching sincerity, he would have smiled at the idea.
“I’m fine,” he paused; proceeding to mumble, “Thank you.”
The man’s face dropped out of its tension, eyes clear.
“Ah! That’s so good to hear, I was worried for a bit there! You can’t do that to me, Akaashi.” He whined.
Akaashi couldn’t help it, huffing a chuckle, “I apologize, I’ll try to avoid it.”
“You better! I can’t have my favorite…convenience store closing.”
Akaashi chose to not point out the pause he took or the fact that if he were to call out sick, the store would still remain open, that he wasn’t the owner.
“Of course not,” he hummed.
Akaashi scanned and bagged the pastry, he was ready to tell the man his total but Akaashi waited.
He waited to see if the man had really brought the chocolate. He wasn’t that attached to getting the actual chocolate. He was more looking to it for a judgement of character. He didn’t know why it was so important to him, the man was a random customer and he wouldn’t matter outside of the convenience store.
But was that necessarily true? Akaashi couldn’t be sure when he found himself thinking of their interactions, and more recently, his promise outside of the store. When he was doing his own shopping, when he was eating dinner. When his mother called and she asked if anything new was happening with him. How he wanted to bring up the raucous laugh that took up his evening, how it was the most enjoyable part of his job. Sometimes his whole day.
So Akaashi’s hands held the bag, twisting the plastic handles in hope.
Akaashi looked up to the man, searching for who he was and what he held in tow. Hoping it was recognizable.
“Oh! I almost forgot,” the man suddenly turned, grabbing at his duffle bag.
He fiddled with it, zipping and unzipping until he cheered at finding whatever he was looking for.
“Ta-da!” The man presented an oddly shaped object wrapped in parchment paper. “Special chocolate as promised! Now you’ll see!”
Akaashi was buzzing inside, the man’s eyes were fiery, waiting for Akaashi to reach out and grab the chocolate himself.
So he did. Tugging on the chocolate, it was released into his hold.
He looked up to the man once more, admittedly wanting his attention, wanting to be told to open it. If he was sure of his character, he could be confident that the man would follow through.
“C’mon Akaashi! Time is of the essence, y’know.” The man looked excited to say that in and of itself. Akaashi smiled.
“Alright, alright. Let’s see this special chocolate.”
Akaashi opened it.
One look and he knew he had been right. The molding of the store’s name was off center, even cut off at times. He broke off a piece and popped it into his mouth.
Despite the name being off, the taste surely wasn’t. It was a perfect balance of sweet and salty for Akaashi, his eyes blew open.
“Oh wow, this is incredible.” He mumbled, breaking off more of the chocolate.
The man’s body shook with pride induced laughter, “Isn’t it?!”
“Mhm,” Akaashi hummed.
Now tasting the chocolate, he came to some hypotheses. The man probably believed it was special because of how good it tasted, so much so he was able to overlook the visual faults of it. That or he didn’t care enough to even notice it, only happy to get free chocolate, to eat it the moment it was placed into his palms.
“So?! Is it special chocolate or what, Akaashi?”
And well, who was Akaashi to ruin a source of joy for him.
“Mm,” a smile grew on his face as he looked up to the man, “Very special.”
“I knew you would say that!”
The man seemed so pleased with himself, Akaashi could only smile.
From the first day the man had bought him the infamous cinnamon gum, an idea had slowly been coming to a simmer in the back of his mind. He had a pretty good idea about what it meant for himself.
Though reluctantly, Akaashi knew he wanted the man to keep coming in, to keep that wide grin on his face and the fire in his eyes when they talked at the counter. Whatever was going on, Akaashi wanted to keep it up, to see what else he could pull from the man.
Knowing that he could peer into the man’s thoughts but the man remained both a shock and a mystery to him; knowing that the man was so honest, eyes filled with nothing but true intent scared Akaashi. The cornering fear that the man had learned plenty of things about Akaashi as well left him vulnerable.
A strange scene began to form in his mind, one where he had just cut open his own chest, and now the man was staring into it in earnest, his hand raised and ready to reach in.
The image was visceral, almost frighteningly so, and Akaashi couldn’t pull himself away from it. He wondered if it would be a light touch, with just fingertips, or if the man would try to grasp at something delicate.
Akaashi’s face was very warm.
“Did you now?”
“I did.”
But, even if the fear was there, even if his metaphorical body grew stiff at all seeing eyes. He would rather the cutting look stay fixed on him, he would rather stay under his inspection. Flesh laid open for the man. He figured that the man would at least grant him a smile and a compliment along the way. Not easing the pain but working in harmony with it. Akaashi would probably thank him with a smile of his own.
“Hey, Akaashi?”
“Yes?”
“Um, what are you...are you...” The man was fidgeting relentlessly, playing with his hands.
Akaashi was familiar with that, with the feelings that gave one a reason to fidget.
He wanted to grab those hands and wait for them to still, holding them in his own. This scene, he could see clearly in his mind's eye too.
Akaashi stared at the man, the man stared back, they were both wide-eyed.
It was quick to break.
“Nevermind actually! Sorry.”
Akaashi had no time to think, and then the man was just about shoving the bag of chocolate across the counter with fumbling, slightly shaking hands.
“So um, here, the rest is for you. I’ll see you later, bye!”
Akaashi clutched the chocolate, unsure of what happened.
He wanted to call out to the man, just to see if he really would continue running out or turn around but Akaashi remained quiet, watching the man run through the automatic doors, leaving Akaashi to sit and stew over what could possibly have made a seemingly unshakable man leave in such a panicked hurry.
-
Akaashi woke the next day, rushed to his stop and made it to the store in record time.
He stayed alert at the counter, telling himself he was waiting for his shift to end. But the way he flinched at the door’s chime, the way his eyes clung to whoever would step through, the sigh of both relief and incredible disappointment was more than enough to disprove him.
Akaashi worried for his muscles halfway through his shift. They would be so tense by the time the man showed up he would mistake Akaashi for a rod of metal.
But the man didn’t seem to take pity on the stiff state of his muscles because he never showed.
He didn’t show for a week.
Each day, Akaashi sat tensely, and by the time it was closing time or Tamura-san came to switch with him, Akaashi would deflate under feelings he didn’t want to acknowledge.
That didn’t stop him from feeling anger though. He wasn’t sure if the man deserved his anger, but it was there nonetheless. Just when Akaashi finally grasped his character, the man pulled something and distorted whatever image Akaashi had sculpted.
He should have guessed it would’ve been like that, that seemed to be the only predictable thing about the man. All Akaashi knew was that the man’s reasons existed, and that’s what the anger in Akaashi was about.
The fact that the man harbored reasons and was, surely, intentionally avoiding telling Akaashi said reasons. Akaashi had to be sure of that, the man had been coming in every shift of his, it was no coincidence he wasn’t coming anymore.
The seventh day of the man being a no-show, Akaashi was livid. Sitting in his stool, holding a grip strength on nothing but his own clenched fists. He tried not to let it bleed into the kind customer service demeanor he’d put on, but if customers left with their head tossed over their shoulder in nerves, that wasn’t his problem.
At the moment, his problem was the currently, uncharacteristically, cowardly man being vacant in his work day.
Sitting in his anger, Akaashi hadn’t even noticed the backdoor opening and a smiling Tamura-san leaning over him.
“Akaashi-kun~”
“Hello, Tamura-san,” he said, not bothering to turn around, knowing she would slump on his back.
As she followed through, he was comforted that he could at least rely on Tamura-san to be consistent.
“Why the long face?”
He knew she was asking genuinely, the grumble that came from the question was only out of his own frustration.
“...Can I ask you something, Tamura-san?” He asked, nerves wedging themselves into his tone.
“Shoot.”
“Have you seen that man with the hair during your shifts?”
Tamura-san was quiet, eyes far away in memory.
“Uh, yeah? Duh?”
Akaashi felt red. He was moments away from rampaging the store just to release a week's worth of tension.
“Tamura-san,” his hands grew white from clenching, “I need to ask a favor of you.”
“Okay…?” She said, obviously nervous.
“Switch shifts with me. Just for one day.”
“What? Why?!”
Akaashi had to concentrate on his breathing, “Please.”
She didn’t speak for a while, just stared at him. Her mouth would open and close until it pursed in conclusion.
“Fine, fine.”
-
Akaashi woke up bright and early. Tamura-san’s shift was early in the morning and he would have to open the store, but he concluded it was worth it even after Tamura-san begrudgingly rallied off all the things he would have to do.
Akaashi took it all in stride and after working up a small sweat, he finally flipped the ‘Closed’ sign to say ‘Open.’ He sat there with a devilish glint in his eyes, waiting for the eventual meeting he would have to have with the man.
Which he shortly realized he would actually have to do. He would have to meet face to face with the man.
He didn’t know what to do. Did Akaashi even have a right to be angry with him? All he did was leave and not show up to a store. That was normal, not for the man but it was normal for people to not go to the store every day. What if he had read the situation wrong and now he had gone out of his way to confront the man?
Oh god, he thought, what if it was worse. What if the man got injured in some kind of sports accident in the past week. The man could be lying in a hospital gurney in a kind of pain Akaashi could never feel and here Akaashi was fantasizing about confronting him over what?
A change of character that Akaashi hadn’t expected. People were allowed to be different, to be out of Akaashi’s prediction, they were allowed to-
The chime of the door rang through the store. Akaashi didn’t bother to look over, being so swamped in his thoughts and a growing anxiety that he made the biggest mistake of his life. He faintly heard footsteps move through the aisles before they stopped.
They stopped when they came to the counter, a hand reached his peripherals with a steamed bun and a sports drink.
Steamed bun and a sports drink…
A small squeak made him look up,
“Akaashi!”
The man.
Uninjured.
Thankfully, he thought, but also, uninjured?!
“H-Hello.”
Akaashi prayed the seconds would pass faster, that one of them would speak again immediately, as though he wasn’t in control of whether or not he would be the one to speak first. No, Akaashi was frozen, the man was frozen, and those seconds refused to pass any faster than they usually did.
The man was here, after a week of absence, after a week of Akaashi mulling over the last time they had seen each other in his head again and again. Mind always circling back to how unfair it was. Akaashi had never been one to wallow in distress over something as useless as the unfairness of life, but he wasn’t necessarily doing his best to reign in any kind of unhealthy thought processes.
Now that he was there, though, there was no time for thinking about unfairness or swimming around in his little pool of worry.
“Akaashi. You’re here...early.” The man stood rigid and wide-eyed, like a kid who had been caught sneaking food before mealtime.
“I am.”
What else could he have said? He could have said anything other than a measly ‘I am’ but what else was there to say as the man stared at him like that?
It was a mistake to do this after all.
“My, my coworker couldn’t-”
That wasn’t right, it wasn’t true.
The man left him wondering where he was for a week, wondering why it bothered him so much. It was his fault that Akaashi had to stare at the wall during dinner and wonder why he missed the rollercoaster drop feeling that he originally found to be next to unbearable. Akaashi was the one who was owed an explanation, surely.
And yet that wasn’t right either.
Akaashi had never been one to avoid accountability. He knew it was not the man’s fault that he couldn’t keep hold of his own thoughts and feelings. The man had not forced him to switch shifts with Tamura-san.
Akaashi did it himself because he wanted to. He had done this, something so heedless, impulsive and selfish. It would be a waste to push aside the reason why.
“I’m sorry.” Akaashi looked up into the man's waiting eyes and forced himself to smile as best he could.
The man opened his mouth to speak, probably to tell Akaashi it was fine without even knowing what ‘it’ was in and of itself. Akaashi held up a hand to stop him.
“I asked her to switch shifts with me.”
The man kept quiet, an expression of uneasiness washing over his face, his eyebrows knitting with confusion. Akaashi willed himself to keep going.
“Please excuse me for this. I just…”
Why did you stop coming in during my shift?
I was worried you were horribly injured.
It upset me.
I missed...
Akaashi took in a deep breath as steadily as he could. He felt dizzy.
“Wanted to see you.”
A few painful seconds were endured.
“Oh. Akaashi, that’s okay!” A soft smile took over the man’s face, but it wasn’t his usual grin and Akaashi couldn’t yet bring himself to say he felt relieved.
“It’s been a while, I know.” The man sighed and looked down to the counter. “To be honest I was worried that I did something wrong last time,” he muttered.
Akaashi really couldn’t believe it. Was that true? The man, who had so shamelessly been interacting with him, staring at him, for weeks had been driven away out of anxiety that he had done something to upset Akaashi that day? He wondered what he could have possibly done to warrant that.
“Something wrong- you brought me the best chocolate I’ve ever had?” His voice came out exasperated, probably the most animated Akaashi had sounded in weeks, perhaps months.
It felt good, but so, so weird.
“But you looked so...you looked so freaked out, Akaashi! Like, I’ve never seen you like that.”
“What did I look like?”
The man hesitated, looking him over in an awkward scan that made Akaashi want to close his eyes and pretend he was back at home, in his bed under covers where there was nothing for him but quiet, lonely sleep. He didn’t close them, though. He just watched as the man inspected him like a painting in a museum.
“Kind of like you look right now, um. Red? And like you’ve been through something horrifying,” The man seemed to cringe at his own words, as did Akaashi, who probably now resembled a trout pulled out of water, struggling to breathe.
“So I thought, ‘of course it’s my fault.’ And I didn’t want to bother you anymore,”
Finally he finished with a half-hearted, “So, yeah,” and a pained chuckle.
“I understand,” Akaashi started with a nod.
The man sent Akaashi a vigorous nod of his own, shifting his weight between his feet.
“But you haven’t bothered me.”
Akaashi watched the change in the man’s emotional tide once again, manifesting in a grin he had been waiting for.
Akaashi thought of the volatile ocean.
“Wow, okay…” the man stuttered, his eyes flitting to and away and back to Akaashi until he gathered himself and finally stood at his full height, looking straight on. “That’s really good to hear!”
“I’m glad.” Akaashi nearly whispered it, but he knew the man heard.
“Me too, Akaashi, because I,” He cleared his throat and looked at Akaashi, determined.
“I like talking to you!”
One could predict the tides, sure. Some professionals did that every day for a living, and they would often be correct in those predictions. But every once in a while, they’d be reminded by a sneaking tsunami that a prediction was just that: a prediction.
There were some things, powerful things, that couldn’t be controlled.
Akaashi laughed.
“You’re not so bad either I suppose.”
“Um!” The man flailed his arms, and Akaashi laughed even more.
A lull of silence hung over them, Akaashi could hear his own laugh echo in his mind. The man had a gentle leftover smile resting on the lower half of his face.
A thought crawled through his mind, one he didn’t really want to face but also, it had sat in it’s heaviness in the back of his mind every day since the man came in.
His name. Was now an appropriate time? They had been acquainted for a while now, and anytime that had passed since the man learned Akaashi’s name was already far too long. There was no situation where he could possibly subtly bring it up by then.
He wrung his hands together, sucking in a breath. He was going to work up a sweat if he didn’t get this out of the way.
“Hey Akaashi! Um!” The man’s sudden speech stilled Akaashi’s shaking hands for a moment. “When do you get off work today?”
A crash of waves into jagged rocks cut through, paving a path it would surely carve for itself. The rock would move, not out of willingness but because that was how it worked. But if the water moved in a special way, they would cradle the water into warmth.
“A little after noon...why?”
“W-Well,” the rare stutter, “I was just wondering if you’d want to get lunch.” His voice trailed off into barely audible but Akaashi heard it, there was no way he would miss it.
“Forgive me but, why?” Akaashi knew it could sound rude and it wasn’t as if Akaashi wanted to refuse. There was no universe in which he would refuse the odd invitation. But that was just it, it was odd. The man was odd but this was beyond the usual oddness.
“To make it up to you?” Hesitance, but Akaashi saw the tension behind it too.
For now, Akaashi would accept the white lie.
“Well, if that’s the case, I would like one thing in addition.”
The earth shook in beats. Some that the people of earth couldn’t feel, but the earth could tell them how softly it shook in the midst of it all. It shook when the earth didn’t think anyone was looking. But some were looking, those who were interested enough to put their ear to the dirt. To hear the soft drum of the earth as it inhabited themselves.
Every heartbeat was an echo of the earth. Each violent, fast-paced heartbeat caused by another heartbeat was the product of earth showing, telling them just how it felt to be part of something.
Akaashi felt the earth course through him.
The man nodded slowly, arms crossed. Closing himself in to physically shield himself from the oncoming words. Akaashi knew it well, though he wasn’t used to seeing it displayed so obviously.
“Sure.” The man said, obviously trying to feign confidence, but his voice had defied him.
“Well, you see, a certain man seems to know my name. And just as it goes, I happen to not know his.”
A thrum of the earth pulsed at his feet as silence and a processing face came from the man.
“M…me?”
Akaashi hummed in agreement, a broken hum. His words and tone conveyed that, he too, was confident in asking, but Akaashi happened to be better at hiding it than the man before him.
“Oh…” The man stood, staring at the ground.
Akaashi wanted to give him time to process it, but he also couldn’t stand referring to him as, “the man,” for the rest of time.
“So. So if he’d like to tell me, I’d happily go to lunch with him.”
“You will?” The man looked up in shock, eyes glazed over in thought still.
“I will.” Akaashi itched to tease the man just a bit more but if he were honest, he’d rather hear his name.
“Uh! Well,” A sudden smirk grew on his face. Akaashi wanted to tear it off, a smirk only meant one thing.
“Akaashi Keiji of the convenience store,” the man kneeled onto one knee mimicking a knight, “I, the random chocolate man will now grant you with the name you desire.”
Akaashi couldn’t help the cackle that grew out of him, breaking past his lips.
The man stood, ducking his head with a charming grin.
“Bokuto Koutarou, nice to meet you,”
Bokuto Koutarou.
The earth’s shakiness thrummed within him.
“Sorry for the late delivery,” A shy hand came up to scratch at the nape of his neck, “It got stuck in transit somewhere there.”
Akaashi smiled, bowing back in greeting.
“Akaashi Keiji, nice to meet you.” Straightening his back, he warmly said, “It happens.”
“So...lunch?”
“I look forward to it, Bokuto-san.”