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It had been a while since Minato had had a free night to just relax.
Minato had tagged along with Akihiko to walk Koromaru that night. They were sitting on the steps at the Naganaki shrine, taking the time to enjoy the cool early autumn breeze. Koromaru bolted around the shrine, playing with a tree branch he’d picked up on the walk there.
Akihiko chuckled. “Well, at least someone’s energetic tonight.” He glanced over at Minato, who gave him a small smile.
Akihiko leaned forward and rested his cheek on the palm of his hand. “I’d love that dog’s enthusiasm right now. God knows these damn shadows have been running us ragged lately.”
They sat in comfortable silence for a while; a silence only interrupted by the occasional stop, Koromaru, leave that alone and hey! Koromaru! what have you got in your mouth!?
It was refreshing, Minato thought. His nights were often dedicated to fighting up Tartarus, or studying, or hanging out with… unusual individuals at the mall. He hadn’t had a chance to just relax like this in a long time.
Minato was always a fan of the night. It was a way to escape the day’s worries, some time that he had all to himself. It let him forget school, responsibilities, memories he’d rather forget. It was a time to just...exist in his own space. The Dark Hour cut through it like an ugly scar, dividing what little time he had to himself, and suddenly nighttimes were busy, frantic, nerve-wracking. Literally trauma-inducing, thanks to the Evokers, Minato thinks bitterly.
He spent a lot of time watching the clock, these days. He’s pretty sure his sleep schedule is fucked beyond repair. He wonders if he’ll ever fix it, when the Dark Hour is gone.
Minato feels a voice buried deep inside himself say you won’t get a chance to and tries to ignore it. He’s been getting these weird feelings, lately. The phrase memento mori has been stuck in his head for a while, but he can’t remember where he first saw it, or what it means. He’d ask Mitsuru, but he doesn’t want to bother her, and, despite everything, he still feels a bit intimidated by her. He wonders, at this point, if he ought to feel closer to his teammates. Some days they feel more like coworkers, work friends, as if the thing that bonds them is a horribly boring office job instead of literally facing their own deaths every twelve o’clock in the morning. Some days he wonders what any of them have in common other than fighting for their lives every full moon.
Minato spends a lot of time looking at the moon, too. Some days, he’ll look up at it and feel a gut-wrenching sadness he can’t explain. When he’s in his bed, almost asleep seven days before the next full moon and the moonlight falls on Pharos’ face like it belongs there he feels...like something’s missing. Like he’s missing something big, and he doesn’t know what.
He’s been feeling like that a lot, lately.
“What’s on your mind?”
Akihiko’s voice breaks him out of his introspection as he remembers, no, he’s actually not alone. They came here together to walk the dog, and in enjoying the silence together he’d become as comfortable as if he was alone. Hm.
Things felt a little different now that him and Akihiko were...whatever they were. He should really ask him something like hey, what are we? are we dating? or have you just been accidentally flirting with me this entire time? But that sounds like a pain. So Minato decides he’s not going to think about it.
There were a lot of things Minato was trying not to think about right now. Like how his eyes lingered on Akihiko as he fought through Tartarus, punching through shadows with one blow. Like how seeing Akihiko surrounded by a crowd of girls fussing over him at school gave him this pit in his stomach and made him want to go yell at them, even though he never would. Like how there always seemed to be this undercurrent between them that neither of them wanted to acknowledge. Like how, Minato thinks, he’s starting to relate a lot to Akihiko’s philosophy of getting stronger at all costs, if it means protecting those you love.
He registers after a second that he’s been asked a question. “Nothing much.” It’s an easy answer, it doesn’t tell him much, and it’s all he feels up to saying.
Akihiko gives a vague hum in response. Minato gets the feeling he’s not going to let it go.
He speaks, eventually. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re hard to read?” Akihiko studies Minato’s face closely.
“More than once.” Minato huffs a laugh.
“Sorry, I guess it gets old hearing that, huh?” Akihiko shifted his gaze up at the stars.
“Probably feels like when people call you too reckless.” Minato nudged him with his elbow.
“Point taken.”
“To be honest… it’s kind of eerie.” Akihiko says, after some time. “You have this special power, even more special than any of us, you’re top of your class every exam, and you have this way of getting people to do what you want. And all the time, you’ve got this...bored expression on your face, like you’re not even here.”
Minato’s expression remained unreadable.
“Do you even have any weaknesses?” Akihiko asked, perhaps more forcefully than he intended.
Minato stopped himself from saying well, that depends on which persona I have equipped.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for this to turn out like an interrogation,” Akihiko looked at him apologetically. “I’m not good at all this...heart-to-heart stuff. But, if there’s something bothering you, let me hear it. I won’t judge you.”
Minato’s first instinct has always been to withdraw, to deflect when asked questions like that. He’s been asked them a lot, by school counselors, therapists, teachers, friends who never bothered to keep in touch. He couldn’t stand the way they looked at him with pity in their eyes. The way people would backtrack and apologize any time he mentioned his parents. Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know, they’d say. As if he was supposed to warn them ahead of time.
But, he thinks, this is different. Friendship takes a lot of effort, he’s realizing. Someone once called it a two-way street, and Minato’s well aware he’s been more of a brick wall than a street to most of the team.
So maybe, this time, he’ll take the leap.
“Okay.” Minato says. His voice feels rough in his throat. “I feel like I can’t really connect with people. I hang out with a lot of people, and a lot of people seem to think I’m a really good friend -- but it all feels so...fake. I can’t stand the empty words and everyone praising me for doing the bare minimum. I wish people would make an effort to get to know the real me, but I’m so closed off no one wants to try. And… that’s my fault, I’m aware.”
Minato frowned at the surprised look on Akihiko’s face.
“I guess I shouldn’t have said that.” Minato looked away.
Akihiko quickly backpedaled. “No, no, I just… I don’t know if I’ve ever heard you talk that much before.”
Minato pouted. “This is exactly what I’m talking about. It’s hard for me to talk a lot, and when I do, everyone’s so surprised and they have to comment on it.”
Akihiko tried and failed to keep the corners of his mouth from quirking up.
Minato groaned. “And now you’re going to laugh at me!”
“I’m not laughing, I promise.” Akihiko smiled, and took a moment to consider his words. “I’m just happy you felt comfortable enough to share that with me, you know? Our group has...well, a lot of secrets. Myself included.” He met Minato’s eyes again. “So...if we can break down those barriers a little, well, am I wrong for being happy about that?”
Suddenly self-conscious, Minato withdrew and hugged his legs to his chest. “No. Um. You’re fine. That’s good.”
Akihiko’s lips quirked up again.
“You are laughing at me!” Minato tried his absolute hardest to seem angry.
“No, no no, I promise it’s not that, it’s just...ugh…”
Minato’s eyebrows raised to a truly remarkable height.
“You’re cute, you know.” Akihiko stated, like it was a well-known fact.
Despite everything, Minato’s cheeks heated. Which Akihiko noticed. Fuck.
“Hey, I thought you didn’t like empty praise !” He was actually laughing now. Fuck. Fuck. Minato pulled his collar up over his face and hid in his shirt.
“Hshkdgsdghjh.” Minato mumbled.
Akihiko snorted. “Gonna have to repeat that one, buddy.
Minato paused for such a long time Akihiko wondered if he’d actually offended him.
“I don’t mind it. Um. When it’s you.” Minato spoke again, more clearly this time, then let his shirt collar drop back down to normal.
Akihiko was trying to keep his composure, but Minato noticed a faint dusting of pink on his cheeks. “I don’t get it. What’s so special about me?”
Minato stood up suddenly. “Nothing, I actually hate you. Let’s go back.” He looked back down at Akihiko and frowned.
“Hey! You’re laughing at me again!”
“No, I’m not!” Akihiko tried and failed to say without laughing.
Minato tried not to think about how nice it was to see Akihiko in a good mood, how nice it was to have a little bit of levity despite their situation, even if it was at his expense. “Going back to the dorm now! Come or get left behind!”
“Hey, let’s not leave Koromaru behind!”
“He’ll follow me! He likes me best anyway!”
“Oh, that’s not even a believable lie!”