Work Text:
How come you don't expect me to get mad when I'm angry??
Taeyong was practically seeing red as he wrote the letter, hand unsteady as it tore down the page in a rushed fury and with a mind of its own.
Why can't you understand me. It's like you dont even try . I know what I feel and I know who I am. Why don't you care!!!! Why don't you talk to me! Why don't you understand me WHY WHY WHY. I wish I hated you I wish I didn't love you I wish you cared I wish you didn't leave me I wish I could pretend I was okay WHY DID YOU RUIN ME. I CANT EAT I CANT SLEEP . I FUCKING RUINED MY LIFE AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT. WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST APOLOGIZE. I CANT STOP MYSELF ANYMORE AND I HATE YOU (I don't - fuck you I wish I did FUCK) EVERY DAY I FEEL WEAKER MY FAMILY, FRIENDS , SCHOOL YOU RUINED EVERYTHING.
—
He slammed the pen down on the table and the following silence was deafening. He sat down and tried to catch his breath. If he was going to get his point across he needed to remain sane.
Reaching the little box by his bed he grabbed another and lit up. His relationship with his parents can't get any worse than it already is right? That makes him chuckle — as if his mom hasn't already broken his bed frame looking for his stash.
Running his hand through his hair he flicks the remains into an ashtray and gets back to his letter, if only to stare at it.
Sighing, he gets back to it.
—
I wish you had even checked up on me once. You were the one who said you wanted to stay friends, so why did you stop calling? Well I am so fucking sorry if I made you UNCOMFORTABLE by telling you how I felt that night. The best part about it is how you got with her after — you clearly have a type, dick — and boy do you know how to pick them! And then, you BOTH had the absolute audacity to come to ME for advice about each other? I think that's really what tipped the scales for me. Let me catch you up since you've obviously been so fucking enamored with her. Since Halloween, I've gotten suspended (almost two times! like ticktacktoe), I've ruined my family, I've ruined my friends, and ruined basically any shot I have at a future by killing my lungs and brain cells one day at a time.
Really fucking sucks to find out that my friend of nine years was is also against me, by the way, thank you SO MUCH for that.
So before my departure I just thought you should know all of this.
Worst part is I'm not even mad at you. All i want is for you to tell me I'll be okay and maybe I would believe it. I hate myself.
This feeling rips me open.. how come you don't detest me? I'm nothing to you, why would you even think of me anymore?
You are the worst and best thing that ever happened to me.
Goodbye Dongyoung
—
Skimming the letter and deciding it's good enough, he folds it up and finds proper stationary, never one to be messy, he seals the letter and stares.
And then he gets up.
Grabbing the letter he runs down the stairs, and straight out of the house. He doesn't stop running until he's at his door.
Knocking, he almost regrets it. It takes minutes — maybe hours, he isn't sure— for the door to be opened.
Handing the letter to Doyoung, he does not stay a second longer than necessary.
Turning quick on his heel he walks away without a word.