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as of recent, it was always seonghwa that dragged hongjoong to the outdoor rink. it was also always seonghwa that would skate well into the night as the two of them would watch the sun disappear behind the horizon from the corners of their eyes. it was times like these that hongjoong would stare at his partner, watching him lose himself to the familiar passion that had originally caught his eye when they first met. whenever seonghwa stopped mid-skate to look at him, he would give such a soft smile that it made hongjoong's heart physically ache with adoration.
as it was late at night and the dead of winter, it would snow more often than not. hongjoong would always grumble as seonghwa dragged him out to the rink, the only two bright lights in the rink illuminating the ice just enough that it wasn't considered dangerous to skate there. since hongjoong couldn't skate to save his life, he would just sit on the freezing wall separating ice from concrete, shivering as the wind was not being considerate of his current placement. the elements were truly unforgiving.
watching seonghwa made it all so worth it. many times hongjoong would get so lost in the man he loved that he no longer felt the biting chill of the snow blowing across his face, the burning in his heart was enough to warm his body. then there were the times when seonghwa would glide right past hongjoong, snag the older's arm to pull him between his open legs and kiss him in a way that would have been better saved for the privacy of their shared apartment. but when it was just the two of them, as far as hongjoong was concerned, nothing else mattered. all his worries, his problems, and the stresses of his second part-time job as a recording artist would melt away as soon as seonghwa's lips were on his, going in that achingly domestic way he always kissed him.
sometimes after this happened, seonghwa would call it quits to say something along the lines of "get your ass off this wall now", nearly tearing his arm out of his socket as the oldest would drag them home. but then other times, he would just pull away, lips slightly swollen and maybe a little redder than before, and go back to what he originally was doing. the slight glint in his eyes twinkling when he saw hongjoong's very displeased frown, unsatisfied with the fact that he most definitely wasn't done kissing him.
seonghwa was a tease, and hongjoong never got used to it.
the little portable radio that the younger would hold in his hands that supplied just a little bit of music for the other to skate to was the first gift that seonghwa got hongjoong on their first anniversary. they had been dating for around four years now, both of them content with where they were for the time being. they already lived together so continuing on to the next step of their relationship wouldn't change their daily lives at all so neither of them gave much thought about it. while the idea of potential marriage always sounded so good to hongjoong, he knew that seonghwa was too busy to begin to think of going through that process. dating a professional skater wasn't as easy as they made it seem. seonghwa spent more time at the rink than he did overall with hongjoong in a single month.
while he couldn't blame seonghwa for his dedication to what he loved, he always felt slightly inferior and like a second choice. that was the first problem they had ran into when they first started dating. the younger wasn't able to understand, especially before seonghwa's major competitions, why the older couldn't come home at a decent time. seonghwa had even told him one particularly nasty fight ago that "this is why i never date someone who doesn't skate. they never understand", which had been a very scary night for their relationship and hongjoong wasn't sure they would get past that. but when hongjoong strolled into work and started on his first cup of coffee of the day the next morning, he felt arms wrap around him and a head press into his back.
"I'm sorry," the oldest had said softly. "I didn't mean it. I was angry more at myself for not giving you the attention you deserve."
he had continued on to explain himself, and while hongjoong was still angry at him, one thing that he adored about seonghwa was that even though he was fiery and stubborn at times, he wasn't afraid to apologize and make things right. hongjoong also very conveniently found out that seonghwa had a thing for "making it up to him" in the locker room every time they had a fight, to which they'd go out for coffee and sit on the top hood of their jeep to watch the sunset afterward.
thankfully, as they have matured a little more and grown to completely understand each other, seonghwa being away didn't bother hongjoong anymore. he no longer feared that maybe the older was just avoiding him or was seeing someone else. the fear that seonghwa will leave him for another skater was now the least of his worries. that was the source of their second big fight, where hongjoong finally spoke up about his worry that seonghwa didn't actually love him because he wasn't a skater. it seemed to him that seonghwa got along way better with his partner for skating than he did with hongjoong himself. seonghwa's angry scowl had dropped from his face immediately when the other said that and he decided to show hongjoong just how much he loved him in the way he knew best. from then on, hongjoong never second-guessed the other's love for him.
as hongjoong watched the man he loved skate across the ice in such an entrancing and gorgeous way, a soft and loving smile made its way to his lips. even whenever seonghwa's skate collided with a chunk of ice that was not shaved down, causing him to nearly trip and fall, hongjoong never could suppress the laugh he tried to hold back. that was typical of his clumsy idiot of a boyfriend that he loved too much.
hongjoong shifted around on the barrier, his legs falling asleep from how long he had been seated there already. he loved to reminisce back to when he and seonghwa were younger and had first met. the nostalgia dripping into his mind, he chuckled to himself remembering the embarrassing things he said and did to try and impress the older. as he welcomed the gathering memories, hongjoong's hand slipped into his pocket, wrapping his fingers around a small box he had in there for the whole night.
their story had started on hongjoong's first day working as the receptionist at the ice skating rink. his original job was not paying him enough so he decided to move somewhere where the pay would be better and he could also interact with a bunch of kids. it didn't take him long at all to get himself situated and comfortable. all the customers were, for the most part, super nice. if there was someone who grumbled at him with extra sass that was not called for, it didn't matter. what mattered instead was when he had looked up from the computer to greet a new customer and instead of greeting them with a, "welcome, how may I help you?" the only words that left his mouth were, "welcome- oh shit."
if seonghwa wasn't an ice skater, he probably would've ended up as a model. he was tall and his face was carved in such a gorgeous way that hongjoong just wanted to run his finger along the other's jawline to see if it would really cut him. his hair was an elegant ebony color and the way that he had parted it accented his facial features perfectly. really hongjoong had no chance of even interacting coherently, much less speaking to him.
seonghwa had just furrowed his eyebrows in frustration after hongjoong had said that.
"you're new."
hongjoong just nodded his head up and down vigorously, his eyes wide and very alert like an animal who was just caught.
"i'm just checking in," seonghwa had said, pulling out his badge to show hongjoong.
"it's after hours, the rink is closed," hongjoong replied dumbly, not even sure if he ever closed his mouth.
"to the community it is. i'm a professional skater, i practice here now."
fuck, he was a professional skater too? hongjoong was already whipped in more than one way and he had just met the man. but seonghwa had seemed so cool and unbothered that it gave hongjoong an eerie and shivering feeling as he picked up his bag and marched right down the stairs to where he would practice for the next five hours.
it was safe to say that hongjoong did a lot of research that night, probably watching every performance the gorgeous man did. the way he felt his heart skip a beat every time the man appeared on camera probably should've been illegal.
but it was over the course of the next few weeks that hongjoong began to suspect that seonghwa wasn't single. the man was downright beautiful and there was no doubt in his mind that someone had already snatched him up for themselves. around that time, choi san was another professional skater, who was always around seonghwa and they'd spent most of their nights together down in the rink, leaving and entering at the same time.
it definitely hurt hongjoong's heart over time; he knew deep down that seonghwa probably preferred skaters and last time he checked, hongjoong definitely could not skate. it pained him every time he saw san jump or hang onto seonghwa's arm. the way that san looked at seonghwa with so many twinkling stars in his eyes was the way that hongjoong wished he could look at the older, standing right next to him on the ice.
but hongjoong was a respectable man. no matter how much he wanted to be the one seonghwa would come home to, he wouldn't impose on someone else's relationship and he wasn't about to become a homewrecker. but what chance did he have? he and seonghwa never really had any conversations other than when the older would check-in and then wave goodbye when he left the rink. he didn't even know seonghwa; he didn't know what the older was like at all, had no idea if he was polite or how he treated his friends or anything of that matter. so for the next month, hongjoong did everything in his power to forget about seonghwa.
in fact, he did an amazing job at it too. it got to the point where when the other would come up to him, hongjoong's heart wouldn't race out of his chest and he wouldn't forget to breathe. he was indifferent. but just as quickly did he miss the way that seonghwa started to stare at him a little longer than he used to, and he most definitely missed the side glances the oldest shot him when he turned to walk away.
hongjoong then suddenly remembered the catalyst to their relationship. if anyone asked him where it all started, he would say the day that seonghwa first went to the olympics. hongjoong didn't really like to think of that day much because it had probably been the hardest day for the older to overcome and get past. the younger had tagged along because everyone that worked at the rink did- they all wanted to support seonghwa in his first olypmic competition. hongjoong even remembered sitting next to san who was just buzzing with excitement and kept chanting how seonghwa was the best skater in the entire world. and who was hongjoong to disagree with that?
however, in an unfortunate turn of events, his performance did not go as planned. hongjoong hated to see how it all went down and he tried his best to forget the look on seonghwa's face as he failed time and time again to land his jumps. hongjoong always applauded seonghwa for the calm and mature front that he had, but that day seonghwa wasn't able to keep it together and it was truly hard to watch him fall apart. later that night, the three of them had gone back to the rink because seonghwa had made it clear that he was not leaving until he performed it perfectly.
both san and hongjoong stayed to make sure he didn't hurt himself. they could tell that seonghwa's sanity was hanging on by a single thread and one wrong move would snap it instantly. it hurt them to watch him try time and time again to land all the ridiculously hard jumps he had but kept failing to execute them. when seonghwa finally broke down and crumpled to the ice crying, san had got up to leave, saying he couldn't watch it anymore.
hongjoong remembered feeling angry at san because his boyfriend needed him now more than ever and he was just going to leave him there? yes, he understood how hard it was to watch seonghwa break apart like that but part of being someone's partner, someone's soulmate, was to be there when they hit rock bottom. san was supposed to be holding seonghwa right now and help him calm down, but the youngest had already left the rink with drooping shoulders.
although hongjoong hated to think of those earlier events, the moment he finally couldn't stand the distance between the two of them anymore and marched right out onto the ice rink was something he'd cherish forever. he slipped around on the ice as he tried to make his way to the older who had collapsed, finally surrendering to the fatigue and frustrations of it all. hongjoong didn't even think before he squatted down and drew the shaking man into his arms and pressed his head into his neck. he half expected seonghwa to push him away and start yelling at him, but he didn't. he just cried in hongjoong's arms for at least an hour straight, spilling his inner bitterness with salty tears.
when he had finally pulled away, his eyes were insanely puffy and his nose was rubbed raw. the way seonghwa's chin wobbled uneasily and his eyes would fill with tears all over again in frustration when hongjoong leaning forward to wipe away the stray tears with both of his thumbs, cupping his cheeks in his hands. it was the way that seonghwa looked at him at that moment; big, watery eyes and lips that were pouting as he tried his best to stop crying... that hongjoong swore his heart stopped. the river of feelings he held for seongwha in the cracked wall of suppression now burst back into his heart.
that night they had stayed there, sitting on the freezing ice. hongjoong listened to seonghwa rant about everything that he needed to, the older still wrapped in the youth's arms, his cheek pressed against his chest as he let out all his anger and frustrations with the world he lived in.
"its so hard... so hard," seonghwa kept repeating, voice small and frail. "i tried so hard and in the end i just couldn't move."
hongjoong never opened his mouth. he just let the other keep pouring his frustrations. he couldn't really offer advice, not even beginning to comprehend what seonghwa was going through.
"i worked so hard... and i- i'm just not good enough." hongjoong so desperately wanted to interrupt and explain how young seonghwa was, that he was performing at the highest level one ever could. he also wanted to tell seonghwa that he thought he was the best skater there ever was; in hongjoong's eyes, seonghwa was the best there ever was. but he kept his mouth closed and just ran his fingers through the other's soft hair in an effort to soothe him.
they stayed like that for a few more hours, until seonghwa begged hongjoong to just talk. he wanted the younger to tell him anything to help distract him from the embarrassment and shame he was feeling. so hongjoong indulged him in his life stories. he started talking about his other job as a recording artist, how that was his true passion, and how he could go on and on for days talking about the fine little details and the process of writing songs. hongjoong missed the way seonghwa had smiled at him as he continued to get animated with love, hands gesturing when he spoke.
"never met someone who loved something as much as i do," the oldest had giggled once hongjoong had finished talking.
"it's my passion. without it, i'm no one," was all he replied with and finally he caught the little smile that made seonghwa look like an angel.
by the time the sun came up, they were still on the ice. they had just been chatting about the most random things that came to mind. it was there that hongjoong learned that san was not seonghwa's boyfriend, more of a best friend, someone who seonghwa helped teach and held very dear to him. if hongjoong said that his heart didn't stop and the idea that he still had a chance didn't ring through his entire body in that moment... well, he would've been lying.
over the next few weeks, hongjoong started seeing seonghwa as a real person rather than some ethereal being on ice. he started to see the little details behind seonghwa that made him who he was. they were talking even more now, much to hongjoong's delight. gentle shoves to the arm and a loving smack to the back of the head as a form of greeting seemed to be seonghwa's love language, as hongjoong would come to learn.
hongjoong met mingi for the first time after knowing seonghwa for a year. a gentle (though extremely tall) man, he seemed like a welcome addition to the circle of professional skaters. hongjoong decided to bring jongho to the rink one day to meet seonghwa and mingi. they all hit it off extremely well, to hongjoong's pleasure.
every time they got together now, mingi or jongho would remind hongjoong how they just knew that he and seonghwa would end up together before hongjoong even realized that the oldest might have some sort of feelings back for him.
"the way you looked at him and how he looked back at you... hyung, there was no way it was platonic."
"you look at him like he's your entire universe and his eyes sparkle like millions of stars when he looks back. It's rather disgusting," jongho would comment rudely, but he would smile softly and form finger hearts with his hands.
the two of them would go out for coffee all the time, neither of them brave enough to call them dates, but hongjoong would always secretly call them by that name when he got back home. he would always screech and roll around on his bed when he remembered the way seonghwa would graze his hand on hongjoong's when they were walking down the street.
one particular night, when the both of them were sitting on top of hongjoong's jeep to look at the stars, the younger asked. "hyung, would you ever date someone who didn't skate?"
he hadn't realized it then but that question was definitely way too similar to his own conflicting situation. he remembered the way seonghwa turned to him, the soft glow of the moonlight accentuating his features beautifully and making hongjoong forget the ability to listen as he began to speak.
"i used to think that i would never even consider dating someone who didn't skate. the reason being that it would be so hard for them to understand why i would never really see them or why i would be at the rink instead of going on dates with them." hongjoong could hear his heart beating so loudly in his chest, almost wondering if seonghwa could hear it as well. "i also used to think that any outsider would just see me for my fame and accomplishments... and not for who i really am."
and it made sense to hongjoong, it really did. the life of a professional dedicated to their art had to be extremely hard. not only with the amount of time they have to put into their craft but they also have to deal with fake love. seonghwa was just protecting his very delicate heart, and hongjoong knew that.
"but..." seonghwa turned his face away for a moment. "i've been rethinking."
perhaps hongjoong let out a sound from the back of his throat in surprise, but if seonghwa heard it, he didn't comment on it as he turned back to hongjoong. he licked over his lips and hongjoong realized that seonghwa was nervous, continuing the habits by scratching the back of his neck and chuckling awkwardly before continuing.
"i found someone who doesn't view me as the rest of the world does. in fact, he knows me in ways no one else does and he has helped me in ways no one else has either..." seonghwa turned back to look straight at hongjoong, searching around to find his hand before he squeezed it gently. there was a soft blush on his cheeks and once again hongjoong just couldn't breathe or tear his eyes off of the other, feeling his cheeks flush in heat as well.
"and if he'd have me, i'd like to try and spend my life with him," seonghwa had softened his voice very slowly. he clearly was insecure about his words and was unsure if hongjoong was on the same page as he was. his posture was nearly defensive like he was ready to run away if hongjoong expressed any sort of disgust towards him. but he pushed his feelings towards the younger, forcing the words to come out of his mouth and take what could be the last chance he would ever get to take again. "hongjoong, would you be my--"
and before seonghwa could even finish, hongjoong had shot up, held him tightly, and nearly screamed, "yes!".
through reliving those moments in the present, hongjoong couldn't help the giant smile that graced his mouth as he remembered all their firsts together. their first kiss finally being after seonghwa took a first-place win at the next competition he was in. seonghwa was racing to find hongjoong in the stands after the award ceremony was over and once he did, he made a beeline for the younger and tackled him to the ground out of pure joy. the other laughed gently and seonghwa bent down to rub his nose against hongjoong's in a loving manner.
"you did so well, i'm so proud of you," hongjoong had declared with a giant smile. but seonghwa didn't even respond back before he leaned down and pressed his soft lips against hongjoong's. even four years later, the memory still makes butterflies erupt in hongjoong's stomach, rendering him to wiggle around in delight.
other firsts included the first time their whole friend group went out together and claimed the one table in the corner as their designated table at their favorite restaurant. the first time they spent valentine's day together and hongjoong couldn't remember if seonghwa liked milk, dark, or caramel chocolate best so he just bought all of them. he also remembered the first time san confronted hongjoong and threatened him with, "if you break his heart, i'll break you in more ways than one." hongjoong was terrified of san for a while after that, but they slowly grew to enjoy each other's company.
hongjoong remembered other firsts that always persisted to leave a deep blush on his cheeks. he would always shake his head to rid himself of those thoughts but it would never ever work. the memories of being intimate with seonghwa were some of the strongest ones he had. the pure desire and love each one possessed for each other; the tender yet fierce passion embedded in their bodies-- no matter how much he cursed himself, hongjoong could never forget nor did he ever want to.
focusing his mind on seonghwa's skating once again, it had been exactly four years to the date since seonghwa asked him to be his boyfriend. perhaps hongjoong was feeling extra sappy tonight... perhaps he felt some tears gather in the corner of his eyes because he felt so blessed to have met seonghwa in this life. and just maybe, as hongjoong clutched the small box in his fingers and hopped off the wall to make his way over to seonghwa, he let himself think.
before, they had just entertained the idea of the next step but had been too busy with life, in general, to really even begin to think about it. but now as they both were a lot older, seonghwa wasn't attending as many competitions as he used to, getting closer and closer to his retirement, and he also wasn't constantly helping san practice because the younger had found his own fiery skater that had taken up all his time now. it took forever, but now they had more time to themselves, things were peacefully slower as they really started to think about settling down.
so as hongjoong approached seonghwa, who had his back turned to him as he looked at something that entertained him in the distance, he felt his heart ramp up the speed. with each step, the blood in his ears roared louder and louder until he stopped right behind his partner. for a split second, he thought that maybe this wasn't a good idea, that he should wait for a moment when he was absolutely sure this was the right move.
but as he continued to look at seonghwa's beautiful back, the pure love and admiration he had for the other were overflowing to the point where he couldn't bear to skip this opportunity. and as he slowly lowered to one knee behind him, the ups and downs of their entire relationship flashed before his eyes. from their fights and swearing at each other, to the loving and tooth-rotting sweet memories that made his toes curl thinking about it-- he thought of it all. and if hongjoong wasn't convinced already, it was the way the lights that cast their light down onto the ice fizzled out, leaving them in almost pitch blackness. the soft glow of the moonlight that reminded hongjoong of the night exactly four years ago now taking center stage.
seonghwa's shoulders piqued in surprise and he began to call out for hongjoong a few times before turning around, now jumping once more when he saw the younger so close to him. and when everything froze in time for them, hongjoong knew that the both of them were ready to start a new chapter of their life together. the way seonghwa froze for a moment before bringing a single hand to cover his mouth, the moonlight enriching his features was so perfect that hongjoong wish he could've captured this moment on camera. but he knew that this memory would be engraved into his brain forever, as all moments like these were. but none would ever compare to the true love hongjoong had for seonghwa in this instance.
seonghwa started to cry softly, his eyes watering thickly and his chin wobbling in the way that hongjoong always adored as he stared down at him lovingly. the small box opened in the palm of his hand with a ring that caught the moonlight just perfectly, a soft glistening of the diamond.
seonghwa fell to his knees, no regard for how hard he landed on the ice at all, as he wrapped his arms around hongjoong's neck, stuffing his cold face into his warm neck. he sobbed for a moment, so overwhelmed with pure emotion that neither of them could even fathom speaking. but they held each other in their arms and that was all they needed to say for now.
"there's a few things i've wanted to say to you for a while," hongjoong started, finally finding his voice as he pulled away from seonghwa and held his face in the palms of his hands. "i know that we already act like we're married and that our lives won't change much. park seonghwa, i know that our destiny is already written in the stars and that this step may not be necessary in your eyes...
he tried his best to push forward, but the lump in the back of his throat was seriously starting to burn and so he just wiped away seonghwa's hot tears with his thumbs until he was able to get ahold of himself.
"but i want you to be mine in every way. i want to give myself to you in a way that only i can. in this life and every life afterward, i want to be the one that holds you when you're crying at night. i want to be the one to hold you when you get scared during those stupid movies that aren't even scary. i want to be the one that takes care of you in every way, shape, and form. i want to be the one that comforts you when you need it. i want to be your person. we may come from completely different lives and i may never ever learn to skate properly, but i can promise to always see the real you and love you for who you really are."
and if seonghwa wasn't sobbing before, he was now. he didn't care if hongjoong could skate or not, not anymore. in fact, he found it more attractive now that the other didn't know how to. as hongjoong kept wiping away seonghwa's tears, he tried his best to look at the blurry image of the other.
hongjoong pressed his forehead against the other's as he whispered so softly, "so as someone very important once said to me... park seonghwa. if you'd have me, i'd like to spend the rest of my life with you."
and just as destiny would have it, hongjoong started crying too when seonghwa said yes.