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(2:04 AM) Haseul: anyone awake?
(2:04 AM) Haseul: sorry to bother this gc in the wee hours, but.
(2:05 AM) Haseul: i did it. i finally broke up with jungeun. :)
(2:07 AM) Jinsoul: ?????????
(2:07 AM)) Jinsoul: HUH
(2:08 AM) Sooyoung: hm?
(2:08 AM) Jinsoul: WAIT THAT’S SO RANDOM
(2:08 AM) Jinsoul: I THOUGHT THE BOTH OF YOU ARE DOING OKAY
Funny. That’s what Haseul thought too.
(2:09 AM) Sooyoung: HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!
-
Like any other relationship, Haseul and Jungeun’s relationship sailed smoothly. Like any other relationship, if not taken care of properly, sink to the bottom of the ocean. Haseul cannot sail a ship alone. She needed Jungeun. Now Haseul is floating in the sea looking for Jungeun, but she later realized that she was alone, Jungeun was long gone back to the shore.
In those months where Haseul finds herself waiting for Jungeun — let it be her replies, calls, or surprise visits by each other — she also finds herself shattered to pieces. In denial, she started doing other things to distract herself from the fact that her girlfriend is drifting away.
But there are days where Jungeun would crash in her place uninvited, and suddenly she's okay again.
As Haseul hops from one hobby to another, distracting herself once again, yes, she finds peace within herself. Even when Jinsoul and Sooyoung ask her out even just for a (spontaneous) road trip, at one point she realized she’s not telling Jungeun anything about it anymore. Trying to get a response from someone who doesn’t care is pointless, she thought. Is it her pettiness that’s talking? Who knows. She just knows she’s swimming away from the sunken ship, too. Finally.
“Just, inconsistency is not very nice, you know?” Haseul said as she puts the baking tray into the oven. Gaining nods of reassurance from Jinsoul and Sooyoung across the table who are scooping dough to the silicone mat for the next batch of cookies as it does not fit into Haseul’s mini oven. It’s just a hobby, no need for a big one, she said.
“She only does the bare minimum? What the hell?” said an annoyed yet shocked Sooyoung who started tidying up the counter.
Jinsoul, on the other hand, starts washing the used utensils. “I never knew that, Seul. I never got to talk to her.”
“I never even met her!” complained Sooyoung before sitting on the chair near the counter.
Trust Haseul, she tried. Every time she opens the topic of her friends wanting to meet Jungeun, she just seemed to be so unresponsive about it. It just happened that Haseul saw Vivi and Jinsoul together one weekend Jungeun and her were out for a date. But other than that, she never tried anymore, not wanting to burden Jungeun. Thinking about it, dang, she was too kind.
“Remember she had to go overseas last December to celebrate Christmas and New Year with her extended family?”
“Did she?”
“Right, Soo, my bad. But yes she did.” a morose look can be seen on Haseul’s face as she remembers the time she WAITED for Jungeun to reply to her Christmas message, but to no luck, there was none.
“That’s okay, Haseul. You didn’t deserve that. At least you’re free now, and look at you! You rearranged your apartment and even learned how to bake. Heh.” Jinsoul nudged Haseul while drying her hand, then dragging the younger to sit with them around the counter.
“Really. Haseul. Look at you now, this might have been a result of heartbreak but it worked well for you!”
They’re right, it could be the way she was silently preparing for the heartbreak but it felt amazing seeing the end results of it all; a better Haseul.
Ding! Haseul watches Sooyoung carefully take out the tray from the oven the moment it was done before putting in the next batch they prepared earlier.
Summer turns to spring, then you watch the first snow with the people you love, then raking the falling leaves in autumn. Seasons roll by and she was there. Stuck. Miserable. It was only a matter of time that Haseul realizes she’s not in the place she’s supposed to be.
She deserves better, and so she did, for herself.