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𝑰 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆
"Winwinnieee"
Winwin now watched how Yuta looked at Mark. It was the same look he had seen when he was with him. That same look when he did bare minimum.
𝑰 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒂𝒓
𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒉𝒊𝒎, 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒅
𝑰 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒇𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒆𝒆𝒑𝒆𝒓 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒅
That smile, that beautiful healing smile. He used to smile like that with me. Where did I go wrong? Was it because of the separation?
A cough broke loudly the silent practice room and Winwin stood up to drink his water while chewing back the purple hyacinth that was threatening to escape his mouth.
When his coughing ceased. He was approached by Kun.
"Are you okay??" He asked worried. Catching twenty two no wait just 18 worried eyes.
"I'm fine, gege. Just a cough."
Winwin didn't mean to love Yuta like this. This deep. And now, on the very practice room where his love for the Japanese bloomed was where also he crumbled.
𝑰 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒕, 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝑰 𝒈𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏'𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒎𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒐𝒏 𝒅𝒊𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒋𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒕 𝑰 𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒘𝒆𝒂𝒓
Ah that shirt, that was Winwin's gift for his birthday.
"Mark? You're shaking. Are you cold?" Yuta said and took off his--Winwin's favorite-- jacket.
"Thank you oppa!" Mark smiled.
"You're welcome" Yuta smiled back.
Winwin might not act like it at all. When he was gonna debut with WayV he was happy. But the thought of being separated to Yuta made it more sadder. And right now, he watched the two of them. With his hand on his chest, clutching his weak poor heart as the petals tried to force their way out of his throat again.
𝑰 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒔𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈, 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒓
𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝑰 𝒘𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆
With Mark being his boyfriend, Winwin remembers how Yuta fell out of love. And just by the thought of it. Winwin ran his way towards the bathroom. His hand covering his mouth. When he went inside, he threw up a bunch of purple hyacinth, red roses, a lavender rose petals.
He knew exactly what those petals mean:
𝘈 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘩𝘺𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘺𝘮𝘣𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘻𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘵.
𝘈 𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘳𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘺𝘮𝘣𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘻𝘦𝘴 𝘥𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦.
𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘭𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘳𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘺𝘮𝘣𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘻𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦.
He smiled weakly, as he faced the mirror shifting his eyes in between the petals and the mirror.
"I still love you, hyung. No matter how many times you hurt me" he said with tears welling up in his eyes.
𝑰 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒖𝒕𝒆, 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒅
𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒎𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕
When he went back to the practice room. He saw how much love Yuta's eyes held upon looking at Mark.
There had been many times that the two relentlessly flirted in front of everyone. Especially during the last episode of Sun and Moon.
"Oh no, Yuta what about Winwin? Did you forget him?" Taeil said.
Winwin knew better, so he just shut his ears down. Because he knew what the answer was. But he hadn't expected what the Japanese would say.
"No, of course not. I didn't forget him. Its just that he became manly and for me to cling to him. It feels a bit awkward. Though, I still love him. I think that never disappeared." The japanese said.
Winwin was happy, but that moment was cut short when he heard Haechan said
"So what Yuta hyung feels for Winwin hyung is somewhat a cute love. But with Mark it is true love"
Everyone laughed but Winwin. It was like a sting in the heart.
𝑨𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂 𝒎𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕
'𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒆, 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒉𝒐𝒘
Winwin actually knew that. And fought back the tears that's beginning to cloud his vision while trying to stop the urge of throwing up again.
He'll be okay. That's what he believes in. Winter, Summer, Fall, Spring. In those full seasons. He believed that he would be okay.
𝑰 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 '𝒕𝒊𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒅
𝑴𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒚 𝒅𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒓
Winwin was glad that when they broke up it was raining. He couldn't see his tears and that was perfect. Because he didn't want Yuta hurt.
𝑵𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒌𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒐𝒇 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑰'𝒗𝒆 𝒈𝒐𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘
𝑻𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝑰 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒐
𝑾𝒉𝒚 𝒅𝒊𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐?
"Why did you go?"
The day keeps busier and YuMark keeps on prospering. And instead of 3 flowers. Winwin now, threw up various flower patch with thorns in them. And, there was only one person that he knew already knows.
"Gege, you know we can't hide it forever" Renjun said as he saw Winwin staring at Yuta.
"Why can't you consider surgery?" Renjun tried again.
Winwin shakes his head.
"No, I won't this feeling is my only resolve of loving hyung. Even if I die. I won't lose what I feel for him" he said.
𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒖𝒔 𝒈𝒐 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈
𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒔, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝑰'𝒎 𝒔𝒂𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈
"WINWIN!!!!" Yuta said.
"My love, Winwin"
"Winwin said on October 31 its not Halloween. Its Hallowman so, its Hallowman!"
I wanna love you. Even if its from here.
𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰'𝒎 𝒖𝒏𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒆
𝑰 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒆 𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒌𝒆 𝒔𝒐 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒇𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒍𝒚
"Oppa, you gotta eat. Oppa eat with me. Oppa sit with me"
Lunch was never an option for Winwin. With flowers clouding up his lungs. He couldn't eat.
Few days, fell when he noticed that Yuta is now beside him
and he wasn't talking to Mark.
"Hyung? Are you okay?" He carefully asked the Japanese.
With that word, Yuta immediately hugged Winwin.
"H-he wont talk to me Winwin. He said we need space." He said.
Ah.. but that's what you told me as well.
"Did he tell you why?" He asked.
"No, no he didn't" the japanese replied.
"Hyung, give it a week and maybe, he'll talk to you" he smiled.
"You're right Win" he smiled.
"How are you?" He asked.
"Good hyung"
"Thank godness, everyday when we come here, you're so pale. Are you sick?" The Japanese asked.
𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗽.
𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁, 𝗵𝘆𝘂𝗻𝗴.
𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴.
𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗲.
When he was about to talk, he was distracted by a slight itch that was about to come out of his mouth. And right in front of Yuta, he coughed loudly attracting everyone.
"Winwin are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. I just have to go to the bathroom" he stood up suddenly but felt dizzy and fell so he curled up into a ball coughing.
𝑻𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒎𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏
𝑻𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕
𝗡𝗼, 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗻𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗺𝘆 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁.
𝗜'𝗺 𝗿𝘂𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲.
𝗜'𝗺 𝗿𝘂𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲.
𝗜'𝗺 𝗮 𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗯𝗼𝗺𝗯.
𝑻𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒅 𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒚 𝒅𝒂𝒚𝒔
𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆 𝒐𝒌𝒂𝒚
𝗡𝗼, 𝗜'𝗺 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗼𝗸𝗮𝘆.
𝗛𝘆𝘂𝗻𝗴,
𝗵𝘆𝘂𝗻𝗴
𝗬𝘂𝘁𝗮 𝗵𝘆𝘂𝗻𝗴
𝗛𝗲𝗹𝗽 𝗺𝗲
𝗦𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗲
𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗹𝗲𝘁 𝗺𝗲 𝗱𝗶𝗲
He coughed for the last time and had to throw up a whole purple hyacinth flower before he passed out in Yuta's arms.
When he woke up, he immediately took hold of how everything was white. He also took note of how he can't feel his arms. His vision was blurry but once he managed to adjust to it. He saw his hands being tangled by Chenle and Renjun. He made a noise of grunts. Which effectively had the youngers remove their hands.
"How long?" Kun..wait no..its Taeyong who asked that.
"2 years" he chuckled bitterly.
"Who?" Now it was Kun.
Instead of answering, he looked down. He can't but Renjun beat him to it. Renjun knew he can't hate him. So, instead he let his gaze wonder and hit Yuta. With, Taeyong, Kun and Winwin's eyes along his.
Yuta noticed they were staring while talking to Mark again.
"Is there anything wro--"
"My goodness, Dong Sicheng!" Dr. Kim said.
"Didn't I told you to be careful. And also, why not get surgery" he continued.
"You think he will consider it" Renjun stated.
"No I won't"
"WHY NOT?!?!" Yuta screamed.
"Because when he does. It means he's lost his love...."
"Who?"
"You"
As if a bomb dropped. The rest of the members looked at Renjun, Yuta and Winwin.
"And you know what hyung, he'd rather die than take his surgery"
"Renjun..."
A cough. A hard cough landed on Winwin's throat. Allowing him to pull out a red bloodied rose out of his throat.
"Hanahaki, a one sided love that has to be returned in time with the patient's love." Renjun said, while giving the rose to Yuta.
"And you know, hyung. The second you broke up, he still held on to you" Renjun's word weighted upon Yuta and he cried.
𝑰 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒖𝒕𝒆, 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒅
𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒊𝒇 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂 𝒎𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕
𝑨𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆
𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒆, 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒏𝒐𝒘
"Its okay hyung. It wasn't your fault. It was mine. I held on to you"
"No, I'm sorry Winwin."
"Hyung, love Mark, more than me okay?"
"Winwin.."
"Hyung, I wont last long."
"I'm not for you. You're not for me"
"Please Winwin"
A cough broke out of Winwin. He coughed hard and his face was pale.
"Winwin, you need to sleep"
Winwin fell asleep. Yuta was conflicted.
"It wont work even if you love him as a friend. But I'm guessing it wont work on you now." Renjun said.
Winwin, who fell asleep woke up with his hands on his throat. Alerting every members. The 95 liners minus Yuta ran to get the doctor. The 96 liners was busy consoling Winwin along with Jaehyun and Jungwoo. The 99, 00 minus Renjun, 01 liners with Jisung was close to crying and Renjun with Yuta.
Everyone was brought out of the room. Winwin continued coughing with the thorns creeping to his body forcing the flowers to come out of Winwin's body. Circle of colors was flooding Winwin's vision along with teary soaked eyes.
𝑰𝒏 𝒂 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒍𝒅 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒇𝒖𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒇 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝑰 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒐𝒓
𝑰𝒏 𝒂 𝒃𝒊𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 '𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒆 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓
𝑨𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆
After a long 4 hours, Winwin had throw up a full bloomed lavender and red rose and a purple hyacinth. The perfect flower to convey his feelings for Yuta.
𝑷𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒊𝒔 𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒈𝒐
When all that happened, Winwin slowly closed his eyes. He can let go. He can finally love Yuta freely.
𝑷𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒈𝒐
Winwin was able to smile happily and let go forever.
After Winwin's funeral, the members were quiet. They couldn't believe it.
They continued to live life without Winwin until a few days later Mark decided to talk to Yuta.
"Hyung, I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore. I can't hurt Haechan" He started.
"....and I dont want him to go through what Winwin hyung did"
"Oh...its okay I understand"
"Do whatever makes you happy, Mark" he hugged the younger.
Once they were again on the practice room. He immediately took notice how the two were holding hands.
"Hey guys, Haechannie and I are dating" Mark said.
Everyone's eyes darted on Yuta. The first one to recover was Taeyong.
"Congratulations"
While everyone was congratulating them.
Yuta coughs smoothly and suddenly threw up a beautiful blue rose petal.
"Ah, so this was what you felt huh? Winwin"
"I wonder how you survived when I barely even here wanting to die already"
Yes, Yuta had Hanahaki Disease.