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“Oy Yamamoto, hurry up! It’ll take hours to reach Miyagi. Let’s not keep our crow friends waiting.”, Kuroo said, honking the car horn. Yamamoto put the last bag at the back of the van they rented, closed the back door, and hurried inside. He seated himself beside Fukunaga and Inuoka in the front row, while Kenma, Yaku, and Lev sat in the back row of the van. Kai sat beside their driver, Kuroo. Once everyone was secure and ready, Kuroo started to drive.
College had separated the team and though Lev was in the same college as Yaku, it had been quite a while since he was this close to him. Recently, Yaku hung out less with Lev and the other Nekoma members who went to the same college. This time, being so close to Yaku again made Lev feel like home once more.
Back in high school, when he realized he had feelings for Yaku, it took him days to get used to acting normal, as if nothing had happened. He didn’t want things to change between them, so Lev never confessed his feelings and made sure that Yaku would not find out. Now that he’s seated beside him, all he could do was quietly smile about it and keep his feelings inside.
During the drive, the team caught up with each other’s lives. They all talked about how they were suffering yet at the same time enjoying their college lives, and the freedom it gave them compared to high school. Some talked about their part time jobs and their supervisors who were hard to deal with. The seniors stepped up and gave advice on surviving college, and other such trivialities.
Two hours into the drive, Kuroo started to feel bored at the seemingly endless drive. At the nearest gasoline stop, he declared a change in drivers. This time, Kuroo decided it was Lev’s turn to drive the van.
“Aw, why me?” Lev whined. He was capable of it, but he just didn’t want to drive for hours.
“Because juniors are supposed to follow their seniors, that’s why.” Kuroo gave his signature cunning smile and patted him at the back. Lev had no choice but to follow. Surprisingly, and fortunately for the team, Lev was a steady and skilled driver.
After rounds of storytelling, jokes, and hearty laughs, the group finally felt tired and went to sleep. Kenma leaned his head on Kuroo’s right shoulder, Yamamoto leaned on the other, with his mouth agape. At the back row, Kai peacefully slept with his arms crossed, Inouka leaning on his shoulder. Fukunaga slept hugging a pillow, his head against the window.
Yaku rode shotgun this time, accompanying Lev in staying awake. This of course made Lev delighted and grateful, as it was another chance to be close to him. They drove in silence, save for the radio softly playing in the background, volume quite low. It was playing some old 80’s ballad that neither of them knew.
The road was empty, and the atmosphere felt peaceful. Lev liked this moment of serenity. It felt like the world just belonged to him and the man he loves. Yaku had his window down, and the cold air ruffled his hair. He held his hand out the window, feeling the wind through his fingers.
“Lev,” Yaku finally broke the silence. Lev loved it when Yaku called his name. The way it rolled off his tongue was incomparable to others. It made Lev’s heart flutter.
“Remember the girl from the other class that confessed to me a few months ago?”, Yaku continued. Lev was caught off guard by the sudden question, especially since it involved someone Lev wanted to forget about. He decided to play it off.
“Of course, how could I forget when you were so ecstatic back then and kept talking about how a short haired girl finally liked you back.” Lev teased. As he looked over to Yaku however, he saw that his senior had a half serious expression on his face. “Well, I haven't told anyone yet, but we started going out.” he said, eyes still out the window, but Lev could tell from the side of his face that he was smiling. Lev had to take a moment to process this information.
Oh. Lev realized. So that’s why he’s been going home earlier these days.
Lev felt a bittersweet ache in his chest. That’s why he’s been happier than usual recently. Because of her.
The tightness in his chest became more apparent.
On one hand, he’s glad that the man he loves had a new source of happiness. But at the same time, he wished so badly for it to be himself. Lev felt the pain creeping in his chest spread throughout his body.
“I really, really like her.”
It was almost a whisper, yet Lev caught every single syllable. It was the final blow. Each word was a stab to his heart, yet all he could do was face Yaku and force a grin.
“She’s a very lucky girl then.” Lev said, through a pained smile. He sincerely meant it, though it hurt so much for him to say it. Yaku just smiled at the statement, the type of smile he rarely showed. A genuine, content, and grateful smile. It was as if he had been waiting for Lev’s approval, or so Lev just thought.
Silence befell on them once more. The 80’s ballad on the radio played on. The others at the back of the van continued to be in deep slumber, unaware.
Lev focused his eyes on the white lines on the road ahead of him. Within himself, he ached.
---
They soon reached Miyagi and were welcomed with excited shouts from Hinata and Nishinoya. After exchanging pleasantries and small talks were out of the way, they had their reunion party. Both teams were overjoyed to finally see each other after so long.
Among the bustle of the small crowd, Lev still thought about Yaku’s revelation. Because of this, he felt lightheaded, so he excused himself and went outside for some air.
Lev laid down on the grass with hands behind his head, looking up at the orange sky painted with tinges of purple. He thought about what Yaku had said earlier. Once again, the pain returned. Tears rolled down his cheeks. All Lev wanted to do was scream and cry his feelings out. However, he heard someone approaching where he lay. He quickly rubbed his eyes with his sleeves, hiding his pain.
Yaku laid down beside Lev. “Ah, the sky looks so beautiful right now.” Yaku said in awe. Lev agreed. They shared a moment of peaceful silence once again.
“Yaku,” Lev said, looking over to him.
Yaku had his eyes closed, feeling the gentle breeze around them. “Mmm?”
“Why haven’t you told the rest of the team about your girlfriend? Why just to me?” Lev asked. It had been one of his concerns ever since Yaku opened up during the drive. There was that silence once more.
Yaku then opened his eyes. “Because you’re my best friend.” he said, not taking his eyes off the vast sky.
Somehow, this pained Lev more than he expected. He was of course delighted that Yaku considered him his best friend, but that means it’s all he’ll ever be-- a friend. It didn’t seem like it could go past that anymore.
Lev breathed out. He remembered that he didn’t even want to confess to Yaku in the first place. Yet a part of him yearns to lovingly comb his hands through his brown hair, to kiss his eyelids as he lay gently asleep; to laugh with him through the good times, and to be able to be his support through the bad. He longed to be Yaku’s home, as Yaku was like to Lev all this time.
He breathed in, and breathed out a heavy sigh of defeat and of acceptance. They stayed in this serene moment together for a few more minutes.
“Let’s go back to the party, shall we?” Lev offered, with a bit too much pep for his own liking. Yaku gave him a huge smile. “Yeah. Let’s go.”
Lev got up and patted away the grass that clung to his back. He offered a hand to Yaku to help him up. Lev savored the small amount of time that their hands met. Truly, Yaku felt like home. Yaku released his hold on Lev to pat away the grass on his back, causing Lev to snap back to reality. He looked over to where they had just laid. Seeing Yaku’s small outline next to his made him chuckle to himself and a warmth spread throughout his body. I truly want what I can’t have, huh? Lev thought to himself.
“Oy, are you coming or not?” Yaku kicked Lev’s leg playfully. “Right, right”, Lev smiled.
The orange finally faded from the skies, the purples and blues taking over. The stars started to show themselves as the pair walked back inside the building, back to the cheers of the reunion.