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Mingyu was never the one to believe everyone can have everything.

No matter what, there will always be that one, key aspect that life could never give you right there and then. Mingyu believed that it was an important piece of the puzzle one needs to find, or to make a makeshift placeholder to somehow make it seem like the picture was perfect.

For some, it was a successful career. The road to climbing the corporate ladder was already tough as it was, but the fact that not everyone can have access to the tools and knowledge needed to get that journey started was more than harsh. Some people were resigned to live a life barely making ends meet just as long as they can survive. Under the harsh system of capitalism, only a few could play in the game and emerge victorious. The rest were left to suffer under the cruel hands of fate.

Others were deprived of a happy family. Some children were born into dysfunctional families that messed up their perspective on life as they grew up. There were children given away by their biological parents upon birth for a number of reasons. Others just simply weren’t happy with the relationship they have with their families. To look at it from a psychological perspective, childhood shapes a large chunk of our personality, cognition, and overall behavior. A ruined childhood does produce a lot of unwanted behavior.

But Mingyu knew what that one thing was, which was the missing piece in his life.

It was love.

Mingyu knew of love, of course. He was blessed to be born in a family that provided it unconditionally. He grew up fed, clothed, bathed, and taken care of by his parents. His family would always shower him with love any way they knew how. Sometimes it’s through giving gifts, such as receiving the first camera he ever got. They conveyed it through words, when his parents would praise him for doing well in school.

Mingyu knew of another form of love as well, because of Wonwoo.

Wonwoo, the man he believed to be his soulmate.

Wonwoo was the son of Mingyu’s mother’s best friend. They’ve been raised together, and have been in each other’s life for as long as they can remember. They would play every day, have lunch together whenever they can, study together, and just be together every chance they can get. They were truly inseparable, that their parents were glad that their children got along. Honestly, there was no one who made such an impact on Mingyu’s life.

If there was one person who knew Mingyu the best, the first answer would be Wonwoo.

It was always Wonwoo.

The two also studied in the same school. When they were in high school, the two were practically inseparable, yet they were able to pursue different things. Wonwoo became the soft-spoken rising star of the volleyball team, while Mingyu was the confident boy who was into photography, and was editor-in-chief of the school paper. Both of them belonged to the “popular clique” dubbed by the studentry, and were inseparable. Wherever one was, the other would follow. It was always Mingyu and Wonwoo, Wonwoo and Mingyu. People envied their friendship, for there were hardly people who you could connect as easily as Mingyu and Wonwoo did. Everything was at ease for the two. It was as if they were meant to be in each other’s lives.

People even thought they were dating.

Mingyu never entertained the idea of dating his best friend, because that was who Wonwoo was–his best friend. Wonwoo was literally his ride or die. He would be his sanctuary from the hostile world. Wonwoo was his place of rest when he grew weary. He would be his confidante. Wonwoo, if he could accurately describe him, was the light in Mingyu’s life.

Still, he didn’t pursue anything romantic with his best friend. At that time, that’s what Wonwoo was. Just his best friend.

When college came though, that’s when things started to change.

The two went to the same university, but were pursuing different things. Wonwoo got in because of his talent for volleyball, and decided to pursue a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology. Mingyu, while attending the same university, wanted to be a filmmaker. Because of that, he took up a Bachelor of Arts in Film.

Mingyu and Wonwoo weren’t as physically close as they wished, as they were in almost opposite ends of the campus, busy with their own lives. Wonwoo would be swamped with intense training and so much homework, while Mingyu also had so much to do with being a member of the university paper and of course, his academics. The two were lucky to be able to go out once a week to just catch up and spend more time with each other.

“I hope you don’t think I’m neglecting you,” Wonwoo said to him one time when they were having dinner together after his training ended.

“You? Neglect me? Never, Wonwon,” Mingyu affectionately told his best friend. “We’re both busy with our own thing. It’s natural.”

“Still,” Wonwoo took a french fry from the platter they shared. “I feel like I’m too busy that I rarely get to see you, Gugu.”

Mingyu smiled at the man in front of him. “Even if we get to see each other just once a month, it doesn’t matter. We’ve been together our whole lives. I know we’ll still be together after we graduate.”

To that, Wonwoo nodded. “Sorry,” Wonwoo started to say. “My teammate told me that there’s a thing such as a friendship break-up, and I never want that to happen to us.”

“No, never,” Mingyu took hold of Wonwoo’s free hand as the other one was sipping from his cup full of soda. “We’re Gugu and Wonwon. Nothing’s going to change between the two of us.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Wonwoo intertwined their fingers, looking pleased at how easily Mingyu’s hand fit in his. “Do you believe in soulmates, Gugu?”

“Hmm?”

Wonwoo shook his head, dismissing the question. He then took another french fry and fed Mingyu, already waiting for the potato chip.

“I do,” Mingyu said, while munching the fry. “I do believe in soulmates.”

“Good,” Wonwoo said. “Because I think you’re mine.”

Mingyu, without a doubt, replied “You’re mine, too.”

At the time, Mingyu didn’t understand what Wonwoo meant, but he knew it deep in his soul. It was true; Wonwoo really was his soulmate. He didn’t need any other explanation; he just knew. It felt natural, like breathing. Like what everyone kept saying, if there’s Wonwoo, there’s Mingyu. If there’s Mingyu, there’s Wonwoo.

Things changed after that night.

The two, while still busy, became much more clingy. Despite being in their graduating year, they always found time to talk to each other, or see each other even for just a couple of minutes. Even with Mingyu still busy with his thesis, he found ways to still help Wonwoo with transcribing interviews for Wonwoo’s own thesis. Same with Wonwoo; he even agreed to appear in Mingyu’s thesis to help his best friend out.

The biggest change of all though, was Mingyu seeing his best friend in a different light.

Awareness is a powerful thing.

Since that conversation, Mingyu has paid more attention to Wonwoo. He was more aware of the fond look Wonwoo would give him when they were studying together. He could pick up when Wonwoo was tired and frustrated with himself after training, and would offer him to rest instead of going out. He could see how Wonwoo’s eyes brightened when they were talking about even the most mundane things. There were days when Wonwoo would just suddenly pop up on his doorstep, and inviting him in became natural. Just having him near was more than enough.

Mingyu became more aware of himself too. He knew he would smile whenever Wonwoo would talk about a missed hit during training. He would carry Wonwoo’s bag when it seemed that his muscles ached. He started craving for Wonwoo’s presence more than he used to, hence he made sure to be able to at least see him for the day. The little things he saw, such as a volleyball, a stencil, random tweets about the Rorschach inkblot test, the first person who would pop into his mind would be Wonwoo.

Everything became so automatic to Mingyu when it came to Wonwoo, that it made him wonder if he had always harbored something more than just friendship for his best friend.

When Mingyu and Wonwoo graduated (with flying colors for both of them), their families decided to celebrate together.

The Kims and the Jeons decided to go out of town--to the Kims’ rest house that was near a beautiful, untouched beach. Upon arrival, the two automatically looked for each other, and unloaded all of the items from the van.

“I haven’t been back here since our high school graduation,” Mingyu said, getting the huge ice box from the back of the van.

“It still is as beautiful as I remember it,” Wonwoo told him wistfully, just letting the summer breeze graze upon his skin. Mingyu watched his best friend bask in the warm sunlight, that it brought a smile to his face.

“It is,” You are.

“Do you want to go walk by the beach tonight?” Wonwoo excitedly asked him.

Mingyu then nodded, closing the back of the va, as he was done unloading everything. “Remember how we used to sneak out when our parents were asleep?”

“I was going to say the same thing!” Wonwoo helped him bring some of the bags to the house. “I got scolded so bad by my mom.”

“Lucky for you, I had to face my dad,” Mingyu trudged along.

“It was a perfect night, though,” Wonwoo looked on ahead. “Just us by the beach, watching the waves crash on the shore, the moon’s reflection on the water…”

Mingyu couldn’t help but look at Wonwoo right there and then. God, was he beautiful. Wonwoo looked larger than life, just full of pure happiness. If this was what happiness looked like on Wonwoo, Mingyu would do anything for him to stay that way. He would do anything to have that smile always reach his eyes.

“Okay, we’ll go tonight,” Mingyu set down the bags in the living room of the house, then ruffled Wonwoo’s hair. “Just make sure you get enough rest and you eat well, Mister Volleyball Player.”

“Yes, Gugu,” Wonwoo does a mock salute, then headed inside.

When night came, the two made their way to the shore. The way the moon shone on the water felt so different tonight.

It felt serene.

“Can’t believe we’re done studying!” Wonwoo said, sitting by a log near the shore, just far enough to feel the waves crash on his feet. “Those were four, hectic years.”

“Couldn’t agree more,” Mingyu sat beside him. “Thank God it’s over.”

“I’m excited to finally go pro,” Wonwoo gleamed with eagerness. “I’ve always wanted to be playing in the league.”

“I know,” Mingyu looked at him fondly. “You’ll be great, Wonwon. You’re not the ace spiker for nothing.”

“You flatter me, Gugu,” Wonwoo leaned in closer, resting his head on the taller man’s shoulder. “I wish things could be this simple.”

Mingyu sneaked a glance at his best friend, wondering what was going on inside his head. Wonwoo was always a complex character, waiting to unfold. Mingyu liked that about him; he wasn’t simply the big shot volleyball player everyone admired and wanted to be like. His fans might be surprised that their idol is afraid of frogs, hates vegetables, and cries because of tissue commercials. There was so much more to Wonwoo than meets the eye.

Mingyu was honored to be one of the people who had the privilege to know him deeply.

“A penny for your thoughts?” Wonwoo asked, as they’ve been settled in the comfortable silence for quite some time.

“A dollar for your insights?” Mingyu shot back.

“Or a fortune for your disaster,” Wonwoo sang along to their favorite Fall Out Boy song.

They continued singing along to the song even without the instrumental music. Mingyu lived for these moments, to be honest; just him and Wonwoo, having the time of their lives. The wind carried their off-key voices off into the distance where no one could hear them. It felt freeing.

It felt...natural.

Everything with Wonwoo felt natural for Mingyu.

As the song ended, they ended up laughing boisterously, not giving a care in the world if people got angry because of the loud sounds they were making. The two had to hold their stomachs as it hurt from their laughter.

“I wish we could always be this happy,” Wonwoo said, once they’ve finally settled down.

“We can, you know?” Mingyu told him.

“Happiness…” Wonwoo stared off into space, deep in his thoughts once more. Mingyu knew, because Wonwoo’s forehead was scrunched, indicating that he was thinking about the topic thoroughly.

“What about it?” Mingyu asked him.

“Fromm theorized happiness as something we can achieve by being with others, but humans have a dilemma of wanting to be alone. They want to be alone, yet not totally isolated.”

“And?” Mingyu was lost with the psychology jargon Wonwoo spewed out.

“What I’m saying is, I don’t want to be alone, Mingyu.”

Mingyu stared at Wonwoo, not comprehending fully what he meant. “Huh?”

“I don’t want to be alone,” Wonwoo stated once again. “No matter what happens, I don’t want to be alone.”

Mingyu saw the tears on his best friend’s face. He wiped them immediately, leaving his hand on his cheek. “Wonwon, you’ll never be alone, I promise.”

“You promise, Gugu?”

“I do.”

It felt like such a long time coming, but Mingyu finally leaned in. Months of pent-up feelings were climbing to the top of the surface, aiming and wishing for a release.

But before Mingyu could do anything, to his surprise, Wonwoo plants his lips on his first.

Mingyu cups Wonwoo’s face, using his other arm to pull him closer. Wonwoo snaked his arms around Mingyu’s nape, giving him more access to do whatever he pleased. Mingyu’s heart pounded faster as the kiss got more heated, and the control shifted to him. He wasn’t sure if this was real, that he was finally kissing his best friend, the one he held dearest to him, that he had to pull away from Wonwoo to see if it was true.

“Gugu?” Wonwoo was still dazed from their heated kiss, that his eyes were still half-closed.

“Wonwon,” Mingyu whispered. “Do you...love me?”

To that, Wonwoo smiled. “More than anything, Gugu.”

Mingyu didn’t need to ask, as they both drew closer to each other for another kiss.

This time, everything was more gentle. The way their lips connected had a touch of innocence, yet there was genuine longing from the two. Mingyu could hear Wonwoo’s heart race, as he felt his knees weaken from the moment. He took his time, and savored the feel of Wonwoo’s lips on his, wishing time could stop for them at that very moment. Mingyu took in the salty scent of the beach, along with Wonwoo’s earthy cologne, and allowed it to intoxicate him more. He didn’t want to let go, as they finally let their emotions wash over them, letting them take control.

When Wonwoo pulled away, he immediately wrapped Mingyu in a tight embrace.

“I promise you’ll never be alone,” Mingyu whispered. “I love you too much to let you be alone.”

“Good,” Wonwoo tightened his hold. “I love you too.”

Mingyu wished he could say that things have gone better.

They did.

But then they didn’t.

It was during Wonwoo’s volleyball match as a starter for the national team. It was his first time to be a starter, and everyone was excited. Their families were watching at home, but Mingyu was there. He specifically asked for a day off from shooting to be able to watch this significant match in his boyfriend’s life.

Mingyu made sure that he had his camera with him. He wanted to document this, because this was definitely a day to remember for Wonwoo. After three years of working hard in the pro-league, he finally earned a spot on the national team.

“Aren’t you the excited boyfriend?” Seungcheol teased him, as Mingyu kept on chanting Wonwoo’s name.

“Look who’s talking? You’re the one wearing a jersey of Jihoon,” Mingyu poked a bit of fun at Seungcheol, whose boyfriend is the libero of the national team.

“Whatever,” Seungcheol went on to chant his boyfriend’s name as well.

When the match started, Mingyu had no idea why he felt nervous. It’s not he who’s playing, but Wonwoo. Was he nervous for Wonwoo? Probably. However, he knew that his boyfriend prepared well for the game, and would do a wonderful job no matter the outcome.

They were finally in the fifth set, Wonwoo’s team already had 14 points, and the opposing team had 10. One more, their team would win.

Mingyu could see Wonwoo was too tired, but he knew that the man on the court would brush it off. He was on his knees, trying to catch his breath. This was an opportunity to represent their country, and he wouldn’t let it slip away from his fingers. Wonwoo looked at Mingyu’s direction, giving him a wide smile. Mingyu held two thumbs up, encouraging his boyfriend. After that, Wonwoo was already talking to Jeonghan, their team’s setter, and were probably setting up the play, as the opposing team was ready to serve.

Jihoon received the ball with ease, and directed the ball to Jeonghan’s way. Jeonghan positioned himself near the net to be able to set the ball. Wonwoo was already running, getting ready to jump. The ball stopped in front of Wonwoo, and he drilled it straight down the opposing court.

Their team won.

But Wonwoo didn’t get up from the floor.

The team crowded around him, with Jeonghan and Jihoon being the ones trying to wake Wonwoo up. A stretcher came in the court, taking Wonwoo out. Jihoon and Jeonghan followed suit, along with their assistant head coach.

Without any second thoughts, Mingyu ran straight to the dugout, not paying attention to anyone else. Seungcheol followed him, apologizing to anyone Mingyu accidentally hit along the way.

“What happened?!” Mingyu shouted as he approached the dugout.

“We have to take him to the hospital!” Jeonghan yelled frantically, as he and Jihoon were already in the ambulance to go with Wonwoo.

“We’ll follow!” Joshua, their teammate and Jeonghan’s boyfriend, went to get the three men’s bags. Seungcheol immediately took Jihoon’s, and Mingyu scoured the dugout for Wonwoo’s items.

“Let us know what’s happening, alright?” Seungcheol told his boyfriend, to which Jihoon nodded.

When Seungcheol, Joshua, and Mingyu were settled in the car, that’s when Mingyu let out all the panic he kept inside.

“I’m sorry,” Mingyu said in between sobs. “I’m--”

“Don’t apologize,” Joshua immediately told him. “We’re all worried, too.”

“Maybe he’s just tired,” Seungcheol tried to settle Mingyu’s worries. “He’s probably dehydrated. He’ll be fine, Mingyu.”

“You believe so?”

“We do,” Joshua said. “Everything will be fine.”

Wonwoo’s blood test showed that he has pancytopenia.

His red blood cell, white blood cell, and platelet counts were all low.

Mingyu felt his whole world shake with the news. He knew Wonwoo was sickly, but he thought it was just because he was tired from training and from playing. When Wonwoo would come home with bruises all over his arms and legs, he just thought it was from training too. He didn’t know things were that serious. If only Mingyu knew sooner…

Mingyu just looked at everyone with empty eyes. He couldn’t think clearly. He let Wonwoo’s parents talk to the doctor, while he went and sat down beside his boyfriend.

“What does this mean?” Mingyu heard Mrs. Jeon ask the doctor.

“We need to do a bone marrow biopsy to determine for sure,” the doctor replied. “For now, we have to keep Wonwoo in the hospital for close observation.”

Mingyu saw Wonwoo’s parents trying to stay strong, putting on a brave face in front of their son, but he knew they were barely holding on. Mr. Jeon gave Mingyu a knowing look, that they would step out for a bit to process the information.

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” Mingyu asked the man on the bed when his parents finally left.

“Didn’t want them to worry,” Wonwoo replied, staring at the ceiling. “I do get dizzy often, bruise easily, but I didn’t think it was serious.”

“You idiot!” Mingyu couldn’t keep his frustration inside. “So when you were suddenly getting sick and feverish…”

“Yeah, I just brush it off.”

“You really are a big idiot.”

Wonwoo gave a loud sigh, guilt plastered on his face. “I’m sorry.”

“Wonwoo…”

Without warning, the two were already crying side by side. Wonwoo merely let the tears fall silently, while Mingyu was the complete opposite: his wails echoed throughout the room, uncontrollable and inconsolable. This is the first time Mingyu felt lost, because he knew that this was one serious condition that could probably bring so much pain to Wonwoo. If he could take away the pain Wonwoo felt, he would in a heartbeat.

“I’m sorry,” Wonwoo kept repeating himself. “If I did something sooner…”

“What matters now,” Mingyu wiped his beloved’s tears, “is that we’re here. We’ll do everything we can to make things better.”

“Gugu, I’m sorry,” it came out as a whisper.

Mingyu only kissed Wonwoo’s forehead as a response. He then tucked his boyfriend in, and let him rest. Once Wonwoo fell asleep, only then was he able to get some rest as well.

Aplastic anemia.

Severe aplastic anemia.

That was what Wonwoo was diagnosed with.

The doctor told them that Wonwoo’s bone marrow has been failing for a long time, and is unable to produce the cells his body needs to function properly. As this was a rare disease, they can try to manage it, but not entirely cure it. Seeing as the condition was already severe, they have to act as soon as possible to be able to prolong his life.

The teams Wonwoo has been playing for were also informed of his condition.

Mingyu froze. Chances of survival depend largely on Wonwoo’s body accepting any form of treatment they will give him. His best chance was with immunosuppressive therapy, because finding an unrelated donor for a bone marrow transplant was like finding a needle in a haystack. They were talking about pumping more drugs in his body in the hopes that the t-cells stop attacking his bone marrow.

“Because of his condition, we have to take extra care of Wonwoo,” the doctor told Mingyu and Wonwoo’s parents. “He’s more prone to infections, and he would feel weaker than usual.”

“What can we do, Doc?” Wonwoo’s mom asked.

“Immunosuppressive therapy is our best option, Mrs. Jeon,” the doctor responded. “It’s going to be difficult to find a bone marrow donor for the transplant, so we want to manage his disease as much as we can to make him comfortable.”

“No cure?” Mingyu asked. His voice was strained and pained because he already knew the answer even before the question left his lips.

“I’m sorry,” was the only thing the doctor said.

When they went to explain the condition to Wonwoo, everyone was surprised with Wonwoo’s response.

“How long do I have if I refuse treatment?”

“Wonwoo!” Mingyu yelled at his boyfriend.

Wonwoo refused to look at anyone, and kept his eyes straight to his doctor. “I’m asking you: how long do I have if I refuse treatment?”

“Doctor, don’t answer him, we’ll follow whatever treatment plan your team can come up with to help our son,” Mr. Jeon blocked Wonwoo’s line of sight, talking directly to the doctor.

“Mr. Jeon, with all due respect,” the doctor began to say. “Wonwoo is the patient, and I can’t deny him the answer to his question.”

The doctor then approached Wonwoo, sitting by his bedside. “Are you sure about refusing any form of treatment?”

“I’m sure,” Wonwoo said, solemnly.

“I can’t do this,” Wonwoo’s mom walked out, barely keeping her emotions together. Mr. Jeon followed his wife out, which left Mingyu and Wonwoo inside the room to talk to the doctor.

“Wonwoo, I am advising against the refusal of treatment,” Wonwoo’s doctor clearly stated. “We can do immunosuppressive therapy, and search for a possible donor--”

“Doc,” Wonwoo was already starting to sound weak. “I don’t want to get treatment. We barely have enough money for my running hospital bill.”

“Wonwoo,” Mingyu held his boyfriend’s hand, or at least, tried to, because of the needles. “You know money won’t be a problem--”

“I can’t burden your parents, Gugu,” Wonwoo still had a fond look in his eyes as he replied to Mingyu. “I know they’ve said countless times that they’re willing to help, but I can’t have that on my conscience.”

“So you’re just gonna allow yourself to die?!” Mingyu couldn’t help but raise his voice. “Everyone around you wants to work on saving your life, but you’re giving up right here and now?”

“I’m not giving up, Gugu,” Wonwoo placed his free hand on Mingyu’s cheek. “I’m letting nature take its course.”

“Bullshit, Wonwoo,” Mingyu was trying to keep it together, but when he’s hearing his loved one refuse to accept any treatment, it broke his heart by the second. “We can prolong your life, and have a shot at spending a long time together.”

“But Gugu, really? A life filled with pumping my body with drugs that we don’t know will work? Possibly a risk of infection or complications if the transplant fails? I don’t want to live a life in and out of the hospital, Gugu.”

“Wonwon please,” Mingyu was already down on his knees, begging. “Please fight for yourself. Fight for your family. Fight for us.”

“I am, my love. I am fighting. I will take how many more days the heavens can give me to be here with all of you, and fight until my last breath. But Gugu, I won’t deny the inevitable.”

Wonwoo then turned to the doctor. “How long?”

Knowing no one can change Wonwoo’s mind, the doctor finally answered, “you have a year should you choose to not be treated, Wonwoo.”

“Then I’ll take what I can get.”

Mingyu could clearly remember the day Wonwoo left.

After his last blood transfusion, Wonwoo asked Mingyu if they could go back to the beach house. Upon securing approval from the doctors, the Kims and the Jeons prepared all that they needed for a weekend at the beach.

Wonwoo wanted everyone to come along, so he invited their friends, Seungcheol, Jihoon, Joshua, Jeonghan, Soonyong, and Seokmin. The Kims’ beach house was big enough to accommodate everyone.

It was also timely: Mingyu’s first film as a director was just released. It received great reviews, and everyone kept talking about the promising young director who would do amazing things should he continue making movies. They decided to celebrate it, too.

Wonwoo and Mingyu were sitting by the sand, watching his friends have fun and play around. It was a challenging year for everyone, most especially for Wonwoo. He had to fight off different infections the whole year, receive blood transfusions almost every month, and basically just stay home and still try to make the most out of the remaining time left.

“I’m so proud of you,” Mingyu told his boyfriend, holding his hand as gently as he can.

“I should be saying that to you,” Wonwoo rested his head on Mingyu’s shoulder. “Your movie was beautiful.”

“Thank you, my Wonwon,” Mingyu kissed Wonwoo’s forehead, then turned to face the sunset.

The yellow-orange sky looked wonderful to Mingyu. The sight of his friends’ shadows on the sand as they ran around was beautiful. Joshua, Jeonghan, and Jihoon were playing beach volleyball, while Seungcheol was trying to keep up with them, yet horribly failing. Seokmin and Soonyoung were busy documenting this experience, taking photos and videos here and there of everyone. Everyone looked as happy as they can be.

This beach held a special place in Mingyu’s heart, for this was where they first kissed, and confessed their love for each other. Being back here felt both rejuvenating and gut-wrenching, now that Wonwoo was fighting for his life.

“Do you want to join them?” Wonwoo asked softly, pertaining to their group of friends. “You can, if you want to.”

“No,” Mingyu wrapped his arm around Wonwoo’s waist. “I’m right where I want to be.”

The pair silently gazed at each other, both with big smiles on their faces. However, Wonwoo’s couldn’t reach his eyes anymore. Mingyu knew that Wonwoo must be in so much pain right now. He endured everything after his diagnosis of aplastic anemia, and Mingyu always wondered how Wonwoo still refused to crack. He held on to whatever hope and belief he had in life and the universe each day that passed. He took everything in stride, no matter how much it hurt.

“I love you,” Mingyu said, cupping Wonwoo’s face. “No matter what.”

“No matter what,” Wonwoo said in reply, and leaned in to place a chaste kiss on Mingyu’s lips.

The silence was comforting, yet Mingyu knew how Wonwoo’s mind worked. The gears were probably turning inside his head, as it liked to both wander and wonder. It was magical, Wonwoo’s mind. He loved hearing him ramble about sports, psychology, and even about philosophy. Mingyu was always left amazed after their conversations.

“Mingyu,” Wonwoo said, breaking the silence.

“Wonwoo?”

“I’m sorry.”

Mingyu could see the tears that glistened in the sunlight. He wanted to wipe them away, but Wonwoo held up a finger, wanting to continue. “I know you promised me that I would never be alone, but I didn’t think I’d be the one leaving you.”

“No one’s leaving,” Mingyu tried to calm him down. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“It’s better to have this conversation while we can still have it,” Wonwoo smiled. God, Wonwoo could still smile despite being in so much pain. “I know I’ll be gone soon, but I want you to know that there’s no one I’ve ever loved more than I love you.”

That was enough to break the dam Mingyu built inside him this past year. Tears were falling without control. “Wonwoo, I hope you know that I truly feel the same way. It was, it is, and it will only be you.”

“Can I make you a promise, then?” Wonwoo asked of him.

“Anything,” Mingyu breathlessly said.

“When you die,” Wonwoo was having a hard time speaking already. “When you die, in whatever lifetime, I will be there to welcome you to whatever afterlife awaits us.”

“Wonwoo--”

“I read about it somewhere,” Wonwoo continued on. “Soulmates greet each other in the afterlife if their goal on earth has been accomplished. If it hasn’t, you go back to earth, reborn in another life, still with the same task that was assigned to your soul upon creation.”

“How sure are you that you won’t be reborn in the next?”

“I just know,” Wonwoo said. “I mean, life can’t be this cruel and make me this sick, then make me suffer in the next one, right? And I think I have accomplished whatever earthly task I was given.”

He missed hearing Wonwoo’s melodious laugh.

“So, Gugu, I promise, that I will be the first person you will meet in the afterlife. Because Gugu, I know deep in my heart, that you are my soulmate.”

“And I have told you that night back in college,” Mingyu took the time to memorize his beloved’s face. “You are mine.”

The two of them stay silent once more, with Wonwoo still resting on his shoulder.

The sky was already dimming as the sun set.

As the sky grew darker, Wonwoo’s breaths became shallower.

“Stay with me,” Wonwoo whispered. “I want to spend the last few moments of my life with you.”

Mingyu already knew that Wonwoo was speaking the truth. Wonwoo was dying.

It drove Mingyu mad that he can’t do anything to prevent it from happening. All he could do was honor his boyfriend’s dying wish; to stay by his side as he slips from this plane to the next.

“I love you, Mingyu Kim.”

Those were Wonwoo’s last words.

When Wonwoo’s body felt heavy, Mingyu knew.

He knew Wonwoo was gone.

To say Mingyu was devastated was the understatement of the century.

Since Wonwoo passed away, he wasn’t the same.

He did go to the wake, he spoke, he was there at the funeral, but everything felt like a blur.

When people say that the whole world shattered, that truly was what happened. Mingyu’s view of the world shifted, and brought him to a dark place that he wished he escaped earlier. It brought him to isolate himself from friends and family, and remain in the comforts of the silence Wonwoo’s passing brought to him.

Mingyu would lie down on his side of the bed, embracing the pillow Wonwoo slept on. He would still eat in his spot at the table, not letting anyone come near Wonwoo’s chair. He would go back to the beach house during weekends, and just sit by the shore, staring aimlessly at the sea.

He was withdrawn and uninspired. Three months after Wonwoo’s death, nothing happened to him. Mingyu mainly woke up as proof of life, but most days, he wished he was dead, too. He wished he could be with Wonwoo, that he didn’t allow his beloved to suffer alone. He wanted to take Wonwoo’s burden and carry it alongside him, but he can’t. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't. It wasn’t his to carry.

Most days, Mingyu would watch videos he took of Wonwoo; it was an assortment of his games, just random videos when they ate out, and the video he made for their first anniversary as a couple. Mingyu would let the memories take over just to remind him that Wonwoo existed. That he was true. That he was here. That he was loved by him.

It was on one of those days when his friends have had enough.

It also happened to be Wonwoo’s birthday.

Seungcheol and Seokmin came by his place just to keep him company. Everyone was walking on eggshells around Mingyu, but they needed to make sure he’d be okay. If Mingyu wouldn’t take care of himself, they wanted to make sure that they would. They made a schedule of who was in charge to look after Mingyu, just to ensure he would at least eat, bathe, and stay safe.

“Hey!” Seokmin entered Mingyu’s home enthusiastically, but the tall man wouldn’t budge. His eyes were fixated on the screen, watching Wonwoo’s very first game as a member of the university’s varsity team.

Mingyu remembered that game very well. Wonwoo gave him free tickets to the match, hoping he would watch. What Wonwoo didn’t know was Mingyu already secured tickets on the first day they were being sold. He wanted to surprise his then best friend and cheer him on, as he was their university’s prized recruit.

Their team won that day, and Wonwoo was named as the Player Of The Game, with having the most attack points scored. That’s when Mingyu knew Wonwoo belonged on that court.

“I remember that game,” Seungcheol sat beside Mingyu. “Jihoon was also nervous for that match, because he was put in as the starting libero.”

“I was there too,” Seokmin said. “It was Soonyoung’s first time to be in the crowd, to lead the cheers.”

Mingyu didn’t say a word. He was just watching the second set of Wonwoo’s legendary game. He didn’t care. He didn’t care at all.

“Gyu,” Seokmin tried to get him to stand up. “You have to eat lunch now.”

Mingyu didn’t budge.

Seungcheol gave a loud sigh, before approaching his friend. “You got to stand up and take care of yourself, Gyu.”

Still, Mingyu didn’t move.

“Maybe we should--”

“Damn it, Mingyu!” Seungcheol cried out in desperation. “Please, get up!”

That made Mingyu tilt his head, giving Seungcheol the deadliest glare he could muster. “Get out,” he said, with his voice laced with venom.

“No one’s leaving,” Seungcheol returned the glare. “We want to help you, God knows how much we want to, but we can’t help you if you don’t want to help yourself.”

“Look at yourself, Gyu,” Seokmin sat beside him, him being Mingyu’s closest college friend. “If Wonwoo were here, he’d kick our asses because you’re destroying yourself, and we can’t do anything to stop you.”

“But that’s the thing,” Mingyu whispered, his voice strained. “Wonwoo’’s not here anymore.”

“Do you honestly think Wonwoo would like to see you throw your life away?” Seungcheol was already crying. Mingyu knew Seungcheol rarely showed his emotions because he always wanted to put up a brave face for everyone, but sometimes, people really do reach their breaking point.

“Cheol.”

“No, Seokmin,” Seungcheol said. “I can’t watch Mingyu self-destruct like this, as if he doesn’t have anything to live for anymore.”

“I don’t,” Mingyu spoke clearly. “There’s nothing else to live for.”

“You’re a dick,” Seungcheol told his friend, angrily shutting down the television. “Wonwoo lived every day trying to make everyone he loved happy, but now that he’s gone, it’s as if you forgot that there are other people who love you, who care for you, who want to help you.”

“Cheol’s right, Gyu,” Seokmin whispered beside him. “If you can’t find the will to go on because Wonwoo’s gone, then at least try to live for the experiences Wonwoo could never have.”

“He would’ve wanted you to carry on,” Seungcheol finally calmed down, tears still pooling from his eyes as he spoke. “He would’ve wanted you to grab life with both hands, and beat the shit out of it. He would’ve wanted you to succeed in making films, travel the world, and just...live.”

“You can’t continue to let yourself be devoid of what life has to offer,” Seokmin held Mingyu’s hand. “There’s so much more out there. You owe it to yourself and to Wonwoo to at least try.”

“We’re not asking you to magically be okay,” Seungcheol knelt in front of him. “We’re just asking you to at least try, Gyu.”

Try.

And try he did.

For the first couple of weeks, it was full of baby steps--trying to be able to eat on his own, bathe on his own, cook for himself. The succeeding days, Mingyu found himself immersed in his work emails, looking for projects to work on to keep himself busy.

The first movie deal he accepted after Wonwoo’s death was a film about the concept of soulmates Wonwoo told him. It was where when one dies, the first person to greet them in the afterlife is their soulmate, should their task on earth be accomplished. Mingyu had no idea what drew him to take the project, but it turned out to be the best decision for him career-wise.

That movie was the one that catapulted Mingyu to become a household name. He won multiple awards, including a Best Director award from The Academy. Since that project, hundreds of producers lined up to have him direct their films and work with them. Actors were always saying in interviews that Mingyu was one of the directors they dream of working with. The movies he made were shown in international film festivals, and he still continued to receive accolades and recognition for his films.

He didn’t stop there.

Anonymously, Mingyu funded various organizations that were close to Wonwoo’s heart. Mingyu funded his university’s sports programs, especially their volleyball program. He also funded research on aplastic anemia, so that people who have the disease would have a better shot at prolonging their lives, and managing their illnesses. He also funded scholarships for students who wanted to continue studying, but have no financial means to do so. Mingyu lived a life motivated by generosity, and he didn’t need any recognition for it. He wanted to help people live their lives just as how Wonwoo and his friends helped him live his.

Still, even with a life focused on living with kindness, he still longed for love.

Mingyu knew he was loved by his family and friends, but he still yearned for the love Wonwoo made him feel when he was alive. He knew people wanted to try to be in a relationship with him, but Mingyu knew that he could never give anyone the love he showed Wonwoo. He never even bothered to try dating anyone else, because he knew no one could replace the man he held dearest to him.

After all, he was his, and his alone. And he was more than happy.

At the ripe, old age of sixty-five, Mingyu retired from directing films. He lived in peace at his family’s beach house. His friends would come visit and bring their children with them, but most of the time, Mingyu was alone. He liked it, though. He liked having the place to himself.

This was the place he felt closest to Wonwoo.

“Sir, here are the papers you asked for,” Felix, Mingyu’s lawyer, entered his office.

Once Felix placed the files on his table, Mingyu reviewed them thoroughly before signing each page.

“Sir, if I may,” Felix started to ask. “Where will the beach house go?”

“I’m opening the doors of the beach house to children with aplastic anemia,” Mingyu said, not looking up from the papers he was reading them once more. “It will go to a charity.”

“And then all of your assets?”

“Will be split among my friends’ children, and you,” Mingyu put down his pen, then sealed his last will and testament in an envelope.

Felix was surprised that he was included, but said nothing when he took the envelope, and placed it in his briefcase. “Sir, are you okay?”

Mingyu was amused by the young man’s question. “I am. Finally.”

He could see the puzzled look on Felix’s face, to which he chuckled. “I believe you’ll understand someday,” he told the young man.

When the two were having dinner, Mingyu knew Felix had a lot of questions. He was always an inquisitive person, wanting to understand the situation as much as he can. However, he knew Felix knew better than to ask. Felix wanted to figure things out on his own, as Mingyu grew to learn.

“Sir, I just want to say that you are a blessing to a lot of people. Including me. Thank you.”

Felix was a young man who Mingyu took care of when he saw him scouring the streets alone. He was the closest to a son Mingyu had. He made sure the man had a good future so he won’t go back to the streets and live a life he won’t be proud of. Mingyu was proud of the man Felix had become, and was happy that he was living his life the way he wanted to.

“The pleasure is mine, Felix. You take care, alright?” he smiled at his lawyer, before turning to stare at the window.

When Felix left after dinner, Mingyu immediately got ready for bed. He was already tired from the day, and wanted to rest.

Before he would climb into bed, Mingyu would always pass by Wonwoo’s picture. Mingyu liked looking at it before going to sleep, because he wanted Wonwoo’s face to be one of the last things he sees before he closes his eyes.

“I can’t wait to see you, Wonwon,” he said to the picture, then proceeded to blow out the candle.

As Mingyu lied down, he knew what was coming. Somehow, he knew deep in his soul that his time was up. That was the reason why he had Felix come up there and help him arrange his last will and testament. He wanted to leave everything with no loose ends should he finally be able to rest.

He knew that soon, he would be able to see Wonwoo. Up to this day, he believed that Wonwoo was the only one who could be his other half; his soulmate. There was no doubt in his mind, especially after he made the film about soulmates, which was based on heavy research. He had no way of knowing, but he knew he was finished with whatever task he had to complete on earth. There was a sense of finality that resonated throughout the day, that Mingyu felt complete. He felt whole.

He felt whole for the first time in forty years.

As his eyes closed, he felt his body go lighter. It felt like it was transcending from his body.

Mingyu knew he was dying.

And to be honest, he looked forward to it.

Mingyu felt like he was floating.

It was a sea of darkness.

His soul was being carried in the darkness, which felt odd, as there was no water, and no hands were on his back, supporting his weight. Mingyu was internally panicking, but there was no real reason to panic. He was getting used to the fact that he no longer existed on the earth plane, yet he was still scared of what could happen to him in this darkness.

He was searching for Wonwoo with his entire being. He tried to detect any familiar energy, or any faint signs of a nearby soul. However, there was nothing. He was alone in this vacuum, and he had no idea how to get out of here. Mingyu kept manifesting thoughts in the empty space; he wanted to get out and see Wonwoo. If he could cry, he would have already. If he could get down on his knees and beg to be with Wonwoo, he would have.

That’s when Mingyu suddenly got sucked in.

He felt a heavy tug on his feet, pulling him down towards the center of the vacuum. Everything was happening quickly, that Mingyu had no idea what to do to make it stop. He wanted to go back and remain floating until Wonwoo came for him, just like he promised.

But then Mingyu thought that what if he was being pulled to where Wonwoo is?

He let his soul relax and allowed the forces around him to pull him to the direction he was supposed to go, letting everything else take over.

As the pull got faster,there were images flashing around him. It felt like some sort of supercut of a film, 

However, Mingyu wasn’t sure who these people were.

He saw two men, calling themselves Marcus and Thomas, standing in a clearing in the middle of the night. They held torches and wore cloaks, probably in the hopes of disguising themselves? Mingyu was not sure. It felt like this was set up during the medieval times, so it puzzled Mingyu as to why this was happening.

“Marcus, this has to end,” the man called Thomas said. “I have a duty to my wife. We cannot go on with this.”

“My Lord,” the man called Marcus suddenly grasped Thomas’ hand, not wanting to let go. “Please do not leave me like this, I beg of you.”

“If only I met you sooner,” Thomas placed his hand on Marcus’ cheek. “If only we met sooner, we could have been together. But alas, there is no way we can continue loving each other when people around us would get hurt.”

“It’s not fair!” Marcus yelled. “You and I are meant for each other, but we cannot be together?”

“I’m sorry, Marcus,” Thomas wrapped Marcus in a tight embrace. “I would have wanted to give you the world, but I cannot. I’m sorry.”

What boggled Mingyu about the scene the most is the fact that Marcus’ eyes looked very familiar.

They looked like Wonwoo’s.

Before he could think about the scene further, more images flashed around him. One was of two females, named Maria and Ligaya, set probably in the time of World War II. The two women had no contact with each other whatsoever, but he saw that Ligaya was hopelessly in love with Maria, who never glanced her way. Ligaya went on to marry a general, and did everything in her power to make sure they never went hungry. Maria, on the other hand, was nowhere to be found soon after, as she was abducted by the enemy soldiers.

Once again, Ligaya’s eyes reminded him of Wonwoo.

The scene changed, now a bit more modern.

Mingyu saw the story of Yukito and Touya, two men who ended up together, but eventually split up because they couldn’t see eye to eye. Yukito went on to establish one of the biggest game enterprises in the world, while Touya went on to establish his own restaurant and remarried. He saw the unconditional love and longing the two had for each other each time they passed each other after the split, that Mingyu knew the two felt like he knew them. There was something about their energy, their demeanor,

This made Mingyu wonder: were those people...them?

Were the people in the scenes Wonwoo and Mingyu? Were those their past lives? Marcus, Ligaya, Yukito...they all felt so familiar to Mingyu, that he couldn’t doubt that it was Wonwoo. Did it mean Thomas, Maria, and Touya were all him?

Before he could answer his own questions, the darkness slowly turned to light, that Mingyu felt like he was going to be blinded. The sea of darkness has disappeared, and when Mingyu closed his eyes, he felt like landed on solid ground with a large thump.

Once the forces were gone and nothing was pulling him anymore, Mingyu then opened his eyes.

He was by the shores of a beach that felt both familiar and foreign to Mingyu. He could see the outline of the breeze because of the grains of sand it carried. This was the most peaceful Mingyu felt in such a long time, that he wasn’t sure if this was the afterlife, or the outside of his beach house.

When Mingyu could see things more clearly, he was flabbergasted.

By the water, he saw a man standing there, looking at him. Finally, Mingyu felt that familiar presence.

He knew.

He went to run to the man who was just frozen in place. He let his footprints leave marks on the sand, as he ran faster and faster, towards the man he considered his home.

“Welcome, my Gugu.”

It was Wonwoo.

“This...this is real, right?” Mingyu touched every inch of Wonwoo’s face, making sure this was not a trick of the afterlife. “You’re...you’re real?”

“I am,” Wonwoo cupped his face, and brought their foreheads together. “You’re here. We’re here. Finally, we’re together forever.”

Control slipped away as Mingyu pulled his soulmate in for a passionate kiss.

Forty years have gone by, and Mingyu has longed for Wonwoo each and every day. He made sure to convey his longing for this man through fervent kisses. Mingyu snaked his arms around Wonwoo’s waist, as Wonwoo wrapped his arms around Mingyu’s neck. With the concept of time finally out the window, Mingyu cherished this feeling. As the kiss became more heated and passionate, tears streamed down Mingyu’s face. He could taste the salty tears that also came from Wonwoo’s eyes. Mingyu’s heart still raced like it did the first time they shared a kiss, maybe even faster.

When the two pulled away, Wonwoo brought their foreheads together again. “Together. Forever.”

“Finally,” said Mingyu, pulling his soulmate closer to him.

As they held hands and walked around the beach, Mingyu got the chance to ask the questions he had. “Who did you meet here when you first arrived?”

“It was a grandparent of mine,” Wonwoo started to explain. “They explained to me what I would be waiting for, now that I no longer have to be reborn in the next life. I kept watch of you, Gugu. You really lived a simple, yet full life.”

“I just wished we could’ve lived it together,” Mingyu rubbed his thumb against the back of Wonwoo’s hand. “It would have been better if you still accepted treatment and got to live a couple more years with me.”

“That’s the thing, Gugu,” Wonwoo let out a stifled giggle. Mingyu missed hearing his giggles and laughter, that it warmed him to the core when he heard his voice. “If I did accept treatment, I probably would not be here with you, still stuck in the cycle.”

“What do you mean?”

“My task,” Wonwoo looked solemn. “My task was to let nature take its course.”

Mingyu was still puzzled, unsure of where Wonwoo was going with this, but he let him continue.

“You saw Marcus. You saw Ligaya. You probably even saw Yukito,” Wonwoo said, confirming Mingyu’s thoughts that the images he saw earlier were of their past selves. “They were greedy. If things didn’t go their way, they let it destroy them. When Thomas left Marcus, he did everything he could to make Thomas regret it, even by planting seeds of doubt in his wife’s mind. He would manipulate anything and everything just to get his way.”

“But I never went back to Marcus?”

“No, you were a stubborn bonehead,” Wonwoo jokingly said. “Marcus lived a life full of greed and resentment.”

“What about Ligaya?” Mingyu asked.

“Ligaya was a tricky life,” Wonwoo confessed. “Ligaya was impatient. Had she taken her time, it was already plotted that Maria would look her way, and the two would fall madly in love. However, because Ligaya was already sure Maria would never get to know her, she married a general. In turn, because of Ligaya’s actions, Maria’s life ended right after, when Maria went with the enemy soldier and got killed.”

“Was that our most painful lifetime?”

“Oh, my Gugu,” Wonwoo was already having fun explaining all of this to Mingyu. “The most painful lifetime was Yuki and Touya.”

“Huh?”

“Imagine having a taste of what we could have, but because of our own pride and ego, we ended up breaking up. Yuki wasn’t content with what Touya could give. He wanted more. Touya couldn’t give any more than he could. So they broke up. Yukito threw away a lifetime of happiness he could’ve had if he stayed with Touya. Instead, he again let his own earthly desires ruin him.”

Mingyu was right--he knew deep in his soul that he and Wonwoo were always meant to be together. He just didn’t know that the longing and love he felt as Mingyu was also carried by his past lives. Now that he knew, it just made him immensely overjoyed that it was always him and Wonwoo fated to be together. They were made to be in each other’s lives specifically. Their fates were always intertwined no matter which lifetime.

“Will I go back to the earth plane?” Mingyu wondered aloud.

“Silly Gugu,” Wonwoo placed a chaste kiss on his lips, causing the taller man’s blush to creep on his cheeks. “We’re together now, in the afterlife. Your cycle is also broken.”

“What?!”

The two of them stopped walking, and Wonwoo turned to face him. “Gugu, it’s over. You’ve accomplished your task. We get to be together forever.”

“Huh? What was my task?” Mingyu was still in shock; he couldn’t absorb the fact that finally, he could be with Wonwoo.

“Your task was to stay loyal to your soulmate,” Wonwoo gave him a big smile. “Thomas was loyal to his wife, Maria was killed before she could experience love, and Touya moved on and remarried. But Mingyu, you stayed.”

Suddenly, everything clicked.

Mingyu did choose to be with other people in his previous lives. It was only here, in his lifetime as Mingyu, that he chose to live with only Wonwoo in his heart.

“You still lived, Gugu,” Wonwoo beamed with pride. “You lived a life full of love, despite your belief. You longed for our love, but you gave love whenever and however you can to other people. Felix felt that. Our friends felt that. Their children felt that. The people you helped felt that. Don’t think for a second that you didn’t live a life filled with love. It was, Gugu.”

“Wait so does this mean…”

“Yes,” Wonwoo wrapped him in a tight hug. “We can be together forever in the afterlife.”

That was enough for Mingyu.

He always wondered why the universe took his beloved away early on, but now that he knew what was supposed to transpire in their lives, he let go of the resentment he held for the divine beings who took Wonwoo away from him. A lifetime on the earth plane with Wonwoo might have been great, sure, but the afterlife with Wonwoo promised so much more.

He wanted that. He wanted more. And finally, he was content.

“You still have to explain a lot more things about this place,” Mingyu cupped Wonwoo’s face once more. “Especially what will happen to all of our loved ones back in the world of the living.”

Wonwoo just smiled, finally reaching his eyes. “Don’t worry, my Gugu. We have all the time in the world.”