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“What is it?” Eren inquired, a dark frown still lingering on his forehead. Historia was literally on the verge of tears only a moment ago, but her face relaxed in just a matter of minutes, and now she was even smiling faintly. The quick change threw him off balance, as it was usually the case when Historia was concerned.
“I didn't understand what Jean and the others meant when they kept saying that you had changed... I guess I am starting to get it now”, the queen chimed, wiping away the remaining tears still pooling at the edge of her big blue eyes with the sleeve of her loose gown.
“I have always been me. There's no use in trying to pinpoint when it started”, he said, and just by the pensive tone he employed, she could tell that he's given that matter much thought already. He had probably spent many a sleepless night trying to figure out how he turned out the way he did; an enemy to humanity and unable to look back.
Eren had very likely already come by some conclusion on his own, hence his stark determination. But when did Historia become the person that could look at a murderer in the eye and allow him to go through with his atrocities, without losing a night's sleep? Did it happen in the Reiss chapel, all those years ago, when she refused to sacrifice her and Eren's lives peacefully? Or was it even before then, when she drew joy from the reunion with her father, even though she knew full well that the man had been instrumental in her mother's death?
One could easily lose their sanity in the attempt to connect the dots of one's deranged history.
“Besides, I don't care what anyone says about me. You just need to get into your head that I'm not gonna let you do this. Give me a break with your little saviour act, honestly. I thought we were over that, at least.” Eren sounded legitimately annoyed now, and Historia failed to see why. It was actually pretty rare for him to be so harsh to her, and it left her a bit puzzled. “It's going to go my way, Historia. I have already seen it. In fact, I don't even need to ask for your permission. I can just make you.”
Alright, perhaps that was a bit too much. She was not only taken aback, but irked, too.
“What's the difference between you and them, then? How are you any better than the very people you're trying to save me from? They are going to force me to have a child and pass down my titan to him, and then you're going to force me to support the genocide of millions of innocent people. Either way, I have no say in the matter of my own destiny!”
Eren's eyes thinned in something that she thought was spite. She truly, warmly hoped that it wasn't spite, but his low raspy voice betrayed just that. “If you're really so desperate to let them rule your body like disposable cattle, then I was probably mistaken about you.”
“Will you shut up!? You think I want to be part of this? You think that I don't make myself sick just by thinking about it!? I am scared shitless. I am still a coward at heart, unlike you. But I don't have the guts to take on the entirety of Paradis and tell them to fuck off and get annihilated by our enemies, just because I really don't want to get pregnant and end up being eaten by my offspring.”
Historia was crying again. How he hated to see her cry. The mere sight was enough to make him waver and go soft but, for her sake, he still held onto his resolve. “Do you think that you'd be able to keep it secret if I promised to do my part? All I ask is that you stay quiet and lay low until it is done. Never give the Military Police, Captain Levi or Commander Hange any reason to question your loyalty. I'll handle the rest.”
“But if I don't... if I don't buy time, they'll force me to eat Zeke. Captain Levi is dead set on it. They'll get him before you have a chance to come into contact with him.” She pleaded with her hands folded over her chest, desperate for him to come up with a solution for that predicament too. He had to have one figured out already. Wasn't he the mastermind behind all that massive, cruel scheme, after all?
“I don't... We don't know that yet, okay? I will make sure to reach him before Levi and the Survey Corps. You'll have to trust me on this”, Eren turned to look at her, and was now standing so close that he almost breathed in her face. The warm sunset burned their silhouettes into the horizon for the benefit of anyone that might be spying on them from the farm's windows.
“It's not that I don't trust you, it's just... that it's not solely up to you. And I certainly don't trust your brother.” An idea was forming in Historia's mind. It had been several days in the making, actually. She had merely fantasized about bringing it up in her wildest dreams... but, being a huge coward, she had never even imagined of voicing it to Eren, of all people, and in a real conversation, at that.
“What's on your mind? I can tell you have a plan.” He seemed intrigued, but mostly confused. She could tell that he had grown far too accustomed to being the one who staged the most intricate machinations, and not the one who heard them from others.
“What if...” It took her an unprecedented level of courage to say it out loud, but in the end she mustered all the determination she had in order to get it off her chest. “What if I had a child anyway?”
“How does that solve our-” Eren rounded on her with a brazen fierceness that nearly made Historia step back. Her eyes widened in concern, already regretting having said too much, until a realization dawned on him, and suddenly he grew quiet. “... Oh.”
“I'm sorry, it's just stupid... I don't see how it's going to help. I shouldn't have said anything.” The Reiss girl laughed at herself, even though she would rather have let the earth beneath her feet swallow her whole. Eren's teal eyes did not blink for the longest time. His mind was probably racing with a thousand thoughts, all different in nature from the next. “I'm going inside. They might grow wary if we lag behind any longer. Besides, it's almost dinner-time, the children will be hungry.”
Eren snapped out of his spell in a heartbeat, and promptly grabbed Historia by the arm, before she could put any more distance between them. “Are you serious? You truly want this? We don't have to if you don't want to. I can find another way.”
He was... blushing, quite obviously. She couldn't really blame him, or notice his embarassment without falling victim to her own. After all, this had been her idea. Eren would never think of something so awkward and dirty. Or would he?
“I do not want another way.” Her face had grown as red as beet soup, but she could always blame that on the long day spent out in the sun, tending the fields. “The question is... if you're okay with it, or if it's too much.” She swallowed the lump in her throat, uneasily. It was crazy how unhinged she could truly become when she had made up her mind to relinquish all her filters and go all the way.
Eren cracked a strained smile, in spite of his tongue being completely tied and his cheeks hot as a seething kettle. It's not like he himself hadn't thought about doing that sort of stuff with Historia once or twice... But he knew better than to tell her that. “I just told you that I am going to end humanity outside the Walls... and you're asking me if you're too much for me? I think you're getting ahead of yourself, here.”
Thankfully, he hadn't lost his spirit. Historia wouldn't have known how to handle the whole thing if he had grown mad at her for what she had proposed, or worse, horrified... The fact that they could still laugh at the absurdity of it all together was somehow relieving.
“Alright, then. It's decided.” She smiled back, conceiling her discomfort.
“I'll come to you as soon as I take care of some stuff.” Eren had already gone back to his driven, unwavering self. His wolfish grin had disappeared already, like the sun behind the far-off hills, and only a straight line remained. “Take care until then.” He let go of her arm and turned on his heels, stalking into the early evening. He did not even wait for her to say anything back.
“You too...”