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Demons like to manifest in Yuuji’s mind.
Not demons like Sukuna, of course not. In fact, Sukuna’s a delight to have around. Sukuna keeps the demons away, and Yuuji’s really grateful for that.
But during times when Sukuna doesn’t keep him distracted—the demons come back. Well, it isn’t like the demons left in the first place.
The demons that Yuuji is referring to has been called depression.
Of course, Yuuji’s depression doesn’t go away just because Sukuna’s around, it still lingers in the background like a jealous lover but it doesn’t try to pry into his and Sukuna’s conversation. And so, when Yuuji doesn’t get out of bed for two whole days, his friends—Kugisaki and Fushiguro and even Gojo-sensei, take it upon themselves to make sure he’s okay.
Of course, he’s okay.
Well, he’ll eventually be okay.
He just has to wait it out until it goes away like he does every time it appears.
His mind echoes with a dull weight, not exactly sadness or despair although those are there, too, it’s like emptiness, really—but somewhere in the background, there’s warmth and rowdiness.
Yuuji can only guess Sukuna’s doing something in their shared senses and whatever he is doing, does Yuuji really want to know?
Maybe.
If it’ll keep this demon away, then perhaps, Yuuji will willingly go and check to see what the heck Sukuna’s doing.
But he doesn’t.
Yuuji didn't really want to bother anyone (not even Sukuna), when he’s like this. This, meaning being a real downer.
No one deserves Yuuji at his slump.
Yuuji tries to chase his demons away with the memories of everyone. Of his grandfather, of the first time he meets Fushiguro, of the time Gojo-sensei praised him for being able to hold Sukuna back, of the time he bonded with Kugisaki in the market and of the time Sukuna kept him company (honestly it isn’t like they both had a choice—they shared senses).
It seems though that each memory is followed by the cold and icy fire burning his skin, each memory getting wiped clean with his demons.
“I’m fine,” he mutters to no one in particular because no one is in his room which he is really thankful for since no one needs to deal with him when he’s being such a downer.
Not Kugisaki.
Not Fushiguro.
Not Gojo-sensei.
Not even Sukuna.
Yuuji knew he shouldn’t be feeling like this. He had promised his grandfather that he will be happy, and that he would live a fulfilling life surrounded by the people he cared about and in turn cared about him.
He thought he had left these monstrous feelings of hopelessness, and helplessness behind when he ate Sukuna’s finger. Left these feelings behind when he entered Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical College.
Yuuji’s not being bullied, the classes are small and easy, and his friends are a delight to have. They all get along and even his sensei is super nice. Plus his senpais! They were also nice, they didn’t even know each other yet they welcomed him with open arms.
But yet, on some days and for some reason, Yuuji still feels empty.
Numb.
Heavy.
And lately, it’s getting worse, some days he can’t bring himself to smile. But he needs to smile. He must smile because he’s Itadori Yuuji.
Itadori Yuuji can’t possibly exist without smiling. That is his trademark.
“I’m fine,” he says once again in front of the mirror, practicing the words for when people ask. Practicing for when people notice something, practicing to come up with excuses.
Yuuji’s always been a bad liar so he needs to practice.
Needs to practice so that they don’t notice anything. He doesn’t need to burden them, he can deal with it just fine.
He’s just tired, and this will go away like it always did. It’s not a lie but some days, it can just be so taxing, and so exhaustive.
He’s tired of being here, of being him. Of smiling. Of being Itadori Yuuji.
He doesn’t want people to notice that his smile doesn’t reach his eyes, that he’s not happy.
So, he continues to practice, hoping that his demons don’t overstay their stay.
It'll be alright.
He’ll be okay because he is Itadori Yuuji.