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To put it lightly, Harry was stressed.
He'd barely gotten any sleep during the past few weeks, staying in the library each night until an equally sleep deprived student working there kicked him out when the building closed at 2 am.
He'd had several stressful meetings with two different professors about his progress in the civil engineering department this far in his education. They wanted to know about his plans for after uni, what he was doing this summer to prepare for his final year, and other god awful questions that a man running only on caffeine and the fear of failure could not answer.
He and Louis were in art history together this semester, Harry waiting until a little too long before starting to knock out his required fine arts credits and Louis willing to take an intro level course in his department just to be in a class with Harry. They had booked a study room the night before their presentation and had planned and practiced for five hours without a break.
All in all, Harry had taken three exams last week: computational methods in civil engineering, earthquake engineering, the upper division maths class the school made all engineering students take. Plus he had that giant presentation on medieval art that he suffered through with shaking hands and way too many flashcards.
And now?
Now, Harry was just tired as hell.
He trudged back to his apartment after his 4:00 pm earthquake exam with bleary eyes and slightly jittery hands because he'd thrown back three large iced coffees instead of breakfast. Oh, and also lunch. He should probably eat something.
He was proud of himself when he dropped his keys only twice instead of four times like earlier that day.
When safely inside the (thankfully) empty apartment, Harry threw his backpack on his desk and threw his body face down on his bed. It took him longer than he’d like to admit, but he determined that it was friday (oh, right, the day of his last exam, right, yeah) meaning he had at least three hours before his roommate, Ed, came back.
He peeled himself off the bed and started changing into a pair of fleece pajama bottoms and a cozy jumper he’d bought for occasions just like these.
His headspace was creeping up fast so he quickly grabbed a handful of his kid friendly snacks (no hard-to-open packages, no sharp corners on boxes, not too much sugar so he doesn’t crash later) and dug behind his dresser for his favorite toy, a stuffed animal bunny named Peaches.
Harry flopped down onto his bed, blinked hard a couple times, yawned, then fell fully into littlespace.
He looked over at the bookshelf serving as his headboard and let out a squeal of delight at the sight of fruit snacks he’d grabbed from the snack drawer.
Taking a package, he tugged the scissor slit Big Harry had exaggerated upon buying the snacks and threw a couple Scooby Doo themed fruit snacks in his mouth.
He grabbed Peaches and his most softest blanket and curled into a ball, planning on finishing the snack then taking a well deserved nap.
―
You see, Harry had this one understanding with himself.
He knew that his anxiety took a lot out of him.
So he adapted and he consequently formed this one understanding with himself.
Harry tried to not feel weak whenever he needed to do this, he tried to just take a deep breath, close his eyes, and let him have this one thing, just this one thing.
Because when Harry realized his anxiety took a lot out of him and then he developed this one understanding with himself, he liked to regress. Sort of. He liked to curl up in his softest blankets on his tiny, twin-sized, hard-mattress-d bed, and forget that he was an adult with responsibilities and stress and too much engineering homework.
He sometimes put on a movie (usually Disney but he also liked to browse Netflix’s kids section to find a new flick to watch), sometimes played with his stuffed animals that he kept hidden behind his closet, sometimes colored pictures with his yummy smelling markers, and sometimes just napped.
No one knew about it.
He and his roommate, Ed, were close (obviously not close enough to share this secret) so they knew each other’s schedules; when they were in class, when they had sports or various clubs, when they were out with friends. So Harry strategically planned out when it was safe to let himself indulge in this one understanding with himself.
None of his closest friends knew about it.
Liam and Niall knew he had anxiety, probably assumed he had some sort of special routine to calm himself down when he got overwhelmed or to comfort himself when he needed a break. But he could guarantee that they didn’t know about his obsession with acting little.
He had entertained the thought of telling Zayn. He probably wouldn't laugh at him, automatically thinking he was bullshitting him like Niall definitely would.
He'd probably be weirded out at first but eventually be cool with it. Maybe?
Well, doesn't matter anyways, telling him wouldn't do anything. So he'd decided not to.
And he kept it that way.
He didn't really feel all that bad about keeping this little (pun very much intended) secret from those mates. It wasn't like he needed to constantly lie to their faces about it.
(Not that he'd be successful at that, either, he's pretty sure Zayn was a goddamn spy in a past life.)
However, he did feel bad about lying to Louis.
They had been best friends since starting primary school when Harry moved to town with his family. The boy accidentally elbowed Louis square in the nose when he had tried to put his lunchbox away in the cubby marked with his name, conveniently located right above Louis’ with a perfect aim from Harry’s arm to the other boy’s face. But an awkward handshake, some ice, and a rushed apology led to a life-long friendship.
Harry had also been harboring a secret crush on him for almost as long. Isn’t that how it always goes? Teenage gay falls for straight best friend and is sad because of unrequited love? Harry was a walking cliche he supposed.
But Louis meant so much to him that he never bothered to express his feelings, trying to stay content with a friendship with him. He was too damn important to Harry.
So they had been best friends and not a hint more since that fateful Spring day in primary school.
It was too weird, though. Strong friendship or not, Harry’s habitual regression, that would disgust Louis.
He’d stop hanging out with him but he’d be way too nice about it, just keep making honest-sounding excuses about why he’s too busy then just gradually stop calling or texting or coming to Harry’s place for Saturday movie nights or studying with him and buying Aero bars because Harry loves them and he’d leave Harry alone and sad all by himself. Or at least, that’s what Harry is sure will happen. Probably.
And Lou was the most important person to harry. His closest friend, probably (definitely) the love of his life. He couldn’t lose him.
But Harry tells Louis everything.
He knows about every failed test, every embarrassing Styles family reunion, every cat he sees on the local animal shelter website that he’s thisclose to adopting.
He also knows about every aspect of Harry’s mental health.
He knows about every panic attack, every awkward conversation with his step dad about how, yes, he still needs his medication, every night he feels lonely and depressed.
Harry just wished he could share this detail, too.
It would take a huge weight off his chest, clear his conscience, maybe even give him a friend to complain to when Ed skips class and Harry can’t have little time that day, or maybe even a caretaker if he should be so lucky.
He wouldn’t have to lie about what he’s been doing after an impromptu ‘regression session’ when he was meant to hang with Louis or why he waited so long to respond to a text or why he got all stuttery and weird when Louis brings up new ways to cope with anxiety that he’d read about and thought would genuinely help Harry.
But c’est la vie , Harry supposed.
―
Harry absolutely hated his earthquake engineering professor.
The dumb, straight out of his doctoral program, prick had been a real pain in the arse since the term started, but now, he was somehow even worse.
He’d assigned two compositions this week, a paper last week, and there was an exam coming up despite their impossible exam just a couple weeks ago.
Harry was currently festering in his anger while scrawling out answers to the homework assignment for that class in his and Louis’ corner of the library.
Louis would get out of his class in less than ten, so Harry had around fifteen minutes to rehearse a perfect string of insults about Dr. Dumb Face and the shit he had to deal with in his class.
Just as Harry had perfected his list of jabs describing where the prof could stuff his ugly face, Louis turned the corner and sat down at their table.
“Uh oh, what happened,” Louis asked with a knowing smirk.
Harry huffed and began complaining, using quite a lot of swearing and even more rude gestures as Louis watched, grinning at Harry’s antics.
“Hmm, so not having a good start to our week are we?”
“No. No we are not,” Harry rolled his eyes and pouted.
“Hmm, that sucks, I’m sorry.”
He waited a beat.
“What are you doing Friday?” Louis asked as he took his binder out of his backpack.
“Uh, nothing, was gonna study with a group for Mex Lit but the exam was cancelled,”
“Nice! My match just got cancelled so I’m free then. Wanna hang out at my place? End the week on a good note?”
Louis lived in the infamous football house. It was their campus’ version of a frat because English uni’s didn’t have Greek life, but apparently they were desperate for that piece of quintessential American university. Basically all of the upperclassmen on the varsity footie team lived there.
The place was filled with the world’s most stereotypical jocks and it constantly smelled like dirty laundry and old pizza.
So, no, Harry did not want to hang at his place.
“Yeah, no, last time we hung out there I almost fell down the stairs because I tripped on someone’s cleats. Also, it always smells like shit,”
“Fine, fine, we’ll go to yours, I just thought Ed might be annoyed that I’m always around,” Louis laughed.
“Nah, Ed loves ‘ya. Besides, he’s at a Mock Trial conference this weekend, leaves Friday morning”
“Alright. Sounds good, then,” Louis nodded and began on his maths homework.
Monday sucked but at least Harry had Friday to look forward to.
―
By Wednesday, Harry needed more little time.
It seemed like after the halfway point of the term, he hadn’t had any time to breathe let alone be little.
It wasn’t just the end of the semester course load that had him stressed, it was the reminder that graduation was coming fast and that he needed to get a good internship this summer and that he should earn some good money during summer break and the fact that he hadn’t seen Louis since Monday which wasn’t that long, but Harry really needed someone to hug him and tell him that everything was gonna be okay. And Louis was a really good hugger, though he would never say that to his face.
He just wanted to hide under his blanket with Peaches and watch “Parks and Recreation” while eating too many rice crispy treats.
But he had a project for his civil engineering class due tomorrow and he still needed to finish his homework for Mex Lit so he didn’t have time for a break to regress.
He grabbed his backpack and the books he’d need for the night and resigned himself to working at the library until an ungodly hour.
―
Harry was practically buzzing in his seat.
It was Friday afternoon and Ed had left for his Mock Trial conference in Leicester early that morning, leaving him blissfully alone that weekend.
After an incredibly busy week, Harry needed this.
His 12:15 class ended early around 1:45 and then Harry was rushing back to his apartment, eager to finally regress and get his brain to stop running a mile a minute.
Once he got back, he made himself a sandwich and quickly put on a pair of his little pajamas. It was never too early in the day to break out a fuzzy onesie.
He felt littlespace creeping up just as he got his laptop open to his little Netflix account.
With a deep breath, he closed his eyes and let his mind be taken over by his headspace.
He lay down for a few more seconds after the transition, stretching his body and letting out a huge yawn.
Sitting up, Harry saw the laptop screen playing a movie, “Coco,” and he giggled in delight.
He munched on the sandwich Big Harry made for him and watched the movie, one of his all time bestest movies.
After finishing the sandwich, Harry grabbed Peaches and Fluffy, his stuffed animal sheep, from where Big Harry left them on the end of the bed and cuddled the two to his chest.
He watched the rest of “Coco” while explaining the important parts to Fluffy because she had never ever seen it.
After the movie, Peaches told him that she was sleepy and he figured that they all could use a nice nap so he closed the laptop and placed it very nicely onto the bookshelf because it was very special to Big Harry and he needed to be careful with it.
Him and Peaches and Fluffy all got under his blankie, the really big one with the blue stars on it, and he closed his eyes to fall asleep.
When Harry woke up later, he felt a little sleepy still, but his head felt much better and so did Peaches’ head, she told him so.
He rubbed some sleep out of his eyes and thought about what to do next.
He didn’t remember the laptop password right now so he couldn’t watch another video, but that was okay because he had other games to play.
Harry hopped off the bed and went to his little drawer.
He saw the markers that smelled like yummy fruits and got excited so he grabbed them and a piece of paper and went to sit on the rug in the middle of the room.
He colored a picture of Peaches at the park and then another picture of him and Peaches at the ocean, stopping to smell every marker before he used it.
His favorite color is red because it smells the yummiest. Also it reminds him of his favoritest person Lou.
He colored for some time, but he didn’t really know how clocks worked as a little so he didn’t know exactly how much time he spent coloring.
When he felt he was finished, Harry looked down at all his pictures and grabbed Fluffy and Peaches to show them, too.
As he was in the middle of showing Fluffy the picture of him at the aquarium, he heard a knock on the door.
He froze.
No one ever knocked on the door when he is playing.
Harry could feel Big Harry trying to come back into his head.
Big Harry usually didn’t do that until he was sleeping.
“Hey, Haz, can I come in?” someone called from the outside of the door.
Harry pulled Peaches to his chest and asked her what to do.
Just as the door opened, Big Harry came back fully and threw the stuffed animals into his laundry basket as he tried to grab the drawings before Louis saw them.
“Harry, you ok?” Louis looked concerned.
Harry kicked the markers under his desk and moved behind Louis to the garbage can, crumpling the pictures and dumping them there.
“Hazza, what’s up? Did you forget I was coming? I did say I was coming at six, right?” He reached toward Harry, but the other man stepped further away, still trying to ease into his normal headspace.
“Hey, you okay?” Louis reassured soothingly, “did you have a panic attack or something?”
Harry tried to say something but his heart was beating crazy fast and he couldn’t get his mouth to form any words.
Louis took a step towards him and this time Harry let him.
“ Lou ,” he let out, soundly positively crushed.
“Hey, you’re safe, whatever happened, you are okay now, Haz,” he opened his arms and Harry tumbled into them, hiding his face in Louis’ shoulder as the sting of tears hit his closed eyes.
Louis held him for a couple minutes, whispering something kind every so often and rubbing gentle circles into Harry’s back.
Harry let himself cry a little, still working through the panic of almost being caught.
After he felt like he could breathe normally again, Harry started to pull back, meeting Louis’ eyes before staring at the ground.
“Sorr-”
“Nope. No, you know the rules, no apologizing for being a human who has human feelings,” Louis kindly chastised.
Harry let out a self-deprecating chuckle and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.
“Wanna talk about it?” Louis asked softly, still trying to make eye contact with his friend.
Harry gulped and tried to find some excuse for the panic and the drawings and the Pikachu onesie.
“Uhm,” he mumbled and cleared his throat, “I was just stressed, uh, then, it’s just this whole week, and, uh,”
He gestured around himself clumsily.
Louis caught his hands in the air and squeezed them.
“You don’t have to explain, I get it, and I am so sorry you had a stressful week,” Louis looked at Harry so open and calming, still holding Harry’s hands in his own.
Harry nodded and tried to quell the desire to fall back into littlespace.
Louis dropped Harry’s hands and turned to the mini refrigerator.
He grabbed a pint of Ben and Jerry’s fish food ice cream and two spoons.
“Alright, movie time,” he declared as he hopped onto Harry's bed with a smile.
Harry grinned and climbed up beside him, eagerly grabbing a spoon and the carton as Louis played a movie.
They took turns eating ice cream until the whole carton was finished (they felt no shame about that) as “National Treasure” played on Harry’s laptop.
Harry couldn’t help but feel cared for (dare he say loved?) by Louis.
He really needed to figure some shit out.
―
Harry had a dream.
It was a really good one.
He was with Louis and they were happy.
He doesn’t remember what they were doing, but he knows he was little and the other boy wasn’t disgusted or confused or ashamed.
And Harry was so so happy.
He woke up and felt the immense desire to recreate the dream, to tell Louis his secret and be accepted for that part of him.
He’d never wanted to share this with anyone so badly.
He’d always assumed it would be his own little ritual until he eventually grew out of it or gave up on it.
…
Well fuck.
―
Saturdays are for the boys.
By this, Harry means that Saturdays are when Louis comes over after a football practice or a match and they watch chick flicks while eating sugary snacks with calorie counts in the several hundreds on Harry’s twin-sized bed.
But this Saturday, Harry was freaking out.
He couldn’t get his stupid dream off his mind.
He wanted more than anything to get the secret off his chest, but he had been hiding it for so long, he doesn’t even know how he’d so about telling Louis.
Glancing at the clock, Harry saw that he had four hours until Louis would be heading over.
Four hours to decide his course of action.
To tell or not to tell, that is the question.
He sucked in a shaky breath and tried to run through scenarios of what the conversation might look like.
How would he bring it up?
Would being in littlespace help Louis understand better?
Should he bring up the subject first and feel out Louis’ reaction and then tell him he was a little?
Harry couldn’t focus.
Possible scenes and too many what ifs were flying around his head.
After two hours had passed and Harry had done little more than stress about what to tell Louis, he eventually gave up.
It was too important to him to just blurt it out on a whim, putting himself on a limb with very little thought.
He sighed and grabbed his laptop, attempting to do some quick studying before Louis showed up.
By the time seven o’clock rolled around, Harry had firmly resigned himself to keeping quiet about his secret.
And he felt okay about that.
Louis knocked on his door right at 7:02 and Harry rushed up to let him in.
“Hey,” Louis smiled as he walked into the dorm, dropping a pile of snacks on Harry’s bed.
“Hey, yourself,” Harry replied. He grabbed his laptop and opened Netflix, quickly clicking on “ The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society ,” one of his favorite films.
“Oh, I see how it is,” Louis teased playfully, “You don’t let your dear ‘ol Lou pick the movie,”
Harry rolled his eyes and jumped onto the bed, clearing a spot next to him for Louis to fill.
“Yep,” he smirked at the fake pout on the other boy’s face.
Louis turned off the lights and grabbed a blanket before moving to sit next to Harry.
“Fine, you get away with it this time but only because I love this movie,”
Harry played the film and the two spent the entire one hour and forty-four minutes stuffing crisps and chocolate into their mouths as they made stupid commentary about the movie.
After the credits began to play, Louis cleared his throat and turned to Harry, shutting the laptop as he shifted his gaze to look Harry directly in the eyes.
“Hey, Hazza, I was wondering if you wanted to talk about last night,” he spoke gently.
Harry sucked in a quick breath.
Yesterday, after he calmed down and Louis played “National Treasure,” Harry curled into Louis’ side, still feeling vulnerable and kinda little. He didn’t realize it until halfway through the movie, but some time earlier he had put his thumb in his mouth and was sucking on it absentmindedly. He quickly removed his thumb and assumed Louis hadn’t seen based on the lack of commentary or playful jokes.
Harry blushed at the memory and subconsciously tucked his thumb underneath his thigh.
“What, uh, what do you mean?” He forced himself to say.
Louis sensed how tense he was and reached out to rub one of Harry’s shoulders.
“Just, when I came here you, you kinda freaked out, and the onesie was new and then during the movie,” he trailed off.
Harry shut his eyes and willed himself to stay calm.
“Look, Harry, I’m not gonna make you tell me anything, but just know that I would never judge you or anything, I love you, mate,” he smiled weakly with a light blush of his own.
Harry had a big decision to make.
He had made up his mind earlier, but now Louis was here. And he seemed so supportive.
Harry swallowed back his fear.
He opened his eyes and saw Louis looking at him without a scrap of judgement, just like he had promised.
“I am, well, there’s this thing, er-” he shut his mouth and tried to figure out the best way to tell Louis.
Louis didn’t interrupt, just brought his hand to grasp Harry’s and began to move his thumb in a soft circle.
Harry took another deep breath and let it out shakily.
“I, for the past couple years, well, I have been dealing with my anxiety or just bad exhaustion by acting, well, little,” he winced and squinted his eyes, but chose to continue.
“I have some soft pj’s and I have stuffed animals and I like to just relax, or, or, color, or watch a film, and it helps me calm down and stuff,”
He looks down at his hands.
Louis is still gently caressing the back of his right hand and Harry focuses on that motion while he musters up the courage to look at Louis.
He finally shifts his eyes back up to Louis’ and is surprised to find no trace of shock or disgust on his friend’s face.
“Are, uh, are you grossed out?” he asks hesitantly.
Louis immediately frowns and shifts closer to Harry.
“No, Hazza, of course not,” he keeps his eyes on Harry’s relaying how serious he is.
“Harry, I, uh, looked it up after yesterday,” he blushed, “you know, the drawings and onesie and then the thumb sucking, I, well, I googled it and found pages about that kind of stuff,”
Harry’s eyes widened.
Louis huffed and scratched the back of his neck.
“I read about littles and caregivers and I didn’t wanna assume anything, but I figured that you kinda fit the bill based off of what I accidentally saw yesterday,” he said hesitantly, probably noting the way Harry’s face blushed cherry red.
Harry could not believe his fucking ears.
“Wait,” he shook his head a little bit, “so you read about littles, and you figured I was one, and that didn’t, like, freak you out?” he asked incredulously.
“No! Haz, you do not freak me out or gross me out or anything else you might be worried about,” he squeezed the hand that was still in his grip. “Harry, when I was reading, I realized that this is just a different form of coping for you, and of course that doesn’t disgust me,”
Harry felt tears prick his eyes.
His biggest secret was out in the open and the person who meant the most to him wasn’t judging him for it.
Fuck, he needs a tissue. He’s always been a crier.
Louis quickly hopped off the bed and grabbed a box of Kleenex from Harry's desk.
Jesus Christ, can he get more perfect? Harry thought.
He climbed back up next to Harry and handed him a tissue, smiling reassuringly at his friend.
Harry wiped his eyes then blew his nose, handing the tissue back to Louis when he opened his hand for it.
“Hazza,” he spoke softly, “do you have anything you wanna say?”
Harry sniffled and tried to think of what he would say. ‘I am so grateful,’ ‘I love you so much,’ ‘Do you know how much this means to me?’
He ended up crying instead.
Louis grabbed him and pressed him against his side, tucking Harry’s head against his shoulder and whispering soft reassurances into his ear.
Shit, Harry was feeling like he really needed to be little right about now.
He started rambling how happy he was and how scared he had been and how he wanted to tell Louis. It was like a flood gate was opened.
Louis just held him and rubbed his back and scratched his head and whispered that he’s sorry that this was weighing down on Harry and that he will never be grossed out by him and that he loves him no matter what.
When Harry felt like he could breathe properly again, he leaned his head back so he could see Louis.
“Hi,” Louis smiled at him.
“Hey,” Harry whispered back.
“Haz, love, can I ask something,”
He nodded slowly and prepared for a super embarrassing question.
Louis cleared his throat and blushed slightly.
“Do you, or have you ever, oh gosh,” he smiled self-deprecatingly. “I wanted to know if you’ve ever thought about having someone take care of you when you were little,” his blush grew deeper and he looked away from Harry.
Harry blinked.
Then he blinked again.
Did Louis mean what he thought he meant?
“I-” he swallowed a lump in his throat, “I-well, yeah. I think about it, but I only trust one person to, uhm, do that,” now it was his turn to blush.
Louis looked back at Harry with a question in his eyes.
“It’s you, I mean, it’s always been you” he stuttered out.
Louis’ face broke out in a bright smile.
“So you’d trust me to be your caregiver? Really?” he asked gleefully.
Harry smiled to himself and nodded. “Lou, I would like that a lot I think,”
Louis hugged Harry closer to him and started listing all these sites he had explored and the roles of a caregiver he read and how he was excited to finally try it out with Harry.
Harry looked at him astonished.
He had expected Louis to be disgusted, or at the most, quietly supportive. Never in a million years did he think he’d get to have him as a caregiver.
Harry could feel littlespace creeping closer.
Well, now or never, he guesses.
“Louis?” he asked softly, eager to get his approval before he drops.
Louis stopped rambling and looked down at Harry, eyes widening as he saw that Harry already looked younger.
“I feel close to dropping if you, uhm, wanted to try out being my Big right now?” he said meekly.
Louis nodded, “ok, what do you want me to do?”
Harry directed him to his little drawer and Louis got out some fuzzy pajamas and a hoodie. Next he grabbed Peaches and smiled softly when Harry pulled her to his chest and kissed the top of her head, already slipping into his headspace.
“So, I am dropping fast,” Harry said as he closed his eyes, trying to hold onto adulthood to tell Louis a couple more things, “I can eat snacks, but not too much sugar. I like to color, uhm, I might accidentally call you daddy,” he blushed at that.
Louis stood in front of Harry on the bed and caressed his cheek.
Harry opened his eyes and looked into Louis’.
“Hey, that’s ok love, if that’s what is comfortable for you, I’m game,” he said.
Harry nodded shyly.
“Uhm, I like cuddles, I don’t wear, uhm, diapers, but I might talk like a baby,” he scrambled to warn Louis of anything else as he slipped fully into littlespace.
Harry blinked fast several times and looked up at Louis who was still standing in front of the bed on which Harry sat with Peaches.
“Hi, baby,” Louis laughed as he saw the change in Harry’s demeanor.
Harry blew a raspberry at him and smiled when Louis started tickling his sides in retaliation.
When Harry successfully pushed his hands away, Louis picked up the soft clothes.
“You want to put on these comfy jammies, hmm?”
Harry nodded quickly and started to fumble with getting his shirt off. He looked up at Louis, arms stuck halfway in the arms of the t-shirt and pouted cutely.
Louis chuckled and moved to help him change out of the shirt and into the hoodie.
“Need help with the bottoms, baby, or do you want to do that by yourself?” Louis asked. He didn’t get explicit consent from Big Harry to undress/dress him so he hesitated to help the little himself.
Harry stuck his middle and ring fingers of his left hand in his mouth and nodded.
“Hmm? Yes to help, love?” Louis asked again.
“Yes, please,” Harry said, taking his fingers out of his mouth for a second before immediately replacing them.
“So polite,” Louis cooed.
He gently tugged Harry’s skinny jeans off and replaced them with the pj pants with Star Wars characters on them.
“Wow, these jammies are so cool!”
Harry preened at the praise and nodded in his agreement.
“What do you wanna do, love, wanna play or watch a show?”
It was nearing ten and although Harry’d had a lot of downtime that day, he still felt really sleepy.
“Movie?” he asked hopefully.
Louis smiled and nodded.
“Alright, baby, how ‘bout you choose something,” He opened up Harry’s laptop and saw that Harry had another account called “Babes” with a koala emoji next to it. He chuckled and clicked on the profile.
“Tarzan?” Harry asked as Louis sat on the bed next to him.
“Sounds great,” Louis moved to allow Harry to crawl into his lap and curl up against his chest. He expected it to feel more awkward, what with their notable size difference, but Harry fit perfectly in his lap.
“Comfy, baby?” he asked the little in a hushed tone.
Harry smiled and nodded, still sucking his two fingers.
Louis grabbed the blanket he had used before and covered Harry with it, moving the laptop to sit on a pillow to his side, angling it so that Harry had the optimal view.
Louis gently kissed the top of Harry’s head.
Harry hummed and cuddled closer into Louis’ body before shifting his full attention to the screen.
By the time the movie was over, Harry was more than half asleep.
He had dropped his fingers from his mouth and he was now curled around Peaches, eyes drooping like they were attempting to stay open but couldn’t help but flutter closed.
Louis shut the computer and shifted to move Harry to a lying position on the bed.
“Night night time?” Harry asked sleepily.
Louis smiled.
“Yeah, it’s night night time,” he brushed a strand of hair from Harry’s forehead and started to collect his things.
“Come back later?” Harry called from the bed where he already began to drift to sleep.
Louis walked back over and placed a soft kiss on the top of his head.
“You betcha I’ll come back later. Sweet dreams, little love,”
Harry nodded and tried to smile but his mouth was now really heavy and so were his eyes so he closed them both and started to fall asleep.
Louis shut off the lights and walked out the door, careful to shut it slowly behind him.
Harry hummed contently and fell fully into sleep.
―
Harry woke up more well rested than he had been in weeks, quite possibly all term.
He looked down and saw that he was in little clothes and that Peaches was resting on the pillow beside him, meaning he had gone to bed in his headspace.
Wait.
Oh,
Damn.
He remembered last night.
He jumped out of bed, properly freaked out. Had Louis really been so accepting? Did he really drop in front of him? Holy shit.
Harry started laughing hysterically.
He had been so fucking worried about how Louis would react that he hid this side of him. And what happened when Louis found out? He asked to be his caregiver!
He wiped a couple tears from his eyes and tried to get his breathing back under control.
Damn, he probably should have come clean earlier, this semester would have been much easier if he had Louis to care for him throughout it.
Harry shook his head, still in disbelief at the events of yesterday night.
He walked over to his desk and saw that he had several texts from Louis.
Louis: [6:13 AM] Good morning!!!
Louis: [6:13 AM] I have footie until 8:30 but I was wondering if you wanted to get breakfast later
Louis: [6:14 AM] I could meet you at the dining hall at 9:30...serving pancakes today :)
Harry smiled and glanced at the clock.
It was 9:14. Harry was actually pretty surprised he’d gotten up before 10.
Harry: [9:15 AM] Dumb morning person who does morning things in the morning :P
Louis: [9:16 AM] Yeppp
Louis: [9:16 AM] Put some clothes on, love. I’ll meet you in ten.
He rolled his eyes but did as he was told, grabbing a new hoodie and jeans that didn’t smell too awful.
He fished for his vans in the back of his closet and tugged them on while he grabbed his phone.
Harry: [9:19 AM] Dressed. Meet you there
Louis: seen [9:21 AM]
Harry grabbed his keys and wallet and headed to the dining hall.
Once he arrived, he saw Louis sitting with two plates of pancakes and two bowls of fruit.
“Oh, does mother hen want me to eat my fruits and veggies?” he teased as he took the seat opposite of Louis.
The other man rolled his eyes but pushed the fruit closer to him anyways.
“How’d you sleep?” he asked Harry politely.
“Uh, that was probably the best sleep I’ve gotten in a while,” he answered truthfully, only a slight blush on his cheeks.
“That’s great!” Louis beamed, looking proper chuffed. “Do you, well, we should probably talk about last night?” Louis said with a more serious tone.
Harry suddenly felt cold all over.
Fuck.
This was it.
This was when Louis would say he changed his mind and he felt wildly uncomfortable about being Harry’s caregiver and that he thinks Harry should stop hanging out with him so much and that this breakfast was their last time getting food together because Louis realized how much of a freak Harry was and oh shit Harry felt like he was gonna throw up.
“Hey, hey, Haz! Look at me,” Louis said, rushed.
Harry moved his eyes from where they were staring at his plate of pancakes to glance up at Louis’ concerned face.
Louis reached across the table and picked up Harry’s hands, giving them a couple tight squeezes.
“I’m not mad, or grossed out, or anything, and I didn’t have second thoughts, Haz, I just thought we should clear the air a little, talk more about boundaries if we really are gonna add these roles to our relationship,” he calmly stated while holding Harry’s slightly shaky hands. It’s like he knew exactly what the other boy was thinking.
Harry swallowed. Then he took a deep breath.
“That’s it, breathe, love,” Louis encouraged.
Ok, so Louis isn’t ending their friendship. Louis doesn’t think he’s weird. Louis still wants to be his Big.
As Harry calms back down, Louis looks around the quickly filling dining room.
“Hazza? Love? How about we grab a to-go box and take the food back to my house? We can talk more there?” he suggests.
Still getting his head back from the clouds, Harry nodded absentmindedly.
Louis took care of the food and grabbed Harry’s arm to lead him out of the cafeteria.
As they walked off campus to the rows of off-campus housing, Harry relaxed fully and felt kinda embarrassed that he had freaked out so much.
Louis led him up to the apartment, pushing several pairs of muddy cleats and shinguards to the side so he and Harry could make their way to Louis’ second story bedroom.
There was a group of guys in the living room and Louis gave them a cursory wave before heading towards the staircase.
Once they got to his room (luckily they all had their own rooms...the unequal distribution of University funds to the athletics department wasn’t necessarily cool, but it gave the varsity football players a giant house to themselves so…) Louis shut and locked the door.
“Sorry, I kinda freaked,” Harry looked down at his feet.
Louis turned from where he was putting the food down and grabbing a white, plastic shopping bag from behind his desk.
“Babe, rule number one, no apologizing for things you can’t control,” he said as he walked over to where Harry was standing.
Harry nodded and reached out for Louis.
Louis wrapped him in a tight hug, gave him several full-body squeezes that made Harry giggle sweetly, and let go of him.
“Uhm, what I mostly wanted to talk about was this,” he blushed a soft pink and grabbed the plastic bag he had retrieved.
“What’s that?” Harry asked curiously.
Louis, still sporting flushed cheeks, handed the package to Harry with a small smile.
Harry cocked his head to the side and took the bag from Lou. He looked inside and gasped.
“You, wha-” he looked up at Louis with stars in his eyes, “you got this for me?”
Louis nodded and laughed, telling Harry to look at all the items in the bag.
Harry pulled out three multicolored dummies, one with kittens, one with little grey moons, and the last with pretty pink hearts. Next, he grabbed a sippy cup that was purple with navy blue stars on it. Lastly, he found one of those teething toys shaped like a ring that could be put into the freezer to cool it down.
“Louis,” he looked up at him with teary eyes.
Louis pulled him into another hug, a little longer this time.
“You’re too good to me, Lou,” Harry sniffled.
Louis shushed him and moved so that both of them could sit on the bed. He reached over Harry to grab the to-go boxes of their breakfast, making sure Harry had enough breakfast.
“I had extra time after footie and, well, I was thinking about the little stuff you didn’t have and I just walked across the street to Tesco and got a little carried away,”
Harry smiled around his bite of pancake. He cleared his throat quietly after he swallowed.
“So,” he said softly, “you promise you don’t think it’s really strange that I wanna act like a kid and want you to take care of me when I’m like that?” he asks once more, just to be totally, completely, absolutely sure.
“Hazza, I’ll take you any way I can have you,” Louis responded just as quietly.
He looked down at Harry with an indecipherable look in his eyes.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, well, you mean so much to me, Harry, I don’t care if you need me to be your friend, your confidant, your caregiver, I’ll do it, whatever you need, love, I will be that for you,”
Harry looked at the earnest expression on Louis’ face.
“I just, Harry, I just need you in my life, ya know? I don’t care how, I just need you,” Louis confessed.
Harry’s eyes widened. There’s no way he could be saying what Harry thought he meant.
“You mean it?” he gulped.
“Yeah, course I mean it,” Louis replied while wiping a stray tear from his eye.
“I-I need you too,” Harry stuttered. “I need you a lot, Lou, you mean so much to me,” he shut his eyes and willed himself not to cry.
Louis placed his hand on Harry’s cheek and slowly moved his thumb in small circles.
“I love you, Harry,” Louis whispered, almost too quiet for Harry to hear him.
Harry didn’t open his eyes, but tears slip put anyway, streaming down his cheeks. Louis wiped them away with the hand already on his face.
“I mean it, babe, I love you, you are amazing and so smart and so handsome and I can’t imagine my life without you in it,” Louis continued.
“I love you too, Lou,” he said gently. “A lot, like so much,”
Harry forced himself to open his eyes.
“Hey,” Louis breathed out, smiling at the other boy.
“Hi,” Harry whispered through the lump in his throat.
Louis leaned in closer. His eyes glanced down at Harry’s lips.
“Can I?” he asked softly.
Harry nodded and leaned closer.
Louis closed the space between them, kissing Harry like he was something to worship.
He pushed away the mostly empty boxes of food and shifted his body so he was facing Harry, all without breaking the kiss.
When Louis finally pulled back, he had a blinding smile dancing across his face.
Harry laughed and tucked his face into Louis’ shoulder.
Louis rubbed his back and giggled along with him.
“Did you really just kiss me? Is this a dream?” he breathed into Louis’ skin.
“Not a dream, Haz,” Louis hummed.
Harry quickly escaped from Louis’ grip, eyes all lit up.
“Will you be my boyfriend?” he asked excitedly.
Louis laughed with glee.
“Yes, yes love, of course,”
They kissed again, Harry moving to sit in Louis’ lap to get closer to the man that he loved. He could easily get used to this feeling.
He straddled Louis’ hips and placed his hands on Louis’ jaw, pulling him deeper into the kiss. Louis moaned at the movement and grabbed Harry’s hips, squeezing them intermittently.
Harry felt Louis’ tongue press at hip sealed lips and he graciously opened his mouth, letting Louis slowly explore his mouth.
They stayed in that position for several more minutes before Louis shifted his hands to Harry’s arse and moved him up and off of Louis’ lap. He managed to not break the kiss as he lay Harry down on the bed, moving to kneel over him. One of his hands held himself up on the bed while the other found purchase low on Harry’s hip.
Harry moved his hands to clasp around Louis’ neck. He groaned into the kiss as Lou ground his hips into his own, making his interest very well known.
Louis pulled back slightly. He grabbed at his cock over his sweats, slowly squeezing as he made deliberate eye contact with the man underneath him.
“Hope you weren’t planning on being little tonight,” he rasped, “because I have very adult things planned,” he wiggled his eyebrows in a seemingly seductive manner.
Harry couldn’t help but let out a sharp laugh at the terrible line.
“Louis! Babe, I love you, but that was the cheesiest thing you’ve ever said,” he smiled up at Louis, grabbing his hands and putting them back down on his chest.
Louis laughed a little himself and nodded in agreement.
“Hey, I thought it sounded kinda smooth in my head,”
Harry rolled his eyes but pulled Louis down to continue their kiss, grinding into the bigger man in the process.
Louis smiled against Harry’s kiss-bitten lips.
“Eager much?” he asked playfully.
Harry moaned sweetly in response and nodded, not caring if Louis was making fun of him.
He let Louis take control from that point forward, moving when he nudged him, moaning when Louis asked to hear him, doing whatever Lou told him to do.
He basked in the feeling of being taken care of by the man of his dreams.
Fuck, he could really get used to this.
―
Harry watched with curious eyes as Louis filled his new sippy cup with the chocolate milk they had bought from the supermarket on campus. He sucked happily on his dummy, the super cool one with the hearts because that’s how much Daddy loves him. Harry swung his legs excitedly, watching as Louis turned around and walked towards Harry’s bed.
“Here, baby,” Louis brought the cup over to the Little, a wide smile on his face.
Harry opened his mouth and let his dummy fall into Louis’ waiting hand. Then he took the sippy cup with both his hands and drank a sip of chocolate milk.
“That yummy, sweetheart?” Louis cooed.
Harry smiled with his mouth still around the spout of the cup and took another long sip.
Louis joined Harry on his bed, planting a kiss on his forehead while making an exaggerated ‘mwah’ sound.
Harry giggled and let Louis swing his legs over the edge of the bed so that he sat fully on the bed. Harry crawled the couple of feet to sit in Louis’ lap and cuddle his head to Louis’ chest while he drank more milk.
Louis immediately placed a hand in Harry’s hair, softly brushing through the long curls within his reach. He leaned down and kissed the top of Harry’s hair once, twice, three times, before letting his forehead rest on the crown of Harry’s head.
“I love you, baby,” he whispered.
Harry squirmed out from under Louis’ tight grip and sloppily kissed Louis on his cheek.
“Love you, Daddy,” he whispered back.
Louis smiled and blew a kiss at his little.
Harry pretended to eat said kiss, giving Louis his cutest smirk that quickly morphed into loud giggles when Louis proceeded to tickle the sass out of him.
After Harry had sufficiently pleaded with his caregiver to stop the tickling, Louis leaned back onto Harry’s bed. He pushed aside the two engineering textbooks lying on the pillow (Harry will probably fuss about the treatment of his precious books later on, but oh well) and motioned for Harry to follow him.
Harry crawled up to cuddle with Louis, allowing the Big to take his sippy cup and put it on the bedside table so Harry could squeeze himself as close to Louis’ side as physically possible.
“Love you, sweet boy,” Louis hummed.
Harry smiled into Louis’ chest and made a quiet purr of affirmation.
Louis held Harry against his side and slowly rubbed circles into his jammy-clad back.
Harry closed his eyes and let the rest of the term’s stress fade away, feeling safe and happy and oh so loved right there in Louis’ arms.
―
fin.