Archive of Our Own

I

Third time crying this week.

Jisung stares into his closet mirror, almost blenching at the sight of his red-tinted eyes and faded dead hair. Tears are still spilling from his eyes but he’s using all of his strength to stop his facial muscles from contorting into something entirely unattractive for the sake of his self-esteem.

If I’m not gonna have smarts, or be funny, or anything else, I might as well be a pretty crier. 

His thoughts suddenly stray to a memory he thought he had locked up in a dark box long ago. It starts as a small whisper, then builds into something bigger, something louder and stronger, and soon he’s watching his face crumble moments before turning away to cry even harder than before. 

So much for that.

Jisung backs out of his closet, half-assedly shutting it. The bed beside his is empty and done, still neat from when his roommate Chenle left hours ago to meet up with his usual party group. He’d invited Jisung out as he always has, but Jisung had denied (as he always has) on the count of not knowing whether he'd be able to keep himself composed throughout the few hours at the house.

Now, half stumbling towards his bed, he knows it was the right choice. 

He can barely see through the strands of his hay-like hazel-dyed hair as his feet patter silently across the hardwood floor in their tiny living space. He’d dyed it long ago when his boyfr-

Ex.

Ex-boyfriend.

Jisung winces at the voice in his head, blinking away the tears blurring his already poor eyesight. 

After what feels like an eternity of walking, Jisung stubs his toe on a familiar metal leg, flinching with a shout. 

“FUCK,” Jisung goes to cradle his foot but immediately loses balance, falling back onto his butt with a resonating thud. A sharp pain shoots up his tailbone, making him arch his back the other way, only for him to roll onto the floor until he comes to a stop in a fetus shape on his side. He curls himself in tight, hands still wrapped around his toe as tears continue to pour from his eyes, now shut tight. He lets himself cry, his body feeling overly-warm with the heat radiating from him. Sweat begins to bead on his hairline despite the cool air wafting in through the still open window, one that Chenle specifically told him not to keep open past 10pm latest. Jisung peers at the small clock leaning against the wall in the center of their shared, corner desk, watching as the hour hand ticks further away from the number 1.

He releases the tension from his neck, allowing his entire body to flop onto the floor like a rag doll, staring aimlessly across their dorm. Slowly, he lets all his muscles relax, letting himself be aware of each one in order to keep him in the present. This technique is one that his ex had taught him, and it takes every sheet of brain tissue and nerve in his brain to stop himself from going down that road. 

Eventually, Jisung stands, and upon feeling the chilly middle-of-the-night-in-spring breeze, takes a deep breath. Tonight, he thinks he is lucky. As he trudges towards his unmade bed with tears rapidly drying on his cheeks, Jisung realizes how quiet it is, and thanks whoever is up in the clouds for making his neighbor end his nightly jam session early on this particularly bad breakdown night.

He lies in bed, pulling his comforter up to his chin and shuts his eyes, willing himself to sleep, and hoping that tomorrow will be better.

---

EARLIER

Tomorrow will be better. 

Jeno stares at the numbers and symbols scrawled about his notebook page with one hand in his hair, fingers tightening into a fist. He’s been stuck on this question for a whole six minutes, and for some reason the longer he looks at it the less it makes sense. After having to suffer from a particularly difficult Biology test earlier and another confession, Jeno is not up to dealing with ten long, laborious Statistic homework questions. 

To be fair, it has been a while since anyone has confessed they had feelings for him, or at least found him incredibly attractive and worthy of their energy. With a heavy sigh, Jeno releases his pencil and his hair, leaning back into his rickety study chair, breathing slowly until all the tension has melted from his shoulders. Even when he finds himself sitting in a position that surely cannot be good for his back, he remains still, unwilling to return to his work. 

The only thing that accompanies him is the music. His roommate (who currently is not home) bought him a Bluetooth speaker on his birthday the year before, and since then, he’s been using his earphones less, and plays the music out loud instead. He isn’t sure whether it is too loud or not, but seeing as he hasn’t gotten any complaints from his dorm neighbor, he doesn’t give much attention to the thought. 

In a desperate attempt to procrastinate his work, Jeno allows his mind to drift to the confession earlier that day. He isn’t a stranger to them, no. Most of the time, the confessions aren’t serious, at least recently. He thinks that the students here have some mission to piss Jeno off, to make him snap one day and reject someone in a not-very-nice way. 

But he doesn’t let it get to him. 

He almost did, one day in the first week of that year. He’d just entered his second year of university, excited to hear that his roommate hasn’t changed, and fully refreshed from the eight-week long break that was summer. He was entirely immersed in the idea of getting his studies perfect after struggling a lot in his first year.

Only to become the talk of campus, again, in the first nine days of the semester. 

It’s not like it was particularly bad, and he wasn’t being made fun of. But Jeno was fully aware of the words being whispered about him as he passed, the snickers and the glances when he did anything besides breathe. 

He gets that he’s prettier than average, but must they talk about him? 

“You’re hot, it’s a compliment.”

“Just stop caring.”

“What’s his problem?”

“Why is he so cold?”

Jeno has grown used to it. At first, he even welcomed it, if it meant people would leave him alone. Jeno isn’t particularly fond of people in general, so having his roommate also be his only friend in university isn’t that bad.

But it’s... not ideal.

The sound of the lock in the door grinding open shocks Jeno out of his thoughts, making his heart rate skyrocket. 

“Jeez,” he grumbles, propping himself back up in his seat, several facet joints in his back popping with synovial fluid. The release of pressure manages to slow the beating of his heart to something more reasonable as the door opens to reveal his grinning roommate. 

Where Jeno is ice, Donghyuck is fire. He thinks it’s funny how the two were shoved together by chance, because if it weren’t for them being roommates, they probably wouldn’t be friends at all. 

Donghyuck is an extrovert to a tee. He goes out often, has loads of friends, and kind of struggles if he’s alone for a little too long. Because of that, Jeno didn’t actually like him at first, at all, really, and Donghyuck was the same. However, after a few months of living together, and a handful of social saves on Donghyuck’s part, Jeno grew to love him, and considers him one of his closest friends in the world.

“What’s up!” Donghyuck grins, bumping the door shut with his butt. He takes note of the low beat in the background and the relatively dimly lit room as he strolls towards his bed and frowns. “Are you being emo again?”

Jeno scoffs, rolling his eyes. “I’m not emo .”

“I asked if you were being emo , Jen.” He drops his leather jacket on his bed, his body following soon after. “Calling you an emo is an insult to actual emos.”

Jeno shakes his head, whirling back to his work. After a few seconds of staring at it, mind still coming up blank, he turns back to his roommate, who is smiling to himself, probably because he knows exactly what is happening with his blond roommate. 

“How was the party?” Jeno asks. Donghyuck shoots up, clearly satisfied at the attention.

“Kinda lame, I’m not gonna lie. That’s why I’m back early.”

Jeno nods, turning back to his work with no intention of doing it. After a few minutes of quietude, Donghyuck sighs heavily and pulls himself from the bed. Jeno hears his dull footsteps against the hardwood floor and isn’t surprised when he sees him lean over the table by his side. 

“Bio?” 

Jeno shakes his head. “Stats.”

Donghyuck nods then picks a mechanical pencil from Jeno’s open pencil case. 

“Question four?” 

Jeno nods, and leans back, letting Donghyuck take the lead on it.

He tries to pay attention to the explanation Donghyuck gives, but his brain has already had enough. He ends up watching Donghyuck’s hand switch from writing with the pencil to pointing with the pencil, eyes friendly as he carefully explains where Jeno probably (definitely) got confused. There is no question that he’s jealous of how Donghyuck gets things so easily when he doesn’t study at all, and spends most of his time at karaoke or watching movies. It reminds him of-

“All good?” Donghyuck asks. Jeno snaps his focus back to Donghyuck, hoping that he didn’t catch Jeno not listening. But his shoulders slump, and his lips are pulled into a thin line, and Jeno knows he’s done for. Donghyuck sighs, carefully placing the pencil down. “Maybe that’s enough for today. When is this due?”

“Tuesday.” 

Donghyuck lets out a short laugh, then ruffles Jeno’s hair. The blond instinctively pulls away. 

“It’s only Friday dude, you’ll be fine. Take a break for the night and go to bed.” Jeno watches as Donghyuck returns to his bed, and flops down, only to sit back up again when the phone in his jacket pocket buzzes. He fumbles for the device, hope clear in his eyes, but visibly droops when he checks the notification. 

“What?” Jeno asks.

Donghyuck shakes his head, smiling. “I thought it was someone different,” a beat of silence passes between them, then Donghyuck stands and grabs his jacket. “Jaemin wants to meet up for a bit.” 

Jeno frowns and checks his phone for the time. It’s well past midnight now, and Jeno thought his roommate was going to settle down for the night, but clearly, that isn't the case. 

“Now? Isn’t it late?” Jeno doesn’t want Donghyuck to go, but as expected, the boy just waves him off, crimson dyed hair glinting in the dim light. 

“It’s Friday, Jen,” Donghyuck laughs, and starts gathering his stuff, “Do you wanna co-”

Donghyuck cuts his sentence off abruptly, and Jeno isn’t surprised when he sees guilt slowly seeping into his expression. His pretty, pretty face twists into one that looks as if it is frozen in a wince, and despite the pang in Jeno’s heart, he waves it off.

“Sorry,” Donghyuck says sheepishly.

Jeno pulls his lips into a forced smile, “it’s fine. Easy to forget.”

In reality, it’s not easy to forget. Donghyuck has invited Jeno out with Jaemin by accident many times before, and Jeno is starting to get tired of it. But he loves Donghyuck and his big heart, so he always pushes it aside.

But really, is it so hard to remember?

“I’ll see you later… unless you’re sleeping.” With that, Donghyuck sends him a playful flying kiss and is out the door. 

Once the lock clicks shut, Jeno sighs. He turns back to his work for only a few seconds before shutting the notebook and getting up, not bothering to clean up the mess of eraser shavings and stationery. Already dressed in his pajamas, Jeno faces the window, just by the desk. Their room is weirdly laid out in comparison to other dorms, considering the fact that they share a singular desk shoved into the far corner of the room, the rectangle bent in the middle to fit said corner. Jeno stands from his side of the desk, the one nearest to the window and his bed, and flops back onto his blanket. 

He lies there for a few breaths, thinking. He tries to think of something besides Donghyuck’s mistake, but he can’t. 

What is so hard about remembering that Jaemin took Renjun from me?

Donghyuck should know. Jeno never got mad at Donghyuck for being best friends with Jaemin, because after all, the two have been friends for a lot longer than Jeno and Donghyuck have. It is just a sad coincidence that they were given.

Shaking it off, Jeno plucks his phone from his bedside table and disconnects from the Bluetooth speaker. The music abruptly dips him into silence, but only until he manages to plug his earphones in for the night. Donghyuck has told him many times not to fall asleep with the music in his ears, but the earphones end up falling out anyway, so he figures it should be fine. 

And it is fine, until the earphones fall out before he’s fallen asleep, almost an hour later.

At first, he tries to ignore it, sleep already on its way. But the annoyance at the sudden change sticks to him like gum, and soon his eyes are snapping open. 

“Seriously?” Jeno frowns, and begins to lift his upper body off the mattress when he hears something.

Specifically, sobs.

“What the…'' Jeno sits, peering around his room. Of course, he finds nothing, and no one. 

But the crying persists. 

Then, a lightbulb moment hits him. Not a great one, but a lightbulb moment it is.

Jeno pulls himself out from under the blanket and moves to the headboard. The quality of it isn’t great, and he assumes that the wall behind it is the same, because the sobs get louder when he nears it. Sighing, Jeno presses his ear to the wall.

Bingo.

On the other side, Jisung leans against the wall behind his own bed, eyes shut as he tries to bring the tears to a stop, again. 

Jeno has had a rough night. To add to that, he isn’t great with people. 

And thus the first thing that comes to his mind, is-

“Hey,” he knocks on the wall once. “Can you keep it down please?”

Jisung’s heart flies from his chest, and ends up choking on his breath out of shock.

What the hell?

He’s a smart kid, and naturally, he comes to a conclusion pretty quickly. After all, it’s not like he doesn’t hear his neighbor’s music  every single night.

“You scared the shit out of me, asshole.” He grumbles, hitting the wall with the side of his fist. Then, he intentionally adds, “sorry for keeping you up,” with a sour tone, and when silence ensues, Jisung can’t help but roll his eyes.

Not even a ‘thank you’.

Meanwhile, Jeno is on the other side, feeling a familiar cloud of guilt start to fog around his heart as he stares at the wall.

Don’t do it. Just go to sleep.

Still, he stares. Something about this situation reminds him of Renjun.

Sniffle.

Ah fuck it.

“Hey…” he taps on the wall, his touch lighter this time. “Are you okay?”

At first, he doesn’t get an answer. The silence hangs above him like damp laundry for a long time, and he is about to forget about it and go to sleep when he hears a scoff. 

“Am I still not quiet enough for you?” 

Jeno winces. Whoever’s voice it is, they’ve clearly been crying for a little while, and the grey cloud in his chest begins to grow. 

“No, I’m… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.” He decides to try again. “Are you okay?” 

Jisung on the other end, is slightly confused. He is fully aware of who lives next door to him, and with everything he has gathered from Chenle alongside whispers around campus, this is quite unlike his neighbor’s character.

“I’m fine,” he mumbles, not knowing if his neighbor can hear.

Oh, he can hear. 

Jeno momentarily wonders how either side has survived this long without getting mad at each other for being too loud this past couple of months. He has Donghyuck, and Donghyuck is pretty loud. Jeno safely assumes that there is someone on the other side that can cancel that out. 

It seems that whoever that is isn’t home either, because surely it can’t be the boy crying right now.

“I’m Jeno. Sophomore.” He isn’t sure what came over him to continue the conversation, but he’s done it, and now there’s no going back.

“I know.” 

“You do?” 

Jisung laughs a little, surprising himself, and (unknowingly) Jeno. “You’re a pretty... hot topic on campus. I heard you live next to me.” 

Jeno nods, subconsciously pulling himself closer to the top of the bed, leaning comfortably against the wall. “Did you just get here?” 

“Kinda.” Jisung pauses, considering his next words, then goes with it. “I’m Jisung, a freshman.”

Jeno nods, despite knowing Jisung won’t see it. The next thing they know, the two are dipped into a semi-comfortable silence, with only the thin wall to separate them. 

“Hot topic?” Jeno blurts. He was growing uncomfortable in their shared silence. 

“Hm?”

Jeno swallows, wondering why the hell he was getting all worked up. “Earlier, just now, you said I was a hot topic on campus or something. What do people say?” 

Jisung lets out a short laugh, “I’m sure you’re aware.”

Jeno feels his cheeks getting warm. “Well, somewhat, yeah. But I wanna hear it from… someone else’s view.”

“Well,” Jisung says, sitting up a little. He wipes away the drying tears on his cheeks. “They mostly say you’re hot, but you’re a dick.”

Jeno can’t help but let out a laugh. “Right.”

Jisung hums. “You seem pretty nice to me though.”

The laughing stops almost immediately, and Jeno has to fight to keep the surprised cough from being let out. He feels his ears getting warm too, and suddenly he wants to turn the air conditioner up a degree or two, despite it being early spring. 

“Uh, I-”

“That is, apart from you telling me to shut up when I’m crying.” Jisung chuckles humorlessly, tired and beyond caring about what Jeno thinks about him. It isn’t normal for him, but then again, Jeno has already heard him cry. What else could possibly be more embarrassing?

“Ah,” Jeno feels himself shrink a little. “I’m sorry about that, it was just… instinct?”

Jisung rolls his eyes but is aware of the smile on his lips. “Dick instinct was it? Dickstinct?” He hears Jeno laugh and praises himself for managing to break some tension. He could tell his careless speaking was flustering the guy, and he could’ve totally gone on, but felt a little guilty for it. 

“I hope you don’t think of me as too much of a dick though,” How many times have we said that word? “I know I come across as cold but I… have my reasons.”

Jisung nods, letting his eyes shut. The talking has drained all the remaining energy from him, barely giving him enough to let out an affirmative hum. 

After a beat of silence, Jeno speaks again. “Are you getting a little sleepy, Jisung?” 

The sound of his name on Jeno’s lips makes Jisung open his eyes. He’d never imagine it being said by someone so… unreachable, but it just happened. Before he knows it, his heartbeat is a lot more present than it was before.

“Just a little.” He says. Aside from his name, the softness in Jeno’s tone also surprised him… just a little. “Sorry.” 

“No, don’t apologize,” Jeno insists. He sits up and turns around, almost expecting to see Jisung sitting there. Instead, he’s only greeted with a white wall. “Sleep well.”

Jisung bites his lip to calm himself down a little before muttering a quick, “thanks.”

“Oh and uh,” Jeno clenches a fist, gathering the courage to say his next few words, “if you need anything I am-” he taps the wall twice- “right on the other side.”

Jisung can’t help the little smile that tugs at his lips, and the gentle light glowing in his stomach for the first time in a while. “Thank you. You seem like a really nice guy.”

Jeno laughs, dipping his head. “You say that as if you know me.”

“Well, I hope to know you enough that my statement is justified.”

Jeno feels a rush of heat to his cheeks. He barely manages to choke out a “goodnight” before he presses his face to his cool pillow, begging the heat to go away.

When was the last time this happened to me?

Little does he know that Jisung is doing the exact same on the other side of the thin, plaster barrier between them.

II

The next morning, Jisung wakes up to a freezing cold room and a slight stench of alcohol. As expected, sprawled across the bed to his right is his dearest roommate and best friend Chenle, still dressed in his clothes from the night before.

Jisung shakes his head. He didn’t even bother changing.

Turning to the left, he squints, the sun blinding him through the sheer curtains. He’s surprised at how cold it is with sunshine that strong beaming across their room, but then remembers Chenle probably turned the AC up the night before. Instinctively, he goes for his phone on his bedside table, and lights the lockscreen up with a click of a button.

12:49

Jisung jerks into a sitting position, duvet rustling on his legs. 

It’s almost one?

As if on cue, Jisung hears his stomach rumble. He puts a hand over his stomach and rubs his eyes, swollen from the crying fest the night before. A yawn escapes him as he slides from the covers, and makes contact with the floor, stumbling over to pat Chenle.

“Hey,” he shakes Chenle slightly, voice sounding like tires on gravel. Nothing. “I’m going to go get breakfast, do you want anything?”

Still nothing.

Jisung sighs. He decides to go through his morning- afternoon?- first. He leaves the room in silence, greeting the empty corridor with his languid steps, toiletry bag in hand. Half-asleep, he showers and brushes his teeth and gets into a comfortable tracksuit, making it back to his room within fifteen minutes.

When he opens the door, Chenle is still fast asleep, snoring lightly. 

“Dude,” Jisung tries again, his voice firmer and livelier this time. He shakes Chenle a little stronger too, knowing that if he doesn’t come back with something for the guy, he’ll probably get an earful. “I’m going to get food, what do you want?”

Thankfully, the boy wakes up a little, propping himself up on one elbow and rubbing his eyes. “Hm?” His freshly-dyed black hair is a mess, and his eyes are mostly shut, but he listens to his roommate.

“Do you want anything? Coffee? Bread?” Jisung hesitates, watching Chenle attempt to open his eyes. “Are you hungover?”

Chenle frowns, eyes still mostly shut. “No, don’t worry. Get me an iced americano.” 

With that, he flops back onto his stomach, making the mattress squeak with the impact. Jisung rolls his eyes but takes note as he puts his toiletries away and goes to grab his phone. Before he leaves the room, he rushes to the window and yanks the curtains apart, allowing for a flood of light to consume the room. 

The sound of Chenle’s groans is enough to elicit a soft laugh from the boy, and he strides to the door with another rumble of his stomach. Right before he shuts the door behind him, he calls out to Chenle, “the room better smell nice when I’m back!”

---

“Thank you,” Jisung smiles gratefully to the worker behind the counter as he picks up the identical drinks. He turns to leave, but a certain head of blond hair catches his eye.

Jeno?

“Ahem,” Instantly, he is greeted with an impatient face, and he mutters a quick apology to the girl in line, rushedly moving out of the way. His clumsy movement causes him to bump into another person like a pinball, and he quickly shuffles out of the tight space and into the empty bar stools far from Jeno’s peripheral vision. 

There seems to be a boy sitting across from Jeno, and thankfully he pays no attention to the mini stumble Jisung had. Instead, Jisung sees that the boy’s brows are furrowed slightly, and he seems to be focusing intensely on whatever is coming out of Jeno’s mouth. He’s quite pretty, Jisung notes, and vaguely familiar, dressed in a turtleneck and trench coat that makes him look incredibly formal in comparison to Jeno’s hoodie and sweats. 

Who…? Jisung wracks through his mind for where the sudden sense of deja vu came from, studying the stranger. Before he can reach a conclusion, however, the brunet boy stands, the chair he was sitting in sliding back. He shoots Jeno what looks like a sad smile, then leaves with a handful of words Jisung can’t catch, leaving Jeno staring at his back like a sad puppy. 

A heavy feeling fills Jisung’s heart. He watches the back of Jeno’s head as he watches the stranger leave the café. Only when the tail of his coat is out of the gradually shutting glass door does the tension melt from Jeno’s shoulders, his back curving into a shape that closely resembles the letter ‘c’.

Jisung, captivated by Jeno’s pitiful sight, remains frozen in his spot. Their campus is quite big, and he doesn’t see the boy around often, but when he does, he most definitely doesn’t look like this. 

The coffees in his hands are numbingly cold, the ice melting rapidly from the warmth of his palms, but he’s far too distracted by the rare sight of a sad-looking Jeno. It is now that Jisung realizes the older boy must put up thicker and stronger walls than he and most of the students realized.

The stupor is only broken when Jeno slowly stands, running a stressed hand through his hair. Jisung sees now that only one cup of coffee is on the table, and it is almost completely full and sat on the opposite side of Jeno. Somewhere in the back of his head, he thinks it’s quite a waste of good coffee, as he observes Jeno tuck in his own and his friend’s- acquaintance’s?- chair in, before leaving the cafe. 

Later that afternoon, Jisung finds himself sitting at the desk next to Chenle, both accompanied by the gentle sound of calm music as they do homework with watered down coffee at their sides. The scratches of Chenle’s pencil and the numbers calling for Jisung fight for his attention, but somehow, he can only think of one boy.

And for once, it isn’t Jaemin.

III

A gold glow settles upon the room as Chenle flicks the main room lights off, leaving only the fairy lights Jisung insisted on pinning up on their first night here on. You’d think the two are off to bed, but in reality, only Jisung is tucked in at the early hour of 10 pm, watching as Chenle slips out of the door to meet his other extrovert friends to go to whatever frat party is being held.

“Stay safe!” He calls out last minute, not expecting (or getting) a reply. 

Jisung is a plank of bones and flesh, back entirely pressed against his mattress as he stares at their orange-hued ceiling. His mind is still reeling with thoughts about one boy, despite only having started talking to him yesterday. Even then, they haven’t interacted since the previous night.

Does he even know what I look like?

Just as he decides to roll over and get comfortable, a sudden thud sounds from behind, making him jump.

“What the hell…” Jisung had assumed that Jeno would also be at the party, seeing as he is usually invited to those things, but evidently, there is someone on the other side. With a hand pressed to his heart, Jisung presses nearer to the wall.

“Ow,” he can almost hear the frown in the voice and struggles to stifle his giggle.

“Jeno? Is that you?” Jisung taps gently on the wall.

On the other side, Jeno turns to the wall, still rubbing the back of his head with one hand. 

“Jisung?” A pause. 

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

An even longer pause commences. Jisung now realizes that he didn’t have a plan for what to say, or do, if Jeno answered, which lo and behold, he has. 

Now what?

Still, Jeno doesn’t seem to want to start a conversation. Jisung decides to take it into his own hands.

“Isn’t there a party going on somewhere right now? A senior’s or something like that….”

Jeno sighs loud enough for Jisung to hear. “Yeah. Jaehyun’s place.”

Jisung nods, kissing his teeth, “didn’t you get an invite?”

“Yeah.”

Jisung nods again, despite knowing Jeno can’t see. He tries to envision what the boy looks like right now, but somehow can’t draw a full image.

“... You’re not going?” 

Jeno laughs dryly, dropping his head against the wall with a softer thud than before. “Evidently not, as I’m in my pajamas and in bed.”

Jisung winces at his stupidity. “Right.”

“It’s not like I have to go to every party I’m invited to, Jisung. Haven’t you ever turned down an invitation for your own sake?” 

Jisung sighs, mind taking him to all the times Chenle has invited him out, each one laced with the same hope that he’d finally say yes, only for Jisung to turn him down every single time. He always refuses to go because he knows he wouldn’t fit in, and he knows he wouldn’t have fun being on the skirts of a group of people, watching them like an audience member at a show. 

“I’m sorry,” Jisung starts, “I didn’t mean to come off like that.”

Jeno, feeling slightly regretful of his harsh tone, replies, “It’s fine. I’m sorry for being a little tense. I just… had an eventful day.” He thinks back to the early afternoon, of his meeting with Renjun and the things they talked about. The chapter they ended.

“That’s alright,” Jisung thinks about the cafe. “Do you, maybe, wanna talk about it?” 

A stark laugh from Jeno’s end sends a round of panic to whirl about Jisung’s chest. “Why would you want to hear about my day? It’s not as dramatic as you might think it is.”

“Dramatic or not, if something is bothering you, talking, venting about it is good for you. Gives you a sense of relief in a way,” a short pause fills the space between them, and Jisung quickly adds, “don’t you think?”

More silence follows. Despite the physical barrier between them, both can feel the rising tension of an awkward atmosphere build, and grow desperate to either leave the conversation completely or salvage it somehow. 

Jisung bites the inside of his cheek, takes a deep breath, and speaks.

“Besides, you’re not just a cold guy with thick walls and a pretty face, are you?”

This catches Jeno’s attention.

“Huh?”

“You come off like that, and I know you’re aware, but that’s not who you are, is it?” Jisung feels the words leaving his lips come naturally now, “What’s stopping you from meeting new people? Making new friends? People are either scared of you, or absolutely in love with you, so what’s stopping you?” 

The corners of Jeno’s lips tug upwards subconsciously, “which are you?”

Jisung freezes. “Hm?”

“Are you… scared, or absolutely in love?” 

Something flips in Jisung’s chest, and an unfamiliar feeling of warmth begins to spread through his torso. Jeno’s voice being so calm, so smooth, as he mutters the simple question, has somehow made Jisung feel…

Flustered?

Jisung presses his palms to his cheeks, and sure enough, they’re a degree or two warmer than usual, exaggeratedly speaking. Still, he gathers himself together and replies.

“I’m neither, honestly.”

“Oh?”

“Those people believe in your little facade. I don’t. I believe there’s a little more to Jeno Lee, and… well I don’t mind finding out.”

As silence filters into their conversation once more, Jisung replays his words again. 

Seriously?

His hands fly back up to his cheeks, then press against his chest. As expected, he’s burning red, and his heart is pounding far faster than it has ever in the past few months, to the point where Jisung is a little concerned about his own health.

Jeno, on the other hand, is sitting frozen on his bed, staring at the plain white wall. It’s hard for him to believe that there is a boy sitting right there, talking to him, flustering him, with a few honest words.

What has gotten into me?

“No crying today?” He asks. Another period of silence stretches from his words.

Jisung finally lies down. He melts into the mattress, suddenly exhausted from the short conversation and the range of emotions he experienced from it. His shoulder presses down, and he’s sure Jeno can hear the shuffling as he tucks himself in bed. 

Jeno is right. There was no crying today. Despite having one of the roughest weeks of his university life so far, despite having a terrible night just under twenty four hours prior, Jisung isn’t crying.

In fact, he’s relatively okay. 

Jisung smiles, shutting his eyes.

“No crying today.”

IV

Tap, tap, tap.

Jisung groans, and rolls over, wrapping his pillow around his head.

Tap, tap, tap.

He presses harder, mumbling, “five more minutes.”

Jeno frowns on the other side of the wall and brings his phone to life. 

10:54.

“Is he really still asleep?” He wonders, staring at the blank wall again. Today, he plans to properly meet Jisung. They’ve talked through the wall twice, and both times Jisung managed to get under Jeno’s skin in a weirdly welcoming way. 

And the blond is a little intrigued

Making friends, right?

He inhales deeply, clenches his fingers into a tight fist, and raps on the wall three times.

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.

Jisung’s eyes fly open, and for the third time in the last forty-eight hours, he feels his soul leave his body in the form of a loud scream. 

Jeno flinches.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“Jeno?” With a hand pressed to his chest, Jisung squints at the wall, “why are you knocking on the wall so loudly on a Sunday morning?” He rubs at his eyes, head still heavy with sleep.

“I was… I wanted to ask if you wanted to….” As he trails off, Jisung feels a switch flicker alive inside of him.

Ask… me?

“Ji…?” Jisung snaps his attention to Chenle, who stirs in bed, mostly asleep. “Who are you talking to?”

“I was wondering if you wanted to come to the library with me?” 

Chenle opens his eyes into small slits. “Who was that?”

Jisung sputters for an answer to both questions but only ends up sounding like a fish out of water.

“Uh, I… I…” He trails off and feels two pairs of expectant eyes waiting on him, despite only being able to see one.

“Jisung?” Jeno lifts his hand to knock again, just in case his neighbor didn’t hear him, but a short laugh comes through before he can.

“Yes, yes I would love to go to the library with you!” His focus is entirely upon the wall, both his palms are pressing onto the plaster, slapping it gently as nervous laughter escapes him. “Maybe later? What about 12 pm? Is that okay with you?”

Chenle’s eyes widen slightly, and he sits up in bed, frowning. “Who was that ? Was that our neighbor?”

“Um,” Jisung shoots him an apologetic look and turns to the wall. “Is that okay?” he asks in a gentler tone.

Jeno, a little confused and more flustered, nods, then promptly adds, “sure?”

“Okay, great! I’ll meet you there,” and with that, Jisung imagines hanging up a phone, and lowers his volume by a few internal clicks of his buttons.

“Was that Donghyuck?”

Now it’s Jisung’s turn to be confused. “Donghyuck? You mean Jaemin’s high school best friend Donghyuck? That one?” 

Chenle nods slowly, looking at Jisung as if something is a little off with him. Jisung can see that Chenle is a little too confused for this hour of the day, and doesn’t blame him for staring at Jisung as if he’s grown another head. 

“Yeah?” Chenle says, growing more awake by the second. “He lives next to us… you do know that, right?”

“I guess I do now,” Jisung mumbles, a little off-put by the sudden coincidence. He used to spend a lot of time with Donghyuck until he and Jaemin broke up.

“That’s beside the point,” Chenle peels his duvet off of his legs and swings around until he’s sitting facing Jisung. His brows are furrowed in thought as he thinks aloud. “If that wasn’t Donghyuck, then who-”

Cutting himself off abruptly, Chenle’s jaw drops, eyes blown wide as he stares at his visibly confused best friend. 

“No way.”

Jisung feels embarrassment bubble in his stomach, leaving his body in the form of awkward laughs and a sheepish smile. “I-”

“When did you start talking to Jeno?” Chenle asks, a touch too loud for Jisung’s comfort. 

“Friday.”

Chenle’s expression morphs into one that resembles what Jisung can only describe as comical shock as he shuffles closer to the edge of his bed, filled to the brim with an energy that could easily exhaust a babysitter or a best friend that just woke up. 

“How-?”

Jisung instantly cuts him off, waving Chenle’s next few questions off with what he hopes to be a casual-looking smile. 

“It’s a long story, and I’ll explain later. For now, I have to get ready to go to the library with Jeno.”

“The WHAT?” Chenle explodes, and Jisung is tackling him to the bed with a hand tight over his mouth before he can say anything else. The older boy grabs at Jisung’s wrist, wanting to yank it off, but he doesn’t budge. Only when Chenle calms down a little and promises with his eyes that he’ll be quiet, does Jisung let him go.

“The what?” Chenle repeats, at a lower volume. 

“He asked me to go to the library with him today. Is it that big of a deal?”

As he speaks, Jisung finds himself already tired from such an eventful first ten minutes of his morning, and he flops onto the floor, leaning against the side of his bed. He watches as Chenle nods excitedly then starts to shake his head in disbelief. 

“It’s a huge deal, Ji. The fact that he’s asking you out-”

“-he is not-”

“-is so big?” Chenle is quick to cut Jisung off, making the latter groan. “Let alone the library?”

Jisung frowns. “What’s so important about the library?”

Chenle crosses his legs, clasping his hands together ecstatically. Jisung almost laughs at his odd behavior, but his curiosity overruns it.

“It’s his… safe space ,” Chenle spreads his palms out dramatically, only eliciting an unimpressed brow raise from Jisung. He drops his hands to his lap and leans forward, and Jisung leans in too, thoroughly intrigued. “I’ve heard that if someone confesses to him in the library, he takes them outside. A lot of us suspect that it’s because he doesn’t want to taint his happy space with something… not so happy.” 

Jisung takes a moment to process the information, then rolls his eyes. “Oh c’mon, it’s probably because he just… doesn’t want to embarrass them?” 

Now it’s Chenle’s turn to roll his eyes as he leans back onto his arms. “You’re so lame,” Chenle whines, drawing out the final syllable. Jisung starts to smile as he watches his roommate start fussing with his blanket again. “You’re gonna be late if you don’t get moving. Go on, get ready. You’ll see what I mean.”

Jisung laughs shortly and stands. “What?"

Chenle turns away from him and waves a dismissive hand. “Stop talking to me, I want to sleep.”

With that, Jisung speeds to get ready. He rushes to the bathroom, taking extra care as to not bump into Jeno, and dresses himself comfortably. His outfit had earned a quick up-and-down from Chenle, but when asked about what could possibly be wrong, the noiret had muttered a simple “nothing” and gone back to bed. 

Jisung stands in his open doorway at exactly 11:46 am, flickering his focus from Chenle’s snoring figure to his simple jeans and sweater outfit.

It’s not… that bad.

Still, a sigh leaves Jisung’s body, one simultaneously filled with anxiousness and anticipation. He bumps his backpack up his shoulder a bit and turns to look at Chenle one more time.

“Bye, Chenle,” he says simply. Then, after clicking the door shut, he brings a smile to his face- whilst mostly forced- and whispers a small, “wish me luck.”

---

This is so awkward.

Jisung can already feel the eyes of a few passing students on them as he and Jeno stand by the library’s main entrance, a tense silence between them after their initial greetings. Jeno, as expected, was already standing in front of the library in his denim jacket and jeans, a look only he could possibly pull off. He was looking around, and his vision had actually skipped over Jisung initially, which is when the boy remembered that he has never seen him before.

The thought did wonders to his already tied up nerves.

He’d approached Jeno slowly, and was only slightly consoled when a smile stretched Jeno’s lips into one Jisung has rarely seen, let alone one in his direction. 

“I’m sorry,” Jeno starts now, running a hand through his unstyled blond hair, “I’m not that great with people.”

“Me neither, don’t worry,” Jisung smiles, waving it off with a small laugh in hopes he’ll break some tension. He looks towards the library, admiring it for a while. Whilst he has never been inside for longer than the initial tour for freshmen, he’d always wanted to go inside. The infinite number of windows told him that the place encompassed his ideal studying environment.

The only flaw was the people.

“Shall we go in?” Jeno asks. Jisung turns at the oddly fancy language and nods.

“We shall.” 

The two laugh a little, real laughs, and more tension slips away. It has been a while since he’s had to make friends on his own, and even longer since he’s had to make friends with people who are just as bad at it as him. First Chenle, then Donghyuck, then Jaemin.

As soon as they pass through the double glass doors, Jisung feels his stomach rumble and slaps an arm across it. Jeno is only a few steps ahead of him, so he (thankfully) didn’t hear it, but it’s then that Jisung realizes he hasn’t eaten anything all morning.

“Is over there okay?” Jisung follows Jeno’s pointed finger as they slow near the wide opening that leads to the main part of the library. He barely manages a nod in the midst of admiring the interior of the place- from the ceiling to floor shelves stuffed with paperbacks to the plants sitting comfortably in the far corners of the room. On top of that, there aren’t as many students as Jisung had expected, most sat alone or in small groups.

This isn’t that bad.

Jisung follows Jeno to the table he had pointed to- a square of light oak wood on metal legs, pressed against a wide window that viewed the West courtyard of the campus. Sunlight refracts through the glass, casting a gold, summer-like glow throughout the room, immediately wrapping Jisung in warmth.

The two take their seats opposite from each other at the table, placing their bags by their feet at the same time as a wave of tension overcomes Jisung. He is acutely aware of how odd it must look to have a nobody sit across from Jeno Lee in the library, and when he takes a better look around the place, he notices a few curious eyes on them.

He clears his throat softly and turns to Jeno, who is bent over as he takes his books out of his bag. “Aren’t you worried about people seeing?”

Jeno gently places his notebook down and tilts his head, “what’s so weird about studying with someone?”

Jisung flushes red, and sputters out his answer, “I mean, we’ve never been friends before, and you’re not very known to be…” he winces, “... friendly.” 

Luckily, Jeno smiles softly and pulls his pencil case from his bag. “Let them be. Besides, most of the people in the library don’t care much about pointless campus drama.”

Jisung nods, a twinge more comfortable than before. “Why did you invite me here?”

Jeno freezes with his hand in his pencil case, smile slowly disappearing. Jisung, quick to notice his confusion, laughs shortly, desperate to save himself. 

“It’s not- It’s not that I don’t like it,” his laughs come out in irregular intervals, making him burn with embarrassment. “I’m incredibly thankful for the invite because, well, I don’t have that many friends, but… why me?”

A smile reappears on Jeno’s face, one that looks relatively relieved, and it calms Jisung down. “Donghyuck refuses to study with me for longer than ten minutes, and since you were home on a Saturday night, I assumed you would be the type to spend time studying.” Jeno pauses. “Unless… I assumed wrong.”

“Oh no, no,” Jisung starts, shaking his head profusely, “I mean, sure, studying is great, I just… don’t do it much. Come to think of it, I don’t actually come to the library often.” He then adds in a smaller voice, “or at all.”

Jeno’s smile falters, “oh. I’m sorry.”

Jisung feels himself shaking his head again, “please, don’t apologize. I’m glad to be here. I don’t come often because truthfully, I don’t like the idea of sitting alone, which I know sounds super lame of me, but, yeah.” He mentally reprimands himself for rambling so pointlessly, but upon seeing Jeno’s brighter smile, he can’t help but smile too, even if it’s mostly forced. 

“I get that,” Jeno replies simply, nodding. 

Soon, they’re left in silence again, and Jisung watches with his fingers wringing in his lap as Jeno looks down at his closed notebook and then back up at him. It takes him a short moment to realize what is happening, but when he does, he feels his ears burn again.

“Go ahead,” he says, gesturing towards Jeno’s book as he realizes he hasn’t taken anything out of his bag yet, “just… yeah.”

Jeno smiles, eyes forming little crescents, then starts on his work. Jisung shakily pulls his things out of his bag, pausing every time he bends to give himself time to pull himself together.

The minutes tick by in silence, one unlike the others the two have experienced together, mostly because they’re both too occupied with their work to worry about any lingering awkwardness. Jeno’s pencil is clutched tight in his fingers as he works on his homework from two nights ago, staring at Donghyuck’s messy scrawl of numbers in a sad attempt to try and understand. 

Frustrated, he looks up as discreetly as possible, just to see what Jisung is doing. To his surprise, he sees numbers all over Jisung’s page as well, each question lined perfectly with nothing scratched out. He seems to be having a good time as well.

“Are you doing stats too?” Jeno asks. The younger looks up and nods, taking a small peek at Jeno’s work. At closer inspection, Jeno notices that the work Jisung is doing doesn’t look like the work he did the previous year, but instead like the work he’s doing… now. “Your work looks identical to mine,” he laughs shyly.

Jisung feels heat rise to his cheeks again and nods. “I like Maths, so I’ve done some extra work.”

“Some?”

Jisung looks down at his work. It’s far past the things he is meant to learn this year, and he internally winces when he realizes how nerdy this might make him look.

Then again, what’s wrong with being nerdy?

“Do you think you could help me?” Jeno successfully snaps Jisung out of his internal conflict, with a sentence Jisung never imagined he’d hear. 

“With your stats?” Jisung asks. Jeno nods, a rare pink shade dusting his cheeks and ears. “Sure.”

He leans over the table slightly, clicking his mechanical pencil once, and scans the empty question Jeno seems to be stuck on.

As he starts explaining, Jeno can’t help but marvel at his genius. Unlike Donghyuck, Jisung explains each step simply and only proceeds to the next one after asking Jeno if he understands. To add to that, he also asks Jeno to do simple calculations, and the blond finds himself enjoying this teaching a lot more than any other he’s undergone. It’s clear that his knowledge is the product of hard work and not lucky genes, and Jeno really admires that.

Jeno grins as he writes the final answer down, satisfied with the unadulterated look of accomplishment on Jisung’s face as he sits back down. 

“Thanks,” Jeno says.

“No problem,” Jisung replies, pushing his round glasses up the bridge of his nose with a single finger. As he returns to his work and eventually gets absorbed in the numbers again, he fails to notice Jeno staring. 

The latter watches Jisung as he works. It’s a routine of reading the question, bunching his lips to one side, pressing a bunch of buttons into the calculator, and then scribbling down the working, and eventually an answer. All the while, Jeno wonders how he managed to miss Jisung for a whole semester. With the soft curves of his face, his sparkling eyes, and gentle smile, Jeno thinks it is amazing how he is only discovering Jisung now, like a shiny diamond buried out of sight. 

He was right next door too.

In a lot of ways, Jisung reminds Jeno of Renjun. Renjun, who, when discovering something, gets absorbed in it completely, and digs deep into the topic. In other ways, he is starkly different, like the way he gets red so easily.

A rumble pulls Jeno out of thought.

At first, he thinks that the weather is turning bad, and turns to the window. Upon seeing that the sky is as blue and as bright as before, he turns to Jisung.

Who is bright red.

“I didn’t eat breakfast,” he admits sheepishly.

Jeno can’t help but laugh as Jisung holds his stomach. 

“Me neither, actually. Wanna go grab lunch?”

Jisung nods slowly, still embarrassed, and Jeno thinks he feels his heart flip in his chest for the first time in the last few months.

V

The sun hangs low in the clouds, like a lamp behind curtains. It makes Jisung’s dorm room glow gold, and he instantly feels comfortable again as he steps in. 

Until Chenle whirls on him from his seat.

“Well, well, well, who do we have here? Jeno Lee’s new boyfriend?” Chenle’s brows wiggle up and down, making Jisung roll his eyes.

“Very funny,” Jisung replies, dropping his bag by his bed. 

Chenle giggles, shuffling his stiff chair until it’s facing Jisung’s bed. “Come on then, lay it on me,” Chenle says, expression suddenly very serious. He lays his hands flat on his legs, eyes sharp as Jisung stares at him.

“Lay what?”

Chenle sighs, “I want all the details of your little study date with Jeno Lee, Ji. C’mon, get on with it, I have three assignments to catch up on.”

“Dude?”

“Quickly!” Chenle urges, yanking him down to sit on the bed. “Tell me!”

Jisung slips his hands out of Chenle’s grasp, shaking his head, “we didn’t do much. We went to the library, studied for a bit, went to eat lunch, and came back.”

Chenle, clearly unimpressed, drops his hands. “That’s it?”

“Yeah…” It’s then that Jisung recalls one more thing they did, and feels the emotions returning to him like a trickling waterfall.

---

Peaceful.

The two are side by side, stomachs full, silently strolling aimlessly across their campus. The cobblestone paths are one of Jisung’s favorite things about the place, as each stone is different, and sometimes it feels like a mini foot massage, depending on the shoes you’re wearing. To add to that, there is one path near the gates of the academic building that is lined with cherry blossom trees, which are working in full force at this time of year, raining pink on students.

The only thing that disrupts the peace by the slightest is the few students milling around them, whispering very-obviously in their direction.

“They’re probably confused,” Jeno says, noticing Jisung’s discomfort. 

“About? Why you’re walking around with someone who isn’t Donghyuck?”

Jeno nods, “Why I’m walking around at all really, but yeah. Mainly that.” Jeno doesn’t look at Jisung as he speaks and instead takes the time to appreciate the beauty around them. After a few more steps in silence, Jeno grows curious about one thing. “How much have you heard about me?” 

Jisung turns to him, but he doesn’t turn back, so Jisung faces forward too, feeling a slight chill on his face from the breeze. “Hmm, not much, considering all I knew about you is how you’re relatively anti-social and that you live next to me,” he says.

“That’s it?” 

Jisung shrugs, “among the usual gossip.” Then he adds, “I know more about you now, though.” 

This perks Jeno’s ears. “Enlighten me.”

Jisung laughs, “well, you have a really formal way of speaking, for one.”

“I’ve been told,” Jeno says, shooting Jisung a friendly smile.

A smile that has disarmed many, and has managed to catch Jisung off-guard.

“Well,” he says, clearing his throat, and bringing his attention back to what they were talking about, “I’ve learned that Statistics isn’t exactly your thing, but Biology is. Oh and your roommate is Donghyuck, which is crazy, because how did we manage to get a room next to… him.”

Jeno catches onto the slight downturn of his voice, “you don’t seem to like him very much.”

“Oh, no,” Jisung denies, “It’s actually pretty much the opposite. He was one of my favorite seniors in high school.”

“Was?”

Jisung nods regretfully, “yeah, we’re kind of awkward now.”

“May I ask why?” 

Jisung almost giggles at the formality again, but nods, “it’s because of a…” he frowns at a thought, “a mutual friend.”

“Ah,” Jeno pauses, processing the words. “An ex, maybe?”

Attention grabbed, Jisung snaps his head in Jeno’s direction, who calmly looks at him. “How did you know?”

Jeno shrugs, feeling half proud, half guilty. “Lucky guess,” then he sheepishly adds, “or not so lucky?”

Jisung lets out a humorless laugh, “yeah.”

“Are you… still hung up on him?”

Jeno’s question catches Jisung off-guard. He was prepared to be encountered with a cold, soft-spoken, not very talkative kind of guy, and not a straightforward, carefree soul type of guy. But here he is.

Jisung kind of likes it.

“Um, well,” Jisung starts. I can be straightforward too. “Remember when I was crying three days ago?”

Jeno internally winces at the memory, but successfully makes the connection. “Ah.”

Jisung nods, taking a deep breath, watching their feet. “I haven’t thought about him much in a while though, so I guess that’s a good sign.”

Jeno agrees with a soft hum. “Since that night?” Jisung nods. “I wonder what changed.”

Slowly, Jisung finds himself slowing to a stop. Somehow they’ve managed to walk themselves right into the middle of the cherry blossom path, where few students walk by in both directions. Jeno pulls himself to a stop when he realizes Jisung’s footsteps have stopped, and turns to the younger with curious eyes. Just as Jisung tries to shake himself out of- why is his heart beating so fast?- whatever spell he’s suddenly under, a soft pink petal drifts onto his head, making Jeno laugh.

“You’ve got a…” Jeno smiles softly, and Jisung thinks about how rare that smile must be, and how often he’s gotten to see it. Soon, the younger feels fingers flutter through his hair, making him shrink back a little. Once the petal is safely taken out, Jeno lets it fall to the ground and giggles.

“I’m glad we’ve become friends, Jisung.”

“Friends?”

Jeno nods. “We’re friends, right?”

Still trying to calm his faster-than-usual heartbeat, Jisung manages a genuine smile. “Yeah.”

---

“Dude…” Chenle snaps Jisung out of his head, and there on his face is a cheeky smile, “you’re blushing so hard right now. What happened?”

“What?” Jisung slaps his palms to his cheek and curses under his breath. “We walked. And talked. That’s it.” 

Despite the short sentences, Chenle claps once and leans forward. “Tell me then, is he nice? What’s his smile like when it isn’t forced? Is he as cold as he makes himself out to be?”

“Slow down!” Jisung says, backing up further onto the mattress. 

“I have absolutely no clue what he’s like in real life, and I’ve gone to a number of parties with him. I’ve even sat in the same car as him, walked with him, in a group obviously, but still!” Chenle shouts, “I’m curious about what he’s like with people he willingly hangs out with.” 

Jisung laughs, crossing his legs, “firstly, yes, he is really nice, pretty funny, warm, not very good at stats-”

“-you’re so good at that!”

“Mhmm,” Jisung says, giggling, “he treated me to lunch and he doesn’t care what people say about him.”

“So he’s perfect?” 

Jisung only smiles. Then, remembering the walls, he says, “keep it down, or he’ll hear us.”

Chenle rolls his eyes and leans heavily into his seat. He seems to fall into thought for a few moments, crossing one leg over the other, until his eyes suddenly widen. 

“What?” Jisung asks, noticing.

“I just remembered something. Something I heard.” 

Jisung leans forward, “about Jeno?”

Chenle leans forward and nods, eyes serious. It sends a wave of panic over Jisung. 

What is it? A flaw, probably, but what kind of flaw? Does he not wash his feet? Does he pick his nose? Does he eat pineapples on pizza?”

“He’s not over his ex.”

Jisung’s mind blanks. 

“Oh.”

Chenle takes a deep breath, suddenly worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.

“What now?” Jisung asks, freaked out at Chenle’s odd behavior.

“You know… Huang Renjun?”

Jisung hesitates, then nods slowly. His brows furrow automatically at the name. “Huang Renjun as in the boy Jaemin broke up with me for Huang Renjun?”

“Okay, first of all, Jaemin broke up with you because you guys distanced.”

“ He distanced.”

Chenle waves it off. “Besides the point.” He stares at Jisung in silence, eyes unwavering. Clearly, he expects an answer, but Jisung can’t seem to connect anything-

Oh.

Jisung thinks he feels his heart stop. “You’re lying .”

Chenle apologetically shakes his head with a sympathetic smile, but Jisung can’t bring himself to smile back. He merely sits there like a kindergartener struggling to come to terms with basic maths. 

So it was Renjun at the cafe with him. 

He’d barely seen Renjun, ever. He could probably count the number of times he saw the guy on one hand. With three fingers put down.

“He’s not over Renjun.” Chenle nods. Jisung sighs, “and I’m not over Jaemin.”

“Whoa, whoa, back up, you’re what?”

Jisung shrugs nonchalantly, “I still think about him a lot. Sometimes I cry.”

Chenle flinches, mildly offended. “Dude? What the hell, why don’t you call me?”

Jisung shrugs again, a little sheepish. His toes suddenly feel a lot warmer still safely tucked in his socks. “I didn’t want to disturb your fun.”

Chenle groans, black hair sliding across his forehead as he throws his head back. “Are you kidding? I would rather sit here with you crying than have fun.”

“Thanks?”

The noiret glares at him, “we’ll talk about that another time. Besides, isn’t this a good opportunity to get over Jaemin?” 

“What is?” 

“Jeno!” 

Panic strikes Jisung and he is on Chenle in the space of less than a second, one hand clamped over Chenle’s mouth, eyes blazing. “The walls are THIN.”

The latter peels Jisung off of him, glaring back, but lowers his voice to a whisper-shout anyways. “Jeno is such a good opportunity to get over Jaemin!” 

Jisung shakes his head, settling back down. He’s suddenly struck with a stroke of sadness. “It won’t work like that.”

“Why?”

“Because,” Jisung starts, lying back onto his mattress. He brings his arms up with a sigh, placing them under his head. “I don’t want to use him, when he’s already going through that. He wouldn’t use me either.”

“Is it really using if you both gain from it?”

Jisung lifts his head from the bed for a moment and shoots Chenle a meaningful look. He lies back down with a heavy sigh. “Besides, Jeno and I just started talking.”

“You can get feelings for someone in literally a day, Ji.”

“Still.”

He hears Chenle sigh, and flop back into his squeaky seat. “You’re right.”

“Of course I am.”

Chenle slaps Jisung’s toes, laughing, then mimics Jisung’s heavy sigh. “You’ve grown up, haven’t you?”

Jisung lifts his head one last time, kicking at Chenle (but miserably failing), “I’m only four months younger than you, dork.”

VI

Two nights later, the sun is far below the horizon, and Chenle is in bed, earphones plugged in, playing a game. Jisung would usually join him, but he has a lot on his mind and is already bad enough at games without distraction.

Two nights later, Jisung and Jeno have exchanged a few smiles across campus, a handful of words in the dorm halls, and one short conversation through the wall.

Two nights later, Jisung is still stuck on Sunday.

Is that why Jeno asked why we were friends? He thinks arms crossed over his chest as he leans against the headboard of his bed. To get me to say yes, to emphasize the ‘friends’ since he’s not over his ex and doesn’t want me to get the wrong idea?

A burst of frustration pokes at his heart.

So why do all that?

Three abrupt knocks behind his head shock him out of thought, and his skin.

“I’m going to get a fucking heart attack,” Jisung seethes, leaning over his legs. He then turns to glare behind him, eyes burning holes in the wall. “Jeno, I swear to Go-”

On the other side, Jeno’s shoulders are tense, his hand frozen in a fist. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you… again.”

Jisung takes his time in regaining his composure. He pats his heart a little, sighs, and shuffles closer to the wall. 

“What do you want?” He asks, a tad bit more aggressive than he’d intended.

Jeno is evidently taken aback, “I, uh, was wondering if you were up? I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

Jisung sighs again, “you’re lucky I was. Next time, knock a little lighter please?” 

“Yes, sir.”

The younger can’t help but smile as he grabs his head pillow and hugs it close to his chest to make more space for him nearer to the wall. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” Jeno starts, getting more comfortable himself. “Donghyuck decided to go out, so I’ve been left alone all night.”

“Again?”

Jeno nods, “Yup.”

“Damn.”

A silence hovers over them. It’s one that always manages to find them during their through-the-wall conversations, except over time, they’ve progressively gotten less awkward. 

“You know,” Jeno starts again, “you look just like your voice.” 

Jisung swallows, mildly flustered, “What do you mean by that?”

“By what?”

“That I look just like my voice,” Jisung frowns.

“Oh.” Jeno trails into silence, seeming to reconsider his choices. “It’s actually kinda embarrassing actually. I just wanted to fill the silence.”

Jisung giggles, adjusting to place himself closer to the wall than he already is. He sneaks a peak at Chenle, who’s turned away from him, so still that Jisung assumes he has fallen asleep.

“You can’t just leave me in the dark now,” he teases.

Silence. Jisung can tell that Jeno is contemplating, and crosses his fingers in hopes that he’ll continue. It seems interesting.

Eventually, the sound of a hearty clearing of his throat sounds, and Jisung turns to lean his back against the wall. He flickers his vision to the view beyond his window, clear through the slit of glass that seems to actively avoid the cover of the curtains. There is something about sitting alone in the safety of his room whilst having conversations with a soft-spoken boy that brings him so much comfort, one different from any he’s ever felt in a very long time. 

“Well,” Jeno starts, the word rumbling in his throat, “today was the first time I’d ever seen you, and I’d only heard you before that. Your voice is… it’s really soothing, in a way? It’s not scarily low, but it kind of vibrates on a relatively low frequency that makes me feel warm inside. Like honey, and hot chocolate and fuzzy blankets on a cold night. At different times,” he laughs, so small that Jisung feels the familiar starting burn of a blush reaching his ears.

“And when I saw you earlier, I was pleasantly surprised in a way,” he continues, surprising both he and Jisung, “You’re… incredibly pretty and you look like you give nice hugs.”

There have been so many times where Jeno would make Jisung’s heart race; this he is aware of. But those were mostly because of the random knocking on the wall, or just his smile, his laugh. Something trivial.

Jisung places a hand over his heart. For some reason, it aches.

On the other side of the wall, Jeno curls into himself, feeling mildly horrified at how transparent he was with someone he just met. Maybe it’s the wall.

Still, he cringes, burying his face in his hands, “Oh my God, I can’t believe I just said that to you… I’m sorry I’m just- I’m kinda tired and I didn’t realize what I was saying until I said it…” his voice gradually shrinks with every word, and it makes Jisung smile.

“Don’t apologize,” he says, grateful that his voice hasn’t failed him. “You’re good at describing things. You should be a literature student.”

Jeno scoffs, “that’s a bit of an exaggeration, Jisung.” Soft laughter rings through the wall, both growing increasingly more comfortable with each other with every word spoken.

Then, a sudden idea occurs to Jisung. A thought. A… question.

“Hey Jeno?” 

“Mhmm?”

Jisung purses his lips in thought. He doesn’t want to ruin the mood of the night, but he can’t think of another time he’d get to ask this question. Using the chill of the room and the dim lights of other windows for calm, he goes through with it. 

“Have you ever… struggled to get over someone?” 

Jisung knows the answer. At least, he thinks he does.

“Oh, um,” Jeno, definitely not expecting this question, sighs, “yeah, I think.”

“How’d you get over them?” 

Automatically, Jeno’s mind travels back to that day in the cafe. It had been a long time since he’d talked to Renjun, let alone seen him and spent time with him. Then again, it wasn’t great, was it? Jisung’s question brings back memories, ones Jeno has moved on from. 

He still misses him though. 

“I… I don’t know,” he laughs dryly, “I don’t actually know if I’m over him or not, to be completely honest with you.”

Jisung nods, understanding. 

Do I really miss Jaemin, or do I miss the memories and the feelings?

He flinches, remembering the previous week. 

Then again , he realizes, it has been a while hasn’t it? 

“You wanna go out for a bit?” Jeno asks, yanking Jisung from his thoughts.

“What?” Incredulous, Jisung fails to keep his voice down, and panics as Chenle starts to shift in bed. 

“Just for a bit,” there’s a smile painted in the way he talks, yet Jisung can’t help but feel stressed.

“When?” He starts, audibly distressed. “Where? Now?” 

Jeno laughs, sending warm waves rippling through Jisung’s body, “now. Just grab a jacket and meet me at the door in five minutes.”

“I- it’s almost midnight on a Tuesday night, don’t you have classes tomorrow?” 

Jeno rolls his eyes, already slipping out of his covers, “it won’t be for long, trust me.”

“But-”

“See you in five!” Jeno calls out, his giggles fading as he moves further from the wall. Jisung sits there blinking for a while, in slight disbelief. Only the sound of his breathing and Chenle’s increasing snoring accompanies as he processes everything that just happened in the last ten minutes.

Has it really only been ten minutes?

Shaking himself out of it, Jisung forces himself to get out of his oh-so-comfortable bed, grab the only hoodie that’s not in his closet, and quietly slither out of the door. He clicks it shut as silently as possible as to not wake Chenle, despite knowing that the boy would probably fail to wake up if there was a fire. Just as expected, there stands Jeno looking effortlessly beautiful in his own hoodie and sweats.

Suddenly Jisung feels insecure.

“Let’s go,” Jeno says, eyes sparkling with energy despite the late hour. Then, noticing Jisung's hesitation, says, "you look great."

Jisung has no choice but to follow along, kind of in love.

---

Fifteen minutes later, the two are taking their final steps at the top of a hill nearby the dormitories. It’s a hill often used by the students, especially those who like morning runs.

Jisung is definitely not one of them.

He’s just a little embarrassed at how out of breath he is, and tries his best to seem as if he is totally fine, seeing as Jeno’s breathing is completely normal. He shoots the blond a pained smile when he asks if he’s okay, and feels his cheeks grow red again, and not from the cold.

“Come,” Jeno says, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He strolls casually towards the edge of the road and onto a patch of grass, where Jisung spies a single cherry blossom tree standing, with an old, metal bench beneath it. As he watches Jeno move in that direction, he thinks that it almost seems like a scene straight out of a movie. 

The blond turns, and waves Jisung over. With a final huff, he goes.

“Wow,” Jisung, in awe of the view, sighs.

“Pretty right?”

Pretty would be an understatement, Jisung thinks. They’re standing near the edge of the hill, where the land turns down at such a sharp angle, it could be a cliff. Beyond that, the city twinkles like an industrial sky, filled with stars from vehicles, buildings and homes. They aren’t too far up, but considering that their campus is far from the lowest point of the city, Jisung feels like he’s on top of the world. 

He hears Jeno’s footsteps turn away, and follows. They end up taking a seat on the bench.

The very cold bench.

“You know, you could have at least warned me we’d be hiking,” Jisung grumbles, staring at the slides on his feet, “I would’ve worn sneakers.”

Jeno laughs, “next time, then.”

Jisung feels warmth creep up his neck at the mention of a next time. Still, he feels goosebumps prickling across the surface of his arms from the winter-like chill of spring nights. 

“Why are we here?” Jisung asks, rubbing his hands together.

“Hm,” Jeno says, feeling his hands grow overly warm in his pockets. He allows his vision to settle upon the twinkling city, finding peace in it as he has done before. “Last time I came here, I had a boyfriend.” 

Jisung’s lips form a silent ‘o’ shape, but he quickly snaps it shut before Jeno sees.

“It’s been a while, but I’m here now. And I’m okay,” Jeno finishes, finally looking at Jisung. “Do you know why?”

Jisung thinks, still avoiding Jeno’s eyes, “because you’re over him?”

“Bingo,” Jeno says. There’s a sense of accomplishment in the single word, and he sighs, content. “I met up with him for the first time in a long time on Saturday, and got to say a lot of what has been on my mind since the... pretty unsatisfactory end to our relationship.”

“How was it?” Jisung asks, voice small.

Jeno smiles and turns back to the city. “The conversation lasted a glorifying twelve minutes, and some of the things he said to me hurt, but overall, it was good.”

“I’m happy for you,” Jisung tries to pour as much of the sincerity he feels into the four words.

Jeno turns to him suddenly, catching his eye. They’re sitting fairly close, with just enough space for comfort, but not too much, which allows Jeno to nudge Jisung with his shoulder. 

“You should try it,” Jeno says.

“Hm?”

“Ask to meet up with your ex when you think you’re ready to have the talk you should have.”

Jisung feels himself frown, “I don’t… I don’t think we should. I’m pretty sure we’ve said all we have to say to each other.”

“You really don’t have anything to let out of your system?” Jeno presses.

The chill of the night washes over Jisung in an instant. For the last few months, he’d been struggling to come to terms with the end of him and Jaemin, mostly because they had fought the last time they properly spoke. They’d broken up over a phone call because Jaemin was out of town, and it was calm but passive aggressive and so unlike them.

In short, it hurt .

“Maybe,” Jisung mumbles. He stares out into the city and thinks about Jaemin. From the way his heart aches just slightly at the thought of him, it obvious that he is unsatisfied with how they ended. He cares deeply for Jaemin, and will probably continue to do so for a while, but he wants to let Jaemin go.

“Just think about it,” Jeno speaks softly, “closure isn’t always necessary, but sometimes it is. It definitely did a world of good to me.”

Jisung can’t help but smile, “I’ll try.”

Jeno nudges him again, grinning this time, “that’s the spirit.”

Their laughter rings out into the sky, soft and sparkling like the lights that illuminate the world below them. Soft curls of mist form in front of the lips as they breathe, and it’s then that Jisung realizes how cold it actually is. 

But he doesn’t want to leave. It’s peaceful up here.

“Is that why you rejected everyone? Because you weren’t over your ex?” Jisung asks, genuinely curious.

Jeno hums, thinking, then answers, “not exactly. I think that even if I was, I would’ve rejected them all the same. I’m a little particular with my people, believe it or not.”

“Oh, I can believe it,” Jisung chuckles. “I’m honored to be one of the chosen few.”

Jeno sighs, “I don’t think there was ever a chance you wouldn’t have been.”

Jisung turns away from the cityscape to look at Jeno, who turns at the same time. For a few tight moments, it’s just the two of them sitting at the top of the world; two boys, their hearts, and the pink petals at their feet. 

And the cold.

“I’m freezing,” Jisung says, breaking their peace. He pulls his hands from his pockets (when did they get there?) and laughs at how shaky and red they are.

“God, me too, let’s go,” Jeno says, not hesitating to grab Jisung’s hand and stand. As he tries to walk away, he feels a small tug, and turns to see that Jisung hasn’t moved.

“What if people see?” Jisung asks, half terrified, half nervous.

“Who cares?” Jeno says, laughing. Then he adds, “do you mind?”

Jisung is quick to shake his head, “no, but I mean, people don’t care about me-”

“It’s okay. Besides, it’s past midnight. No one is dumb enough to be out here past midnight, on a weekday, in the early days of spring.”

“Besides us?”

“Besides us.” The two start laughing again. 

Jisung stares at their hands clasped together in a sweet sharing of warmth. To him, Jeno is nothing but a kind boy with a healing heart, just like him. 

So he squeezes his hand and runs down the hill.

VII

The days go by, and the days turn into a week, almost two. All the while, Jeno and Jisung continue to share moments as small as getting food at the same time (coincidentally) and bumping into each other outside of their dorms. Besides that, they live completely different lives, and only really manage to get good talks with each other when their extrovert best friends are out or sleeping, and they only have the thin wall between them.

Ever since that night on the hill, Jisung has been thinking, just like Jeno suggested. He hasn’t contacted Jaemin in a long time, and had never planned on doing so, but now finds himself sitting at his desk on a Wednesday night, homework discarded, staring at Jaemin’s contact for a little longer than he’d planned to. 

“Let’s do it.”

He clicks on the contact, and almost presses ‘call’. His finger hovers above the phone button swaying slightly, so close....

Jisung takes a deep breath. You can do this.

Inhale.

Exhale.

...Nope.

He clicks out of the contact and opens up messages, and shoots Jaemin a message instead. Once he presses send, the air in his lungs empty out, and he flops over, exhausted. 

A day later, the plan carries through.

Jisung stands in the open doors of his closet, staring at the mirror Chenle purchased when they first got to campus. It’s a Thursday night, and he is finally going out. 

“You’re gonna be fine,” Chenle calls out to him from the bed. He’d spent all day playing in the semi-finals of a basketball tournament between schools, and for once, he’s not going out on a Thursday night. Instead, he’s happily tucked into bed, hair damp but smelling like the artificial smell of dye-care shampoo. 

Jisung sighs, looking at his reflection in the mirror. He put together a simple outfit- dark washed skinny jeans, a t-shirt and a zip-up hoodie Donghyuck bought him two years prior for his birthday. He admits that he looks pretty okay, besides the unease painted on his face as clear as day.

“Good luck,” Chenle calls out one more time. Jisung closes the closet doors and shoots a grateful smile in his roommate’s direction, wishing more than ever that he was in bed too.

I have to do this. 

So he steps to the door with shaky steps, and slips his sneakers on. Then, just as he is about to leave, his hand already wrapped around the knob, he hears voices out in the hall.

“-waiting for Hyuck?” Jisung frowns, pressing his ear to the door. Jeno?

“Oh, no,” a more familiar voice sounds, and Jisung’s heart rate picks up speed. “Today I’m waiting for… someone else.”

“Someone else?”

“Yeah….”

With his jaw clenched, Jisung inhales sharply. Now, more than ever, he wishes to disappear under his covers and never come out for the rest of eternity. 

“You gotta go, man,” Chenle says, disrupting his thought.

Jisung glares at him, “I was .”

Chenle scoffs, returning to his game. “Sure.”

YOLO right? Jisung finally thinks, pushing the door open.

There stands Jeno and Jaemin in the hall, a respectable distance away from each other. There is this level of energy between them, one that makes them not seem like rivals but strangers that don’t like the impression of the other. To add to that, both their expressions remain blank, making Jisung feel like he’s interrupting something. 

Then they turn to him, and he is terrified.

“Jisung,” they both breathe. Then, they snap their focus back to each other.

“You know Jisung?” Jeno asks, forehead creasing. His room door is slightly ajar, and he’s holding a plastic bag full of trash in his casual tracksuit and glasses outfit, but Jisung doesn’t fail to notice how effortlessly pretty he is.

Then there’s Jaemin, eyes slightly wider than usual, dressed up in a mint hoodie and jeans, just as pretty. Said boy turns to Jisung once, sending him a meaningful look filled with questions, only to turn away before Jisung can decipher it.

“Yeah?”

Jisung nods, “High school…”

“Acquaintances?” Jaemin helpfully supplies. Thankful, Jisung nods, forcing the most genuine smile he can muster up in Jeno’s direction. The blond only blinks.

“Okay. Well, see you around then,” he intentionally says in only Jisung’s direction, disappearing into the direction of the trash chute.

Jisung exhales a heavy breath he didn’t realize he was holding and finally shuts his room door, ignoring Chenle’s questioning gaze.

“You okay?” Jaemin asks, approaching Jisung. The latter impulsively backs up, shaking himself out of it.

“I’m fine,” he replies, growing more nervous with every word.

When was the last time he asked me that?

“Let’s go,” he says rushedly, spinning on his wheel towards the stairs, not bothering to look back knowing Jaemin would follow.

---

They find themselves on the cobblestone square between the dormitories. There are patches of grass here and there, and trees regrowing their leaves. Despite never having had a conversation here, Jisung feels a sense of nostalgia as Jaemin falls into step beside him. They’d always had their talks walking around, never sitting.

“You wanted to see me?” Jaemin asks. 

Jisung nods. He’d refused to tell Jaemin why he wanted to see him when the boy had replied to his message the day before, promising that everything is okay and he just needs to talk. Jaemin had agreed, saying he wouldn’t mind.

With a deep breath, Jisung gathers his words, printing them on a figurative script at the forefront of his mind.

“A friend of mine told me that in order to get over someone, closure is almost always necessary.” 

“You’re… not over us yet?” 

Jisung internally winces, especially at Jaemin’s use of ‘us’. It hurts him in a way that doesn’t actually hurt, like pressing a bruise, but shakes his head anyways.

“I wasn’t for a long time,” he starts, keeping his eyes on the trees and the dimly lit darkness beyond them, “but after a lot of talking with… a friend, and thinking, I think I have been actually. For a while.”

Jaemin nods, following, but stays silent to let Jisung speak.

“I was full of regrets and open wounds, but in the end, I realized that all this time, I knew it was the end. And that is completely okay. It’s just… we ended things pretty abruptly and messily, so I didn’t get to say all that I wanted to say.”

As they walk, the two keep a comfortable distance between them. It isn’t one of the colder nights of spring, but the breeze is light, and keeps Jisung feeling safe like the support of an old friend. He struggles to look at Jaemin, so he actively avoids it, but pushes ahead with his talking.

“It’s not necessarily about… us, per se, but more like…” for a beat, his mind falters, and he loses the words he wants to speak in the knot of nerves in his stomach.

“Take your time,” Jaemin says. 

Jisung suppresses a sigh, Sweet as ever, aren’t you?

Another deep breath, and he proceeds. 

“First, I want to thank you. I would do this over text, or over call, but seeing as we ended that way, I wanted to do things properly, you know?” He laughs humorlessly, then sighs. “Thank you for our time together. We’d almost had a year, but considering the amount of time we had, I think we spent all of it relatively well. It was everything I needed and wanted and more, so thank you. Thank you for being there for me whenever I needed someone, or wanted someone. For having my back in times of need. Thank you for caring.”

He pauses, feeling Jaemin’s eyes on the side of his head, but barrels through.

“And I’m sorry,” he begins, voice evidently smaller. “I’m sorry for all the times I pushed you aside, or made you feel unwanted. For all the times I made you upset. I’m really sorry but… I’m kind of glad it happened.”

He stops talking for a while, to let Jaemin take in everything. Soon, they turn a corner, and are greeted with a road lined with luminescent fast food restaurants and closed cafes.

Have we really gone that far?

Jisung sighs, risking a glance at Jaemin. Luckily, he isn’t looking at him anymore, and instead scans the glowing lights of restaurants ahead. The reflections light up his eyes, and for a moment, Jisung is pulled towards him as he was before, so in love with those pretty eyes and the smile that controls them.

Then, he brings himself back to the present. 

“I feel like we grew up together,” he says, the mini script in his head nearing its end, “I mean I know I definitely grew up, in a literal sense and mental slash emotional sense. I’ve learnt a lot from you and what we went through and I’m grateful.”

They slow slightly. Finish it, Jisung.

“I’m so happy that you’ve found your person, Jaemin,” he says, feeling an ache in his heart, “I realized towards the end of us that we weren’t right for each other in the long run, and seeing that you’ve found someone who is, I’m so happy for you. I can tell that you and Renjun are perfect for each other, and… yeah. I’m happy for you.”

Soon, their steps end, and the two find themselves standing across from each other in front of a fairly empty McDonalds. 

“I agree with you,” Jaemin starts, speaking clearly for the first time all night. “We’ve definitely grown during the time we spent together, but I can see that a lot of it happened near the end.” He pauses, sliding his hands out of his pockets. “I want to thank you as well, for all the memories you gave me, and the happiness you brought me. And I want to apologize too. I know I hurt you multiple times, and I’m so sorry for all of it but seeing how you’ve turned out? I don’t regret it.” A smile stretches his cheeks, and Jisung feels his heart ache again. “You’ve grown a lot, and you’re so strong.”

Jisung laughs, feeling like a little kid. His heart still aches, but he knows that after this he’ll feel a lot better. Isn’t that what Jeno was trying to tell him? Like taking bad-tasting medicine when you’re sick, you have to go through the bad to come out even better. 

“I would be lying to you if I said I want us to be close again, so I won’t,” Jaemin says gently. Jisung nods, very much agreeing. “But,” he continues with a half grin, “I do want the weirdness to go away. Don’t tell Donghyuck I told you, but he said he misses you a lot and feels like you don’t want to be around him because of me.” Jisung winces, because all of it rings true. “Let’s be friends. Just chill friends, hang-out-in-groups friends, acknowledge-each-other-in-public friends, stuff like that. Is that okay?”

Jisung nods, elated at how well this is going. “Of course.”

“Cool,” Jaemin says, pursing his lips. He looks into the McDonalds they’re next to, and seeing the empty cashiers, turns back to Jisung. “Do you want an ice cream while we walk back?”

Jisung cocks a brow. “We?”

“Yeah, I’m walking you back,” Jaemin says, as if offended that Jisung would ever assume he wouldn’t.

“What happened to hanging-out-in-groups friends?” He says, playfully raising both brows.

“Chill friends,” Jaemin states, already starting towards the glass door. “You missed the chill friends bit, and chill friends buy ice cream when they find themselves in front of an ice cream place and enjoy it together because they’re chill.”

Jisung laughs but follows closely behind.

“Let’s hope the machine is working.”

---

EARLIER

Jeno is unnerved when he returns to his dorm hall to find it completely empty, as if Jisung and Jaemin just disappeared into thin air. He deliberately misses his door and approaches the next one, not thinking as he knocks on the door.

To his dismay, Chenle opens it.

“Uh, hi?” He says, watching as Jeno peers over his shoulder. “Sorry to disappoint you Mr. Lee, but I’m the only one here.”

Snapping out of it, Jeno backs up, a little embarrassed. “Oh.”

Chenle sighs, a whisper of a smile on his lips. “Jisung went out for a while to talk to someone dear to him. Or was dear to him? I don’t know.”

Jeno frowns but erases it quickly. “Okay, thanks.”

Chenle watches as Jeno walks away without another word, and shuts the door.

Once safely inside his own room, Jeno flops onto Donghyuck’s bed, as it’s closer to the door and he can’t be bothered to go to his. He almost melts into the bed face down, tired from thinking so much.

Why do I even care if Jisung is with Jaemin right now?

Then, flipping over, he starts thinking again. 

Does Jisung know that Jaemin has a boyfriend?

What if Renjun and Jaemin are fighting, and Jaemin is messing with Jisung because he feels… mess-with-able?

Would Jaemin do that?

Frustrated, he sighs and flips over again, crawling up Donghyuck’s bed and pressing his face into the pillow before groaning loudly. 

Soon enough, he falls asleep there, energy depleted from thinking about Jisung so much.

VIII

The next day, Jisung and Chenle are eating in the cafeteria before their afternoon classes. From where they sit, they get indirect sunlight from a window on their left, making it comfortably warm and naturally lit. The table became a quick regular for them, if unoccupied, and so they’ve taken it today. Usually, they’re left to eat in peace.

But that is not the case today. 

Today, a fiery college-sophomore approaches them with purposeful strides, right in Jisung’s line of sight. It’s someone he isn’t strangers with, yet he can’t help the apprehension tense his shoulders at the sight of him.

“Hi,” Donghyuck says simply, smiling. As far as Jisung can see, he is alone. 

“Hi,” he replies simply, empty spoon hovering above his rice. 

“Oh, Donghyuck, hi!” Chenle greets, eating a forceful of pasta. Donghyuck shifts his attention from Jisnug to Chenle, scaring the latter just a bit.

“Did you know Jisung and I have been friends since forever?” He says, a slightly threatening smile on his lips.

“Uh, yeah?” Chenle starts, “I was there the whole time.”

Donghyuck spins on Jisung, making him flinch. “Did you also know that Jisung and I haven’t talked in forever?” His words are still directed at Chenle, clearly, so the boy replies.

“Yeah…?”

His expression then quickly softens, and a friendly smile takes place. “May I sit?” 

Jisung wordlessly nods, struggling to keep up with the pace at which Donghyuck is talking. The fiery redhead slides into place next to Jisung, and turns to him entirely, almost cutting Chenle out completely. 

“Jaemin told me you guys talked last night.” Jisung freezes, but ultimately nods after a while, still wracking his brain for something, anything, to say. Donghyuck’s smile shifts slightly, but it instantly relieves Jisung. This is a smile he is used to, a genuine, kind one, filled with care. “Did it go okay? How are you feeling?”

His rapid change of tone makes Jisung smile. “I’m okay.”

Donghyuck nods, satisfied. Then he grabs Jisung by the shoulders, forcing them to face each other. Jisung shrinks into himself, eyes wide. 

“So if you’re both okay, can we please go back to being friends?” Chenle laughs a little at Donghyuck’s question, mouth full of food. Jisung doesn’t say anything, but relaxes and nods again. Donghyuck squeals with delight and wraps Jisung in his arms, squeezing hard. “Oh, my sweet little Jisung, how I’ve missed you.”

Jisung giggles. Ever since the previous night, all he’s felt his light and airy, like he’s on a cloud.

Is this what people mean by cloud 9?

“Oh look!” Donghyuck says, pulling away from Jisung and waving at someone over Chenle’s shoulder. Jisung follows his line, and his happiness falters by the slightest when he spots Jeno holding a tray, walking towards them. “Jeno can sit right?”

Chenle and Jisung exchange looks, then shrug. It’s not like we can say no.

As Jeno approaches, Jisung notices a few eyes straying towards them from around the cafeteria, and it makes him feel overly self-conscious. It’s not every day that he sits with Jeno and Donghyuck, and it’s not every day that they voluntarily sit with someone as unknown as Jisung. 

Nervous, he spoons some rice into his mouth.

“Jeno, you know Chenle,” Donghyuck starts, as the blond sits, “and I assume you know Jisung seeing as you’ve been talking through the damn walls lately.”

Silence falls upon them.

“Huh?” Jeno’s eyes widen like a child who was caught doing something they weren’t supposed to. Jisung pauses his chewing, looking like a hamster. “I only talked to him when you were sleeping though….”

Donghyuck giggles, “I’m a night-owl, genius. I’m never sleeping.”

Chenle laughs, but Jisung can’t do anything but stare at Jeno. Despite having gone out to lunch with him two weeks prior, Jisung is still in disbelief that he is sitting with them on his own accord. As if on cue, Jeno turns to him, catching his eye. Jisung’s heart skips a beat, and he instantly turns his focus entirely on his food. Then, upon remembering their meeting in the hall the night before, winces, shoving a spoonful of rice in his mouth again.

Donghyuck doesn’t miss the little exchange. “Did you guys fight or something?”

Jisung chokes on his rice, and slaps his hand on his mouth, struggling to keep it all inside. Chenle, in true best friend fashion, laughs at him.

“Dude,” he says between laughs, handing Jisung his cup of water. Jisung thanks him silently, and actively avoids both Jeno and Donghyuck’s gazes. 

“No,” Jeno starts, tone nonchalant, “it’s just weird hanging out with each other outside of the dorms now.” Jisung lifts the cup to his lips. “Oh, besides the library date of course.”

Jisung is forced to turn away as he chokes on the water, some of it spilling from his lips. He starts coughing uncontrollably, cheeks burning from embarrassment.

“Oh my God,” Chenle says, almost out of breath from laughter. He hands Jisung a tissue, which the younger takes gratefully, still facing away from the table.

“I’m sorry, what?” Donghyuck asks, incredulous. “Date? Library?” 

Jeno nods, picking up his fork. “Last Sunday? Or was it the one before that…”

“I told you it was a date,” Chenle whispers over the table with a smirk as Jisung recovers. He knows that Jeno is jealous of Jaemin, it was clear from how he paid exactly zero attention to Chenle the night before.

Jisung watches silently as Jeno calmly takes on Donghyuck’s torrent of questions.

“You’re telling me you went on a date with someone, to the library , and I didn’t know about it? I didn’t hear about it? Not from around campus, not from you ?” 

Jeno merely shrugs, twirling his pasta around his fork, “I thought you’d find out eventually.”

Donghyuck whirls on Chenle, who is still giggling at Jisung, until he sees Donghyuck’s eyes. The smile on his face falters. 

“Did you know?” 

A smug grin shapes itself on Chenle’s lips as he places his fork down, exaggeratedly shrugging to feign nonchalance. “Oh, you know, just small bits. Like… everything.”

Jisung frowns. “Don’t lie.”

“Okay, mostly after,” Chenle says. “Still.”

Donghyuck frowns. “Damn.”

For the first time that afternoon, silence washes over the table. Jisung takes it as a time to safely process everything that is happening to him, and eat some of his food.

“Hey, Hyuck?” Jeno starts, just as Jisung eats a spoonful of rice and teriyaki chicken.

“Mm?”

“What’s Jaemin like?”

Jisung chokes again. Hard.

“Holy shit,” Chenle says, too shocked to laugh. “Do we need an ambulance or something?” His chair scrapes against the floor as he stands, grabbing the empty cup to go refill it. For a moment, the remaining two just stare at Jisung, who miraculously managed to keep everything in his mouth.

“You okay?” Donghyuck asks, placing a hand on Jisung’s back.

“I’m so sorry,” he mumbles, a pained look on his face as he flitters from Jeno to Donghyuck. Whilst Donghyuck only stares at him, Jeno has a hint of a smile on his face. This Donghyuck doesn’t miss when he turns back to Jeno, and he struggles to stop his immediate reaction of teasing his roommate.

“Well,” Donghyuck returns back to the topic at hand, leaning back into his chair. “As a best friend, I have a pretty biased view on him, but generally, he’s really nice. An introvert that prefers to observe other people when in big gatherings, but is the center of attention with his small group of friends. He treats everyone pretty well, he’s sweet, polite, funny-”

“Would he ever cheat on someone?” 

This catches Donghyuck and Jisung off guard. A terse silence falls upon them, and it gives Jisung space to think. 

Jeno knows Renjun and Jaemin are a thing, but Jeno doesn’t know that Jaemin and I were a thing. Jeno saw me and Jaemin. Jeno cares about Renjun, and Jeno probably doesn’t like Jaemin very much. He’s probably suspicious of him, which is why he is asking….

Jisung can’t help but giggle, breaking the silence. Chenle returns to the table with a full cup of water, barely noticing the weird stares Jisung is getting from the other two.

The youngest sighs, taking the cup from Chenle’s outstretched hand with a soft thanks. “Let me answer that for you.

Jaemin is definitely not the type to cheat. He is incredibly honest, and whilst he may look suspicious and unemotional sometimes, it’s because he is also really good at hiding his inner thoughts. He only has good intentions, and as far as I’m concerned, he’s basically perfect,” he finishes.

Thump, thump, thump.

His heartbeat is normal. His heart feels normal. No ache, no pain. 

Jisung feels a sense of pride for himself and smiles inwardly. 

Jeno on the other hand tilts his head in genuine confusion. “You seem to know him pretty well for acquaintances.”

“Acquaintances?” Chenle and Donghyuck say at the same time, turning to Jisung, who winces. Donghyuck slowly brings a hand to his mouth.

Now, Jeno frowns. “That’s what he told me when I bumped into them in the hall last night.”

“Correction,” Jisung starts, “he told you that.”

“You didn’t deny it.”

Donghyuck seems to sense where the conversation is going, as he turns to Jisung and lays a hand on his thigh. The younger turns to him, then to Jeno again.

“It was a… small cover-up,” Jisung says.

“Cover for what?” 

A sharp inhale is heard from Chenle, and he immediately slaps a hand over his mouth, shooting a look in Donghyuck’s direction. The two engaged in conversation remain unaware.

“Jaemin and I used to… date.”

Jeno’s face goes slack. “Huh?”

“He’s the... the ex I told you about.”

Silence washes over the table once more, but only for a short moment, as Donghyuck is quick to break it.

“I want some juice,” he says, grinning. Then, turning to Chenle, “do you want some juice?”

“Oh, uh, yes,” Chenle says, already standing, “I would love… uh, some juice.”

Jeno and Jisung are left sitting at the table, watching as the two run off in the opposite direction of the beverage bar. For a while, it is quiet, and Jisung finds an odd sense of familiarity in it, turning to Jeno.

“They’re not coming back.”

Jeno sighs, “Nope.”

“You wanna go?” Jisung asks heart, thudding a little harder now. 

Jeno nods, and they grab their trays (and Chenle’s) and leave.

IX

“You knew this whole time?” 

Jisung winces. He’d just explained about him and Jaemin shortly, and accidentally name-dropped Renjun in the midst of it.

“For a while… yeah.” 

Jeno sighs. They’re strolling across campus again, earning a few stares as usual, but ignoring them all the same. There are couples scattered around, and people laughing around the courtyard, giving them a loose atmosphere in contrast to their tense conversation.

“You never mentioned it.”

Jisung nods, “I didn’t see the need to. Besides, his identity never came up.”

Understanding grows clearer in Jeno’s eyes, but his lips still remain downturned. “Why did you guys lie in the hallway?”

“I wasn’t sure whether Jaemin wanted you to know,” he starts with a soft exhale. “He knows I don’t make friends easily, and the fact that you knew me and paid any attention to me, let alone questioned him, probably hinted something. I ultimately left the choice to him.”

“Wow,” Jeno exhales heavily, “you guys seem… really attuned to each other.”

Jisung smiles weakly, “we were together for ten months.”

Jeno’s brows shoot up, “ten?”

Jisung nods. “We distanced, I guess. Then he… left.”

“For Renjun,” Jeno sighs.

“Yep.”

A bench beneath a lonely tree comes into view, and Jeno starts towards it, taking on hand out of his pocket to tug Jisung a little. In the moment, the younger is reminded of how he and Jaemin never really talked sitting down much, as he follows Jeno to the seat. 

The bench is incredibly cold.

“They should really invest in seasonal benches,” Jisung mumbles under his breath, feeling the chill on the underside of his denim-clad legs. As they sit, Jisung notices eyes on them again, but has grown so used to them that he doesn’t feel shy anymore. A small part of him even wants to shove it in their faces.

Yeah, I’m sitting with Jeno Lee. I bet you wish you were me.

He smiles at the thought, but it is quickly displaced by another.

“Does it upset you that I didn’t tell you about Jaemin?” He asks softly. 

Jeno pauses. “Not really. I mean, it kinda feels like you deceived me, and Donghyuck as well, even Chenle. I felt a little weird because of that, but mostly because, well, you hung out with me all this time, despite knowing that Renjun was my ex.”

“I mean, it doesn’t really matter,” Jisung says with a shrug. 

“Really?” 

Jisung nods, “It doesn’t really bother me. It was a little disappointing at first, because why oh why did Jaemin have to be the one to steal your boyfriend away… and vice versa,” he adds quietly.

Jeno laughs, “it’s not exactly their fault though, is it?”

Jisung shakes his head, “they've known each other for a while, and I guess it was inevitable with their personalities.”

A pause.

“Does it feel weird to you too?”

Jisung laughs wholeheartedly, “just a little.” Then, getting carried away in his train of thought, absentmindedly mutters, “would it be weird if we-” he snaps his mouth shut mid-question.

Was I really about to ask him that? Was I REALLY?

Oh my God you fucking idiot.

Jeno catches the drift of his question and grins. “If we what?”

Jisung shakes his head quickly, “nothing.”

“Oh c’mon,” Jeno says, nudging Jisung a little, “you can’t leave me in the dark now.”

Turning to Jeno, Jisung smiles at the familiar phrase. He sighs, and feeling his ears burn, answers, “If we… I don’t know, got… closer?” Instantly, he cringes, turning to see Jeno’s reaction.

The blond cocks an unimpressed brow.

Jisung frowns, “that’s all you’re getting, Lee.”

“Fine…” Jeno trails off, feeling a little embarrassed at not knowing Jisung’s last name. 

Said boy giggles, and finishes with, “Park. Jisung Park.”

“Like the soccer player?”

“Precisely.”

In the midst of their laughter, an alarm goes off in Jisung’s jacket pocket, and he yanks it out, expression shifting from joyous to stressed. 

“Oh my God, I’m gonna be late for tutorial if I don’t go now,” he sputters, standing, “I’m so sorry.”

Jeno shakes his head, taking his time to stand. “It’s fine. Just… one thing.”

“Hm?” Jisung says, already feeling himself getting ready to run off.

Jeno smiles brightly, making Jisung’s heart flip. 

“I don’t think it would be weird at all.”

X

“I don’t think it would be weird at all.”

Hours later, Jisung is sitting in bed, staring aimlessly at the ceiling. 

What was that?

Ever since Jeno had turned and walked off that afternoon, Jisung has been completely out of it. He barely paid any attention to anyone in tutorial, and almost bumped into a professor on his way out. Still, every time he would have a second of silence to himself, his mind would drift back to the one sentence, those nine words, and he would flush red.

“-sung!” Chenle shouts from his bed, ripping his earphone out of his ears. Jisung gets scared out of his mind, but turns to his roommate anyway, who is glaring at him. “Your stupid boyfriend has been knocking on the wall for so long, and he called your name once can you please just answer?”

Jisung pulls himself up into a sitting position and turns to the wall. 

“Are you ignoring me?” The wall says, its voice a little sad. 

“Oh, no, I was just… I’m sorry.” 

“At least I didn’t give you a heart attack this time,” Jeno says, a smile in his voice. Jisung giggles. Before he can say anything in return, Jeno speaks again. “Meet me at the hill in half an hour.”

“The hill?”

“You know. The hill. Half an hour, got it?”

A swarm of butterflies burst in Jisung’s stomach. They’d been mostly dormant for the last few months but oh, how alive they are now. 

Jisung will admit he has been caught off guard once again.

“I- wait like-”

“Half an hour!” Jeno shouts, voice already fading as he backs away from the wall. “Not a second earlier, not a second late. Be there!” 

Jisung’s jaw just hangs open, until he hears a muffled, “jeez, dude, keep it down,” from Donghyuck.

He pulls himself together, ruffling his bangs a little as he hops out of bed with a small smile on his lips. 

“I’m not even going to ask where you’re going,” Chenle grumbles from his bed. 

“Why?” Jisung grins teasingly, “because you’re sad and lonely?”

“No, whackass. I heard the whole conversation.” Chenle says, turning on his shoulder, “you guys are so loud.”

The two of them laugh as Jisung runs to change into an outfit appropriate for the night. Once changed, he grabs his padded jacket and makes his way to the door, not missing a pair of socks on the way. As he stumbles around trying to get his sneakers on without having to untie the laces, Chenle watches fondly, with a proud smile.

“See you later!” Jisung says, stumbling out of the door.

Chenle only smiles as he shuts the door behind him, his heart feeling full. “Have fun.”

---

It’s exactly half an hour since Jeno invited Jisung out when the hazel-haired boy reaches the top of the hill, hopelessly out of breath.

“I really need to work on that,” he breathes, putting his hand on his knees as he bends over to catch his breath. After a few inhales and exhales, he pulls his phone out of his pocket and checks the time.

Exactly half an hour.

“Jeno?” Jisung calls out, making his way further up and closer to the edge. Sure enough, under a familiar-looking cherry blossom tree, sits a boy on a bench, calmly looking over the city. A soft smile tugs at Jisung’s lips, but he wipes it away as he approaches Jeno, trying to look as cool as ever.

A few steps before the bench, Jisung feels his heart pounding in his chest a lot more prominently than before. The butterflies from earlier are still fluttering around his stomach, and Jisung has to press a hand to it to calm them down. 

He reaches the bench, his steps a lot slower. When Jeno looks up at him, Jisung smiles. “Mind if I sit?”

Jeno checks the time as he does, and exhales, impressed. “You are right on time. I didn’t expect that.”

“You underestimate me,” Jisung grins. He can’t help but notice how close they are, because every time he moves just a smidge, Jeno’s arm (whilst covered in a hoodie) brushes against his.

“Did you know that if you have feelings for someone for over four months, you’re likely in love with them?” Jeno says, looking over the city once more.

“So I’m in love with you.”

Jeno blinks, turning to Jisung. With his heart crashing against his ribs and the knots of nerves tightening in his stomach, he hadn’t even realized what he said. 

It takes him a second. 

Oh my God.

Jeno just laughs, nose scrunching as nudges Jisung, “I said four months, Jisung. Not four days.”

“It’s definitely been more than four days,” he says, turning to the city between nervous and mortified laughter. He will admit that he’s never bounced back from an embarrassing moment as well as right then though. Something about Jeno makes him feel so carefree and relaxed like he can say anything.

Clearly.

Jeno rolls his eyes, releasing a placid sigh, “you get the point.”

Jisung smiles, turning his head to gaze at Jeno. His eyes are shut, and Jisung gets lost in admiring his features, from his long lashes against his skin to his pink lips. He gets so distracted that he doesn’t even turn away when Jeno opens his eyes and catches Jisung’s.

All the air from Jisung’s lungs is sucked away in an instant. 

“W- What’s the point?” Jisung squeaks, looking away abruptly. 

Jeno watches as the younger tries to put himself together and is about to speak again when a singular petal drifts between them. “Again?” He laughs.

Jisung turns back and sees the petal in Jeno’s hand, wordlessly watching as the blond strokes it gently with his thumb. All Jisung can think about at the moment is how badly he wants to hold that hand. 

When Jeno looks up to catch his eye this time, Jisung doesn’t look away. 

“Four months from now, I’m fairly sure I’ll still have feelings for you.”

Jisung swallows, “still?”

“Oh please, I brought you to the library,” Jeno says.

This is it, my heart is actually going to explode.

Jeno leans in slightly, and Jisung instinctively backs into the arm of the bench. With a soft chuckle, Jeno takes one of Jisung’s freezing hands into his own, and unfurls his lean fingers until they’re open. Then, he places the petal in the center of Jisung’s palm, sending fireworks sparkling up his arm.

“Four months from now,” Jeno starts, still holding Jisung’s hand, closing the fingers as he speaks, “I’m going to ask you out, and if you have feelings for me-”

“If?” Jisung interrupts, surprising both of them. He doesn’t waste time panicking over it, and smiles at Jeno, “I basically confessed to you three minutes ago.”

Jeno grins, looking to their hands, cheeks brushed pink. “Well then, if you still have feelings for me…” he trails off, letting Jisung come to his own conclusion. As he does, he gently lifts his vision to Jisung.

Jisung feels like he can barely breathe. Jeno’s eyes hold a different kind of energy this time, something charged, something stronger than before, and it stirs heat in Jisung’s stomach.

Jisung burns.

He burns as he watches Jeno’s eyes grow larger and brighter as he leans in, getting progressively closer and closer to Jisung. He doesn’t miss how Jeno’s eyes flicker down to his lips in less than a blink and fails to mask his small gasp. Slowly, he back into the arm of the bench until he’s cornered and has nowhere to go, mind racing in fear and anticipation at the same time.

He shuts his eyes.

Nothing, for a while. 

Then, warmth.

On his forehead.

When it’s gone, Jisung opens his eyes, a little shocked as to how close Jeno is to his face. He blinks as Jeno releases his closed hand, smiling as he stands. 

He just… kissed my forehead.

Jeno slips his hands into his pockets and stands in front of Jisung. Behind him, the city blazes with light, and Jisung wonders how he hasn’t completely fallen in love with Jeno already.

“Four months from now, I hope I can confidently walk down this hill with you at any time of day, hand in hand, with not a care in the world.” 

Jisung can only blink. 

“In other words….” Jeno leaves his sentence open, giggles, and leans down, kissing the top of his hair once more. He winks once before leaving Jisung on the bench, frozen, in the middle of the night.

Not that Jisung minds. 

He watches Jeno until his head disappears beyond the hill, and releases a breath he’d been aware he was holding.

Oh my God.

For a good minute, Jisung remains on the bench, staring out over the city. Somewhere out there, Jaemin and Renjun are writing their love story, surrounded by new friends. 

He thinks about him and Jeno for a while. 

The way they met, through the wall of their dorm, is far from normal. It’s pretty funny when you think about it. How, out of all the people to like, did Jeno come upon Jisung? How did Jisung fall for Jeno so hard when he’d been struggling with Jaemin for so long?

Maybe, like Jaemin, he’d finally met his person. After two short weeks, he knows he can’t be certain, but hey, who knows? After all this time being hung up over someone, maybe his person was right there, on the other side of a thin wall.

Jisung grins, barely affected by the cold. His heart flutters in his chest as he looks down to his hands, unfurling his fingers. There, sits the petal from earlier velvety and pink. He closes his fist once more and descends the hill feeling happier than he has ever been for a long time.

---

Later that night, the two unknowingly lean against each other, back to back. Both minds struggle to sleep for minutes, hours, both repeating the same question in their heads. 

Four months….

Will it really happen?

---

Spoiler alert!

It does. <3