Work Text:
Dongho’s face fills his mind. Dark, hanging strands and locks of black hair, shrewd eyes always searching his face and making him feel naked under their gaze, and those lips so plush and his beautifully sculpted jaw. He was practically perfect, looking back at it all.
Damn, why does Minsung think of him now? How idiotic of him. That’s a dead horse, a sunken ship to be left to rot in the bottom of the ocean. How could he think of it, let alone wish to bring it back to the light?
Yet he can’t blame himself. It’s not been that long since—well, since Minsung ruined it all. It’s still so fresh in his memory, so recently experienced and yet still not fully grasped and accepted.
Dongho always used to be a free-spirited lover. At least, according to Minsung. Always going out clubbing with those friends of his. Even Minsung’s own brother. Needless to explain, he was quite uncomfortable, perhaps even suspicious, with all the nightly activities Dongho might have been getting up to.
But he never used to be like this, jealous. What happened to him? Worried that everyone’s attracted to Dongho, that he’d leave him if he found someone that offered more than Minsung ever could.
Then again, even when he had voiced these insecurities to Dongho, he hadn’t done much to console him. A simple, “I love you more than anyone, Minsung,” meant to calm his nerves but instead only irritating them more.
Maybe it’s Minsung’s own fault. Had he expected too much? Was it asking for a fantasy relationship? He’d never know. Dongho wouldn’t tell him. Then again, he shouldn’t have only relied on his lover to spoon feed him the answers as to what’s wrong. Minsung knows himself that he always wishes for unrealistic results. How stupid of him.
***
Across the city of Seoul, the dark-haired male in question pours himself a cup of muddy brown coffee, adds a couple spoonfuls of sugar, and turns on his radio. The cracked old tunes of the voice’s Spanish calm him, at least as far as his worries would allow.
‘Y aunque la vida me cueste, llorona
No dejaré de quererte’
How could he confront his lover again? As if nothing happened between them. It already seems to him that their relationship is doomed.
Minsung really was always so overbearing, always wanting to know whether Dongho was safe or not, what he’d be doing with friends, never failing to ask him to “text me when you get home.”
Had he really no trust in Dongho, thinking that he’d just up and leave him for someone new as if he went through boyfriends like disposable paper cups? Love them for a second then crumple them up and toss them the next?
Or was this whole problem stemming from Minsung’s own personal issues? And if so, was it the thirst to maintain control over his lover, or the want for simple validation and reassurance that Dongho would never leave him, despite all that may come in the future? There’s always that possibility that Minsung suspected he just didn’t know his boyfriend enough to deduce whether he’d up and leave at any given point or not.
So seeing Dongho alone with Minsoo at a pet shop a week ago, their arms wrapped around each other’s waists as they bantered over which was the cuter animal...could it have made him think that he’d just surrender all they had together for someone new?
But Dongho could never do that, mess around with others’ feelings, let alone Minsung’s own brother.
If only Minsung had more trust in him in the first place. That’s the one thing he could never come close to instilling on his own
Maybe...Maybe it’d be better for both of them if they ended this. Dongho loves him more than anything, but how can they work like this with no communication, no faith? If there’s no effort on either side, there isn’t a doubt that they’d eventually fall apart.
Minsoo doesn’t even know about this...thing they have together. Minsoo hates Minsung, more than Dongho could even fathom. Granted, Minsung did steal his song he worked for a good half year on to get into the entertainment company Minsoo wanted.
How could Dongho do that to him? He already made the decision to betray Minsoo the moment he kissed Minsung that one night . If Minsoo were to ever find out about this secret...He could say goodbye to their friendship. At least for a little while.
Breaking up with Minsung might be the best option. Even if it is dishonest, lying to Minsoo and never telling him what really went on between them. Minsoo never really talks about his brother anyway. He could get away with it.
***
Despite how much he tries to get away from the reality he must learn to face, Dongho can’t stop feeling every pang in his heart when he’d come across Minsung’s gleaming smile, bright eyes, and painfully warm peals of laughter. No matter how many terms, how many names he’s muted on his social media accounts, Minsung would always find a way to show up, almost as a constant reminder of those days of the past, when their only concern was keeping their relationship a secret.
They had been in it together back then. Dongho and Minsung, against the world. Where had that smile gone? That smile meant just for him, every time Dongho would coo at the stray cats cuddled on the street outside of SA1NT’s dorm, or when Minsung used to bring home sweet treats for his lover, each time hoping that he might like it enough to give him a “This is pretty good.” in response.
Now, there’s a division between them that he’s not even sure it’s wise to remedy anymore. There’s too much at risk, and not enough to make it all worth it.
But is this really what he wants? To say safe and miserable on his own, pretending he’s fallen out of love? Is it too late?
Dongho knows that he doesn’t have an answer to his questions, and that to spend time finding one is moronic and a waste of his time.
And Minsung, who sits at his desk pondering the decisions he’s made, wonders if Dongho had ever even loved him at all. It’s not uncommon, having people lust over him for a while before slowly losing interest.
It just hurts too much to confirm it. Maybe it’s better to believe it isn’t either of their faults, that it’s simply a delicate relationship broken by winds of time and change.
‘What a coward I am,’ They cry, ‘Not wanting to know what it all meant in the end.’