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Another year, another Day of Devotion. Sharena sighs as she rolls over in bed. Now she’s facing the window on the far side of the room, open to the outside world. If she concentrates, she can just barely make out the sound of distant festivities. Sounds from the fairground outside the castle walls carry over just enough distance to be heard. Right now, it’s the last thing Sharena wants to hear.
If it had been any other celebration, Sharena would be out and about rather than holed up in her room. But not today. Not now. She grabs her pillow and presses it to her ears. It succeeds in blocking the noise from a distant festival, but not the sound of a door opening and closing.
She sighs again as she lets the pillow fall back to the bed, not even needing to look to know who entered. There’s only one person who would just let themselves in without knocking: Kiran. It is, after all, his room too. The pair had moved in together some time ago, not long after becoming an item. She listens to his footsteps as he moves across the room, arriving at the bed quickly enough. She feels the mattress shift as he sits, and there is silence again. Neither says anything for a moment, but as the sounds of festivities threaten to creep back into Sharena’s ears, Kiran speaks up.
“You alright?” He asks. A simple question, but Sharena only manages a hum in response. A ‘yes’ would’ve been a lie, and a ‘no’ is too hard to say.
“Wanna talk about it?” Kiran continues. Sharena sighs again, flopping onto her back to stare at the ceiling.
“I…” Sharena’s not even sure where to start. Her head is buzzing with negativity yet she can’t even pin one part of it down. “I don’t know,” She answers. “I want to talk, but…” She trails off, words still failing her.
“Well, I know you like celebrations and festivals,” Kiran says, “But I’m getting the feeling there’s something different about this one. Something that’s keeping you down.” Astute as ever, Sharena thinks. Though, she supposes her current behavior might make it a bit obvious.
“Yeah, I guess…” She pauses, considering her words. “I guess it's the people, seeing everyone so happy, seeing so much love between others, I think I feel… Left out in a way.”
“Left out on love? Well if that’s how you feel…” Kiran says.
Realizing her poor choice of words, Sharena bolts upright, turning to face Kiran. “No, nononono, I didn’t-” She stops when she sees his face, set in a smile. He’s joking with her. She lets out a breath as a little tension dissipates. “I didn’t mean you, you’ve been nothing but good to me.” She scooches over to sit next to Kiran, resting her head on his shoulder. “It’s the… familial love I feel left out on.”
“Hmm,” Kiran hums in acknowledgement, while doing his best to not interrupt.
“Y’know, my parents actually met at a Day of Devotion festival, so it became something of a royal tradition to make an appearance every year. My mom and dad would always show up, at least until Alfonse was old enough that they could pass the torch to him.” Sharena pauses to take a breath, sniffling just a little. “But not to me. Never to me. I wasn’t ready, not in his eyes.”
Kiran doesn’t have to think hard to know who she refers to. He’d only met Gustav in passing, but even in such a short time, the harshness with which he treated Sharena left an impression.
“And that’s far from the only time I’d been told that. I feel like I’ve gone my whole life never being worthy, never being good enough, and it… it hurts. ” She blinks back tears, their bitter pain an unwelcome presence. “And now, he’s gone. He’s gone and I’m still excluded from the festival. That’s just how it is, I guess. I’ll never be able to prove myself. I’ll always just be stuck in the background, playing second fiddle.” She blinks again, but it’s too late. Tears are rolling down her face now, wetting Kiran’s shirt as they fall to his shoulder.
“Hey, hey,” Kiran starts, pulling Sharena into a hug as she begins to break into sobs. “I’ve got you, I’m here.” He holds her close, running a hand up and down her back. “Your father was harsh with you. There’s no mistaking that. But you are absolutely not unworthy.” He holds her tight, and places a kiss on the top of her head. “I love you Sharena. You . Not whoever your father wanted you to be, not some idealized future version of yourself. Just you. Because you are worthy. You’re so much more than good enough. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know that you are a good person, deserving of all the love in the world, just as much as I know that I’m not the only one who feels that way. Alfonse loves you. Your mother loves you. The Order loves you.” He feels her trembling slow as her tears begin to subside. “You are so full of love, Sharena, I know that you have space in your heart to love yourself.”
A peaceful quiet again descends upon the room, interrupted solely by intermittent sniffles from Sharena. She pulls back from the hug, just enough to wipe her face with her hand, and smile up at Kiran. It's a somber smile, but a smile nonetheless. She presses a quick kiss to his cheek before burying her face back into his shoulder.
“Thank you,” She says, her words slightly muffled into his shirt. “Just… Thank you.”
“Feeling better, then?” Kiran asks.
“Yeah, much better.” They linger in each other's arms a moment longer before Sharena speaks up again. “I have an idea.”
“Yeah?”
“Lets go make some new memories at the festival. Start some new traditions. That way, next year, today doesn’t have to be all negative.” She doesn’t even wait for Kiran to answer before she’s one her feet, tugging at Kiran's hands. He can’t help but smile at her.
“Lead the way,” he says.
“Gladly.”
And so she does.