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The icy feeling of pain traveling through his veins was the worst feeling imaginable.
But it was also the best.
The worst because it hurt, to the point of wanting to cry out, to beg for forgiveness, to plead for his family to make it stop.
The best because it made all the sharp edges of reality more fuzzy, made everything softer, made the pain of his continued existence a little easier.
As he sat on the floor of his dingy bathroom, away from everyone and everything he loved, he rolled the tiny bottle of dilaudid back and forth between his fingers. It was surprisingly easier to get his hands onto that drug than morphine. But it didn’t matter, as long as he could push it into his veins and block out the world for a few hours. It was the only thing that could do so, but also not kill him.
Not that it would matter. Knowing his luck, he’d just wake back up and start the fiery cycle again.
None of his family knew how far he’d fallen. How far away from their path as heroes he’d strayed.
He didn’t care about their “mission”. He didn’t care about much of anything anymore.
Stopping the pain was all he cared about.
Water splashed across his face, bringing him back to reality like an explosion, instead of gentle waves.
“Damnit Spencer!”
His body heaved, air pushing through his lungs in great gasps. The bathroom floor came into focus rapidly, along with a pair of boots that decidedly didn’t belong to him.
“Fratellino, are you awake yet?”
With a groan usually reserved for Morgan after a session in the FBI Gym, Spencer Reid pushed himself up to lean against the wall. So much for being able to drift in the high for a little bit.
Soft, calloused hands shook his shoulders. “Spencer. Answer me. What did you take?”
Reid shoved him off. “Get out of my apartment, Nicolo. I don’t want you here.”
Nicky Di Genova gave his youngest and newest brother a sad look that he usually reserved for Booker. “You’ve been injecting those drugs into yourself for at least a few days. We were worried when you didn’t answer our messages. We’re not leaving until we know you are ok.”
Reid let out a louder groan than before. “We? Is it just your better half, or is everyone invading my apartment without my permission?”
Nicky pulled Reid to his feet and dragged him from the small bathroom. “Just Yusuf and myself. We were near and worried.”
From the small kitchen, another voice joined the conversation. “I think we had every right to worry! There is no food in this kitchen! You’ve made my Nicky sad!”
“Joe, get out of my kitchen!”
Nicky deposited the slight immortal into his coach, then sat down beside him. “Please, Spencer. Why are you using again? How can we help?”
Reid didn’t want to have this conversation with either man. Hell, he didn’t want to talk to anyone about it. “Go away.”
Joe Al-Kaysani knelt down in front of Reid. “Spencer. You told us you’d never touch those drugs again. Why now?”
It was all he could do to keep from glaring. Did they not understand that he didn’t want to get into it? All he wanted was to be left alone.
“Spencer. Let us know and we will go. Please just talk to us. We won’t push anymore.”
Spencer looked from Nicky, with worry hidden behind sharp eyes, to Joe, who couldn’t hide worry from his face.
“It’s my mom.”