Work Text:
please listen to 'reverse' specifically by lion team as you read this, it was one of the reasons why i wrote this and i think it suits the ambiance i wanted to portray... enjoyyyyy
****
In a pool of people, different faces, different races but they share the same reason why they are here; attempting to spend a worthwhile stay in their believed paradise.
Yu Shuxin, bless her soul because she didn’t know what got into her for riding the plane towards another continent just to get on an island she’d never been on, could be blamed on those inviting ads she saw while browsing the internet. Lucky her, she might have the chance to survive if ever she talks to this alone lady. A short haired girl sitting leisurely, admiring the scenery that slowly unfolds right within her vision. The sunset in Saipan is simply captivating in a way that you can’t tear off your eyes from it.
Waiting patiently to see the huge fireball dissolve through the horizon, and this girl, “Hey, are you Chinese?” ̶̶ enjoys it alone, with a cocktail in hand, slowly sipping it and her hair swaying lightly from the fresh breeze of the late afternoon.
The questioned girl slowly lifted her gaze from what she had been admiring for quite some time, fixing it on the newcomer redhead that smiles so warmly that Jiaqi could have mistaken that the sun did not hide, but only risen once more.
There was an instant relief that Jiaqi felt, a sudden familiarity she never thought she would experience on this foreign island. She smiled, gesturing to the seat adjacent to her, “Yes, I am. You can sit there if you want, I have no company.” Jiaqi replied in their native language, delighted that she won’t have to force out broken English like what she had been doing for the past weeks.
“I haven’t seen you around, when did you get here?” Shuxin did not quite understand the question when they locked their visions towards one another, because the girl before her is glowing and oh, Shuxin could get lost in her eyes and soft gaze, droplets of golden lights showering her face, tantalizing her the more she looks at the stranger. It’s almost blinding.
It was slow, slower, slowest that she couldn’t hear the guitar chords that the packed resto plays. Who is this stranger and why does she want to stay here with her forever?
She answered still, “I got here yesterday afternoon, but my jet lag took over me, so I fell asleep upon arriving at my room,” the stranger snorted at her cute narration, then a soft giggle, “I’m Jiaqi by the way, Xu Jiaqi.” She raised her own glass of cocktail, “I’m Yu Shuxin, nice meeting you,” the clink of the glasses held together was the start of something else.
“It’s so beautiful, isn’t it?” Jiaqi said when she once more fixed her gaze to what she had been admiring before Shuxin came. “I might have to stay here forever.”
“Why did you come here? Out of all the places in the world?” The question popped from Shuxin as both of them stared at the phenomenal creations called sun, sea, sky and also the distant noises of birds as they tail each other in the air. The smooth jazz and muffled conversations of mixed languages they couldn’t pick up.
“I’m a writer, I am trying to find an inspiration and my mother gave me a plane ticket, saying I could come back whenever I like.” Jiaqi replied, glancing a bit at the girl across her to see her reaction.
“I should be careful around you then!”
It was Jiaqi who was surprised by the girl’s loud outburst. They both apologized to the nearby tables. She gave her full attention to Shuxin that looked shocked and fascinated at the same time.
“And why is that?”
“They said that whatever you say or do, an author will use it in their books. So, I should be careful so you would only possibly write good things about me. I don’t want to live forever as a villain.” Jiaqi smiled, the newcomer surely rambles a lot, but every word is sinking into her like a piece of a sonnet she used to listen to before she slept when she was in college. Shuxin’s voice also ignites excitement and relaxation as she listens to it, the wind blowing the loose strands of her burning red hair, her lips are pursed in a cute pout adding to her fascination over the bubbly girl.
“Live forever? Do you want that?” Jiaqi placed down the glass of cocktail she had been holding for quite some time. For the past days it became her routine to sit here and sip the drink she now grew fond of.
“Of course, I wanted to be seen in books portrayed as someone who is always positive and energetic, giving others the ray of sunshine that I am!”
They burst into a good laugh by Shuxin’s antics. She would make cute gestures as she speaks with a cute voice with blinking eyes. You would even think that she’s serious about everything she says.
“As much as I would like to write about someone who brings joy, I really couldn’t pick up all the things I left.”
Jiaqi is reminded of the untouched pen and the forgotten pieces of paper she used to adore so much.
“And why is that?” She pouted.
“I guess I still haven’t found my inspiration to write.”
She lied.
“I think that’s too personal; we shouldn’t be talking about this.” Shuxin smiled warmly, pointing at the disappearing sun, “Look,” Jiaqi turned her attention towards the sunset and for some reason this feels warmer that the past ones, “It’s a sight to behold.” Shuxin said, Jiaqi hummed in agreement, and they stayed like that.
“This is your first time seeing this, right?” Jiaqi asked her, but when she looked at Shuxin she couldn’t help but stare. Her brown eyes are glistening as she looks at the horizon with amazement and adoration. The sky is painted orange, so is Shuxin’s face and her distracting red hair that seems to be glowing, or burning, no, maybe Jiaqi just can’t figure out what’s the difference between those two at this specific moment.
“Yes, and the plane ride is definitely worth it if the scenery is like this.”
“Then I would offer that we watch the sunset every afternoon, sounds like a plan?”
Shuxin met her gaze and eagerly nodded, “A plan it is.”
The first sunset with Shuxin was the warmest of them all.
“I’m sure you are not familiar around here. Can you go home alone?” Jiaqi pointed out when they were climbing down the stairs from the resto placed on a high place to get the most out of the scenery, and its famous sunset lookout.
It was past 9, they did not notice the time that went by when they were talking about their own lives in China. Shuxin discovered that Jiaqi graduated from college two years ago as an Architect major but her passion for writing is something she can’t just let go.
“You’re really talented! I can’t even draw a bird, and I failed my English class in Singapore when I was on my second year of college because I failed to pass any essay. God really has his favorites,” she said, acting as if she’s really hurt by the fact that someone can do things she can’t, only to lift her chin again, “Anyways, I’m pretty and loved by my grandfather. I’m his favorite,” she lowered her voice, leaning slightly towards Jiaqi, “I really think I would inherit most of his wealth.” And she started laughing by what she said, affecting Jiaqi, the next thing she knew, both are laughing over the silliest things Shuxin would say through the whole time they were seated at the very same table by the terrace.
Jiaqi is not a talker, but Shuxin is. Jiaqi talks like her words should be written on a paper because of its wisdom or as if it was from a specific page she read the other day, Shuxin doesn’t, but she’s sincere and she’s smarter than most people perceive her to be. It’s what fascinates Jiaqi more. They just met hours ago but she can tell that Shuxin is an extraordinary person, she’s one of a kind, there’s only one Shuxin and Jiaqi happened to meet someone like her.
She believes she’s not talented, not realizing that she’s way better than a talented person could ever wish.
“Yes, I think I know how to get back.” The redhead replied, fishing out her phone to search for the address of her temporary home for the next week.
That doesn’t sound and look convincing at all to Jiaqi, “Let me see your address,” Shuxin gave her the phone. Jiaqi blinks, “Lucky you, I pass by your house.”
“Really?!” Shuxin jumped on her, engulfing her in a hug, “I knew you were an angel sent to me when I saw you sitting there.”
**
Yu Shuxin has always been an early bird; she owes it to her grandfather that taught her about punctuality and what a simple waking up earlier can do to her life. She woke up feeling satisfied by the sunlight that perfectly lit up her room. She stretched in front of the tall window that overlooks the ocean, breathing in the fresh sea breeze and sighing in contentment. The scheduled breakfast that is covered by her travel pack will arrive at 7:30 so she still has an hour and a half to freshen up. She hummed a song, the one she heard from one of those cafes she visited, since then the song is stuck on her mind but she would always forget to search for its name, picking up what she would wear for the day, choosing from the sundresses that Kong Xueer insisted for her to bring because the latter said that coming to a vacation without a sundress is useless and cannot be called a ‘vacation’, she finally picked the yellow one that reaches above her knees.
Even after breakfast, Yu Shuxin was still humming the same song.
Shuxin was fixing her sundress and its partner, a hat when someone cleared her throat. She looked up meeting Jiaqi’s very attractive eyes, “Hey,” she said.
“Hey,” Shuxin replied, kind of overwhelmed by the fact that a mere stranger she only met yesterday is in front of her again, clad in a gray oversized printed shirt that says ‘reverse’ in bold italic letters, with a cap to protect herself from the slightly humid weather.
“You missed me already?” She stepped down the porch, giggling when the addressed girl did not seem impressed by her coquettish greeting.
“Do you know how to drive?” She asked instead.
Confusion is written over Shuxin’s face by the sudden out of context question, “Why are you asking me that?”
“I’m going to show you around the Island,” she held up a car key and then pointed at the red car parked at the other side of the street.
“You act like you’re a local,” they both snickered, “But since you’re asking, I want you to know that the last time I had my drive test I broke a side mirror.”
“That concludes the driver for today. I only rented this and I’m not rich enough to shoulder any damage.” She threw a side glance at Shuxin when both of them were inside the car.
“Why did I even think you’re capable of driving safely,” Jiaqi gave one last teasing remark before the engine roared.
“That’s rude,” Shuxin pouted.
“Thanks.”
The car started moving, “Your seatbelt, Ma’am,” Shuxin buckled her seatbelt that she forgot to wear because she got distracted by the morning light the seeps through the window.
“This better be exciting, Xu Jiaqi.”
Jiaqi hummed a reply, too focused on not getting them into any accident.
Yu Shuxin rolled down the windows and started humming the same song.
They spent their second sunset in the Suicide Cliff, but no one wanted to jump, but instead to fall.
**
“Take one step at a time, Jiaqi. Make a short poem, one line per day, heck even for a week, just don’t stop writing,” they are both sitting on the same spot waiting for another sunset, it was only their third day, but Shuxin is already nagging her when she told her that she should just stop writing.
“Wait here, okay?” Shuxin stood up, leaving the resto until she’s out of Jiaqi’s sight.
The sun is about to set and Jiaqi wonders where the redhead is. She’s about to miss it.
When Shuxin came into her vision once again, the redhead was panting and she was holding a red notebook and a pen, “This is my thank you gift. You mentioned to me yesterday at the cliff that you did not bring anything that reminds you of the passion you once lost. Do it again, I’d like to see the spark in the eyes of an artist. You can write whatever in there.”
That sunset was the first time Jiaqi heard her heart beating after a very long time.
**
The first time Jiaqi held the pen that Shuxin gave her, there was nothing on her mind.
‘One line per day’ rings inside her head when she stares into the blank paper but nothing else aside from Shuxin’s voice is making sense to her.
‘You can write whatever in there.’
She scribbled the first thought that came to her mind, erasing it and writing it over and over again.
“Why is it so hard Kong Xueer?” She grew more frustrated when she saw the crumpled papers on the floor. A love so great is not something she can easily forget, the girl who was there when she wrote her first poem is not someone she can easily erase, “How do I write something that’s not about you?”
That night Jiaqi fell asleep on the chair and the red notebook was tear stained.
**
“I can’t do it,” Jiaqi said when they were sitting on the sand, the waves crashing mildly against the ground, “I can’t write anything, Shuxin.”
The day was slightly humid, but the two girls decided to hit the beach on their fourth day. Shuxin looked at her, trying to sense if Jiaqi was about to open up or she just wanted to tell her that she can’t write anymore. When the older did not say anything more, she held her hand, “I know you’re great, and I know you can do it. Maybe not today or not tomorrow, but one step at a time, okay?”
There is something in the way that Shuxin talks. Jiaqi believes that it’s sincerity and real care that made wonders, so she nodded her head even if she’s not sure if she could actually do it.
“Always bring the notebook with you, so when words are flowing inside that pretty head of yours, you would never forget it.”
Shuxin finally let go of her hand that Jiaqi did not realize was holding her the whole time, “And Jiaqi, don’t let whatever happened in the past affect how you live your life now. Nobody deserves that, especially you.”
The sunset that day was clear as it travels down the ocean and their feet are swallowed by the sands.
They were walking home together after watching the sunset by the beach. The comfortable silence accompanying them on their journey, “It’s such a hassle to bring that red notebook all the time,” Shuxin pouted when she gave the emphasis on ‘red’ because Jiaqi keeps on questioning her why of all the colors, she chose such bright and attention seeking and irritating color, “It’s nice, and my hair is red so does that mean you hate my hair color? And hey! You always rent that red car!” Jiaqi cannot answer a yes, because she likes how her red hair shines brighter when the sunlight hits it. Or how the wind blows on her long bright locks whenever she opens the windows every time they hit the road to go wherever the wheels bring them. She did not answer the question anyways, “I’ll just always bring a piece of paper with me.”
“Okay. And I know you like my hair,” she snuck her tongue out and started running away from the taller. They chased one another on the empty streets until their lungs gave up. That’s when Jiaqi thought of words she felt like she should write without erasing them again.
**
Clouds and water, we’re surrounded
She showed the sheet of paper that she brings with her to Shuxin with her messy handwriting, “What do you think?”
The red head hummed, nodding her head as she smiled fondly at her, showing her gums that even Jiaqi couldn’t help but to reciprocate.
“See, you wrote your first line. You can definitely write the second line, then the third, you can finish this poem and then you will write your novel.”
“I…Thank you fo—”
“Jiaqi!” It was too late when Shuxin already held her wrist to jump with her, the water devouring their bodies and all she sees is that everything is blue and then there’s Shuxin with her red hair and closed eyes.
“The paper was gone!” She said when she reached the surface, catching her breath as she looked around, wishing the paper was there, which is foolish because it’s probably gone forever. But not only was the paper gone, there was no trace of Yu Shuxin around, and suddenly panic overwhelmed her senses. Jiaqi took a long deep breath before submerging completely into the deep water, rush paddling, eyes desperately searching, and heart hammering loudly on her chest that she could feel it. Still underwater, a hand grabbed her to look back and there was Shuxin, smiling widely as if she did not worry about the shorthaired.
“I’m sorry,” she breathed in and breathed out, “About your paper, don’t worry about it. The words you wrote there are already carved into my mind.”
The sunset that day was almost in her grasp, with her being one with water, she felt like she could touch the disappearing sun.
**
The sunset was long done but they are still sitting on the same spot where they first met. No one was talking but looking at Shuxin, Jiaqi felt like writing the next lines right now and right here. She brought out the piece of paper and put it on the table, for the first time she wanted to write something that isn’t about the love she lost, but about something she actually wants.
The sun and the colors looking so vibrant
But how come you still stand out
More than these fellow strangers and juices
She hid it quickly when Shuxin teared off her gaze from the ocean to pry on what she’s writing, “Do you really have to hide it from me? I already know the first line, Jiaqi.”
“Yes, it must be hidden from you and your loudmouth,” she laughed when Shuxin’s face contorted into a frown.
“You!” She jokingly slammed the table, and they started bickering again that the servers and other customers could only shake their heads because they have always been like that.
“I know where we should go tonight.” Jiaqi said when they are outside the resto, “Aren’t we supposed to go home like what we always do?”
“On other times yes but today is Friday, locals celebrate the end of weekdays in the shore once a week.”
“Then what are we waiting for?”
When Shuxin held her hand and they started running, she swore the world was not under her feet and the time seemed to be non-existent. She let herself be carried away by the unspeakable force that is in the form of Yu Shuxin. Each step she takes, each breath gets lighter, and she can’t see anything aside from a red-haired girl.
They abruptly stopped when Shuxin admired the view right in front of them, people were dancing barefoot, the campfires were lit up everywhere, others were playing different instruments, and almost everyone had a smile on their faces.
A smile made its way on the two newcomers' faces, “Let’s dance until we can’t,” Shuxin said before letting go of her hand and suddenly the night is colder than it used to be. But she’s smiling at Jiaqi before she ran away giving back the warmth she just took, gesturing that she follows her.
It was almost morning when they got home, bodies tired but hearts were fulfilled, this is what Jiaqi had been missing for a long time, being free. Free from the thoughts of a girl who left, “Look Jiaqi, the sun is about to rise!” The younger happily and excitedly pointed at the rising sun, “I watched it fade with you, now we’re watching it rise.” The smile on her face is blinding and Jiaqi wonders how someone can be a ray of sunshine, how can someone still smile after a tiring night, so Jiaqi smiled back, a weak one but her eyes are sparkling, enough to tell Shuxin that she feels the same happiness.
They bid their goodbyes that day early in the morning, the light morning breeze, the mild rays of sunshine hitting their skins. Hoping they’ll be able to wake up to watch the next sundown by the afternoon.
**
“I don’t want to leave,” Shuxin blurted when they are eating their breakfast-slash-lunch-slash-early dinner or to simply call it their only meal for the whole day after their all-night rendezvous.
“Then don’t leave,” she nonchalantly replied, but Jiaqi is afraid that the younger indeed must leave. She has a life back there in China, she’s only here for a vacation and no matter what she must come back. She’s not like Jiaqi who can’t let go of the past back in her hometown. There were too many memories she made with Xueer for the past decades, and she wouldn’t be able to erase it just by running away into a foreign island.
Xueer was her first in everything, her first best friend, her first love, her first kiss, her first poem was for Xueer. Xueer was there with Jiaqi when she started writing, she was one of the reasons why Jiaqi liked picking up her pen and writing things she feels. She was there when she first wrote a novel, she was there on those sleepless nights she spent making her sketches and plates, at her lowest, Xueer was there. It was Xueer who took all those pictures she plastered on her room, she was there on her graduation, Xueer was a part of her, and it still hurts her up to now to lose her easily.
Like a snap, the person she values most is not hers anymore. It doesn’t matter how long you’re in love, when you’re not for each other, there was nothing you could possibly do. They lost the spark; her eyes did not shine anymore unlike they used to.
“It doesn’t matter how long, or how short you meet someone,” Jiaqi looked up from her food that she did not realize she has been poking, coming back into reality after recalling thoughts she should never remember again, giving her full attention to the girl in front, not quite sure why she’s suddenly saying these, “What’s meant to be, will be. It also applies to people, I knew someone who was so in love for many many years, but now she’s marrying someone else, not the person she spent her whole life with.” Jiaqi could only nod, of course, of all people she’s the one to know how it feels.
“Your friend?”
“Not exactly, but she will become my family in a few days. And she’s also a good person, I could never find something bad about her,” she momentarily stopped, thinking if there was actually a time that she could use to criticize Xueer, but to no avail, “Yes, wow! There was really nothing.” She looked like she only had the realization just now.
“Come on, no one’s like that. There has to be something,” Shuxin shook her head, “She’s so musing and straight up perfect, I really admire her though.”
“My cousin is a lucky man for getting such catch.”
Jiaqi nodded, “He is.”
If Shuxin likes her then she must really be a good person.
**
“Jiaqi, stay there,” she looked back at Shuxin only to see her snapping photos of her as she stands near a cliff that overlooks the vast ocean of the Pacific, it seems endless that it's somehow scary to look at, “Perfect! I take good shots. Come on, take pictures of me too on your phone.”
Much to the younger’s dismay, Jiaqi doesn’t bring her phone with her, and she’s also not a fan of photos. At least not before she threw away those plastered on her walls.
“Then we take selfies,” Shuxin walked up to her, their faces are so close that Jiaqi can feel Shuxin's breath hitting her exposed shoulder. And it felt amazing, it felt so right and into place, so when she heard the snap, Jiaqi was sure that it was the best photograph.
The light burning your hair
The breeze draping your skin
My love felt so keen
My love, I'd like to see you gleam
**
"I know I said this many times already, but I never really want to leave, if not for that anticipated wedding I wouldn't be back in China for months," she sighed exasperatedly.
The younger is basically throwing tantrums as she packs her clothes. Putting it altogether without bothering to fix it. Jiaqi enjoys watching her like that.
"Aren't you going to at least help me pack all these?"
"I'm not the one who's leaving so," she shrugged, mocking the redhead. Hearing that, Shuxin shoved the clothes with more force as she whispers things to herself. The older could only snicker.
"We're not going to make it at the resto by the sundown if you don't move faster," a shirt came flying towards her face, so fast that Jiaqi never had the chance to dodge or even block it, "Can you shut up for a few minutes, Xu Jiaqi?"
*
Jiaqi couldn't point out any sense about the whole thing that transpired; a stranger with a gummy smile, sunsets, waters and giggles. She cannot quite understand how in a span of a week she felt a deep connection with someone she barely knows. But it was the kind of confusion that doesn't need a specific answer, or an answer at all. There are many questions that Jiaqi doesn't need an answer to, or because she already knows it deep down in her subconscious.
Jiaqi is a person who craves validation. She lacks confidence and trust in herself. She has always been that way, thankfully, throughout the better part of her existence Xueer was there to make her feel validated, that Jiaqi is needed and important. She shouldn't dwell on all of these because those were a year ago, Xueer is now gone, and it left a huge scar. A deep one that no validation can cover up.
Then here's Yu Shuxin, keeping her hand warm as they trail the familiar hill that leads to a wonderful scenery, the place where they first met. Here's Shuxin that doesn't have to give her any validation she thought she needed, because Yu Shuxin showed her how to live her life, she showed her to do things for herself and not for anybody else, and it's fine if Jiaqi fucks up because Shuxin assured her without telling her that she would be there to catch Jiaqi. That it's fine to make mistakes.
Shuxin showed it to her, she did not tell. Jiaqi just felt it.
Jiaqi may never say it verbally, but the past week was the most memorable week of her life.
Just like what she thought on that night, under the infinity stars, Shuxin is an extraordinary person, there's only one Shuxin and Jiaqi is damn lucky to spend sleepless nights, directionless strolls, crashing waves against their bodies and the unforgettable sunsets with her.
"Were you happy here?" Shuxin nodded her head without looking at her, but when Jiaqi lowered her gaze she saw contentment in her eyes, "Were you too?"
"Best days of my life,"
"You have no idea how those words make me happy because I'm glad you're finally happy. I saw it, the shine in your eyes. It was your prettiest form, Jiaqi."
It was the last sunset, and by the time the sun was nowhere in the horizon, Jiaqi finally wrote the last word of the poem she was making.
*
When she stood down the porch, at 3 in the morning looking at Shuxin's eyes, she was not sure if she could talk, or because there was nothing on her mind. Shuxin is finally leaving in a few hours and Jiaqi will be alone again.
"Will you still be here?"
"I'm not going anywhere, Shuxin."
The redhead smiled before reaching for her left hand, leaving a folded torn piece of paper, "Don't read that until you wake up, promise me," with a broken heart but hopeful eyes, Jiaqi nodded and crookedly replied, "I promise."
She fished out the crumpled paper she has been keeping inside her pocket, neatly folding it into four before giving it to Shuxin, "Promise me that you won't read it until you're in the plane," Shuxin giggled, "You're copying me, but yes I promise."
"Goodbye, Yu Shuxin."
"Bye, Xu Jiaqi."
Clouds and water, we're surrounded
The sun and the colors looking so vibrant
But how come you still stand out
More than these fellow strangers and juices
The light burning your hair
The breeze draping your skin
My love felt so keen
My love, I'd like to see you gleam
Sands under me, waves hitting me
Of all the things, I'd like to be
Someone you always see
Under the moonlight, following the beats
I'd like to see you, with me
In this unfamiliar and exquisite peninsula
Where serendipity brought you and me
I was hoping you could stay this time around
So, I could be with you in war or safe and sound
- Jiaqi
The next time we meet, time won't be against us anymore.
- Shuxin
fin.