Archive of Our Own

He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Actually, It was pretty obvious to believe in what he was seeing, but that time something hit completely different and he was pissed off. The child was looking at Namjoon with his so bright-and-beautiful-and-shiny eyes, he knew he had lost the internal fight he was having since 2010. 

“Hey,” Hoseok poke him, whispering, “Look at that boy,” he laughs, “He’s really into RapMonsta” 

Yoongi tried to make some noise but no answer for this comment was already the best answer for what was happening. He was giving all his attention to Namjoon rapping and trying to ignore the simple fact that that beautiful child was totally in love with Namjoon. 

For some reference of why Min Yoongi was with his heart on fire and holding so much to be tough and don’t cry on Hobi’s shoulders for once more about his unilateral crush on their leader, it all started when he joined the band. 

It was 2010. The year was strange itself when the most listened-to songs in the world were Baby and Waka Waka. And that Stereo Love. Man, Yoongi hated this song so much. His brother would put on the stereo only to piss him off. But now, Yoongi was already living with Kim Namjoon. And the problem was that Namjoon listened to everything that was out. Every type of song, famous or not, he would spend hours listening to it, thinking about how they were made, which instruments they used, how did the artists make their bridges. But, sometimes, Yoongi only wanted some silence that he couldn’t have because of Namjoon. 

“Hyung,” he would say sometimes, “what do you think of this?” and then, he would spend an hour talking about a new single some band released and how that could be a failure or a success. And Yoongi would listen to him talking about it for hours if he could. 

The boy could be a year younger than him, but not only was he intelligent, Namjoon had something else that Yoongi knew he would become a good leader of a band. Namjoon could be intelligent, logical, but emphatic and lovable at the same time. He could see it by the way he talked and expressed himself. 

His songs were good, his lyrics were something out of the place. Everything he did looks like a success by the industry. Everything was so perfect. They could spend uncountable hours discussing anything and he would bring some new information for his hyung. They were together all the time, discussing all the time, playing, eating. They were inseparable. 

And then, Hoseok joined the band. 

Yoongi couldn’t say they didn’t change, because they did. Hoseok came and made both of them happier. It was really good to have him around because he could light the mood and make Yoongi and Namjoon not fight over the laundry or the dishes. He was the glue that sticks both of them together. 

One day, the three of them were together, jamming around and playing together in their tiny living room. Namjoon and Hoseok were dancing and playing to some of their favorites songs. The place was noisy and hot, due to the summer and the place. Yoongi was sitting on their sofa, drinking some soda and watching his friends having fun. 

“Man, I’m so happy I won’t have to dance.” he said, looking at Hobi, “I suck.” 

“Hyung, you’re in a pop band now. You’ll have to dance.” Hoseok said, laughing. 

Hobi and Namjoon got closer and pulled him to dance with them. Namjoon was on freestyle, just trying to control his body and move it by the beat. Hoseok was trying to show them how to move and do some tricks. Yoongi was thinking that everything Hobi’s doing was hard for someone who doesn’t know the bare minimum, but then, Namjoon was already trying the same moves. 

Namjoon isn’t the best dancer, anyone could tell that. But he was trying his best and doing his best, not only to entertain but also to show what he could do. He was there, just moving around as Hobi said, and Yoongi felt something that made him worry. 

It was that feeling that you don’t feel so often. Maybe he was having a heart attack or something like that. His hands were tingling, his heart was missing the pace, he could actually say that he had butterflies in his stomach because of the feeling that something was there, moving around so fast, flapping their wings around making him so sure that something was inside him making him feel this way. 

Hobi was making Namjoon turn around and dance together. Their bodies were close. Yoongi didn’t know he could feel this way. He was… mad? Or it was something else? He wished he was the one dancing with Namjoon, but he was going to make everyone give up dancing. So he just stared and tried to fight with his feelings. 

Everything got smoother after Seokjin joined them. 

Kim Seokjin was everything Yoongi ever needed. Not in the way to forget his emotions, but because Seokjin could make him forget the fight he was having in his mind constantly about his feelings for everybody else. Yoongi was constantly found daydreaming about coming out to them and telling the truth about his feelings, but every day that he got a little closer from Namjoon was a day being distant from telling the truth. 

He was trying to read some book for the last paper he had to do when he felt someone laying down on him, making some funny noise. 

“Yoongi-ah, give me attention please,” Jin cried, “Everybody else is busy.”

“And I’m not?” he asked without taking his eyes from the book.

“You’re only reading.” Jin said, not looking at Yoongi, “Please, entertain me.” 

Seokjin got the book from his hand and closed it, putting it on the table and making him look at his beautiful face. Yoongi could complain about his behavior, his point of view, his beautiful voice, but his face was, in fact, one of the most beautiful he had ever seen. And it was breathtaking. 

“What do you want to do?” Yoongi asked him. 

“Something fuuuuun.” Seokjin said, smiling, “Like unfold Hobi’s clothes.”

“We can’t do that, hyung.” He said, snorting, “It’s not even funny.”  

“Why are you being bad to me? Please, let’s do it. He would hate it.”

“That’s why we can’t do it.” 

“But that’s the fun!” 

“No, Jin, we’re not doing that. We could play some games. Where’s the computer?” 

“Thanks, Yoongi!” Seokjin said, getting up and holding his hand, pushing him to follow the notebook so they could play some multiplayer game. “You’re the only one who accepts that. Let’s play some co-op.” 

They would spend their free time together, playing games, watching movies, even playing some sports sometimes. It was fun to have more friends around and forget a little about your own issues. And Kim Seokjin was that part of Yoongi where he didn’t have to hide anything away from. 

In 2013 , when they were in Japan, Yoongi had a stomach ache that made him go to the hospital, and “boom” he had to do an appendix surgery. It was bad enough to stop in the middle of a fan signing in Japan when he had to come back to Korea to have the surgery. 

When he woke up, the first person he saw was Namjoon, sitting at his side, reading some book while made company. He was eating something, quietly and almost like a secret. He found it funny to observe the moment Namjoon was eating some crackers without making noises. 

“Hyung!” he said, putting the book down and smiling, “You’re awake.”

“Hmmm” Yoongi complained, “I’m hungry.” He actually wasn't, but he thought it was funny to say only to see Namjoon’s reaction. 

“I’ll ask them to bring you some food. What do you want?” 

“I’ll die for some crackers,” Yoongi said, trying really hard not to laugh. 

“I’m on my way,” Namjoon said, getting up, looking really worried. 

Yoongi found out that loneliness and boredom are the worst in a hospital. Namjoon wasn’t coming back and he was starting to feel hungry. He also had to eat before taking his medicine but his best friend wasn’t around anymore. 

‘I’m sorry, Hyung,” Namjoon said after coming back “There aren’t crackers anymore. But there’s some soup.” He said, smiling, “ And it has a pretty good smell.”

“Thanks, Namjoon,” He said, getting the soup and sipping a little. The smell wasn’t great and it was tasteless, “This sucks.” 

“I’m sorry, Hyung.” He said, looking at the floor. 

“No problem.” He couldn’t take it anymore. “I wasn’t dying for some crackers. I saw you stole my hospital food and wanted to make fun of.” 

“Min Yoongi! You’re bad!” 

“I’m sorry, Namjoon!” Yoongi said, almost crying with laughter, even if his stomach would hurt a little more. “It’s not every day you see someone stealing some recovery patient food.” 

Some days later, Min Yoongi was back again on the road with the others, and he was back to Japan. It was at the fan sign, again, that something hit him different about the band members. Everyone was looking out for him, trying to help and making him not do any kind of exercise. On the fan sign, they were supposed to write a letter to ARMY but Kim Seokjin wanted to make some things differently. 

“I’m sorry, but I have a letter for a band member, not the ARMY.” Seokjin said, making the fans awe while pointing to SUGA. “I’ve written to Suga-shi.” 

 Yoongi was caught out of his guard. The band was laughing and clapping for Seokjin, but Yoongi was completely surprised with the letter. With the fact that someone wrote him a letter. Nobody would ever do that for him. Maybe it was because Seokjin was his roommate and he wanted to make him feel better. 

“To Suga, who’s always cool and strong, I really admire you. In this showcase, even with your condition, you didn’t let the fans see your weakened state and performed well. I think that’s really cool.” Everybody laughed, “ If I’m on your condition, I don’t know if I can stay on the stage. That’s why you are our pride.” Yoongi wanted to bury his face in the ground. “Suga, it’s okay to say if you can’t or if you feel weak. The members will take care of you. From now on, let’s do our best for those who are supporting us. Then together with the members, let’s make a legend. If it’s us, I believe we can do it. Please, treat me well from now on. From: Jin.” 

He finished, pulling Yoongi for a hug but they were all smashed by the band running to hug them too. They were screaming and saying how cute that was and Yoongi didn’t know what to say. He didn’t have a lot of friends to know how to react to something like this. But he knew, at that moment, he was fine once again.

He also didn’t remember when he told Hoseok about all of it. They were together, talking about life and friends and ex-girlfriends, or maybe it was about sisters and brothers and their affairs around. 

“Hyung, have you ever loved someone?” Hobi asked, resting his head in his hand, looking to Yoongi’s eyes.  

“Maybe.” that was the answer that made Yoongi regrets telling Hoseok. “I never believed the ‘butterflies in your stomach’ stuff. But I felt it. And it’s really like that.” He felt his face turning red. 

“Oh! You should put it in a song!” Hobi said “But who made you feel like that? Must be someone special.”

“No, it’s someone I’m already over,” 

“I hope one day I could feel this too.” 

“It’s not nice.”

“Romance is dead inside you.”

“I’m dead inside, please.” Yoongi's answer made Hobi laugh, “But, seriously, it isn’t something good. To be in love.” 

“How do you want to become an artist saying something like that? There’s fun about being in love.” Hoseok opened his eyes, almost becoming angry with Yoongi. 

“Oh, yeah?”

“Like, you feel amazing!” Hoseok said, opening his arms, “Like you could do anything you want. And you feel comfortable. You don’t need to think about it, because the person is already everything you’ve ever needed to be on your side. There’s no suffering or need for it. It’s something natural. People who have this can go anywhere.” 

“So… do you have it?”

“No! No! But, you had felt it!”

“Yes. But here’s the thing. It has to be mutual for you to feel like you’re saying. But when it’s only you, you suffer. You succumb. You don’t want to feel it. It’s dark, and heavy, and ugly.”

“Romance is indeed dead,” Hobi said, complaining. 

“Can I say something to you? Would you not judge me?”Yoongi waited for Hobi’s waving his head to continue. “It isn’t easy to love someone when you know the person would never love you back.”

“Hyung, what kind of dumb girl wouldn’t fall in love with you?” Hobi said, smiling

“There’s the problem. They aren’t what I want.” 

“Well, I’m sure there’s a lot of guys who would fall in love with you more easily than making a four with your body.” 

“Hobi, understand. The person that I like would never think of me in this way. He’s totally straight.” 

“That’s sad.” Hoseok hugged him. “But, hey, there’s plenty of other guys who would love to listen to your older stories. We just have to look out for it.” 

Maybe that’s why he felt so bitter when he saw that child looking so happy as Namjoon was rapping. Because he felt that the child would be corresponding with Namjoon. He knew, looking at Namjoon, that he lost the fight already. Before it even had begun, he had already lost for someone in the crowd. Someone who was so deeply shocked by his skills and would be more devoted. Yoongi could see just by looking at his eyes. 

“I’m Jeon Jungkook.” The child said, weeks later, smiling at them, “I’m fourteen now. I can dance and sing, but I’m terrible at rap.” 

“I’m Kim Namjoon.” he said with this endearing smile that made their heart pound, “Rapper and leader. But definitely not a dancer.” 

Min Yoongi didn’t know how to react. That boy was gold. He was young and talented. He was what the band needed the most at that moment. He was the person who made Namjoon more excited to perform, to learn how to dance and sing. Jungkook was the person who made everybody around him try their best and be their best. 

It wasn’t a competition, but everybody wanted to be on the same page as him. So everybody started working twice as hard to be a little less good than Jungkook. Everything the boy tried he could get it and the others started to get worried about losing him to another band. They were already late to debut, they couldn’t lose someone like Jungkook. 

One day, Yoongi held a lot. The stress of not getting the choreography right while Jungkook was singing and dancing like it was nothing. He was missing the pace of the choreography, and he was also moving wrongly. He could see by the way Hoseok was looking at him. The stress of being someone that could hold the group to not debut. The thought of making Namjoon sad about it. He hated it. 

“I need some air.” He said, getting out as soon as possible.

He ran a little into the place, searching for a peaceful place where nobody could find him. He couldn’t take it anymore. He felt his cheeks becoming wet and losing a little bit of his vision. He sat between two plants and got his notebook, trying to write something, to take it out of his head, out of his heart. But it aches more than anything else. 

“Hyung?” he listened to Hobi’s voice and tried to blend with the plants. “There you are!” He said, smiling, but losing his smile at the moment he saw Yoongi’s face red and wet. “What happened?”

“I just screw everything up, Hobi-ah” he said, crying more. Hobi sat at his side, pulling an arm on his shoulder. “I lost. Officially.” 

“You were doing great, really.” Hobi said, “You were dancing so fine. You could become a great dancer, you know? Just a little more practice and maybe…”

“I’m not like Jungkook.” he said, crying more than before. Hoseok was starting to feel a little worried. “He’s the one who can do everything perfectly.”

“Bullshit. You were great!” Hobi said, sitting by his side. “And Jungkook isn’t perfect, hyung.” he smiled and poke his friend. “He can’t even talk about his feelings.” 

“It’s normal, Hobi.” 

“No! He can try to, he even did, but Namjoon never gets it right. But you know who could be brave and tell Namjoon about his feelings?” 

“Who?” they listened to Namjoon behind them. “Did I do something to you huyng?” he asked Yoongi, who was trying to hide his wet red face.  

“No! I’m just frustrated about this dance. And I didn’t want anyone to worry about it. Sorry I ran away. I just need…”

“Take your time Hyung.” Namjoon said, smiling. “I know it’s hard. We weren’t supposed to be dancers, but that’s life, right? To do things we like we have to do these hard things too. But I can tell you, all this work is worth it. I promise you.”

“Yeah! For example, it’s really hard for me to sing.” Hobi said. 

“Hoseok, between the three of us you’re the better singer, Shut up,” Namjoon said, making Yoongi laugh. 

“He’s right.” Yoongi said, “You’re the one that could be in the Vocal Line.”

“Nah.” Hobi said, smiling, “You guys are making me blush.” 

“You’re just... “ Yoongi said, smiling, “unbelievable.”

“C’mon hyung, let’s wash your face and come back to the others,” Namjoon said, extending his hand to him.  

“They should hate me.”

“Well, if Jimin hates you, I’m afraid to see how much he could love someone.” Hoseok laughed. “Really, he talks about you all the time.”

“Right? ‘Hyung, Yoongi-hyung is so good, right? He sings very well, dances very well’” Namjoon was trying to impersonate Jimin. 

“Oh, Hobi-hyung, Isn’t Suga-hyung cute today?” Hobi said, laughing “He’s so cute with these beanies.” They both laugh. “See? Jimin loves you.” 

“Why are you guys like this?” Yoongi said, watering his face. 

“Are you better?” Namjoon asked. 

“I’m gonna be.” That was the best answer. Because it was true. He, in fact, one day in his life, will be okay. Sooner or later that will happen. “Let’s go. Jimin must be missing me.” 

Years could pass, people could come and go, and Yoongi was starting to deal better with his feelings. Now he shared a room with Seokjin and his days were better. Jin was fun to be around and always had something different to talk about. He would still miss sharing his room with Namjoon, but Seokjin was someone out of this world for him. 

“How about some cold noodles and games?” Jin asked him one night. “We could just lock ourselves in the room and do nothing and hide from everybody.” He smiled. The perfect plan. 

“Actually, that’s a good plan,” Yoongi answered. “We could play that game you were talking about yesterday. The one about hunting, remember?”

“Or, we could just play some League of Legends.” Seokjin smiled. 

“That’s your game with Taehyung. Not me.” he snorted. “I hate this game.”

“And, yet, you’re opening the launcher now,” Seokjin said, laughing. “Yoongi-ah! Just say already, you love me.” He jumped on Yoongi, pulling him down, laughing. 

“Don’t force it, Jin.” He said, getting away from him. 

“Sorry,” he said. “Are you okay?”

“Right now, in general?” he smiled. 

“Will it make a difference?” he laughed

“Good question.” Yoongi laughed too, they were sitting on the floor, eating and talking nonsense, one in front of the other. “I think I’m fine. I’m over it. I’m… really… I’m fine.” 

“Good to hear, Yoongi-ah.” Seokjin said, smiling. “We could discuss another thing then.” 

“What do you want Jin?” 

“Do you think you could love someone again? Like you loved him?”

“Maybe.” He said, chewing the noodle. “Definitely.” 

“How come he never knew? I mean, it’s pretty obvious your feelings. Jungkook too.”

“He’s a door to feel like these, Jin.” Yoongi laughed. “Even if you tell him he doesn’t get it.” 

“And yet he writes the most emotional songs I’ve ever listened to.”

“That’s Kim Namjoon!” Yoongi said, laughing again. “Hyung, can I tell you a secret?” 

“Of course!”

“I have a plan. And I need help.” 

If you asked Kim Seokjin about the most stupid cupid plan he ever listened to, he would answer the one Yoongi told him that night. It was a pure disaster. But Seokjin was kind enough to help his friend out. Maybe it was the best way to make Yoongi finally get over Namjoon. 

So they started simple: Jungkook slept in their room one day and the three of them talked about writing a song together. Yoongi was learning how to play the guitar and both singers were willing to help and sing too. The lyrics were simple, but enough for them. 

“I am tired of this place, I hope people change” Jungkook started singing and Yoongi shivers “I need time to replace what I gave away” Which, actually, was true for Yoongi, he needed that. “And my hopes, they are high, I must keep them small / Though I try to resist I still want it all” He felt his heart again, heavy and cold. He had no idea about what he had done to Jungkook. 

“I see swimming pools and living rooms and aeroplanes / I see a little house on the hill and children’s names / I see quiet nights poured over ice and Tanqueray / But everything is shattering and it’s my mistake” Yoongi truly believed that line. Jungkook’s voice beautifully put the emotion that he needed to that lyric. 

“ Only fools fall for you/ Only fools fall / Only fools do what I do/ Only fools fall” 

It was Seokjin’s part to sing and Yoongi wasn’t ready for that. Seokjin’s voice was heavier, higher, and had even more emotions. Yoongi had to pull his sleeves so no one could see how he was shivering. It was his song, his moment, his feelings. All out for good, sung by another person who loves Namjoon as much as him. 

“Oh, our lives don’t collide, I’m aware of this” 

This was the first thing he wrote, a long time ago. That day when he knew he screwed up the choreography. That’s the first thing he thought. They shared the same things, but differently. And it was totally fine. They held each other’s hands and one helped another to fulfill their dreams. 

And that’s how Kim Namjoon will always be part of Min Yoongi’s life: he will always be the only person in the whole world that could understand Yoongi the way that he was. They were so connected that they could talk with telepathy. Namjoon always knew when Yoongi was grumpy and tired of everything and Yoongi always had glue to fix whatever Namjoon broke. 

“The differences and impulses and your obsession with / The little things you like stick, and I like aerosol /  Don’t give a fuck, not giving up, I still want it all / Only fools fall for you / Only fools fall / Only fools do what I do / Only fools fall.”  

He felt his heart heavier. It was all true. Only someone that fool could fall in love with Kim Namjoon. That’s why they needed Jungkook. They needed someone that was fully and deeply in love with him to sing with all their lungs about it. Jin knew it wasn’t good, but Jungkook never thought the song was about Namjoon, and was about someone else. 

In fact, Jungkook thought Yoongi was writing about Hoseok, as now Hobi and Tae were going out. He knew that once Yoongi and Hobi were best friends but now it didn't seem like they were that great friend. Maybe it was because he loved him and lost him for someone younger. Jungkook couldn’t imagine how much his hyung suffered from it. 

It hap pened on a tour. Jungkook was talking with the fans at the stage, and Yoongi felt something huge was coming. They were, in fact, really emotional, because they never believed they would become huge the way there were. So, it all happened so fast for Yoongi. 

“My happiness started when I met RapMon.” Jungkook started saying, making everyone look at him. “ The very beginning of my dream. I’m so grateful, seriously.”

“Jungkook, without you there would be no BTS” Namjoon said, smiling at him. “You know it.” 

“Thank you,” Jungkook said, smiling and then hugging him. They were both happy. 

“I’m learning so much from Jungkook,” Namjoon said, “Thank you.” 

Yoongi couldn’t say it was because they talked a little bit on the day they were recording Fools, and started talking about not letting some people pass from our lives without showing them how lovely they are. And Jungkook tried really hard to show Namjoon that, on that day, at the stage. 

Even if it broke Yoongi’s hearts at a thousand pieces. 

The thing Yoongi loved the most about his room was that shelf that separates his side from Seokjin’s side. That means he could edit it all by himself without Seokjin looking at him crying. But that was his way of dealing with all of it. Crying, at least, meant that he was human, and he was happy for being sad. He was happy because he was feeling, he was someone capable of feeling something else than the emptiness he was feeling recently. And he knew Seokjin helped him a lot. 

Sometimes he really thought that he wanted it all, but the costs were too high. He didn’t want to lose Jungkook friendship because of someone, even if this person was Namjoon. He really could see Namjoon’s future house, with a lot of kids wandering around and a huge swimming pool where they hang out together. 

He was listening again to Seokjin singing the chorus when he felt someone pushing him away from the computer and turning him around. He didn’t have time to think, because the person sat on his lap and gave him a hug, surprising him and making him feel stupid to be crying. 

“Yoongi-ah”- Seokjin said, his head was resting on his shoulders. “Don’t be sad.” 

“I’m… not. I mean. I’m crazy, Jin.” he said, laughing. “I’m happy because I’m sad. It's strange.”

“It’s how people deal with feelings.” He said, smiling too close from Yoongi’s face. “Someone is good and someone clearly isn't.” He poked Yoongi’s cheeks. “Don’t cry, babe.” He smiled. 

“You’re being strange.”

“You’re being way too cute.” Seokjin was getting even closer. 

Yoongi could really say that it was something bad, that he hated it. But it would be a lie. Seokjin’s wooden perfume was driving him crazy, and he was almost sure Jin was feeling the same way about him. There’s something there, silent and sweet, that none of them wanted to talk about. Or even talked about. 

Because Yoongi was really a fool. He never saw what was in front of him. He never saw that he was already being loved by someone else and hurting his feelings too. Yoongi was a fool for being too centered towards his feelings that he never saw what he was doing for the others. 

But, worse than Yoongi was Seokjin. Seokjin was truly a fool. Because he liked Yoongi and only fools would do that. 

And all was already too late. Too late to become something, too late to feel something else. When Yoongi was thinking again, he noticed he spent all this time looking at Seokjin in silence. Jin was laughing, without getting some distance. He was close enough to feel the iced americano breath Yoongi had. 

“Yoongi-ah” he whispered. 

Yoongi took a deep breath. He was about to do something crazy. He looked at Seokjin’s eyes and got really closer, it was only a matter of seconds and he would feel Seokjin’s lips on his. And that’s all he ever wanted. He was a fool because he only understood that at that moment. 

Seokjin was the one who broke all the barriers and kissed him. His soft lips were something really out of this world. Yoongi will never forget how it was to kiss Seokjin for the first time. To feel his arms around him, bringing him the comfort he ever wanted. The way they were was a pure mess: Jin was almost making them fall from the chair, but Yoongi didn’t know what to do. 

Seokjin started to move around him while kissing him, his hands going up and down his back, making him shiver more. It was dangerous, it was good, it was something he could never describe it for someone else. Yoongi was only trying to not make Jin fell, and that was already too much for him. But, somehow, he wanted more. 

He felt alive. He felt blood running through his body and not in some perverted way. These days he was feeling numb, and now he got an explosion of feelings and he wanted to feel more. Seokjin was making him feel even more. 

He got up, making Jin get up and soon enough they were at his bed, trying to be silent and continue what they were doing. He got Jin’s t-shirt off, and Jin was already taking his pants off when Yoongi recovered his senses. 

“No,” he said, moving away so quickly that he almost fell from the bed. “I’m sorry Jin. But we can’t.”

“Yoongi, “Jin was scared, he could see that, “I’m sorry, you always tell me to don’t push you and today I pushed and I…”

“No Jin,” Yoongi held his hands, he was crying again, “I’m sorry but it’s not fair to you. That’s not the right way.”

“There’s no right way.”

“Yes, there is!” Yoongi was crying and Seokjin was getting frightened, “Seokjin, you deserve someone who treats you like the prince you are. The loyal and kind and sweet and handsome and intelligent man you are. For the past years, I never treated you like that. You don’t deserve it.” 

“I think I’m old enough to know if I deserve someone or not. And I think I deserve your love as much as you deserve mine. And I’m fine if you don’t want a relationship or anything else. Being your friend is more than enough for me.” He smiled, even if he was crying too. 

“Jin…”

“Yoongi-ah,“ he said, with a wider smile “I never met someone who is more lovable than you. You helped everyone else, even Jungkook. You helped Jungkook talk about his feelings. And you were the first one to talk openly about the Vhope issue. You were the one who started to fight against everyone else who was getting in their way. You are kind. And beautiful. And sweeter than your stage name. I’m more than happy to be in love with you, and if it makes me a fool, well, you already said it ‘Only fools fall for you’. So I’m a fool for you.” 

“You’re a fool.” Yoongi said, laughing and crying, “And I’m sorry. I think I’ve gotten a little scared.”

“That’s ok. We’re roommates, we could come back to this another day.”

“You’re too lucky having me as a roommate. I could expel you from this room.” Yoongi said, pushing Seokjin closer through his waist. “But, as I am a nice roommate, I’ll let you stay with me.”

“Yoongi-ah, you’re so caring! Thank you” Seokjin said, smiling and playing around. “But I think I’m gonna sleep in my bed.” He said, getting up. 

“Wha-Why?”

“Well, you see, I only share beds with people who really treat me like a prince. And you just said you don’t.”

“You shared a bed with Jungkook.”

“Desperate times mean desperate measures. Don’t judge me.”

“You hate sleeping alone.”

“You hate having company.”

“I love your company, Seokjin.” 

“Yoongi-ah, you’re making me blush!” his ears were red, and Yoongi thought it was cute. “Stob it!” 

“I hate when you speak like that.”

“I know.” Jin laughed “ That’s why I spoke like that.” 

They ended up sleeping at Yoongi’s bed, trying not to fall or not letting the other feel so uncomfortable. It wasn’t like some sheet war, but it was hot at night and none of them was happy with it. So time passed really slowly and, at the end of it they couldn’t get so much sleep. 

“You look like shit,” Jungkook broke the silence, and received some bad look from Taehyung and Namjoon, while Jimin poked him. “Someone had to say it. You guys didn’t sleep last night?”

“Believe it or not, we did!” Seokjin said Yoongi was too grumpy to answer, “But it was too hot and the air wasn’t working. So, sleep? Yup. Good sleep? Definitely not.” 

Yoongi snorted and sat at Hobi’s side. His eyes were black and he looked like a panda. Hoseok wanted to make a joke about it but he could feel Yoongi wasn’t in the mood for some jokes or chitter-chatter. He wanted coffee and silence. He wanted his mind in peace. He had a lot going on, a roller coaster of feelings and, on top of it, he had to understand what happened last night. 

“Yoongi-hyung, “Namjoon said, looking at him “are you feeling ok?” 

“I think I have a headache. Maybe because of last night,” he said between snorts. “I’m sorry. I’m not feeling well. Can I try to sleep a little more and then go practice with you?”

“It’s a free day now!” Hobi said, smiling, “Apparently we can’t have anything on the building today, so we were planning to do something together!”

“I’m in.” He said, sipping his coffee, “ Whatever you guys want to do, I’ll do it. But I really need to rest again. I’m sorry.”

“No problem, huyng, “Jimin said, getting up and helping him to go to his room, “We know you’ve been through a lot lately.” 

He wanted to cry again, right there. But that’s already too much. Maybe that’s why he had a headache. But Jimin was calm and sweet and started to talk again, bringing him back to reality. 

“Hyung, you know you can count on me, right?” He said, opening the room’s door. “Don’t suffer alone. We’re here to help you, and I’m here to help you. You always help me, let me retribute.”

“That’s… Thanks, Jimin. “Yoongi said, sitting on his bed. “Thanks for caring, but I’m really fine. I think I really need some sleep now.” 

“Okay,” Jimin said, turning off the lights. “If you need something, call me.” and then close the door. 

When he was left alone in the dark, facing his feelings once again, he started to doubt himself. It all started with Namjoon but now he couldn’t stop thinking about what happened with Seokjin. Was he, again, so absorbed in his feelings that he couldn’t return what Seokjin gave him? 

He felt good. It was good to feel that way, being loved by someone. He never imagined someone could love him the same way he would love someone. All the time it was unilateral love and caring. Even if he knew that Namjoon loved him, they would never become more than the soulmates they were. The kind of best friends you have for the rest of your life. 

And he understood Seokjin. It was worth it being only a friend of someone you love because their dedication towards you didn’t change because of your feelings. But Seokjin deserves someone who can truly love him without being so confused from time to time. Or so stupid as he was. 

He woke up with somebody at his side. The person was hugging him by the wrist and was almost snorting. His head was okay and now he was at peace with his mind. He was going to truly love Seokjin and he was committed to making his life better. He pokes the person until they woke up. 

“Hobi, you’re snoring,” Yoongi said, laughing. 

“Waaa-? Did I sleep?” Hoseok scratched his eyes, trying to wake up. 

“Apparently.” He laughed. 

“Sorry, I was going to wake you up to go with us to a picnic. But maybe I was more tired than I thought.”

“Did you sleep well?”

“No, you move a lot,” Hobi said, complaining.

“Liar! You were snoring!” Yoongi said, moving a little away from his friend. “Get up, you’re forbidden to sleep in my bed.”

“I have dibs on this!” Hoseok said, laughing, “You can’t let Seokjin sleep with you for free when I am your best friend!”

“Hobi…”

“No! That’s not fair. You spend a lot of time with him, and Namjoon, and even Jungkook now!”

“You have Tae!” Yoongi was almost screaming. 

“He’s my boyfriend!” Hoseok said as it was something way too obvious to understand, but, for Yoongi, it wasn’t. 

“And there’s a problem with that?”

“He’s not my best friend.”Hobi said, rolling his eyes “ Yoongi please, pay attention.”

“You’re really mad at me because I slept with Jin?”

“No, I’m mad at you because you didn’t tell me.” 

“You were with Taehyung! And I slept then, now I slept more. And there’s nothing to tell you.”

“Not even the fact you made Jungkook’s mind and now he’s sure he’s in love with Namjoon?”

“Was it a lie? Didn’t everybody know about it?”

“Yoongi…”

“I was tired. I felt I was doing something good for both of them. They deserve each other, actually. Two brilliant minds that can’t say ‘I love you’ so they try to hide their feelings.” 

“Aren’t you the same?”

“No... wait, do you think I slept with Jin or we slept slept?”

“Please tell me you guys had something more than holding hands.”

“Something between that,” Yoongi said, changing his shirt to go out. Then he looked to his friend, his eyes were scared, “ Hoseok! Please! I was crying!”

“You were what?” Hobi asked again, crying from laughing. 

“Yes! I was finishing the song and I was crying and feeling alone when he just showed up and kissed me.”

“I knew something happened but Seokjin didn’t want to tell us,” Hobi said, paying attention. “What else?”

“That was pretty much it. I got scared because I thought I was still in love with Namjoon but apparently, I’m not. Apparently, Namjoon is in my past. Even being my future. Not the kind of future I was expecting.” 

“Did you feel it?” Hoseok asked, resting his head on Yoongi’s shoulders, “ The butterflies and everything else?”

“Yes,” Yoogin answered smiling, “Actually, it was way more than that. I was overwhelmed by it.” 

“I’m happy for you, Yoongi.” Hoseok said while looking at his phone, “Well, everybody is ready, Tae is angry because I slept. Shall we go find them?”

“Yeah. Can’t wait to see what they’re doing.” 

At the end of the day, Yoongi was sure about some things. One of them was that Namjoon was really a door when the subject was romance. Everybody could see from Jungkook’s eyes that he was deeply in love. And he was pure and kind enough to share that with Namjoon, even without getting to recognize it the way he wanted. 

Another thing was that Yoongi had good friends. Friends who made his favorite food to eat at the picnic. Even one iced americano was ready for him, and Jimin didn’t let anyone get close enough to him. Yoongi loved getting his attention like this. 

But, once in a while, he looked at Seokjin running and playing with Jungkook and Taehyung and he felt fulfilled. He didn’t have holes anymore and he could actually see how happy he was. Seokjin was someone out of this world. 

And that’s why Yoongi was a fool.