Work Text:
February 8th, 2021
Dean finally gave up on falling back asleep at 6 am, trudging into the bunker’s kitchen, heading straight for the beers.
“Hello, Dean.” A voice rumbled.
He flew 5 feet into the air, not expecting anyone else up at this hour. “Dammit, Cas! You gotta stop with that!” he yelled, with no real heat behind the words.
Cas’s head tilted, “Stop what, Dean?”
Dean chuckled sleepily, “I will probably always forget that you don’t sleep.”
Cas smiled, small and soft, “Yes, but you do. What are you doing up? Did you find a case?”
“Nah. Just couldn’t sleep.” The nightmares replayed themselves in his mind, and he had to repress a shudder. He took a swig of his beer.
Man up, Dean.
Cas frowned at his choice of drink, but he didn’t say anything. “Breakfast?” He offered
“You? Making breakfast?”
Cas nodded, “Yes. Will pancakes suffice?”
Dean snorted, “Do you know how?”
“Yes! I watched a video about it.”
Dean smiled fondly, The angel seemed pretty proud of himself, and he wasn’t one to pass up free food. “I’d love some pancakes Cas.”
Cas smiled and rushed to get to work. Dean watched his back as he busied around the kitchen. Sometimes he still found it hard to believe that Cas was back from the empty. Jack had brought him back as soon as could. They never talked about that day. Cas’s big speech, the I love you. Dean figured it was a heat of the moment thing.
He remembered being so shocked at that moment, the I love you too stuck on the tip of his tongue, his heart beating a mile a minute. But then Cas died. And it was too late. It wasn’t mentioned when Cas got back and still wasn’t almost three months later.
But it was fine. He and Cas were back to being best friends. That was good enough for Dean. He thinks.
I Ain’t gonna raise a fag for a son Dean.
“Breakfast is served.” Cas broke Dean out of his thoughts.
Dean shovelled some more pancakes in his mouth, “These aren’t half bad, man.”
“Thank you, Dean. I’m glad you enjoy them.”
“Now will you tell me what’s wrong?”
Dean paused mid-bite, “What? I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. Something is bothering you, I can tell.” Dean considered telling him for a few heart-beats.
Never let yourself be vulnerable, it makes you weak.
The word weak started to play like a mantra in his head. “It’s nothing Cas. Don’t worry about it. I just didn’t get enough hours last night.”
Cas narrowed his eyes, clearly not buying it. “If you’re sure.”
“Got any plans today?” asked Dean, changing the subject.
“No.”
“You could join me in the Dean-cave, I was planning to camp out there and watch movies until this day is over.”
Cas shot him a half-smile, “I would like that.”
They both loaded as many snacks and drinks as they could carry and made their way down the hall to the Dean-cave.
All of a sudden Sam’s door swung open, he was wearing sweats and his grey jogging hoodie. He shot Dean a knowing look as soon as he spotted him, “Good morning Dean. You’re sure up early.”
“Yep. Have fun on your Jog.” The awkward tension loomed over the room like rain clouds. Sam raised his eyebrows at Dean but nodded anyway.
‘I’m coping.’ He mouthed to his brother, gripping his bundle of snacks tighter.
“What was that about? Are you two fighting again?”
“No, it’s nothing Cas. Come on, maybe I’ll let you choose the first movie.”
Cas perked up, the task of choosing a movie that Dean would approve of taking the forefront in his mind.
Even though Dean would never return his feelings, Castiel would never stop loving him with all that he was. Sometimes He would see the couples on Tv kissing and holding hands or in the diner in Lebanon sharing a meal. His heart would squeeze and he would imagine himself doing those things with Dean.
Cas was shaken out of his thoughts at the sound of Dean settling himself on the sectional navy blue couch in front of their Tv.
“What are we watching, Cas?”
“Uhhh.” The angel fumbled with the remote and somehow got it on Netflix, scrolling through the options he stopped for a second, looking at something called the “Bee Movie” he read the description, his smile growing. He quickly shook his head. There was no way that Dean would be into a movie like this.
“You want to watch the Bee movie?” Dean looked at him.
Castiel felt his cheeks go hot, “No…”
“Come on, put it on, you’ve always been a terrible liar.”
Cas huffed. He was a great liar. “I would like to watch something you would enjoy as well Dean.”
“I will! Sure it’s cheesy as hell, but I haven’t seen it since I was eight. Seven maybe.”
Cas sighed reluctantly, he was very much interested in this movie...and Dean said it was okay. He smiled, pressing remote until the bee movie was highlighted again, “Alright Dean.” He pressed play.
While the movie was playing even so often he would glance at Dean, and he wished they were sitting closer together. He would have liked to lean on Dean’s chest and listen to his heartbeat.
Sometime later, he glanced over again to find Dean leaning his head on the side of a pillow, asleep. He smiled and rose from the couch to drape a blanket over the hunter.
When he approached Cas frowned, as Dean was muttering things in his slumber, and they sounded panicked. Dean whimpered and startled Castiel, as much as wanted to let his friend sleep he thought the best way for Dean to feel better was to wake him up.
“Dean? Wake up, please. I believe you’re having a nightmare.” he tried, He spoke again louder this time, “Dean!” he shook Dean’s shoulder when the man whimpered again, “Dean! Wake up please.”
Dean jolted up from the couch “No, no, no! Don’t hurt him! It was my fault!” he muttered to himself seeming to not be realizing where he is.
“Dean! You’re awake, you are at the bunker. You fell asleep during the bee movie remember?”
Dean shakily exhaled, pulling a trembling hand from his lap and running it over his face and through his hair. Cas tried to move a hand onto his shoulder, but Dean flinched. Hard.
“Dean?” He asked, his forehead lined with worry.
“Sorry man, it was just a really shitty dream.” Dean tried to get up to go find more beer, but a hand caught his wrist.
“Dean you sounded really scared. Would you like to talk about it?”
Dean blushed. He felt pathetic, letting Cas see him like that. He‘d made as well come out with it. “Uh, it’s the 8th today.” Cas tilted his head adorably, “The 8th of February is the day john died.”
“Oh. Your father?”
“Yeah. I get the same nightmares every year on this day. It’s not a big deal.”
“It is a big deal Dean, I’m sorry if I pushed you. I know how horribly John treated you and Sam.”
Dean shivered, Cas doesn’t know the half of it. He never will. “It’s fine Man. Let’s just drop it now alright?”
Cas nodded, and he followed Dean into the bunker’s kitchen.
The angel watched Dean grab another beer from the fridge. He turned around to stare at the other wall. But he quickly whipped around when he heard the sound of glass shattering and Dean started yelling a string of curse words.
“Dean!? You are okay? Don’t move. I don't want you to step on glass.”
Cas found out pretty quickly that Dean wasn’t okay. His friend's breathing started to speed up and Dean had to reach out a hand to the counter to steady himself.
“Cas..” the hunter choked out.
Cas tried to clean up the glass as fast as possible. When he finally finished he lept up and found Dean still frozen to the same spot.
“It's okay Dean. The glass is gone.” Dean wasn’t answering him, “ Dean. It's alright. It was a mistake, right? No big deal.”
“Yeah..I..didn’t mean to.” Cas's shoulders slumped in relief. He grabbed Dean's hand and gently pulled him out of the kitchen. He was going to find out what was going on right now.
The pair sat down. “I guess I owe you an explanation huh.” Dean rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.
“Yes. I am worried about you Dean. Your father passed years ago, you shouldn’t be getting this worked up about him. Also, I have never once seen you drop a beer in all the years I’ve known you.”
“Well...Uh,” He struggled to find words, “Sometimes my old man would get angry. Like really, angry. Like when we dropped things. I got the brunt of it. I didn’t want Sammy getting hurt. When he was drunk it got really bad. The..nightmares have never stopped no matter how many years go by.”
Castiel was trying to wrap his head around this, John had hit his kids? John had hit Dean ? He fumed, John better be glad he was dead. He placed his hand on Deans squeezing it gently. “I am sorry Dean. Thank you for telling me.”
Dean just nodded, keeping his gaze aimed at the floor. He flinched slightly when he felt Castiel pull him in for a hug, but he quickly relaxed, He had always loved the angel’s hugs. His head rested in Cas’s shoulder, neither one pulling away just yet. Dean felt his eyes prick with tears, Cas was the best .
Oh god, please don’t start crying he pleaded with himself as his eyes got more and more watery.
It was too late though, the tears had already escaped and stream down his face and drip off his chin onto Cas’s beloved trenchcoat. He sniffed when his nose started to run, no way was he going to get snot on Cas.
Cas pulled away and his face converted into concern when he saw Dean, “Oh please don’t cry, Dean. Please.” He whispered, his arm moving to Dean’s back and rubbing it up and down in what he hoped to be a soothing motion.
Dean allowed himself one more sniffle before he pulled away completely from Cas, wiping his face. “Sorry...I don’t really know what came over me.”
“You don’t need to apologize Dean.” Cas smiled.
“I hope things will stay the same between us Cas.”
Cas tilted his head, “Why would they change?”
Dean shrugged his shoulders, “I mean I just poured my heart out to you and then proceeded to cry on your shoulder like a 3-year-old.”
“Of course nothing will change Dean.” Cas sighed, “I can’t believe you would think that. I told you that I love you. Nothing will change that.”
Dean stared in shock. Cas loved him? For real? “You...Love me.” He stated awkwardly.
Cas rolled his eyes, did his friend not remember? “Yes, Dean. I told you I did before the empty took me.”
“Yes but...Love, love? It wasn’t just a heat of the moment thing?”
Cas threw his hands up exasperated, “What do you mean Love, love?!” he softened his tone, “Of course it wasn’t an in the moment thing, I wouldn’t say something like that if I did not truly mean it.”
Dean made sure to remember to breathe, were they really having his conversation right now? “Like as friends...or s-something more?” He whispered afraid to hear to answer.
Cas smiled, “When I said those words, I meant as more than friends Dean. I am aware you don’t share those same-Mff!” He was cut off by Dean rushing forward and pressing his lips to his own. Just as quickly Dean pulled back to gauge Castiel’s reaction.
Once Castiel came back to himself, He beamed so hard at Dean it hurt. He gently cupped the back of Dean’s neck and pulled them in for a much longer kiss. God, it was amazing . It was passionate and slow, both of them wanting to savour the moment as much as possible. Cas’s breath hitched as Dean took his bottom lip into his mouth. Eventually, they both had to pull back to catch their breath.
“I think...I think I love you too Cas.” Dean whispered, still panting.
Cas gave him another 100-watt smile, “Good.” He whispered back and Dean laughed leaning on Cas.
“I love you, Dean Winchester.” He said, more serious this time. Dean didn’t think he would ever tire of hearing that.
They stood in silence, basking in each other’s happiness. Cas never would have dreamed this is something he gets to have.
Cas broke the silence first, his excitement taking over, “Does this mean we’re boyfriends Dean?” Dean turned as red as a cherry tomato.
“Y-Yeah.” Dean took a deep breath, “Be my Boyfriend Cas?” He joked.
“Yes please.” Cas squealed and Dean laughed, kissing him again.
Sam found them a few hours later, In Dean’s bed. Tangled around each other in every which way, Dean’s snores filling the room. He wondered what the hell he had missed.
Dean didn’t think he would ever have nightmares on the 8th of February again. For this day would become his and Cas’s anniversary date.