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Chan fully smiles, his dimples popping out from the sound of Hyunjin’s laughter. The younger man’s fingertips run against the pale yellow petals of the flowers before he takes off, spinning around as if he was the freest man in the world.
And to Chan, he is.
The sun looks beautiful as it shines down, illuminating Hyunjin’s smile even more. He looks radiant to Chan and for the first time since he’s come to this town, he feels at home. He’s come to realize that his home isn’t a place made out of brick and stone nor is it studying herbology at the apothecary.
No.
His home is running across the field with a smile to rival the sun. His home has dark hair and equally dark eyes. His home smells like freshly baked bread with a hint of mint.
Chan’s home isn’t a place but a person.
“Hyunjin!” he calls with a hint of laughter in his voice. “Come and eat, the food is getting cold.”
Hyunjin’s head whirls around, his eyes those crescent moons Chan adores more than anything. He runs towards Chan, only stopping to pick a small handful of flowers, laughing when he stumbles over his feet, flopping onto the ground where Chan sits.
With a smile and his left hand out, Hyunjin passes flowers into Chan’s hands.
“For you love,” Hyunjin says, his voice like bells.
Chan is happy when he presses the flowers to his nose and he’s happier when Hyunjin rolls on the ground like a five year old. He’s happy when the younger man finally gets off the ground and dust off the dirt on his clothes and he’s happy when Hyunjin presses a gentle kiss to his cheek, heat rising to the spot where Hyunjin’s lips touch.
They eat in silence, Hyunjin’s eyes wide and full of excitement as he takes in the field of flowers, shovelling bread and cheese in his mouth. His fingers twitch in wonder, Chan notes, his mind already wanting to write about the beauty of this place and the warmth he feels when he’s with his home.
Home.
Oh.
“I got a letter from my mother,” Chan says with a smile, patting his pockets for the letter he received earlier that morning.
Hyunjin whirls around, his brow furrowed and his eyes narrowed slightly. “And what did she say?”
“She hasn’t shunned me if that’s what you think,” he says, handing Hyunjin the letter. “In fact, she’s ecstatic that I have finally found someone to be with. She wants to meet you.”
Chan watches Hyunjin’s expression turn from heistance to curiosity, finally landing on surprise and happiness. He looks up and there’s a glint in his eyes that Chan has never seen before. He wonders what it is.
He continues to wonder as he reaches out to run his fingers through Hyunjin’s hair as he reads the letter, his face once again contorting into different emotions. Chan decides then, that this moment of quiet peace he never wants to ruin. He wants to stay in this moment with Hyunjin by his side and he’s glad that he’ll be able too.
“Do you think your village is safe?” Hyunjin whispers as he finishes reading, folding the paper carefully.
Chan hums as he thinks back on his village life. While he was too young to understand the meaning of love, his mother used to tell him stories of people falling in with each other. She told a story of a woman falling in love with another woman to which six year old Chan corrected her to say and man and a woman. His mother only smiled and shook her head.
“Not here,” she said then before tucking him in and pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. “Here, love can be found anywhere and with anyone. As long as you’re happy, then we will be happy too.”
“I think it will be,” twenty five year old Chan says coming out of his memory. “Afterall, love is just love and my village believes that.”
“Then what are we waiting for?”
Chan laughs as Hyunjin begins to place everything back into the basket, not caring if things were in disarray. He even had the audavillage to pluck Chan’s sandwich from his fingertips causing the older man to grumble and snap his fingers at his missing food.
“The sooner we get out of his village, the better.”
Chan stops laughing to listen to the fear in Hyunjin’s voice. He’s been speculating that the views of this village are like everywhere when it comes to loving someone else. Love and marriage could only happen between a man and a woman, the age of the gods be damned. But to hear the fear in his lover’s voice made him want to cry.
What was wrong with a man loving another man?
Isn’t the same as a man loving a woman? Don’t they share the same feelings? The same intensity of love?
Chan clears his throat. “Then we better hurry,” he says. “The trains will be leaving for the day and I don’t want to waste another minute in this place.”
The smile on Hyunjin’s face is blinding when he pulls Chan up. The picnic basket is still on the ground, waiting to be lifted but Hyunjin’s mind seems to be elsewhere. He cups Chan’s cheeks with delicate fingers and leans in. Chan’s eyes flutter shut when he feels lips against his, warmth flooding his veins and his heart pounding in his chest.
They pull away, pressing their foreheads together, just feeling each other.
“I love you, Hwang Hyunjin,” Chan whispers almost like he’s scared his words will be carried by the wind never to be seen again.
“And I you, Bang Chan.”
Chan leans in for another kiss, wanting to feel Hyunjin’s presence against his lips when everything goes wrong.
Hyunjin is ripped from Chan’s arms just as arms wrap around Chan’s torso yanking him away. There’s surprise in Hyunjin’s eyes as a loud yell passes through Chan’s lips not understanding what’s happening. He blinks a couple of times before whispers fill his ears and Hyunjin is kneeling on the ground, his arms behind his back. There’s tears in his eyes as he watches Chan being dragged away from him.
“Let go of me!” Chan screams, ripping his arms away from his attacker.
“No!” someone cries. “Stay away from the devil!”
The what?
Chan whirls around to come face to face with his instructor. “You mustn’t fall for the ways of the Devil, Chan. I will protect you as I have sworn to your mother.”
There’s determination in the old man’s eyes as he reaches for Chan’s arm again. His kind blue eyes are filled with so much hatred that Chan has to take a step back at the intensity.
“Come Chan,” the man says again. “I have already gotten the police involved and given them enough evidence against him. Hwang Hyunjin will be placed on a trial and if found guilty, he will be sentenced to death.”
Chan freezes, his mind emptying at the words.
Death?
Hyunjin will be killed?
The moment the old man touches Chan’s arm is the moment Chan reacts. He slaps the old man’s hand away and rushes towards where Hyunjin still kneels on the ground, his face swollen from tears. police surround the younger man, telling him things Chan doesn’t hear.
“Stop!” he says. “Please!”
“Ignore him!” his mentor shouts. “He’s been tainted by the devil!”
“No!” Chan shouts. “Hyunjin!”
Another pair of arms wrap around Chan’s torso to hold him in place. His eyes lock with Hyunjin’s, sadness seeping through at the seams. He shakes his head minutely, before being hauled up and taken away.
Chan screams and claws at the arms around his torso the further Hyunjin gets taken away from him. His heart feels like it’s breaking and his mind is a jumbled mess. He wants to punch the person holding him, but he knows that if he turns around, then he won’t be able to see Hyunjin anymore.
Hyunjin.
Chan screams when the police and Hyunjin are finally out of sight, tears rolling down his cheeks. The arms around his torso finally drop but Chan stays in place, fully aware that if he runs, he won’t be able to catch up with the police and Hyunjin.
His legs feel like jelly and when he finally collapses to the ground, he wraps his arms around his knees and screams into them, calling Hyunjin’s name over and over again.
Someone touches his shoulder causing Chan to flinch away.
“Don’t touch me,” he growls and someone kneels.
“Oh Chan,” Jisung says quietly but it doesn’t make anything better. Instead, he flinches away from the man before looking at him. “Let’s get you home.”
Chan hisses. “Hyunjin is my home.”
Jisung only nods, ignoring the sounds of the medicine man mumbling in the background. With a firm hand, he pulls Chan to his feet and walks him to the house he’s been staying at.
The cottage that once looked inviting and full of warmth, looks almost haunting to Chan, the massive wooden planks caging him in. People line the streets when Jisung and Chan walk by, most of them sending pitying glances towards Chan. He hears them mumbling under their breath and how dare Hwang Hyunjin try to taint a pure man. How dare he.
Chan almost loses it but Jisung’s grip is firm against his wrist. He glances at the other man who only shakes his head at Chan’s mental question.
“Mr. Lee has placed a couple of police at your house. They will keep you from leaving,” Jisung says and Chan snarls. “I tried to talk him out of it but he wasn’t listening. I’m sorry Chan.”
Chan finally pulls his arm out of Jisung’s grip and glares at the man. He crosses his arms and keeps his expression as angry as he can. Jisung makes no move to grab Chan nor does he try to soothe his anger. Instead, he smiles sadly like he understands what Chan is going through and that’s enough for Chan to shake his head and have tears pooling in his eyes. He wipes them away before turning on his heel and walking to the one place where he knows no longer feels like home.
The two guards as Chan calls them, continue to stand guard to his house for the next few days. They’re there when he opens the door and there when he slams it in their faces. Neither one of them say anything.
With his guards, Chan isn’t able to plan anything to help Hyunjin escape the fate that was given to him and it pisses him off. He tries a few times to sneak out his window but the guards are there the moment Chan’s feet touch the ground. They never say anything to him and only drag him by the arm and forcibly push him back inside the house.
After the fifth day of trying everything, Chan slumps against the door and sobs quietly, banging his head against the wood. He’s tried everything he can think of and nothing is working. Nothing at all. Jisung hasn’t come by since he dropped off Chan into his house and his instructor tries to come in but Chan nearly screams at the man for coming anywhere near him.
His thoughts dwindle down everyday.
He should have listened to the fear in Hyunjin’s voice every time he talked about getting caught by some of the village elders. The moment Hyunjin voiced his fears for the first time, Chan should have taken the man away from such a toxic environment. He should have told his mother when he first met Hyunjin. He should have, he should have, he should have.
On the seventh day, the doors to his house slam open with police filling in every corner of the living room. None of the men look to Chan as they just stand there waiting for someone to walk in.
The police chief walks in, his head held high and his eyes narrowed. He blinks a couple of times before clearing his throat.
“Come with me,” the man says and Chan wants to shake his head and tell the men to get out but they’re here for a reason. A reason that Chan thinks he knows and gods he really hopes it’s not what he thinks it is.
His body is weak from barely eating in the past few days, nothing but tiny pieces of bread and cheese to keep him sane. His knees feel like jelly and he feels like he is going to flop on the floor but he can’t let these men see that. He needs to stand strong and figure out the best way of getting Hyunjin out alive.
Chan closes his eyes.
Please let him be alive.
With careful steps, he walks out the door following the chief, not paying any attention to how the police stand guard around him. They’re within a few steps of him but they keep their distance and their gazes towards the front. Chan sighs.
His police entourage lead him to the center of the village where people stand facing the front, not so quiet whispers and words being thrown around. Men, women, and children look to the front with such disgust and horrible words falling from their lips. They glance around, looking at Chan with such a pitying stares, some of them even mumbling to God to save his soul.
Chan snarls and few women step back, eyes wide. Their lips move at a mile a minute, quickly praying for their guard to protect Bang Chan.
He’s lead to the front of the crowd and only begins to pay attention when he sees a familiar head of black hair. A pained gasp falls through his lips as Hyunjin’s head snaps up.
The once beautiful chocolate eyes he loves more than anything are bloodshot and puffy from what Chan can assume is from all the crying he’a most likely been doing. The shirt Chan adores is torn to pieces, shredded on the shoulders and on the side, the fabric barely recognizable. Dirt and grime cover the pale expanses of Hyunjin’s skin followed by angry red welts the size of mens palms.
“Hyunjin,” he whispers, his strong facade falling. This time, he doesn’t stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks nor does he stop his legs from giving out. He sits there on the ground, his hands covering his mouth. “Hyunjin.”
Hyunjin’s eyes follow Chan’s movement, giving the older man a small smile. He straightens his body a little and tries to kneel with pride.
“Chan,” Hyunjin whispers and that’s all it takes for Chan to stand on his feet and try to rush towards his younger lover, only to get held back by the police. He yells when he feels a jab to his side but keeps his eyes towards Hyunjin who looks like he’s about to cry.
“You see,” someone’s voice travels over the commotion Chan is calling. “Bang Chan has already been tainted by the Devil himself. We shall kill the Devil and set Chan free from his chains.”
Chan stills.
“No,” he croaks, taking his eyes off Hyunjin. “No.”
He looks to where the voice is coming from and he’s not surprised to see his supposed mentor standing there. The older man looks to Chan with pity in his eyes before looking back to Hyunjin like he’s a monster.
“In order to free you, Chan, the deed must be done,” he says.
“No!”
The old man pays no mind to his former student as he walks towards where Hyunjin is kneeling on the ground. He yanks the boy and pushes him towards the crowd. “This is one of the forms the Devil can take. He can be anyone and anything as he lies in wait to take his next victim. When Chan is free from the Devil’s hand, be cautious as he will seek another person to take over.” he pauses. “Let us begin.”
Some people mumble the same words before someone Chan has never seen before walks to the front. He spares Chan a glance before looking at Hyunjin with the same distaste everyone else has been giving him. Hyunjin keeps his back straight.
“Hello Demon,” the man hisses.
Hyunjin doesn’t say anything and the man continues.
“You faced your trial last night and were convicted of trying to seduce a man. Your sentence is death. What do you have to say for yourself?”
Hyunjin moves his gaze towards where Chan is and for the first time in the months Chan has known the younger man, there’s defeat in his eyes as he’s ready to accept his fate.
Against the people holding him into place, Chan fights against them screaming his lungs out. Screaming for the man to stop talking . But no one pays him any mind, some people behind him asking God to bless his soul and to bring back the man that came into their village all those months ago.
“I have nothing to say to you,” Hyunjin says, struggling to his feet. “Or to any of the people standing here aside from Chan. For all I care, you can rot in hell.” He sucks in a breath, ignoring the looks of the man (Chan finally realizes that this is the pastor Hyunjin has been scared of). “Chan stay strong, eh? Always remember what I taught you, make sure to tie those flower crowns correctly. Always remember that I truly and utterly love you and I always will.”
Chan continues to scream, his mind not fully comprehending the words Hyunjin tells him.
“If there is anything else, Demon,” the pastor says and this time when Hyunjin looks to him, his eyes are like steel.
“My name is Hyunjin, Pastor Jeong. You’ve known this since I was a baby.”
“Hyunjin is dead,” Pastor Jeong says. “He’s been dead since you’ve taken his body over!”
Hyunjin doesn’t say anything else, shaking his head. He locks eyes with Chan and continues to smile.
Chan stops screaming when their eyes lock. “Please don’t leave me,” he says. “Please.”
“Until the next time, my love,” Hyunjin says with a bright smile.
The pastor says something Chan can’t hear, a loud rushing sound filling his ears. His vision tunnels to Hyunjin who stands there looking proud of who he is. Who stands there with a bright smile on his face and love in his eyes for Chan.
He stands there unflinching when the first rock slams into his chest and unmoving when fifty other follow. The proud look on Hyunjin’s face never falters even when he’s brought to his knees and blood covering his eyes. Chan can only watch in sheer horror as the events in front of him unfold. That same feeling of powerlessness fills his blood with each rock being thrown at his lover, his lover.
His Hyunjin.
Hyunjin.
Chan starts wailing again when Hyunjin stops moving and the pastor calls for the crowd to stop. He continues to wail when the man walks over to Hyunjin’s body, nudging it, and declaring the Devil dead. His cries grow louder until they finally stop.
He sees something move around Hyunjin’s body and he’s quick on his feet. He’s finally able to break away from the men guarding him, not caring for the shouts of his name coming from behind. He falls to his knees and cradles Hyunjin’s head in his palms, not caring about the blood he’s getting on his clothes.
Hyunjin was always warm to Chan with every hug and every kiss, he was warm. Hyunjin’s smiles were always warm and full of life, his eyes even warmer when they smiled, brightening up Chan’s day.
But now…
Hyunjin is cold.
Too cold.
He’s not going to be giving Chan warm hugs and gentle kisses. He’s not going to be showing off his smile and he’s not going to be bringing warmth when Chan’s day ends horribly. He’s just not going to be there anymore.
He presses a kiss to Hyunjin’s forehead, his eyes fluttering shut and picturing Hyunjin’s bright smile.
Someone presses a firm hand on Chan’s shoulder and for the first time in a week, he doesn’t scream nor does he cry. Instead, he willingly lets Hyunjin’s body go, his eyes closing when he finally feels nothing. The rushing in his ears never leaves even after someone makes him stand and go to his house.
He feels someone touching him, cleaning his hands and the rest of him but Chan doesn’t know who. He doesn’t know anything anymore. His mind has completely shut down. Nothing comprends in his mind and nothing makes sense. The people talking to him are only moving their lips but nothing is coming out. He feels nothing.
He begins to live in his mind, a place hidden from all eyes watching him and forcing food down his throat. In his mind, he sees a smiling Hyunjin, bright with laughter and colour in his cheeks. Bright with what made Hyunjin, Hyunjin.
Until the next time, my love.
Chan closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
Until the next time, my love.
He opens his eyes and he’s surrounded by white, so much white that it blinds him. He blinks a couple of times his vision slowly coming too. He can make out the shape of a window and maybe something else but that’s all.
A groan falls through his lips shifting his gaze to the ceiling and unsurprisingly, it’s white like the rest of the room. There’s a couple of lamps hanging from the beams of the ceiling but since when did his house have hanging lamps? And since was his house bathed in white?
Chan sits up and rubs his face, his mind foggy like he’s been sleeping for a long time. His thoughts are jumbled and the noises in the room are unfamiliar just like the sight.
This isn’t his room.
Instead of the small house his instructor gave him, the room is a bit small with a room, a simple desk with a small vase on top of it. Flowers are inside, a couple of them sad looking with their wilted stems and falling petals. Various scraps of papers little the table, almost like whoever placed them there was looking for something and left them behind.
Something behind him opens causing Chan to snap his head to the side. His mother comes in, her skirts bunched in her hands and her pale hair in a ponytail. Her gaze isn’t on Chan but over her shoulder, her mouth moving a mile a minute.
“-an’t believe them!” she says. “To think the place that Chan wanted to stay at was such a place!”
“Hyemi,” his father’s voice says, “it’s been two years.”
Chan’s mother clicks her tongue. “I don’t care! I want something to be done! That god awful town deserves to be burned to the ground! They killed an innocent man and nearly killed my son, Jaesuk!” Her voice drops as she lets go of her skirts, the blue fabric falling from her fingertips. She turns to face her husband before walking into his waiting arms. “I just want my son back.”
Chan feels a lump in his throat for some reason. He takes a quiet breathe before meeting his father’s dark eyes. The older man stiffens, dropping his hands from his wife’s waist.
“Chan,” he says, Chan’s name falling off his tongue so brokenly.
“Pa,” Chan says, his voice cracking from loss of use.
The single word that falls from his lips causes his mother to whirl around, her green eyes wide as she takes in her son. A loud sob passes through her lips before she’s running across the small room, her arms wrapping themselves around his shoulder. She cries into Chan’s gown (is that what he’s wearing?) and holds him tight. Awkwardly, he pats her back looking at his father for answers.
But the older man doesn’t say anything. Instead, he too crosses the room and wraps his arms around his sobbing wife and his confused son. It’s almost like he’s been missing for a long time and they’re now just seeing him for the first time.
Something in the back of his mind clicks into place.
“Ma,” he whispers. “What was two years ago?”
His mother’s cries stop but his father holds the two of them tighter than before.
“We almost lost you two years ago.”
Chan shakes his head. “I don’t understand what. What happened two years ago?”
His father loosens his hold on the both of them so his mother could look into his eyes. She searches for something but Chan doesn’t know what. He does see the tears filling her eyes before she looks away.
“What do you remember Channie?” she says. “What’s the last thing you remember?”
And Chan thinks.
At first nothing comes, his mind nothing but a dark blank space filled with emptiness.
He thinks harder.
His mind suddenly sees flowers to which he turns and looks at the flowers in the vase.
Red and gold.
Blood and sun.
No that’s not it.
“Bang Chan! You don’t know what red can mean!?” someone shouts in his mind. “Are you crazy? Don’t you have an imagination?”
Strawberries and bananas.
No, that’s not it either.
“They’re my favourite, you know,” the same voice says. “Strawberries. There’s just something about them that has me sneaking more before my mother can smack my hand yelling ------in, don’t touch them!”
Happiness and joy.
Maybe, that sounds right.
“Do you think your village is safe?” the voice questions.
“I think it will be,” another voice says, oddly familiar. “Afterall, love is just love and my village believes that.”
“Then what are we waiting for?”
Chan blinks a couple of times, tears rolling down his face. Who is that in his head? He doesn’t remember anything like that. All he remembers is going home after-
“Until we meet again, my love,” ------- says with a bright smile.
The voice turns into a face and all Chan sees is a bright smile, dark floppy hair, and chocolate eyes, the left one with a beauty mark under it. He hears a loud laugh and arms around his shoulders that aren’t his mother’s. He hears quiet giggles and remembers late nights under the stars.
“Until we meet again, my love,” the man says with a bright smile.
Chan blinks and suddenly everything comes flooding back like a tidal wave. A choked sob passes through his throat because how could he forget ?
The flowers in the vase aren’t just red and gold flowers, they’re flowers that are supposed to represent Chan and Hyunjin.
Hyunjin.
Chan wails, heart wrenching cries pass through his lips.
“Until we meet again, my love.”