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The girl who hung out with James Potter. That’s what most of Hogwarts called you. It would surprise you if anyone else from your own house and year knew you by your name. You were the shy one who preferred being alone than being in an obnoxious crowd. The type who had a very few people you could call friends.
But having James as your best friend, it was quite hard to maintain all that peace and quiet. You had known him all your life considering you two were neighbours. You spent more time at his house than your own. He’d force you to tag along and you’d agree- mainly because it was hard to say no to him. You always seemed to mirror his smile, almost like it was contagious.
You were sat in the Gryffindor common room along with the Marauders- James excluded when the mentioned boy barged in and let out a loud groan of frustration as he lightly kicked a chair. “Trouble in paradise again?” You heard Sirius say from across you.
“It’s like she has to disapprove of everything I do.” Scoffed James. The whole of Hogwarts knew his massive crush on Lily before she had finally agreed to go on a date with him. The first couple of months had gone alright. They seemed like a young couple happily in love, but days went by and they started having small arguments.
“I’m sure she’s come around.” You comfort him and managed to give a tight lipped smile. Deep down, you didn’t know why they put up with each other. After all the fights, why was he still with her? You didn’t know but it hurt. It pained you to see your best friend with someone who was clearly wrong for him. The other marauders could see it too- but James being James, he didn't want to think of it. He had been obsessed with Lily for six whole years before she said yes- he thought she was the one.
“Hopefully.” He said, low spirited.
“Would you like some chocolates?” You offered, hoping it would make him feel better.
“Thanks, (y/n/n).” He took a couple of them and ruffled your hair- making your heartbeat quicken.
Like the other plenty of times James and Lily had a fight, this time too, you see Lily walk into the common room looking for her boyfriend. “James? Let’s talk?” She asked and James of course followed her like a love sick puppy out of the room.
The few minutes later you see them walk back into the room with their hands intertwined and dopey smiles adorning their faces. This sight wasn’t new to you. You had grown quite used to watching them fight then go back to being all lovey-dovey. But like you, your heart couldn’t ignore it- you felt it shatter into a million pieces every time you had to see them kiss.
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The next morning, when you reached the great hall for breakfast, you saw James and Lily arm in arm like the usual. You wanted to be happy for your best friend but you couldn’t help your feelings. You quickly took a seat beside Sirius- it pained you to see that James didn’t glance at you a single time as he was too engrossed talking with his girlfriend. Across you, you could feel Remus' intense stare. He was the only one who knew about your feelings for James.
Not paying heed to their conversation, you averted your gaze to your food and continued to do so the entire meal. Only did you look up when you heard a few shoutings. It was the usual scene playing, you had grown used to James and Lily arguing during every other meal. You could only hope they’d split but with every passing day, you knew it wasn’t going to happen.
James was in love with Lily. The perfect Lily Evans. She was sweet, courageous, brilliant and incredibly beautiful. Of course, he loved her. Everybody at Hogwarts admired her- except maybe a few prejudiced Slytherins.
But then again, you had known the messy haired boy ever since you were little kids. You knew everything about him. The kind of music he liked, his favourite movies basically, anything and everything. And you were sure, James knew everything about you, too. He was your best friend. The both of you being together made complete sense to you; if only James reciprocated your feelings.
It was time you got over him because he was never going to like you. In fact, he was way smitten by Lily to look at any other girl. And so, right this moment, you got rid of all your high hopes. You knew it was hard to forget about your feelings for James but you decided to focus on anything but him for the rest of the days to your graduation.
Much to your surprise, the end of your last year at Hogswarts came soon. Sure, there were times you wished the ground would swallow you whole- those were the times when you saw James with Lily. A part of you was extremely grateful that you didn’t have to see them again, atleast not frequently. Whilst another part of you already missed James. He was your best friend after all.
“Took you quite the time, huh?” Sirius called when he finally saw you join your group of friends.
“It’s our last day here. I had to look around for a few more minutes.” As those words left off your mouth, silence fell over. These halls held all your memories. Good ones and bad, you cherished your time here. Hogwarts would always be your home.
The graduation ceremony soon began and the groups of students started filling the enchanted boats. You reminisced the time when these boats first carried you. The first time you ever came to Hogwarts. You were overjoyed and even more happy to have your best friend by your side. You best friend; James, he sat beside you during your first ride but now, it was Lily. She sat in the place where it was supposed to be you. A pang of hurt crossed your heart as tears started welling up in your eyes.
When the boats finally arrived at King’s cross, almost everyone seemed to be in tears. Tender hugs and promises filled with sentiment were the emotions commonly being shown by the newly graduated students of Hogwarts.
You saw James come up to you, wrapping his arms around your torso in a strong hug. “Promise you will write.” He whispered in your ear with a hoarse voice. It was evident that he was trying not to cry.
“I will.” You felt rather guilty to have made a promise you weren’t keen on keeping but you couldn’t think of another excuse.
You then saw James turn to Lily and kiss her full on the lips. The usual feeling of you heart sinking on your stomach braced you. It was never going to change.
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After that day, James always wrote you letters but your replies remained curt. It hurt you to be away from him but it was necessary. Six months later, you received a letter from him- informing you of how he and Lily had moved in and that you were always welcome there. You couldn’t bring yourself to congratulate them in person so owled instead. Another six months later, he had invited you to a party at his house. You didn’t know what it was for but James had demanded your presence and as his best friend, you couldn’t deny.
You apperated to Godric’s Hollow with a heavy feeling in your chest. This was the first time you were going to see James and all your other friends in a full year. The whole alley looked gloomy with James and Lily’s house was the only one which had bright lights and music that could be heard from the other end of the street.
After knocking on the door twice, you waited for someone to open it. When it did, you met with a pair of hazel eyes that belonged to your best friend. James immediately pulled you in bone crushing hug and you hugged him back. “I missed you so much!” He exclaimed after the two of you had stopped hugging.
“I missed you, too,”
“Didn’t seem like it since you’re always too busy to properly reply to my letters.” He teased.
“Work at the shop has just been hectic lately, that doesn’t mean I don’t care.” After graduation, you started working at a book store in diagon alley. It was quiet at most times other than now, when students returning to Hogwarts wanted to buy their books.
“I know, (y/n/n)” The look he gave you brought back all the feelings you had buried since your days at Hogwarts.
You saw how James and Lily had brought life to Godric’s Hollow. It was bright and lights everywhere, the house made you feel warm and homely. You met your other friends and they were just as ecstatic to meet you. Sirius attacked you with the biggest hug, almost making you fall. Remus was also quick to give you a warm and comforting hug, it looked like he had picked the hint that you still weren’t over James. Lily was ever so sweet while greeting you. She hadn’t changed at all, still perfect as you can remember.
“Alright, everyone, Lily and I have some exciting news.” Said James. Everyone in the room, eyed them carefully, anticipating what he was going to say next. “We’re getting married!” He exclaimed.
The room erupted with cheers as everyone bursted out with joy. Everyone except for you. You were happy for your best friend. You really were but you couldn’t avoid the feeling of the tears prickling at the back of your eyes. Blinking back your tears, you held a bright fake-smile.
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It was night before James and Lily’s wedding when you were contemplating on confessing your feelings to James. You knew it was the worst time to profess your love and also knew that you’d end up getting rejected but you needed a closer for the long-unrequited feelings you held for him. Maybe a rejection would help you finally move on?
With a heavy heart, you walk towards the place James was staying until their wedding. You knocked at the door a couple times and it took a few minutes for it to open. The person revealed themselves to be James. You sighed in relief when you saw that it was him attending the door and not one of the other Marauders.
“(y/n), what are you doing here?” He gave you a confused look.
“Can we talk?” You asked, unsure.
“Sure, are you alright? It’s midnight.”
“I know, James but I really need to talk to you.” You pressed. The confusion in his eyes still remained as he followed you outside to the quiet concrete road.
“What is it?”
“I love you.” He chuckled at your words.
“I love you, too, (y/n/n).”
“No, James, you don’t understand.” You continued, trying to hold back the tears. “I love you and not platonically. I know that this is a very selfish thing to do; confess that I’m in love with you the night before your wedding with another woman. But please, you are in no obligation to say anything. I’ve been holding it in for too long now and I don’t think I can anymore.” By now, the tears were freely flowing down your cheeks.
“How long?” His voice came out in a mere whisper but enough for you to hear.
“Ever since we were kids.”
“But- but I’m marrying Lily tomorrow.” He sputtered.
“I know. And I still love you. You don’t have to say it back, I don’t expect you to.” Your heart shattered in a million pieces when you saw him simply nod his head. He still held a shocked look. You didn’t know why it hurt so much when this was exactly the kind of reaction you had expected. “James, I hope you have a wonderful marriage with her. She’ll make you so happy.” You genuinely wished him luck. “I should go now. I’m sorry.” With that, you turned around and walked away from him, your cheeks were streaked with tears while you tired to contain your sobs.
James didn’t move even a single inch as he eyed you walking away. When he saw you apparate, he found himself staring at the empty road where you once stood. His thoughts were all over the place, his mind racing with confusion. During Hogwarts, he had often felt a strange twinge whenever you were around but he immediately ignored it. You were his best friend, he didn’t want to ruin your friendship by having one-sided feelings for you.
When he saw Lily, he found her to be insanely attractive. He soon found himself looking at her more often. She was gorgeous and his school boy self was dead set on making her his. But his obsession with Lily didn’t stop the bizarre feeling he felt whenever he looked at you.
Hogwarts days were over and now it was time to be responsible adults. Finds a good job, eventually get married and have a few kids. Although, the society’s expectations didn’t make the Marauders any less close. There friendship was just as thick as it was when they were hopeful eleven-year-olds meeting in their dorms for the first time.
James had expected yours and his friendship to remain the same as well. You were his closest friend, even before Hogwarts, and that’s how it was supposed to be. He didn’t understand why you had distanced yourself; all until now.
That night, he didn’t sleep a blink. His wedding was tomorrow but all he could think of was his newfound feelings for his best friend. Not quite in his senses, he found himself in front of Lily’s. It was six in the morning, he knew everyone was sleeping, but it still didn’t stop him from lightly banging on the door, loud enough for someone to hear it.
To his luck, it was Lily who opened the door, which was a little surprising since was supposed to be getting enough sleep. Slightly rubbing her eyes, she opened them to look at the person who had visited so early. The traces of sleep on her face were immediately gone as surprise took over them instead.
“James! What are you doing here?” She noticed how his t-shirt was wrinkled and the dark bags under his eyes, hinting that he hadn’t slept at all. “Is something wrong?”
“It’s (y/n).” He whispered meekly with his gaze set on the ground.
“What’s wrong with (y/n)? Is she alright?”
“She loves me.” A single tear slipped down his cheek and Lily instantly knew he wasn’t talking about a platonic love.
“Do you love her as well?” She asked, ignoring the cracking of her voice.
“I, I don’t know.” A sob left his mouth.
“Go to her, James.” Said Lily after giving it some thought.
“What?” His eyes widened in shock as they met with hers.
“You love her.” And this time it wasn’t a question.
“B-but what about the wedding?”
“I can’t marry you knowing you love someone else. I’ve seen the way you look at her, it’s different from when you looked at me or just any other girl. Perhaps we were never meant to be.” She said as tears pooled in her eyes. “I know she’ll make you happy.”
“Lily,” He trailed, feeling speechless. “I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” She gave him a tight-lipped smile, trying to assure him. “Go, James. You belong with her.”
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As James stood before your flat, a million thoughts raced through his mind. He had realised how much he loved you and his wedding with Lily had just cancelled. Will you take him as he is? As the broken man whose world had just collapsed? Or will you tell him to go away? That you never want to see him again?
Knocking at your door, he anticipated to see you open it. When you did, he saw the look on your face. You shared the same dark eye bags as his. Your face was puffed, clearly evident that you had cried the whole night.
“Why are you here?” You asked, trying to avoid the lump in your throat. “It’s ten, aren’t you supposed to be getting dressed for your wedding?”
“Can I come in?” You opened he door further and let him walk in, closing it after. “I’m not getting married,” Your hand flew to your mouth in shock when you heard James talk.
“W-what?”
“I’m not marrying Lily.” He didn’t know why but he had a light feeling when he uttered those words.
“Why?” You pressed.
“I realised that I don’t love her. Not like I should have.” He held a look of guilt in his eyes.
“Why this sudden change, James?”
“(y/n),” He started, “When you confessed your feelings, it made me realise that I’ve been in love with all along. When we were at school, you always stood out to me. It might sound cheesy but you shone like the brightest star, you still do, but I ignored the feelings because I didn’t think you’d feel the same way. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.” Hearing him say that made your heart flutter but it still didn’t ease the fact that you were the reason James broke up with Lily.
“What about Lily? Does she know? I hate that I came in between the two of you.” You stare at your feet while saying the last sentence, with tears of shame pricking at the back of your eyes.
“What? No- (y/n), listen to me.” He placed his fingers under your chin softly, forcing you to look at him. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me who realised my feelings too late. Lily knows. I talked to her before I came here. She told me to go to you. She said that we belong together. And it’s true. I love you, (y/n).
“You mean it?” Tears flow down your cheeks.
“Every single word.” He whispered and cupped your face with both his hands, wiping your tears with the pads of him thumbs.
You came closer to him, leaving a very few inches between you two, and placed your forehead on his. “I never want us to be apart ever again.”
“We won’t.” He reassured and placed his lips on yours. The emotions you felt were all over the place but the only thing that mattered was that you were with James now; in his arms, safe and secure, your heart felt content. It felt like you truly belonged here with him by your side. You kissed for a while, pouring all the love you felt for each other through the years, before he broke the kiss to whisper;
“I adore you.”