Work Text:
'What a way of starting holidays,' thought Tom as he flung open the door and strode into the house.
They had arrived at the town two hours earlier and decided to eat before going to the house the Malfoys lent to them for the weekend. It was a magical restaurant, and the waitress — surely a mudblood — confused them as father and son. Tom waited in vain for Severus to correct her, and when he did it instead, Severus stared down at his hands, clearly ashamed of their relationship.
“Tom, I am sorry,” said Severus, putting his hand on the door to stop it from closing again.
“You are sorry,” repeated him in the quiet voice he used when he was about to explode. “Sorry doesn’t fix anything, Severus. If you are so embarrassed of being seen with me, why did you accept to come?”
“It is not that.” Severus lowered his eyes for a second, and then looked at him with pleading eyes. “Please, understand.”
“Understand?” He replied, feeling his magic changing around him, threatening with getting out of control. Dealing with Severus was exhausting. Everything had its rules. Where to touch, when to touch and how to touch. What to say, when to say it, and how to say it. It was all product of Severus’ abuse, but sometimes it felt too much. “I always have to understand you, Severus, and I am—”
He cut himself off, seeing how the black eyes of the man he loved widened. Anger was a bad advisor and luckily, he realised on time. If he completed that sentence, if he said ‘tired’, the relationship was over. It was incredible how a simple word had so much power. How a single word could destroy years of recovering. One of Severus’ biggest fear was people getting tired of him. He considered himself broken, and didn’t want to bother anyone trying to fix him.
“We should be having fun,” he said instead. Was really that important what a mudblood thought? A part of him told him that wasn’t the problem, yet he dismissed the little voice in favour of saving his relationship. “This is a nice house.”
The house was, indeed, beautiful. White leather sofas, a stone fireplace, and expensive paintings decorated the interior. But it was the outside what left them spellbound. The house overlooked a private beach with turquoise waters that gentle lapped the white sand, inviting them to bathe. High cliffs surrounded the place, giving them the privacy they needed for that romantic escapade.
Severus and Tom stopped in front of the two picture windows, their hands almost touching the glass. He slid an arm around his lover’s waist, pulling him towards him. Severus smiled and moved closer, kissing him in a submissive way that tasted to apology.
“What about familiarising ourselves with the master bedroom?” He asked, moving his lips to his neck.
Severus glanced the beach and nodded, not as excited as he thought he would be. It didn’t take a genius to understand. The last thing in Severus’ mind was sex. He had never seen the ocean before, and he had to be dying to feel it against his skin.
An idea formed in his mind. He picked Severus up easily — too easily — and carried him to the back door. Severus made a sound of surprise and passed his hand around his neck to stabilise himself. Ignoring Severus’ protest, he went down the stairs that took them to the beach. Everything went well until they reached the three final steps. Tom tripped with his own feet, falling on the sand with Severus on top of him. They stared each other worried, and once they confirmed both were fine, they burst into laughter.
“I love you,” said Tom, as he calmed down a little.
“You don’t,” Severus laughed, crawling off him.
He felt his heart breaking a little. Severus always replied the same. He didn’t expect an ‘I love you’ back, but he wanted Severus to at least believe him. His lover couldn’t accept someone loved him; his damaged self-esteem wouldn’t allow it. Perhaps with time, and a little more of effort he could change that. He couldn’t get tired. Severus meant a lot of work, but it was worth it.
Severus didn’t seem to notice the change, taking off his boots and socks, and rolling up the legs of his jeans. There was still a smile on his face as he walked towards the water, leaving Tom to stand on his own.
Tom dusted the sand off his clothes and waved his hand to transfigure them into swimming shorts. The sun felt warm against his naked skin. He lied down in a summoned towel, and he allowed himself to enjoy the moment. There would be time to worry about the war and every other responsibility later, for now he contented with watching his lover playing in the water for the next couple of hours.
He had never seen Severus so happy.
Not even as a teenager Severus acted so carefree. Abuse and isolation took a toll on him, and Tom was glad he could still enjoy those little things. He would have to cut Severus’ fun soon. It was almost time to eat. Severus was one step away from undernourishment, and he tended to forget it, always with something else in his head. New spells, new potions, or whatever other experiment he was making. Sometimes he needed help to take care of himself, and that’s what Tom was for, to take care of him.
'Like a child,’ reminded him a voice inside his head, and a rush of guilt flooded through him. Severus was so young. Playing like a child in the water, and not for the first time he asked himself if he was taking advantage of him. He was never a child, his parents took that from him, and Tom never looked at him in a romantic way until Severus was an adult. Still, it troubles him. Severus should be with someone of his own age, and he wondered if he was doing the right thing. But they were happy together, and as long as it was Tom who was making him happy, he would be there.
He promised Lucius he would let him go if Severus wanted to leave. When. That was the word Lucius used. When Severus wanted to leave, and Tom had to agree. Severus would find someone younger one day, but that made the time they spent together even more valuable. He would enjoy it while it lasted, and more important, Severus would enjoy it. His lover deserved it after all his suffering.
Severus got out of the water and walked over to him with a grin on his face. “What were you looking at?”
“Just admiring how beautiful you are,”
“Do not be ridiculous,” said Severus, bending forward to kiss him.
“You are being ridiculous.” Tom pulled him to the sand and rolled over to be on top of him. “Tell me, what are the problems with your body.”
Severus lifted an eyebrow. “My nose for starters,”
Tom kissed the bridge of his nose. “It is a beautiful nose.”
“My teeth are crocked.”
Tom kissed his lips, noticing they were cold and salty. “There is nothing wrong with your mouth, but I need to look again.” He did it again, making Severus laugh. “And you have the most beautiful laugh.” His lips were on his again. “And the most beautiful smile.”
“My hair is greasy.”
“I love your hair,” he said but when he kissed it, sand entered into his mouth. “I love it more without sand.”
Severus laughed again.
“You are beautiful, Severus, and I love you.”
He looked away from him, his face suddenly sad. “No, you don’t.”
They stayed in silence for a while, then Severus face lightened up again. “Let’s go to the water.”
With one movement he freed himself, throwing Tom to the side. He offered his hand and helped him to stand, leading him to the water.
“Severus, look where you are going. You are going to fall,” he said as his lover walked backwards to the water. When the water reached his waist, Tom stopped. He didn’t want to end that trip in tragedy.
“Come deeper,” said Severus pulling softly. “We will be fine.”
“No, we are not. None of us knows how to swim.”
Severus desisted and got closer to him, sliding his arms around his neck. “You are boring.”
“I will be boring if that keeps us alive.”
“I love when you are boring.” Severus rested his head in his chest. “Because it means you care.”
“I care.” One of his hands went to his hip and the other gently pushed up Severus’ face. He joined his forehead with his, and started moving as if they were dancing. “I love you.”
“You don’t,” Severus breathed out with his eyes closed.
Tom didn’t insist. He continued moving, letting the gentle waters to pull them deeper. They had magic, and if he broke the moment, he wouldn’t be able to show his feelings in a way Severus couldn’t reject them.
He didn’t know how long they were like that, but it was getting cold. It was late and Severus needed to eat something.
“Let us go back to the house,” he said, separating from Severus and grabbing his hand to pull him out of the water.
They summoned towels and wrapped them around their shoulder. The cold wind hit his skin. Severus’ jeans were soaking and stick to his legs. It couldn’t be comfortable but Severus didn’t seem to mind. They were almost at the stairs when Severus stopped moving. Tom turned to him to see what happened, finding Severus with his eyes lost in the horizon. The sky was already changing colours, and Tom interlocked fingers with him. Food could wait until after the sunset.
“She thought I was one of those people,” said Severus suddenly. “She was not wrong, but still.”
Guilt flooded through him again. Those people. Prostitutes. Severus was afraid to be confused with a prostitute. And he felt like one too. Money was always a sensitive issue with Severus. He refused to get paid for making their potions and Tom wouldn’t let his lover take some job that would make him miserable, as Tom had to do when he graduated.
Severus could repeat all he wanted he didn’t care what others thought, but it was moment like those the ones that showed his deepest insecurities. He arrived to a luxurious restaurant with a man who was several years older and paid for his food. He wasn’t even dressed for the occasion. Tom cursed himself. He had not warned Severus to use a proper attire because he wanted it to be a surprise. It was all his fault.
“Severus, you are not one of them. You are my partner, and I love to spend money on you. It is my only way to repay you. You do not let me give you money in exchange of potions, this is the less I can do.”
“I live at your home for free,”
“You work hard and your potions are valuable. You deserve more than just accommodations. And you could live on your own, but I need you in my home, it is a live-in job.”
“Do not lie,”
“I am not lying.” Tom sighed, knowing he wouldn’t be able to convince Severus.
“You are tired.”
“It has been a long day.”
“You are tired of me,” Severus’ eyes were glued in the horizon, and Tom tightened his grip to give him some reassurance. “You were about to say it earlier.”
“Severus, my love, do not ever believe what I say if I am angry.
None of them spoke until the sun was down. The moon and the stars came and they continued staring at the sky.
He squeezed Severus hand, hating himself for breaking the moment. But they had been in the beach all day, and Narcissa would kill him if Severus lose more weight during the trip.
Severus turned to him, hesitating before asking. “Do you love me, Tom? Do you really?”
“Yes, Severus, I love you,”
Severus made a pause and squeezed his hand back. “Okay,”
“Okay,” repeats Tom as warm spread across his chest and his lips curved into a smile. It was incredible how a single word in the right time could change everything, and how a word so simple could be more powerful than an ‘I love you’ back.