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Nico was so overly in love, it was making his body ache.
He did love Will Solace.
Every inch of his mind told him not to.
His body would always push Will away whenever he wanted a hug, or would avoid high five when asked for. So much to where Will had stopped. He stopped, and Nico missed it.
He missed those unexpected hugs when he was talking to someone. How Will would sneak up on him when he had a break, his hands resting on Nico’s hips, his chin falling comfortably onto Nico’s shoulder.
He missed when the other would visit him in the middle of the night. Not bothering to wake him up as he snuck into Nico’s bed and slipped under the sheets. How he would pass out as if it were an everyday thing. The way his lips parted when he slept, or how his curls would get frizzy from rubbing against Nico’s pillows or completely hide his eyes due to him not styling his hair.
He missed his touch.
His hands.
His fingers.
His warmth.
Where did it all go? When did he push Will to his limit?
Nico stared at the blond in front of him. He noticed how Will always stood at least two feet away when talking to him. How he made sure to hold his hands together so he didnt get touchy, and trying his best not to show too much emotion or say the wrong thing. How whenever he thought he said something that could even slightly upset Nico, he would take another step away and suddenly avoid eye contact.
He missed his eyes.
His pale, blue, frustratingly beautiful eyes.
He missed the crinkles that would form when he smiled. The emotion that was so deeply expressed through his gaze.
He looked down to his feet. Will was wearing those stupid yellow sandals today. He hated those sandals so much. They made it so obvious that he was near. Whenever Nico spent his time in the infirmary, he would always know whenever Will was coming to visit his room because of how obnoxiously loud those sandals got.
He missed his presence.
He never saw Will anymore. Will had become so distant. He had dealt with Nico far longer than anyone ever has, and Nico finally plucked the last string. He pulled the last lever. He used the last arrow.
He had nothing now. Will never visited him whenever Nico ended up in the infirmary. He had noticed how Will began to send his siblings over to check on him as he focused on someone else. Nico didn't like that. Not at all.
He reached his hands out hesitantly, Will took a step back.
“Look, Nico.” He spread his hands out, “I’m just saying, i think it would be best if you--”
His voice was like an angel’s.
Have you ever heard Will sing?
Nico heard Will sing.
He was Godly.
His voice was madly persuasive. He felt himself listening to Will’s every command when he was too tired to fight back, even when he did have the strength he barely had the ability to hold himself back from the other’s pleads and wants.
‘It’s really cold, i wish i had a jacket.’ Will would whine, and Nico had to fight the urge not to take off his jacket for the other.
‘I always wanted someone to confess to me, love letters from a secret admirer is the one thing keeping me alive right now.’ He would say when the two were alone. Nico ended up writing a love letter that night. He wrote at neatly as he could, and made sure he had spelt every word right.
He never ended up giving Will the letter.
He had it hidden under his pillow, assuming Will would come visit him one night to fall asleep.
Will never visited him the night after he wrote the letter.
Nico blinked, sucking in a deep breath.
“So i think it would be better if you had tried to change your previous diet to a new one i had thought out. I made sure not to--”
“Will.”
The blond stopped, another step taken back. He wrung his hands nervously, gaze focusing on every inch of Nico’s body in what seemed like fear.
Nico had damaged him.
He had pushed this man away for so long, he had screamed at him, hit him, yelled at him, threatened him. All just so that he could hold up this idea that he would be unlovable.
He knew it was going to take awhile for Nico to gain Will’s trust back. He knew that he had to fix this friendship before he could anything else.
He knew he liked Will Solace.
All of his thoughts were of Will.
He thought of Will yesterday, he was thinking of Will today, and he planned on doing so tomorrow as well.
Nico had found himself so overly in love with this man named Will Solace.
But he was scared.
He was afraid.
How Will treated him wasn't right. He didn't deserve to be understood. He didn't deserve to be waited for. He didn't deserve patience, or kindness, or love, or affection.
He was still scared.
It was all too scary.
Love, affection, want.
He didn't think he deserved it.
Not today.
Not tomorrow.
Not yesterday.
Yet here Will was. Trying his best to help the other despite Nico only pushing him away more and more.
They were so connected.
The moon and the sun.
The light and the darkness.
The broken and the healed.
Yet, he couldn't feel that bond anymore.
He wanted it back.
Nico struggled to take a step forward. Will took a step back. Nico took another step forward. Will took another step back.
Nico paused, his gaze falling onto Will’s.
He took one last step forward.
Will didn't take one last step back.
“I..” He hesitated. His tongue felt numb. His hands were shaking.
He just wanted Will back.
He just wanted his Will back.
“Please,” The words were starting to slip out like honey.
“Please stop. Stop moving away.”
His voice was a whisper. He didn't know what he was doing. Why was he doing this?
“I need your touch, your praise, your care, your affection. Will, I need your love...your patience…”
He hesitated.
“I need you back. All I've done is hurt you, let me fix this. I can change. I promise you, I can make myself better for you.”
Will’s eyes glazed with tears.
He shook his head repeatedly, blond locks swaying back and forth across his forehead in swift movements.
“Nico,” Will’s words were barely above a whisper. “I can’t do this. We won’t...we won’t work out. We don’t work out.”
He looked towards the black haired male, careful hands spreading in front of him in a placating gesture.
“I have to go.”
With that, Will was off.
His love.
His affection.
His praise.
His care.
It all left with him.
Right there had his Will Solace left.
Right there had he lost his Will Solace forever.