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Your POV: I`ve been pretty insecure lately, seeing every boy becoming more masculine, deeper voices and start dating. What if I dont pass, what if no one thinks I am masculine enugh? These thoughts flew around my mind more and more. I`ve worn my comfort hoodie for five days straight now. I felt so bad, what makes it even worse is that I barely told anyone Im trans. The only people who know saihara, akamatsu and Kiibo. I know how supportive they are and that I can always trust them, no matter what. At least this made me feel just a bit better.
Today I was too unmotivated and dysphoric to even just attend class. I was sure I could find an excuse later. I was deep in thougts until I heard a light knock on my door. I tiredly got up and unlocked it, in front of me stood saihara with a backpack and a tiny smile on his face. "You werent in any classes today so I got a bit concerned and wanted to check in on you" knowing that saihara cares just makes me feel a bit better. He is such a kind and caring person.
"Do you may want to talk about how you feel" saihara asked. "Actually yea, thank you" I answered in a quietly and let him in. Saihara sat down on my bed, patting the spot next to him and put the backpack down. I slowly walked over to him and sat down too. "So tell me, whats wrong" "its about my dysphoria... I feel like Im not masculine enough, what if I dont pass? What if people make fun of me or even throw some transphobic comments? what if no one wants to be with me because they`d be too emberassed about me?" small tears start to build up in the corner of my eyes. Suddenly I felt saiharas hand on my shoulder.
"hey, I know I cant do anyhig to stop these thoughts but please listen to me and take notes in your head. You are a real boy. To me and to everyone else. Ever since you decided to tell me youre trans I never saw you different. Your voice is deep enough and you pass just great. It doesnt matter what clothes you wear, they arent masculine nor feminim. They are a piece of cloth and you feel comfortable in it. Thats all that matters. And if anyone decides to just hurt you in the slightest way kaede, kiibo and me will have a little talk with them. You are such a kind and helpful person, there are plenty od people who probably have a crush on you. I promise. And if you ever feel too unmotivated or dysphoric just tell us and we`ll cover you. your name is Y/N. And it will always be."
Hearing these words from saihara made me speechless, not only was this the first time I recivied such a compliment, but I also realized I have a crush on the blue haired boy. He smiled and reached into his backpack, pulling out the videogame we always play when I come over. "wanna beat some evil guys?" I laughed a bit and took a controller. We placed ourselves in front of the TV and started.
After we beat boss of the 3rd level Saihara took a deep breath and put down the controller. "Y/N?" I looked at him in confusion. "about this whole crush thing I might finally admit it. I love you. You are so funny and kind and helpful and-... You are just so handsome. When Im around you I feel comfortable. I understand you might dont feel the same, but you deserve to know it. I love you."
I looked at him for 30 seconds until I finally said something. "saihara.... I actually feel this too. You make me feel so happy and safe, like no one else ever could. You help me and care for me, no matter what, thank you. I love you too"
I gave him a slight smile and laid my head on his shoulder. He ran his hand over my shoulder, holding me close. I felt accepted. I felt safe.