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"Come on, Peko!" The call is briefly interrupted by the slam of a heavy entrance door, and she rushes to hold it open after the shorter boy has pushed it (she would have spared him the initial effort, but he likes to prove he can open it to begin with. Especially since last year, he hadn't even been able to budge it). "Let's blow this fuckin' popstand!"
As her Young Master steps into the blinding sunlight, she forces herself to move past the threshold to follow, despite every thought urging her to hesitate. Nerves coil in her stomach, resting uncomfortably heavily on top of another sensation in her abdomen. The one she'd been increasingly nagged by all day...
She brushes both feelings aside. Dwelling on them is unnecessary, and she needs to be fully alert for the walk home. After the many close calls with false limousine drivers and that harrowing trek through the mountains when they were younger, it had been decided by the Young Master's parents that returning from school by foot would be the safest strategy. There were dangers, yes, but there were also several advantages. Any would-be assaulters would have to come to them, giving them time to identify faces or call out to any potential citizens in the area. There were plenty of side-streets to run through, and areas to climb in order to gain the high ground. Most importantly, she had room to fully utilize her weapon and skill sets in combat, something that had been nearly impossible when trapped in cars. She had grown enough and gained the prowess to properly defend her Master, and she would not take that sacred duty lightly. If not for his parents' command, then for her own heart. If she were disowned, fired, and abandoned, she would still be more than willing to escort him…
That willpower is not quite enough to drown out the pulsing below her navel though, and she can't help but grimace.
Oh, if only she'd had a chance back inside the school…
Well, she had at one point, but it had been stolen from her. In the minutes just after lunch, the only brief period of time each day that she allotted herself to leave her Master's side, some hooligans had decided to try and pick a fight with him. Or perhaps he'd insulted them first. That was an equally-likely cause... She'd barely stepped out of the hallway before she'd heard shouting and had to come rushing back to disperse the cowards with well-placed punches and scathing threats. They would have been bloodied if her sword wasn't confined to resting inside her desk during class hours…
By the time she'd sent them all running off and debated with irate teachers in order to prove their own innocence, the bell had rung to call them both back to their classroom. A prison for the rest of the day, one she'd barely been able to concentrate in. Every passing hour had made her discomfort worse and worse, until she was fidgeting around in her seat and only capable of unintelligible scribbles on her note sheets. Thank God she always sat behind her Master, so he hadn’t been able to see her. By the final bell she'd nearly leapt from her chair, only for her stomach to sink with the knowledge that she had to gather her possessions and follow her Master outside as soon as possible.
She would never begrudge her Master, of course. It had simply been poor timing, and now she had to endure the consequences.
She keeps her gaze strictly on the concrete ahead of them as they begin their journey. There is no looking back, and allowing her eyes to wander towards the various convenience stores or underground mall entrances lining their path would only torture her. Besides, she cannot allow her attention to stray, lest she lose sight of any potential threats.
She is used to enduring difficult situations. She could allow herself to have the relief she craved as soon as they made it to their destination, but not before then. And she couldn't allow the Young Master to pick up on her distress. It would be unprofessional.
And horribly embarrassing!
No, she would rather end her life here and now than allow him to witness her in such a state! He absolutely couldn’t find out!
~~~
“Peko. Hey, Peko!”
A finger snaps at chest level, and she can’t help but start, eyes wide as she glances down at her Master. He’s still walking, but he’s turned to face her, and the expression on his face isn’t pleased. She swallows the gasp of surprise that wants to jump from her throat. “Yes, Master? Do you require anything?”
“I get you’re on ‘high alert’ or whatever, but would it fuckin’ kill you to respond when I’m talking to you? There isn’t much damn traffic right now, you shouldn’t have to listen that hard.”
She bites back a sigh of relief, dipping down to bow at him. She almost wishes she didn’t have to straighten back up. “My apologies, sir. If you would be so kind as to repeat yourself, I swear to listen intently this time!” So he believes that her lack of attention was due to her focus on the scenery around them. It's a convenient excuse, but a pang of guilt runs through her anyways. If she was not only missing her Master’s conversation, but also hadn’t noticed the traffic had thinned, then she was doing a horrific job…
It has only been around fifteen minutes since we left. I cannot allow myself to be so careless!
“You’d better! If I wanted to talk to a brick wall, I’d stop walking and chat it up with one of the buildings we’ve been passing!” Her Master rolls his eyes, turning back around as she starts to walk after him again. “I was asking what you thought of that bullshit history test we had today.”
The test? She… can't remember much about it. Most of that hour had been a blur of staring at the clock on the wall and tapping her pencil. She already knows her grade is going to be in stark contrast to her usual quality, and she's dreading the conversation with their teacher later. She hopes they don't call the Young Master's parents to report that she's been slipping…
But her Master isn't expecting her to say that. She can never admit that to him. Any weakness is inexcusable.
"It was in line with what I was expecting." she says instead, and it isn't entirely a lie. The questions had matched the material she'd studied weeks beforehand, even if she had been unable to remember the answers. "Were the notes I wrote for you adequate?"
"I'm sure they woulda' been, if I'd bothered to read the fuckin' things." Her Master shrugs with a huff, and she isn't surprised. "When do they think we're ever gonna use any of that shit? It's pointless. History's in the past for a damn reason, y'know? So why bother? I've got better shit to do with my time, in the here and now!"
Ordinarily, she might disagree with that sentiment. One could learn many useful skills from the knowledge previous generations had passed on. The art of war and combat, for instance. Or the history of his family’s legacy.
However, in this moment, she finds herself feeling just as bitter about the wasted time. It is selfish to think, even for a second, that her own time is valuable, especially compared to her Master’s. To think for a moment that this important escort mission is pointless, to fantasize about what else she could accomplish… it is despicable.
“Once we reach your home, you will be able to do whatever you please, Master.” she offers, as equal an attempt at comforting herself as it is for him.
“Yeah-fuckin’-right....” he grumbles, spitting onto the pavement. “I’m sure they’ll find some bullshit lesson or lecture to put me through. Always gotta be prepared when you’re next in line, right?”
“I am certain you will excel.” Her Master is improving every day, after all. Even if he still requires her assistance for numerous things…
“Whatever.” he mutters, shaking his head and refocusing his attention forwards. “There’s no point talking about this shit. Let’s just go…”
He’s clearly annoyed with her, and despite the other pains preoccupying her body, she still finds room for the pit in her stomach. Her comfort hasn’t worked, but that isn’t a surprise. How can she ever hope to comfort someone when she doesn’t know how to smile, doesn’t know how to be a person? Her role is to be the Master’s physical protector. That is all.
The only way to atone for her actions is to continue to do her job to the very best of her ability. She may fail him in the art of conversation or emotional support, but she refuses to fail him in this...
~~~
She refuses to fail him in this. However, that trek through the mountains seems like childs’ play compared to the journey still ahead. It’s taking all of her motivation just to place one foot in front of another. She finds herself cursing every walkway where they’re forced to pause and wait for vehicles to pass, and also cursing further every step they take when there’s no reason to pause. Neither movement nor rest is preferable, merely two opposite forms of torment battling for her attention.
The pain is so extreme now that she's starting to feel ill. Her lower back is aching, and she knows in her gut that isn't a good sign, but she still can't afford to stop. If her kidneys take damage, so be it. Any damage to her own body pales in comparison to the pain she would feel if her Master was injured or taken because of her negligence. To abandon him for such a reason would be selfish.
She forces herself to keep walking, not breaking or slowing her stride even as a stream of heat fills her underwear, soaking the fabric, but thankfully not spilling out of it. Yet. The encompassing warmth is teasing, making every muscle burn with agony and threatening her resolve, begging her to give in to temptation. But she cannot, and she will not.
We should be nearly halfway there by now.
God, is that all?
She has no idea what her Young Master’s been speaking to her about, nor can she remember which answers she’s been giving in reply. Every aspect of her being is running in pure survival mode, simultaneously straining her senses to be aware of her surroundings, and yet block out as much stimuli as she can. She’s managing to keep him safe though, at least. She’s stopped him from stepping into the street once, and blocked him from tripping over a broken bottle when she nearly cut her foot on the shards.
She has to bite back a hum of amusement at his concern over that. It would be foolish for him to worry about her in any regard, but in this particular circumstance, a bloodied shoe would have been preferable. She is marginally aware he is still looking at her as they keep walking, but she keeps her gaze focused on the path ahead.
Two thirds… I believe we are two thirds of the way there now...
The pain has tears springing to her eyes, but she holds them back with roughly as much success as the dam below. Watery heat, but not spilling from the ducts to betray her. She cannot prevent the sheen of sweat beading upon her face though, and she's aware her complexion has likely taken on that akin to a sickly patient in the hospital.
She is beginning to believe she would have felt fitter and moved more easily with an open stab wound spilling from her chest and a pole sticking out of her back.
Another gush of urine slips past her control and she wants to howl, such is the sharp pain shooting through her body when she cuts off the flow. Her carefully managed breathing falters, an involuntary gasp that can only be brought on by extreme stimuli. She can't stop, forcing her legs to keep moving even though every human instinct is begging her to curl into a ball and whimper. If she freezes up now, she'll be entirely unable to take another step. The only way she has a chance is to grit her teeth and continue the agonizing crawl to her Master's home.
It doesn't matter how much she suffers, or even if she disgraces herself here. A tool can suffer scratches and dents, so long as it doesn't break completely. As long as she escorts her Master home safely, then she's accomplished her sole function and intended purpose. Any other successes or failures were unrelated and unimportant.
If her Master becomes disgusted by her, thinks she is lower than the filthiest dog, then that will be her burden to bear. He has no obligation to spare her feelings or pay her respect. His only obligation is to not leave her side, but that can still be accomplished even if he despises her for every moment they remain in each other's vicinity.
Her thoughts are interrupted by fingers being snapped and a throat clearing.
"Hey! Earth to Peko! Can we stop for a few minutes?"
"Master, I made a vow to the lord and lady that I would bring you to the drop-off point by six o'clock on the hour. If you were to miss your dinner, the consequences would be unforgivable. Your development requires proper nourishment and-"
"Fuck dinner! If I wanna eat I'll grab some shit from the convenience store or the stash under my bed! Besides, my legs are fuckin' tired!"
At this, she knows she has to pause, and as she does so her bladder's weight increases twofold. Even with her best efforts to remain stoic, her posture has to adjust to survive carrying the burden. Like magnets being forced together but never quite touching, her knees tremble where she holds them apart, though they long to knock together. The toes of her shoes point slightly inwards, the only allowance she'll give for her form to curl in on itself. Her fingers twitch, longing to reach for the one place she explicitly cannot touch in the Master's presence, and she prays it will only be mistaken for eagerness to pull out her sword for training.
Still, she doesn't allow her expression to acknowledge any of these miniscule abnormalities, simply dipping her head as she addresses her Master. "My apologies sir, I should have been more aware of your condition! Allow me to carry you!" Just the idea makes her want to sob, a cold stone of dread sinking in her stomach. But if he needs to rest, she will take on his weight just as easily as her own.
" What?!? Fuck off! I don't need to be carried like a damn baby! God! "
"Forgive me Master, I mean no offense, but if you are tired-"
"For fuck's sake, Peko! Cut the goddamn bullshit already!"
Ordinarily, she is never caught off guard by what her Master does or says. She likes to think she knows him well, possibly even more-so than he knows himself. However, in this moment, the exasperation and fury on his face is baffling, and try as she might, she can't discern what she has done to cause it.
" Master? " she queries carefully, and though her voice does not shake or strain, her eyes blink wide as she struggles to analyze him. She will gladly accept whatever lecture he is ready to lash upon her, but it is imperative she clarifies her wrongdoing, so as not to repeat it.
He growls, once again overcome with more rage than his compact form is able to contain. "How many fuckin' hints do I have to drop!?!" he snaps, stomping one foot on the pavement. " I'M not the one who needs a break here!"
At that statement and his withering gaze, the pit in her stomach drops even further than she thought possible. His words cut deeper than any physical torment, and the heat of shame threatens to boil her where she stands. So he knows. Of course her Master knows. Her Master isn't foolish… not as foolish as she herself is for allowing this disgrace to happen at all.
Despite every impulse to the contrary, she straightens her posture and maintains a calm aura. If she only knew how to smile, perhaps she could offer one to ease his tension, but that is not possible. She must merely hope her words are enough.
"Master, my own condition is none of your concern. I assure you I will not be incapacitated in combat, and I am more than capable of enduring any pain-"
She doesn't get to finish speaking before he all but snarls at her, storming forwards to lean up and look her in the eyes. "Stop fucking lying to my face! I didn't ask if you could endure it! You shouldn't be in this mess in the first place!" Her Master's arm lashes to the side, as if he can swat away her wrongdoings with an angry enough swipe.
"You are correct, Master. My sincerest apologies, I should never have allowed myself to get into this state." she agrees, bowing down to meet his gaze, and doing her utmost not to exhale at the sharp sting the action brings. It is growing increasingly difficult, and despite her best efforts, her voice trembles with the strain. She refuses to let her tears fall, although she is certain the fact that they are brimming at all is cause enough for her to lose face. "It was unprofessional and an inconvenience to you. I will make sure to halve my intake in the future, and when we arrive at our destination I will punish myself-"
" Shut the fuck up! That's not what I meant, damn it! Why are you so goddamn dense?!? " Her Master finally buries his head in his hands to muffle a scream of rage, and she has never felt more remorseful. To cause him such frustration is unforgivable, she should impale herself with her own sword right this moment! "Listen, I'm your Master, right? You'll listen to and do whatever the fuck I say?"
"Of course! Your every whim is my command, and my sole objective is to ensure your health and happiness."
"Then as your Master, I order you to go squat in that damn alley before you piss yourself, you fuckin' dumbass!” His wild gestures have swung towards a darkened, narrow space behind them, one of many they had apparently passed since escaping the more crowded areas of town. It is unwelcoming, filthy, and an excellent place for him to be kidnapped. She curses herself for not paying more attention to its existence earlier.
“ M-Master! ” She shouldn’t stutter, shouldn’t speak back at all, but everything about this is so overwhelming that she cannot bring herself to act gracefully. Her face is burning, waves of ill-heat and dizziness threatening to buckle her legs where she’s standing. Her heart is pounding within her throat, and inhaling is a struggle. To do something so indecent in his presence- His opinion of her as a person doesn’t matter, she knows that, but still- “If I leave your side, you’ll be vulnerable! I cannot allow that!” she tries, which is true.
“Then I guess I’m coming into the damn alley with you, dipshit.” His cheeks puff up with hot air, and she feels as if her very skin is going to singe off of the bone. He is already storming off and snapping for her to follow. “I’ll stand right here so you can guard me. So hurry the fuck up before someone comes around!”
I can’t. I can’t do this. I can’t.
There is no arguing against her Master. Not in general, and certainly not when he is like this.
I can’t.
That is a selfish justification. The truth of the matter is she is exceedingly relieved to be pitied and thrown this bone, even if it humiliates her to her very core. Hot spurts of liquid have been steadily trickling down her thighs while they’ve been here discussing the matter, and the pulses between her legs have been so sharp and strong that she has finally lost control of her posture, shuffling lightly from one foot to another.
I can’t hold it any longer!
“V-Very well!” she chokes out, wincing at what a high pitch her voice has reached. Pathetic, snivelling, and far from the protector she is supposed to be. She’s nothing more than a blushing, pitiful schoolgirl! Even so, she can’t stop herself from all but bolting past him and into the cover of the grimy shadow of a dumpster, having not a second to waste as she struggles with her uniform. “If… I-If that is what you wish!”
“Yeah yeah, it’s my wish.” Her Master rolls his eyes before he turns, leaning against a nearby wall with his gaze off to the side. “Just let me know when you’re done.”
There is no real point to that statement, given that there is absolutely no noise in this alleyway beyond the two of them. He is able to hear everything, and there is nothing either of them can do about it without compromising his surveillance. She refuses to ask him to cover his ears for that reason, and he seems to understand, not even attempting it despite his increasingly reddened face. Her urine is already splattering onto the pavement before she can get into a proper position, intermittent trickles swiftly pouring down to form puddles once she manages to squat and pull her clothing out of the way. Her thighs are quivering so badly she nearly collapses, having to support herself against the wall with one trembling hand, and her ragged breaths cannot be silenced no matter how she tries, soon giving way to a few unprofessional moans.
I feel like I’m going to melt.
After so many hours of her body being pushed to the absolute pinnacle of its physical limits, the relief is all-encompassing, bringing her to a state of near delirium. Every muscle and nerve is astonishingly sensitive, so much so that the initial moments of her lost control border on a strange combination of pleasure and pain, the scalding torrent hissing past her lips in much the same way her own breath hisses from her mouth. She has to bite her lip against a whimper as the swollen lump in her abdomen blissfully begins to deflate, the cruel bind of her waistbands relinquishing their choking grip. Her entire body feels entirely too hot, but the warmth isn’t as sickening as it had been before, washing over her in a wave that is almost comforting. A slight shiver crawls up her spine, and as the moments drag on, she finds herself unable to help closing her drooping eyes, leaning her sweat-soaked head against the wall.
I needed this so badly. Thank you, Master.
She doesn’t deserve such a generous out after her appalling behaviour today, but nonetheless, she is exceedingly grateful. Though her clothes are still slightly damp, they will hopefully dry soon enough on the rest of their trek to his home. And this was indeed preferable to the inevitable drenching of herself on a public street…
Yes… no matter how determined she was, she wouldn't have managed to wait a moment longer than this, that much was clear. Even now, as the hissing fills her ears, she can't manage to slow her stream at all. She cannot clench a single exhausted muscle, powerless to do anything but sit here and feel her personal waterfall flood out of her, stray droplets from the impact of the pavement bouncing back up to dampen her thighs and socks. She can do nothing but feel the increasingly numb tingling in her abdomen, or the way her chest heaves for breath. She is dimly aware of a hint of drying sliva on the corner of her slackened jaw, and her ears burn at the thought.
She had been carrying her burden for what felt like eternity. Now, the unsaddling of that burden seems nearly as tortuous a fate, each second stretching on longer than she cares to make sense of. Minutes. Seconds. Hours. It doesn't matter how long she remains crouched here. This is the most mortifying, most relieving moment of her life regardless.
Slowly, finally , the river flowing from her ceases, and she cracks her bleary eyes back open. It takes considerable effort to heave herself to her feet again, every muscle quaking like she’ll collapse into gelatin. Her stamina must be trained in the future to account for events like this, she decides, exhaling uneasily as she regains her bearings. Awareness after so long of blocking out the world around her is a shocking experience, and now that the bliss of her relief is over, she has the full capacity for the shame filling her core. Fire blazes in her stomach as she tucks her clothing back into place as best she can and stares at the back of her Master, any words she wishes to speak dying within her throat. Blinking back the stray tears from the corners of her eyes, she coughs once, forcing herself to stand tall despite the trembling in her thighs.
“The, uh… Th-The task is complete, Master.” She cringes at the crack in her voice, and swallows the lump in her throat before she tries again. “Shall I resume your escort?”
He seems to be struggling between whether to stare at her or avoid her gaze entirely, his eyes flashing over her intermittently before taking in any part of the alley he can focus on instead, and she cannot blame him. She is certain she’s an absolute disgrace right now. His jaw tenses, his tongue working through his cheek as he debates his words, brows furrowed.
"How's your stamina?" he mutters. "And don't fucking lie."
It shouldn't be possible for her face to burn any brighter, or for her voice to threaten to leave her again, but both of those occur anyways. He doesn't need to ask, and why he bothers to do so is beyond her. Does he just want to hear her confirm her weakness with her own mouth?
"I-I… I'm capable of escorting you the rest of the way." She has to direct her gaze to the pavement, though that is an equally humiliating thing to stare at. "My… movement is no longer hampered, s-so… There will not be further trouble. I assure you, Master!" She has to confirm that much, at least. That is what he is truly asking. She may be slightly tired, but with her 'condition' cured, the rest of this trek won't be anything she cannot handle. No strain could be greater than what she has just experienced, and when she finds the courage to glance back up at him and nod firmly, he seems to accept her answer, if begrudgingly.
“Alright. Let's get the fuck out of this dump then." Shoving his hands in his pockets, he strides past her, and she quickly follows him back into the light of a side street. After a few moments of blinking, she comes to realize that it does not seem to be the same way they had come. It isn't a dangerous area, necessarily, but it is considerably less travelled. Before she can alert him to this fact, he holds a hand up to stop her from reaching for her sword. "It's fine. I know where we're going."
"Master, this route will take us considerably longer to reach your-"
" So what? " he scoffs, raising an eyebrow at her. "Fuck curfew." Stretching, he gestures towards the empty streets around them, and the hints of vegetation they pass. "The sun's out, there's a decent breeze. We're taking the scenic route, Peko. So shut up and enjoy it, alright? Damn."
True to his orders, she swallows any further protest with a quiet nod, letting her lips tighten back into the flat line that is ever-present upon her face. If the Young Master wants to kill time meandering in pleasant weather such as this, she doesn't have any right to complain.
Besides… if she is honest, the warm breeze is rather nice, ruffling lightly through her hair and wicking some of the dampness from her skin and clothing. Though she is more alert than any other time on their walk home today, she finds that she is also far more relaxed. There will be time to worry about what she will say about their lateness to his parents later, but, for now she is content with this.
This… truly isn't a bad way to end the afternoon...