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When Shane realized that he was in love with the Farmer, he’d been conflicted.
On one hand, he had his doubts. But on the other hand, he couldn’t say he was surprised.
When Darcy had moved into the old, abandoned farm, the whole town buzzed about it. But he didn’t care, he was sure she would just be another person to silently judge him for drinking every night and generally being a fuck up.
But she never did.
He would be the first to admit that when he first met her, he was an asshole. He’d had his guard up, even though she smiled at him when she introduced herself, a genuine smile, one that lit up her eyes and almost made him regret his attitude.
She was very annoying, in those first few weeks. She seemed to make it a point to say hello to him everyday, just as she did with everyone else in town. It seemed exhausting. But she seemed like a ball of never-ending positive energy, and if being so social took a toll on her, he never saw it.
One night, though, she came into the Saloon like always, looking tired and worn down. When she spotted him, she beamed, but she still seemed… off, somehow. Not herself. He likened it to a cloud passing over the sun on an overcast day.
“Hey,” she said, sliding into the barstool beside where he was slumped over the counter. She flagged down Emily, and ordered two beers. When he looked at her questioningly, she gave him a wry smile. “I’ve been looking for you. Happy birthday!”
Shane blanched. He completely forgot his own birthday. As if she read his mind, sliding his beer over to him after Emily set them down, she chuckled.
“Creeps up on you, eh?” She took a sip of her own beer, making a face. He realized that he’d never seen her drink beer before. She almost always got either coffee (which he could never understand, given that it was always early evening and he knew that he would be up all night if that were him) or, if she did get an alcoholic beverage, it was always a simple rum and cola.
His hand closed around the handle of his mug and he hummed in agreement. “I almost forgot how old I am, too.”
“I always forget how old I am. Always remember a year too late. If I ever tell you my age, add a year to it.”
He noticed how hoarse her voice was; usually, it wasn’t. Usually, it was bright and melodic. But there was something wrong.
“Are you alright?”
Clearly, she hadn’t expected that. She stopped, her mug halfway to her mouth, and simply blinked at him a few times in confusion, her mouth a thin line.
And then she replied, “of course I’m fine.”
He was not convinced. He decided to try a different angle.
“Darcy, you look like shit.”
It was a gamble, and he knew it, but there wasn’t really any other way to put it. He just hoped that her good nature and bafflingly optimistic attitude would see that he was just concerned for her.
To his relief, she breathed out a laugh, a real one. “Caught me there. I guess I’m just… tired.”
“Just tired?”
“Exhausted. Damn, Shane, I was not expecting this from you tonight.”
He shrugged. He, too, was little confused at exactly why he cared, but he chalked it up to owing her after she bought him a drink on a birthday he’d completely forgotten about. But that didn’t explain why he actually felt a little concerned for her. He decided to ignore that.
She sighed. “I’m not meant to be working on a farm, you know. I worked in an office for ten years. I have noodles for arms and I really don’t know what I’m doing. I lost half my field of crops and I’ve had to work way past dark the last couple of days to get more planted before the end of the season and my money runs out.”
“And you bought me a drink?!” Shane was alarmed at this. “Darcy, I’m no economist, but I really don’t think it’s a good idea to be buying someone a drink if you’re going to run out of money in two weeks…”
She waved him off with a tired smile. “I’ll have more money soon, promise. Just have to wait for the crops to grow. I have enough for one drink, Shane, it’s fine.”
Shane’s mouth formed a thin line. He could feel how tight it was on his face.
He just didn’t know why.
The look was enough to have her throwing her hands up in defeat.
“Oh, my God, Shane! Fine!” she exclaimed. “I shouldn’t be buying you a drink, no. There are lots of other things I could be spending the money on. But I don’t want to be spending my money on other things. I want to spend it on you, on your birthday.”
“Why?” he blurted out without thinking. “Why would you do that?”
“What do you mean, why would I do that?” She seemed genuinely confused by his confusion. “It’s your birthday. One that you forgot, I might add. Of course I was gonna get you something.”
Of course? What the hell was that supposed to mean?
She just gave him another smile from the side of her mouth and drained her mug of beer. When Emily came over with the tab, they both reached for it at the same time, his hand landing on top of hers.
He looked up at the same time that she did, and they stared at each other for a moment.
“I’m paying this bill, Shane,” she said, her voice determined.
He shook his head. “No, it’s fine, I’ve got it.”
“I am PAYING this bill, SHANE.”
“...Fine.” He moved his hand away from the bill. Triumphant, she dug around in her pockets for the money to drop on the bar. When Emily came to collect it, she directed a small wink his way that Darcy didn’t see.
Whatever that was supposed to mean.
Darcy got up, stretched, and looked back at him.
“Oh, I just remembered,” she said, her tired eyes suddenly bashful. “The Flower Dance is coming up.”
“Yeah, guess it is.”
“Are you going?”
What a weird question. “Yeah, I guess. Jas always wants to go, and there’s usually really good food.”
“Oh, that’s cool.”
She didn’t say anything else, but it didn’t look like she was going to leave, either. Like she didn’t know what to do next. It was odd to see such a sight from her.
“Are you gonna go?” he asked, hoping that perhaps he could make some of the awkwardness go away. She nodded.
“Yeah, I think so.” She paused to chew the inside of her lip for a moment. “Do you… uh… do you have a dance partner?”
Shane was, once again, completely baffled, until he glanced at Emily, who was leaned against the bar with a sly smirk on her face.
And then he wondered: did Darcy like him?
He didn’t quite know what to do. He felt his face burn, the room was suddenly a hundred degrees. There was no way that someone like her could be interested in him. But at the same time, he didn’t know what else it could be.
“No… I don’t…”
“I could be your dance partner.”
Though he was half expecting this, he was still shocked. He looked at her, searched her face in case this was maybe some kind of joke, but she looked so genuine, so earnest, and he knew she meant it.
“Um. Sure. Yeah. Sure.”
She left him with a small smile, and he didn’t stay much longer either, not able to stand the smarmy look on Emily’s face. Of course she’d heard the whole thing. And, being his only friend in town, she was loving this. She’d seen him through a few attempts at romance, and watched every time as it never worked out.
His head swam with thoughts once he was home that night, alone in his dark room. Thoughts of Darcy, about the farm, about what they could be…
He had doubts, of course. He had doubts even when they danced together in the clearing, even when she dragged him all the way to the clinic when he’d had far too much to drink, even when he finally broke down and began to see a therapist who urged him to leave the doubts about her behind, and even when he took her to a Tunnelers game, kissed her, and she kissed him back so fiercely he thought his heart would explode.
When he realized he loved her, those doubts buzzed around his head and kept him up at night. Everytime she looked at him, something would nag in the back of his brain about her. It was unbearable sometimes, but he could never tell her.
The doubt buried into his skin when she presented him with a delicate mermaid pendant, and he was shocked into silence when she choked up asking him to marry her. Surely, she didn’t want to marry him.
“I’m too old for you.”
“Oh, I didn’t realize we were considering three and a half years a significant age gap now.”
“I don’t have a job anymore.”
“You’re literally a farmer, too.”
When he opened his mouth to formulate his next excuse, she sighed.
“Shane, if you don’t want to marry me, then just say no.”
He didn't say anything for a moment, feeling guilty for making her feel this way. He knew she loved him, and he definitely knew he loved her. But the doubt gnawed at him, made him speak without thinking.
“I just…” He frowned. “You can do so much better than me, you know?”
She looked at him like she didn’t understand what he was talking about. “But I love you.”
For a moment, the feelings of apprehension faded. He saw this for what it was. She wanted to be with him. And he just had to learn to let her.
Three days later, at their wedding, Darcy gave him a smile he’d never seen before, and his heart nearly stopped in his chest.
They were married.
When he looked around at how full her farmhouse looked - no, their house - with his things strewn about with hers, his heart felt full. He hadn’t realized he was smiling until she pointed it out and asked what was on his mind.
“Just thinking about you,” he replied dreamily.
She seemed shocked. “Oh? What about me?”
“Just how much I love you.”
“God, what a sap… tell me more about me, please.”
He didn’t think there was any happiness in the world that could ever compare to this.
Until Darcy came to him one morning, a year after their wedding, with a shy smile on her face and her hands hidden behind her back. He was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking homemade orange juice and eating some fresh eggs. He raised an eyebrow at her.
“What have you got there?” he asked, gesturing with his shoulder to her hidden hands. For some reason, her face turned red.
“It’s a surprise,” she said, her voice quiet. It worried him, a little.
Until she approached the table and placed what was in her hands in front of him.
At first, he was confused about the object put in front of him. He cocked his head to the side, wondering what it was, when he was overwhelmed by the sudden memory of his best friend plunking this exact object down in front of him, giddy and excited, eight months before Jas was born.
A pregnancy test. And not just any pregnancy test. A positive pregnancy test.
His head snapped up, eyes met hers. They were glassy - she’d been crying, or at least, was about to. She gave him a watery smile.
After a few moments of silence, she let out a small laugh, a nervous titter. “You gonna say anything?”
He meant to, he wanted to, but all he could do was let out a laugh of his own. Then another. Then another, as he got up from his chair, nearly knocking it over with the force of his legs. And then another, louder, longer, as he wrapped her in his arms and spun her around.
He was going to be a dad. He was going to be a dad.
He was going to be a dad with the woman he loved more than anything in the world.
But as much as the thought made his heart swell with happiness, the clawed hand of his former doubts wormed its way back in.
He’d be a dad, sure, but would he be good? He’d never even held a baby, except once when he held Jas. And then he thought of Jas… no matter how many times someone told him otherwise, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d failed her. He couldn’t even think of a reason anymore; since moving to the farm with him, she’d begun to finally come out of her shell, to thrive. But he still couldn’t make the feeling go away.
What if he fucked the kid up somehow? What if they ended up like him, before he’d met Darcy?
There was no way that his child would turn out okay. He just knew there wasn’t.
But then a warm hand on the side of his face, pulling him down into a kiss, reminded him that it wasn’t just him anymore. Despite the doubt, she was here. He held her closer, the smile returning to his lips against hers.
“Jas is gonna freak,” she told him, pulling away slightly and resting her forehead on his. “Been bugging me for months now for a sister.”
When their baby was born (a girl, to Jas’s predictable delight), Shane felt his world zero in on the tiny human as Harvey placed her in his arms. Beside him, Darcy rested her tired head on his shoulder, peering over at the little one.
“Look at that,” she said, her voice strained from screaming during the birth. She reached out, played with the tuft of dark hair peeking out from the blanket. “We have a baby.”
“We have a baby,” Shane repeated, just daring the doubt to creep in again as his wife sat beside him, their daughter in his arms. He looked over, pressed a kiss to Darcy’s sweaty forehead. “I love you.”
“Oh, Shane. I love you, too.”
*~*
Several years later…
“Oh, my God, dad! You’re embarrassing me!”
Shane chuckled and pulled his daughter even closer, his grin bigger as Darcy snapped pictures of the two of them on her graduation day at Zuzu University. It had been a long drive into the city for this, and they were all tired, but nothing could stamp down the pride he felt.
“Oh come on, Layla,” he said. “It’s not every day my little girl graduates university, is it? Let me have this!”
Layla rolled her eyes, but relented, the grin on his face too infectious to ignore. “You literally said the exact same thing to Jas when she graduated.”
“And I’ll say the same thing again when your sister graduates,” he replied. “Maybe not your brother. The way he’s going, he’ll be graduating a lot.”
“If Doctor Harvey is to be believed, at least three times, yes,” Ethan affirmed, pushing his glasses up his nose. “But I plan to have a much broader scope than him, so likely more.”
“Nerd.” Ethan’s twin, Elizabeth, earned an elbow to the arm from her mother for her quiet comment.
“Be nice to your brother,” Darcy scolded. “No making a scene, it’s your sister’s big day!”
Shane didn’t know what Elizabeth retorted with. He watched his family squabble, Layla joining in, with a smile on his face.
It had been a long time since he felt the doubt. It plagued him when Layla was a baby, forcing him to fret over every single thing. But as she got older, it began to ebb away, leaving room for more love than he’d ever known. Then, seven years later, when the twins were born, it disappeared completely.
Through it all, Darcy was there. She never had any doubt, he knew that for certain. She was patient with him while he worked through the crushing feelings of inadequacy, and never wavered.
As the three siblings continued to bicker, she looked up at him and smiled. Though Elizabeth was little more than a blur of brown hair flitting in front of her mother as she hurled insults at her brother and sister, Darcy stood still, grin plastered on her face.
And in that moment, he had to wonder why he’d ever doubted at all.