Chapter Text
At age 12 Yuuri sees something that changes his life in such a profound way that nothing, he believes, will ever be as impactful.
Victor Nikiforov
Yuuko Toyomura, the Madonna of Ice Castle Hasetsu, is his biggest idol even after years on the ice and him being better than her most of the time, her smile is what makes skating fun, makes Nishigori less ‘not fun’ and leaves his cheeks and ears red with more than just cold.
The day after Victor's gold at the Bulgarian Junior World Championship, Yuuko finds the video of his routine, and begs Yuuri to skate it with her… it becomes a week-long project, none of them any closer when the 14th of march rolls around.
It’s a beautiful clear Sunday, but all Yuuri is hearing is the drum of his heart and his breath panting out… but it doesn´t seem to stop, the tight knot in his throat grips hold of him… he wants to say something to Yuuko, but when he turns towards her, he feels dizzy.
Yuuko, of course, sees this and skates over to him, she´s asking him if he´s okay, and really he is.. he is just tired and he wants to lie down.
After convincing her that everything is okay, Yuuko excuses herself to go to the restroom… where she calls the Katsuki inn…
That is also how Mari learns about it, and her gaze when he comes home, not angry or disappointed, but not any less intimidating, is plastered on him until she, in a deadpan Yuuri knows is only for show, ask him what happened.
He tells her nothing but knows that Mari knows, Yuuri is a smart kid but Mari is smarter, his silence all the more telling.
It happens from time to time, but with everything else not related to skating, Yuuri shoved it aside and loses himself to the cold of the rink and the sounds of the blades. It drowns him, but this darkness is one he created himself and one he has the best chance of getting out of.
The posters that decorate his walls remind him why he does it, why it matters, and why this is still… maybe not fun anymore, but something that gives him something to hold on to… the ice grounds him…
Victor grounds him.
After turning 15, his life is about skating, which had been a reason to stay with Yuuko (who, despite what she says, is totally in love with Nishigori), has changed into competitions, about winning gold and making people proud.
Nothing happens in Hasetsu, it’s a little town where people know each other and everyone is fine with tradition and being remembered for nothing but their hot springs. But that changed with Yuuri, after his mother’s old classmate came back and took him in as a student, and saw what an amazing talent the shy boy was.
She had helped him, given the ‘thing’ inside him a name and tools to work with it, rather than against it.
He´s not exactly sure, but privately he thinks that Mari was the one that set him and Minako up. Because Mari had tried, with eyes that told so much if you just took the time to look, and a voice that hid something deeper and more tender than she never showed to anyone but Yuuri.
Mari wasn´t like Yuuri, but in many regards, she was exactly like him… and that was why she could only do so much before she too felt like words were not enough.
She was, still, the one person Yuuri told everything to… and he knew that most of it, Mari told Minako.
When he returns from another competition, bronze in hand, his mom and dad are all over him. They know next to nothing about skating, but they are proud, and Yuuri wants to believe it, he really does.
He sits there, quietly shifting into the background, slowly sinking into the tatami mat to just observe.
He does that when things get too loud. When the fuzz in his head begins to drown voices… he knows that the ‘thing’ is on its way and detaching himself from others helps him enough to look over at Mari who nods and takes him outside.
“Congrats”, she says sometime later, the air is cold but Yuuri loves it, cold means fresh... fresh means outside, and outside is not inside. He doesn’t look at her but he nods and has to compose himself once again before he lifts his head and looks at her.
“Thank you,” he says with a plastic smile that isn’t fooling her, “can you tell that I´m going to bed, it´s been a long day and I’m really tired.”
Mari lifts her brow, yeah she not buying it, but she still lets him have his way, ready to pounce like a tiger if someone comes to his room… because the tears Mari has seen tonight, is nothing compared to the ones that will come as soon as her baby brother has shut himself in his room.
One late evening Yuuri returns home with Minako dragging him along, and when the news of Yuuri´s new coach, scholarship, and move to America the coming year is happily announced, Yuuri can´t stop a faint smile to creep up.
The smile, however, turns into an anxiety attack on a toilet at Ice Castle some hours later, because he´s gonna leave them all behind and go to a completely new place, on the other side of the planet no less.
But it also gives him the opportunities he needs to see Victor… Yuuri is 17 and has the biggest crush on living legend Victor Nikiforov and the mere thought that he'll be closer to him fills him with as much excitement as it does anxiety.
“I told mom and dad you went on a run, and I would get you home before midnight”, Mari knocks on the toilet door, gently but in the dark of the bathroom it echoes, and Yuuri is equaled parts happy and terrified that Mari is there, “so don´t worry about it, okay?”
Ten minutes later, he sheepishly opens the door, twiddling his fingers and does not catch her eyes, but after some time he mumbles a weak “thanks” and follows her home as the reality of him moving to America begins to make sense to him…