Chapter Text
chapter 1 - at the end of the cold winter, you who's waiting for me
A sitcom drones on in the background, fading into white noise. Juyeon can barely hear the words being said, mind drifting off as his eyelids start to droop, sleep slowly pulling him under. He’s on the verge of dozing off when his doorbell rings, the high pitched chime snapping him right out of his drowsiness.
His head jerks and he sits up, squinting at the door. “Who is it?” he calls out, slightly irritated and a little confused - he isn’t expecting anybody today. There’s no response. He thinks it must have been an accident when the bell rings again, followed by a few urgent knocks, rapid and successive.
“Coming!” Juyeon yells, running a hand through his unkempt hair and shuffling to the door. He yanks open the door, forcing his lips into a polite smile.
But the sight that greets him makes his smile drop, right along with his heart.
Hyunjae is standing there, tears streaming down his face. His hair is an unruly mess, eyes rimmed bright red as he rubs at them, trying to wipe away the tears but a fresh wave of them appears, rendering his action useless.
“Juyeon I….” he whispers, trying to complete his sentence but his voice cracks. He clamps his lips together in frustration, staring at the ground as he tries to compose himself.
“Shit, what’s wrong? What happened?” Juyeon asks urgently, pulling Hyunjae into his arms. And that’s all Hyunjae needs to let go, throwing his arms around Juyeon’s shoulders and wailing loudly. Juyeon uses his leg to kick the door close before scooping the crying boy into his arms, carrying him bridal style to the couch and settling down. Hyunjae may be older but he looks so small right now, curled into a tight ball in Juyeon’s lap.
“Jacob...he...he broke up with me”
Juyeon stills. “Oh..” he says only after a long pause, “oh I’m….I’m so sorry” He strokes Hyunjae’s back, running his hand up and down, hoping it’s comforting because he doesn’t know what to say.
Hyunjae cries, dirtying his shirt with tears and snot but he doesn’t mind, holding him tighter instead. They stay like that until Juyeon’s leg starts to feel numb, begging to be stretched but he doesn’t move.
“He was so nice about it but..” Hyunjae whispers, finally speaking, “but I’m still so...it still hurts...so much” Juyeon rests his cheek against the curly mop of hair nestled under his chin. “I’m sorry,” he says again. It’s not his fault, but he can’t seem to stop apologising.
There’s another bout of silence, Hyunjae’s crying gradually reducing to quiet sniffling, tears long dried. The question is burning in Juyeon’s mind, and he can’t help but ask-
“Why did he want to break up? Did he tell you?”
Hyunjae unexpectedly inhales sharply at that, sniffling coming to an abrupt halt. He pushes himself off Juyeon’s lap, settling down in the spot next to him instead. Juyeon immediately starts to panic. “I’m sorry were you not ready to-”
“Can you make a hot chocolate for me?” Hyunjae asks hurriedly, cutting Juyeon off. Juyeon takes it as a sign that he doesn’t want to talk about it so he quickly shuts up, shoving the words back down his throat.
“With extra marshmallows and whipped cream?” Juyeon asks instead, despite already knowing the answer.
Hyunjae smiles. A small one, but it’s enough to put Juyeon at ease. “Of course”
Juyeon returns with the hot chocolate in hand, carefully passing it to him. Hyunjae takes it, curls into Juyeon’s side and sips it till he falls asleep, exhausted from all his crying.
Juyeon manoeuvres him to lay down on the couch, resting his head against the pillow before tucking him in with a thick blanket. His gaze lingers over those tear-stained cheeks and with his heart breaking in his chest, he leans down and presses a kiss against Hyunjae’s forehead.
“I wouldn’t do this to you” Juyeon whispers, brushing a strand of hair out of the older’s face.
But you won’t give me a chance.
_____
The song playing makes Juyeon cringe, nothing but repetitive beats accompanied by a pitchy voice that grates his ears. It’s loud, too loud - he can feel it thrumming through his veins. He’s never been one for clubbing, much rather a bar with soothing jazz, but he makes an exception for tonight because Hyunjae wanted to go.
Hyunjae has decided that in order to move on from this break up he needs to get absolutely wasted at a club and go home with a face he will quickly forget. So here Juyeon is, burning with jealousy as he watches Hyunjae throw his head back on some random guy’s shoulder, making out with him sloppily.
He slams his glass down on the table, earning him a frown from Eric. “You good?”
“Yeah” he replies curtly. Eric follows his gaze, sighing in realisation. Juyeon doesn’t miss the note of pity it contains, and he’s torn between feeling annoyed or just accepting it because frankly he’s rather used to it.
“You can go home you know? I’ll take care of him”
“It’s fine” Juyeon dismisses, shaking his head. It’s not that he doesn’t trust Eric, but he feels uneasy leaving. And maybe, there’s a small part of him that is hoping that Hyunjae ends up ditching his initial plan.
Juyeon had hoped the dim lights in the club had concealed it, but Eric still somehow sees the longing in his eyes and lets out another deep sigh.
“Juyeon…” Juyeon already knows what’s going to come next, he tries to cut Eric off but Eric’s mouth is moving quicker.
“You really need to move on. You can’t keep pining like this forever”
“I know” Juyeon snaps, instantly feeling bad but he can’t help it, he’s annoyed. It’s frustrating to be in this situation. Logically, he knows it’s terrible for him, but the human heart is awfully stubborn and feelings just refuse to go away even when they are desperately unwanted.
Life’s a real pain in the ass sometimes.
For a fleeting second, Juyeon wished he never met Hyunjae but immediately shakes his head, shoving that thought out of his mind. How could he say that about his best friend? He’s horrible.
But the thought reappears when Hyunjae comes over to them with a stranger attached to his side to pick up his coat, informing them that he’s leaving with a high pitched giggle. It burns in his mind when the man presses a sloppy kiss to the back of Hyunjae’s neck and Hyunjae lets him, dragging him out of the club with too much eagerness.
And it stays in his mind for the rest of the night as he downs shot after shot of soju, welcoming the bitter taste it leaves in his mouth.
_____
“Juyeonie can you come to pick me up? I’m really tired and my whole body hurts.”
Juyeon doesn’t waste a second, grabbing his keys and dashing out of the door, leaving the breakfast he was eating to grow cold on his dining table. He punches in the address Hyunjae sends him into his GPS and drives over as fast as he can, cutting lanes at every chance he gets. The sooner he can get Hyunjae away from that stranger and back to his side, the better.
He pulls up at the apartment complex. Hyunjae opens the passenger car door, climbing in. “Thank you so much Juyeonie! Sorry for troubling you” he says, flashing Juyeon an apologetic smile.
Juyeon tries to return one of his own, but the dark hickies that litter Hyunjae’s neck burns his eyes, mocking him to no end.
“Did you have fun?”
Hyunjae tilts his head in confusion before he looks down to where Juyeon’s gaze is insistently focused at. He blushes, hurriedly fumbling for his concealer to cover up the marks.
“It was alright” he mumbles, pulling down the passenger seat mirror from the overhead compartment. “Not bad but nothing great”
His words help calm Juyeon’s raging jealousy a little, just a little. Juyeon forces himself to look away, starting the car engine with a shift of gear that he hopes Hyunjae didn’t notice was a little too aggressive.
“Do you want to eat something? Kongnamul-guk?” He asks as if he doesn’t already know that’s Hyunjae’s favourite dish to eat after a night of heavy drinking.
“That’s exactly what I was thinking of! You know me so well Juyeonie”
Of course he does.
They sit in the restaurant - it’s more of a hole in the wall, squashed between old repair shops. Space is rather tight inside, they both have to squeeze into a small corner with chairs a little too low for comfort.
Their food arrives late, and the owner is rather stingy with the side dishes. The soup is too watery and the bean sprouts are rather undercooked. The blazing afternoon sun is creeping in, shining directly in Juyeon’s eyes and he has to inconvenience himself by eating with one hand, the other pressed against his forehead to protect his vision.
But still, Juyeon has never felt more content. Hyunjae is seated opposite him, munching happily on his food, the soup doing wonders for his hangover despite it’s mediocre quality. He’s telling Juyeon about an incident that happened back in his apartment that involves Sunwoo and a toaster and it makes Juyeon laugh so hard till his cheeks hurt. They talk for hours, flowing from one conversation to the next with ease.
It’s easy with Hyunjae - he never has to rush himself to respond quicker or rack his brains for something more interesting or funny to say. He can just be himself - Lee Juyeon - nothing less and nothing more.
And perhaps Hyunjae is the only person who makes him feel this way.
Juyeon stares at his best friend, enamoured with the way his long lashes cast shadows over his cheeks in the radiant sunlight. Even with his bare face in a hungover state, Hyunjae still looks breathtaking, and it feels almost illegal to make him sit in such a dingy eating house instead of bringing him to one of Korea’s finest restaurants.
Hyunjae glances up, meeting Juyeon’s gaze. He thinks it’s some kind of staring competition and he’s awfully competitive so he widens his eyes, doing his best to keep them open, throwing a piece of rice at Juyeon to distract him. Juyeon jerks back with a yelp when the grain sticks to his face and it makes Hyunjae burst into a fit of giggles, eyes curved into two crescent moons with a smile so sweet and warm and Juyeon feels like he’s falling in love all over again.
He wants to move on, but Hyunjae makes it impossible to let go.
_____
Juyeon nearly throws his pen in the air when a body suddenly slides into the seat next to him, yanking his earbud right out of his ear. “Younghoon?” Juyeon whispers, careful to keep his voice soft because they were in the library, “what do you want?” Younghoon props his chin on his hand, maintaining a look of casual indifference.
“Tonight. 7 pm. You, me, Hyunjae, Changmin. Dinner”
Juyeon’s eyes widen - now Younghoon has his full attention. “Changmin? Your new boyfriend? You’re finally introducing him to us?”
Younghoon’s cool demeanour slips and now he’s blushing like a schoolboy, fidgeting with his hands shyly. “Yeah, things have been going really well, I think this one is really going to last so I thought I should introduce him to my best friends”
Juyeon feels a pang of jealousy but he quickly ignores it, focusing on the rush of excitement instead. “Congrats! I’m so happy for you!” He gives Younghoon a pat on the shoulder, grinning widely.
“Hyunjae could really learn a thing or two from you,” Younghoon says, starting to wince. “When I told him just now and he started yelling so loudly. We were right in the middle of the canteen! God I literally wanted to die” Juyeon snorts, he really didn’t expect anything else.
“Anyways, I will text both of you the address, me and Changmin will meet you there. You can come with Hyunjae, or by yourself, whatever is convenient” Juyeon nods, waving goodbye when Younghoon leaves.
He still has a few hours left before 7 so he spends the remaining time completing his assignments, slipping in a few breaks in between to read the new book he bought. He sends Hyunjae a text to meet him at the parking lot outside their library.
Juyeon heads out of the library at 7 on the dot, not wanting to be late to such an important dinner. He waits for Hyunjae at the staircase, scrolling through his phone mindlessly when there’s a tap on his shoulder.
He lifts his head up, expecting to see Hyunjae but it’s Seungkwan, one of his close friends. Juyeon greets him with a wide smile, exchanging a quick handshake.
“Why are you just standing around?”
Juyeon pushes his phone into his pocket. “I’m just waiting for someone”
They start chattering, sharing about their day and assignments. Seungkwan is a natural comedian, making the most mundane topics absolutely hilarious and it has Juyeon doubling over with laughter, practically leaning his entire weight on the shorter male.
Seungkwan is ranting about a teacher that has Juyeon nearly on the verge of tears when a voice cuts through, interrupting them. “Juyeon”
The two of them turn around to see Hyunjae standing at the foot of the stairs, mouth pressed into a tight-lipped smile. “Oh, you’re here? Sorry I didn’t see you there”
Seungkwan apologises too, greeting Hyunjae with a friendly wave, to which the older returns with a small one of his own. Juyeon hugs Seungkwan goodbye before making his way down the stairs to Hyunjae. “Sorry, I was holding us back. Let’s go before we’re late”
“What were you guys talking about? You were laughing so hard”
Juyeon thinks back to the conversation he just had, and he starts chuckling just thinking about it. “Oh it’s nothing, Seungkwan is just really funny”
Hyunjae doesn’t respond, nodding quietly instead. He remains like that all the way to the bus stop, staring down at his feet without saying a word. Juyeon looks over at him, frowning in concern. “Are you okay?”
Hyunjae’s head snaps up. “Me?” he asks, “Oh yeah I’m fine just….uh...just a little tired. I was up last night rushing a project”
Juyeon clicks his tongue, cupping Hyunjae’s cheek to run his thumb underneath his eye. “Your dark eye circles are pretty bad. You should really sleep more”
Hyunjae’s breath hitches, staring at Juyeon with wide eyes before hurriedly swatting his hand away, opening the front camera on his phone. “What do you mean you can see my dark eye circles? I spent so much time putting on a concealer today!”
Juyeon raises his eyebrows as Hyunjae makes a big fuss, pouting as he tilts his head in various angles, examining his face on the screen. He reaches over and presses the lock button, causing the phone screen to go black.
“Why are you so worried? You’re still pretty either way” Juyeon mumbles under his breath, but Hyunjae hears him, telling from the way his head snaps over, eyes wide.
Shit.
“Pretty ugly” Juyeon quickly blurts out, “no amount of concealer can save you” It’s a weak attempt to cover up his slip up, and right now he’s praying to every god that it works. It does. Hyunjae stares at him for a second before bursting out into laughter, whacking his arm as hard as he can.
They sit on the bench, pulling their jackets tight as they wait for the bus to arrive. Juyeon glances over at the gap between them, contemplating whether to shift over and close it.
He doesn’t.
_____
Younghoon and Changmin are already there when they arrive at the venue, just a simple western restaurant 20 minutes away from their campus. Younghoon munches on the free breadsticks given, one arm holding the back of Changmin’s chair, greeting his two friends with a lazy wave. Changmin immediately sits up straight when they arrive, eyes bright and nervous.
To Younghoon’s relief, Hyunjae and Juyeon instantly hit it off with Changmin. Hyunjae and Juyeon spend the first 15 minutes cooing over how cute Changmin is - with Juyeon even poking Changmin’s cheek, much to Younghoon’s chagrin.
They order their dishes before slipping into a conversation that flows as smoothly as the wine they daintily sip from large rounded glasses. They start with the big question of how the two got together, owing to both Juyeon and Hyunjae’s eager prodding. Younghoon hides his face behind the sleeve of his sweater, cheeks red as Changmin shares the story of how Younghoon confessed to him - flowers and all. Hyunjae starts whooping so loudly that Juyeon has to hush him with a pat on his back, as how he always does when the older needs to be reminded to lower his volume.
(Younghoon attempts to chuck a breadstick at him but Changmin quickly has his wrist in a grip and Juyeon protects Hyunjae’s face by hiding it behind his large hand, snorting when Hyunjae peeks out just to stick his tongue out tauntingly)
“So Changmin, what do you study?” Juyeon asks, bringing a spoonful of pasta to his mouth.
Changmin’s eyes immediately light up, a wide grin splitting across his face. “Dance! I study dance, I want to be a dancer one day, maybe even open up my own studio”
Juyeon’s eyes widen. “That’s so cool!” He’s also a dancer, even though it’s just a hobby for him. Nevertheless, he’s still just as passionate.
“Juyeonie here also dances” Hyunjae supplies helpfully, which makes Changmin glow with delight. “Really?” The two rattle on about different dance genres while Hyunjae and Younghoon listen, trying their best to understand but not being quite successful.
“What about you two? What do you guys study?”
“I’m studying aviation. I want to be a pilot” Juyeon says, to which Changmin nods enthusiastically. The conversation centres there for a while before Changmin switches it to Hyunjae. “What about you Hyunjae?”
Hyunjae’s head snaps up. “Me?” he stutters, looking a little lost. “Oh um...I’m studying business”
“Oh! What industry are you planning to go into in the future?”
“Oh um...I’m not really sure yet” Juyeon glances over at him, notices the discomfiture around his actions, how he bites his lip, aimlessly picking at the crust of his pizza. But before anyone else can pick up on the anomaly in his behaviour he hurriedly switches the topic, launching into a rant about one of the group projects he has to complete. Juyeon quickly forgets about it, his attention snatched away by the loud laughter that comes from Changmin and Younghoon.
They go to an amusement park afterwards, walking there instead of taking the bus for the sake of their bloated stomachs. Juyeon tugs Hyunjae into his side when a cyclist whizzes past them dangerously, although the latter remains painfully oblivious, too busy arguing with Younghoon on what ride they should go on first.
They end up not going for any of the rides, choosing to play the game stalls or claw machines instead. Changmin can’t stop shrilling in Younghoon’s ear, yelling at him 10 different instructions - “Go right! No, go left! Go up! More up! Higher! Now down! Wait, up again!”
“I can’t take the pressure!” Younghoon screams, throwing his hands in the air. “You do it!” he tells Hyunjae, pointing towards the claw machine. Hyunjae snorts, strolling over and winning the stuffed toy with relaxed ease, his natural talent for games shining through. Younghoon frowns in jealousy as Changmin squeals excitedly, hugging the toy tightly.
“Juyeonie, do you want hyung to win you one too?” Hyunjae teases, looking back at Juyeon with a smirk. He’s joking, Juyeon knows he’s joking, but he still looks so attractive and it sets off butterflies in his stomach. “Haha, very funny” Juyeon retorts dryly, fighting back the blush rising to his cheeks.
The star of the amusement park is the large Ferris wheel that stands proudly in the centre of it all, the small cabins transporting you above Seoul to witness a spectacular view. Younghoon suggests it when they were about to leave despite not being a fan of heights. Juyeon shoots him a knowing look - two people in a tight space with a romantic night view, it’s the perfect idea for a couple.
A couple, that’s what Younghoon and Changmin are, anyone can tell from their tightly clasped hands, as they walk to the queue for the Ferris wheel, hushed giggles and starry eyes.
But a couple, that’s not what Hyunjae and Juyeon are, anyone can tell from their hands tucked into their pockets as they follow behind, a careful gap between them, staring straight ahead, looking everywhere else but at each other.
The ride is popular so they end up queueing for 20 minutes before it’s their turn. Younghoon and Changmin go first, followed by Hyunjae and Juyeon. Hyunjae grumbles a little as he climbs in, whining about how they should have gone on the gyro drop instead. Juyeon shushes him with promises of fried chicken before they go home.
They sit opposite each other. The car surprisingly has enough space to fit their long legs and Juyeon lets his body relax, slouching against the chair.
“What do you think Younghoon and Changmin are doing right now?”
“Probably making out, what else would a couple do in such a private space?”
“Gross” Juyeon scrunches his nose in disgust at the mental image that involuntary pops up in his mind. “Don’t ever make me picture Younghoon in such a context ever again”
Hyunjae laughs, shaking his head as he looks out beyond the glass, staring at the city that is starting to grow smaller, buildings and streets shrinking into small toys that he could place in the palm of his hand. The lights look like little stars, scattered across the canvas that is their city, yellow and white hues striking in the dark.
The Ferris wheel comes to a halt, giving those at the top a moment to enjoy the view. Most would be clambering to take photographs, something for their Instagram but Juyeon and Hyunjae simply sit in silence, gazing at the view.
It’s quiet until Hyunjae speaks, his voice just barely above a whisper.
“Do you think it’s bad?”
Juyeon blinks, confused. “What’s bad?”
“That I have no idea what I want to do with my life”
Hyunjae looks too weary for a 21 year old as he continues staring out of the window, sullen and brooding.
“Like...everyone has it all figured out, they all have passions and dreams they want to pursue. Yet here I am, with absolutely….. no clue as to what I want. All my friends have applied for scholarships and internships and then there’s me with nothing, studying some general business degree because I have literally no direction in life and that was the safest option”
“Even you know what you want and you’re younger than me,” he finishes off, it’s an attempt to cover everything up with a joke, but Hyunjae gives himself away with his laughter - hollow and empty.
Juyeon shifts forward in his seat. “Hey,” he says softly, tilting his head in a plea for Hyunjae to look at him. Hyunjae does, although it’s hesitant, and Juyeon can see him still trying to appear unbothered, reluctant to let on just how much this is affecting him. Juyeon takes his hand into his own, a silent reassurance that he can let go.
“Everyone goes at their own pace, you’ll figure it out someday. Don’t compare yourself to others, just focus on yourself and you’ll get there. You’re insanely talented, you’ll be great in whatever you choose to do”
Hyunjae looks at him, eyes heavy with emotion. “You’ll be there, right? To help me figure this out”
Juyeon almost laughs in disbelief, surprised that Hyunjae would even question it. “Of course I will”
But Hyunjae grips his hand, arm trembling as he does so. “Like..you’re always going to be there for me right? You won’t leave me right?”
Juyeon doesn’t know what to make of the way Hyunjae’s entire body is rigid, staring at him with a look that is borderline desperation. He doesn’t know where all of this is coming from, but it unsettles him and he just wants to pull Hyunjae into his lap and kiss him until it’s all better.
He doesn’t. But he does place another hand on top of their clasped hands, securing it tightly with a squeeze. “I would never”
“What if I become hard to be around?”
“I’ll still stay”
“What if you need to move far away?”
“I’ll call you”
“What if we fight?”
“I'll come back to you”
Hyunjae stares at him wordlessly. Juyeon finds himself unable to look away, there's something in Hyunjae's gaze that is holding so much. But Hyunjae breaks their eye contact, moving his gaze to the floor and leaning back, hand slipping out of Juyeon's grasp. A tense silence follows, making the small cabin feel claustrophobic, atmosphere awkward at the rare outpour of emotions. It continues until Hyunjae clears his throat, shifting in his seat.
“What if I refuse to listen to TVXQ?”
“Now you’re just crossing the line”
Hyunjae laughs, and just like that the tension breaks, everything melting back to how it was. Hyunjae kicks Juyeon’s ankle, who in turn tsks loudly, swiftly delivering one back.
They start going back and forth, giggles and loud protests as their feet swing around, just like back when they were 13 years old eating dinner at the dining table until one of their parents scolded them, chiding about how the food might spill.
Some things just never change. But when Hyunjae looks up and grins at him, Juyeon wishes they could.
_____
“Ah-choo!”
Juyeon groans, sniffling as he rubs his reddening nose, chucking the used tissue paper into the pile growing on his floor. He bends over his dining counter, burying his face into the crook of his elbow. He was supposed to meet Younghoon for dinner but he woke up with an awful cold that’s making his head hurt. The rain pouring outside doesn’t help either, forcing Juyeon to wear extra layers just so that he can stop shivering.
He stands by the counter, nearly about to doze off when he hears his door click open, followed by a noisy rustling of plastic bags and hurried shuffling of feet. Groggily, he lifts his head up, squinting at the intruder.
Hyunjae is currently attempting to close the door with his leg, hands too full to be used. His shoes squeak as they move against the floorboard, heavily soaked through with water.
“What are you doing here?”
Hyunjae shakes his head, flinging off the raindrops that cling to his fringe that is sticking out from beneath his beanie. “Younghoon told me you were sick. Yah, why didn’t you tell me?”
“So you came all the way here? In this rainstorm?”
Hyunjae ignores his question, nagging at him instead. “How many times have I told you to sleep and eat properly, you just won’t listen to me! You’re already 20 years old. Can you please learn how to take care of yourself? Look at you, you look like shit. And why is your apartment so messy look at all the tissues o-”
Juyeon slaps a hand over Hyunjae’s mouth, vastly overwhelmed. “Are you done? You’re so noisy” He looks the older up and down, eyeing his drenched clothes. “You should go to change. You’re shivering”
Hyunjae pushes Juyeon’s hand away, cheeks turning pink. “I’m going” he mutters, shoving the plastic bags in Juyeon’s arms before hurrying off to his bedroom. Juyeon raises his eyebrows, peering into the bag before jerking back in surprise when he sees the excessive amount of medicine and vitamins. He chuckles, tucking it all neatly into his drawer.
Moments later Hyunjae walks back into the living room, drying his soaked hair with a towel. Juyeon looks up, and something about the sight of Hyunjae dressed in his clothes makes his stomach flip.
“Are you getting a fever too? Your entire face is red''
Juyeon’s eyes widen, mortified. “Yeah I’m fine” he croaks out, quickly turning away. Hyunjae raises an eyebrow but doesn’t comment further, rummaging through the kitchen to pull out pots and plates instead.
“You haven’t eaten anything all day right? I bought chicken soup, give me a second let me reheat it”
They sit on the couch, legs crossed and tucked underneath thick blankets while sipping on their warm soup, watching the rain fall outside.
“Want to watch a movie?” Hyunjae asks when they have finished. Juyeon nods, handing him the remote to flicker through the selection of films on Netflix, but Hyunjae seems to already have a movie in mind from the puppy eyes he gives.
Juyeon sighs. “We are not watching iron man again”
“Why not! What do you have against cinematic royalty?”
“It’s not even that good of a movie”
Hyunjae gasps loudly, lunging forward to tackle him in a headlock. “Take that back!”
Juyeon grips onto Hyunjae’s arm in an attempt to break free. “Why? Can’t handle the truth?”
“Just because it isn’t that ‘sad sentimental poetic’ shit that you like doesn’t mean it’s not good!”
It’s Juyeon’s turn to gasp. “What’s that supposed to mean? Who says I’m into that shit?”
“Remember when you made me stand next to a tree and listen to you cry about the leaves falling from it for 15 minutes?”
“I was going through puberty! That shit is rough okay”
They end up watching Iron Man despite Juyeon’s initial adamant protests because Hyunjae is incredibly persistent. Juyeon barely pays attention, staring at his phone for most parts because he’s already seen this film countless times (Hyunjae has forced him to watch it with him over and over again since it’s release)
Halfway through the movie, a clap of thunder suddenly booms, loud and piercing. Hyunjae jumps in his seat, throwing himself onto Juyeon and clutching his arm tightly. Juyeon coos, patting his head soothingly, trying not to laugh. It’s ironic really, that despite being so noisy himself, Hyunjae hates the sound of the thunder because it’s - in his words - “too loud”
“Shut up!” Hyunjae scolds, shooting a glare to the window as if that would scare the sky into silence. He’s met with another crack of thunder, this time accompanied by a bolt of lightning that strikes across the sky. Yelping loudly, he wraps the blanket over his head to cover his ears. “Okay okay, I was just joking! Chill out”
“Look at what you’ve done” Juyeon sighs, pinching his nose dramatically as Hyunjae apologises, throwing his hands up in a sign of surrender. But his apologies fall on deaf ears because the thunder rolls on mercilessly with seemingly no intention to stop.
Hyunjae pouts, pulling his knees to his chest and squeezing his eyes shut, flinching each time it sounds. Juyeon takes pity on the poor thing and shifts closer, placing his large palms over the older’s ears firmly to effectively shut out any sound.
Hyunjae grins at him sheepishly, giving a thank you that he can’t even hear himself say. They sit like that, face to face, neither saying a word as they wait for the bout of thunder to pass.
Juyeon stares into Hyunjae’s eyes, how warm they look under the candlelight, and he wants to say it - once, just once in his entire life.
“I’m in love with you”
His voice is soft, a little shaky, but it’s certain, certain of each and every word.
Hyunjae tilts his head in confusion. He can see Juyeon’s mouth moving, but with his ears blocked and the thunderstorm raging outside, he can’t hear a thing. “What did you say? I can’t hear you”
But Juyeon doesn’t repeat himself, keeping his mouth sealed shut.
So his words get lost in the millions of raindrops falling from the sky, crashing to the ground and vanishing from existence.