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Jay is a complicated person.
There's depths to everything of his, how his mind functions, how numerous of his opinions are formed; or how he's leading a basketball match and has to come up with the perfect strategy and no less than two side plans in order to get the victory cup. He's detailed and he enjoys being detailed.
He believes complicity makes everything better, in a sense. Or at least it makes things a bit more precise, easier to understand; down to the very leaks of each ideas, to the last point of an argumentative essay in senior English class. He likes to practice it like a high-art, by analyzing each concept and tearing down every wonder that comes to mind, giving into the urge to understand.
Yet, there's always an exception, no matter how much you want to avoid it.
See, Jay is a complicated person, but he loves simple.
Right now, he finds himself dithering in front of his date's house, hesitating to ring the bell and his heart beating as if it's never been alive before. His legs is trembling slightly and his mind tells him to run away, like every ordinary lovesick boy ever.
And like every ordinary lovesick boy ever, he stays. A deep breath enters his lungs as his hand reaches out for the door bell. The excitement of seeing his beloved wins in the end.
The bell tingles, and there's rustling before the door opens and reveals a pretty, middle-aged woman. She's roughly a head shorter than Jay, her hair curled and there are light wrinkles tailing her eyes. Jay bows immediately, making a good impression. "Good evening, Mrs. Yang." He greets, smiling.
The woman beams at him, and her eyes remind him so much of a certain boy. "Oh, please. Please just call me ahjumma." She pats his shoulders amicably and invites him in. "I suppose you're here to pick Jungwonie up." She says, walking him into the living room.
"Ah, yes," he half-bows a few more times to show gratitude. "May I introduce myself, I'm Park Jongseong, but you can call me Jay in short, Mrs. Yang- ah, no- ahjumma."
"And I'm Jungwonie's mother," she introduces calmly and holds out a hand. A satisfactory smile adorns her face when Jay accepts the handshake with both hands, bowing deeply. "Such a polite gentleman."
Jay smiles back appreciatively, finally sitting down on the offered couch, hands on his knees. Being raised in a noble family has taught him more than basic manners.
Jungwon's mother pours him a cup of herbal tea, and he accepts it with another bow. She starts when she sees Jay's satisfied expression after a sip of tea. "Jungwonie has told me a lot about you."
"Ah, really?" He asks, feeling his stomach be swarmed with butterflies.
"Oh, dear God, he just never stops." Ahjumma rolled her eyes fondly, clearly not despising the topic one bit. "Always goes on and on about this hyung he met in his dance club." Her eyes land on him, but not scrutinizingly. "Finally, finally, I got a chance to meet this infamous boy."
Jay can't suppress the grin that's growing, so he just lets it spread wide on his lips. "So, how do you think of the 'infamous boy' now that you've seen him, ahjumma?" He asks, cheeky.
Jungwon's mother laughs, amused. She bats a hand. "Aigoo, aigoo, kids these days." Her bursts of laughter are bright and flutteringly familiar. She pauses for a moment to regain her breathing rhythm and admits. "Honestly, I'm really happy that Jungwonie has someone to make him so happy like this. And even happier to know that he's a very well-mannered young man."
Jay ducks his head shyly at the compliment. So he makes Jungwon happy.
As if on cue, there are rushing stomps on the stairs, before it's revealed to be Yang Jungwon himself, all dolled-up and ready. Jay thinks he might have stopped breathing.
The first thing he notices, is that Jungwon's soft hair is slightly styled. Brown, curly locks flowing down to the tip of his ear, where a sparkly stud earring makes itself known on his earlobe. He has some makeup on; the fine glitter on his eyes sparkles and his cheeks are topped with peachy blush. And his lips. They glow, like waves under sunlight, washing him over like water against shores.
Jay finds himself gulping. He's quite thirsty.
The presence of the guest catches Jungwon's attention, for he flashes Jay a grin and spins himself, one hand clinging onto the stairs' handrail, coyly showing off. The older now finally gets a clear sight of what Jungwon is wearing, and-
Jesus fuck. Is that a fucking crop-top?
Jungwon is dressed in an elegant grey suit. But it's not like any other suit, this one is definitely tailor-made. The material hugs his small form neatly; fabric firm on his broad shoulders and shrinks itself as the jacket moves down and reveals his tiny waist, where it cuts short and the white shirt underneath peeks out. The pants smooth along his thin legs and down the two shoe-less, sock-covered feet.
Jay is, quite frankly, completely unable to take his eyes away from the younger's waist, awestruck by how small it looks and how his arms can wrap rounds about just that — to his humble estimation.
And when Jungwon jumps down the last few steps of stairs and skips to his side and he's now seeing the boy up close, Jay thinks he finally understands the difference between 'pretty' and 'beautiful'.
Jungwon is undeniably pretty everyday. He's an eye-candy by default, petite-looking and gives anyone a sense of immediate protectiveness. It's impossible not to adore him.
But tonight he's stunning like a shining star, like the main character of a royal-set movie and as if he belonged in a castle; along with princes and princesses and noble members of royalty and Jay knows he would still stand out as brightly as a glass chandelier. Tonight, Jungwon is beautiful.
Jungwon is beautiful and Jungwon is his date. Jay's date. Park Jongseong's date.
Jay thinks, at this very moment, he is truly the luckiest person on earth.
"Hi hyung," Jungwon grins at him, and Jay swallows before answering. "Hey angel." He gently held onto the boy's fingers and fiddles with them.
Jungwon's mother clears her throat at the sight, and Jay instantly turns around, slightly pulling back but not letting go of Jungwon's fingers. She raises an eyebrow and Jungwon lets out an audible smile. "Mom, this is Jay-hyung, my boyfriend."
The address goes straight into Jay's heart; how Jungwon says it so naturally like it's a well-known fact for years. His chest thums like a mad drummer in a band and he can feel heat snakes up to his neck. Jungwon is probably giggling at how red he is right now.
"I know, I know, you talk about him too much." Ahjumma glared at both of them lovingly. Jungwon just smiles, unable to contain the giddy happiness in his stomach.
"We should probably get going now. Don't wanna be late." He says, wiggling Jay's clinging fingers. And Jay hums, standing up. "Please excuse us." He bows, and feels ahjumma's pats on his shoulder from across the table.
"Have fun!" She wishes when they reach the entrance. "Be home early." She reminds, sending both of them a half-threatening glare. And Jungwon rolls his eyes.
"What? Do you know what teens these days do after midnight?" She bites.
"Mom!" Jungwon whines in surprise. And Jay could see him blushing.
Jay, of course, doesn't have any intentions to do past curfew things. So he decides to decelerate the conversation. "I'll bring him home before ten." He promises, and he means it. "Don't worry, ahjumma."
She hums for a second, thinking deeply. "Eleven is fine," and follows a wink. Jungwon whines once more at how embarrassing his mom is, but is secretly thankful for the generosity.
"Thank you, ahjumma." Jay says gratefully. He watches as she reaches out and smothers both of Jungwon's cheeks with little pecks, like he's an elementary scholar on his first day at school and not a sixteen-year-old with a boyfriend. It's a loving sight. Jungwon furrows his eyebrows in annoyance, but doesn't pull away.
"Have fun, alright? Stay safe." Jungwon's mother says as they bid her goodbye and walks to Jay's car.
"God. She is so embarrassing." Jungwon hides his face in his hands and mumbles when they're settled in the car.
Jay doesn't suppress the growing smile. "She loves you." He says, brushing the soft strands of the younger's brown hair from the driver's seat. "I can understand her."
He means it. He really understands ahjumma. Because he loves Jungwon too.
Jungwon hums in response, looking up. And taking advantage of the close distance between them right now, he inches closer until there's nothing between them anymore, and places a fleeting kiss on Jay's lips. Short and sweet. He grins when he pulls away.
Jay is frozen in seat, wholly taken aback by the sudden attack. He licks his lips absent-mindedly, looking for more. Something like satisfaction sits at the back of his throat when he could taste Jungwon's lipgloss on his tongue, it's sweet and smells of strawberry. And it reminds him of spring.
Jungwon giggles at the older's dumbfounded expression. Jay has to force himself to swallow down the urge to move forward, taking revenge and getting more of what he had. It's too early of a night. Kisses should be saved for later.
Instead, his arm stretches behind to the backseat and pulls out a crimson rose. "For you," he says, holding the flower in front of Jungwon and watches as the boy's smile rapidly grows into a grin.
Jungwon gasps before accepting the flower. "For me?" He asks, and his dimples pin deep into both sides of his cheeks when Jay nods in response. "It's so pretty." He exclaims, sniffing the blooming flower.
"Pretty like you." Jay compliments. It's kind of a hobby of his these days, to shower Jungwon with praises and watches as his tiny boyfriend breaks into giggles of happiness. Like the old saying, 'happiness looks good on you,' it warms Jay's heart knowing he's the reason behind those smiles.
He places a smooch on one of the younger's dimples and shifts in his seat. "Shall we?" Jungwon nods, and that's enough for Jay to accelerate and drives them to their destination.
Their 'date', in fact, is actually the school's prom — The Spring Ball. It's an annual Valentine's celebratory event. And just like any other proms, everyone rushes to find themselves a companion for the event, to show up in their most staggering outfits while linking arms with someone just as fancy. It's annual, so this is the third time Jay has been here. He's more than familiar with everything.
And despite so, he never really got a date. Or more accurately, he never really bothered to. People would sometimes ask him for a dance, and he would gladly take the offer; but it just ends there: a friendly dance. Not enough to last a night, not enough to fall in love with.
But this year he has Jungwon. This year is different.
He threads his fingers with Jungwon's as they walk into the school hall, now has been decorated with colorful ribbons and stickers and a garish disco ball right in the middle of the ceiling like a chandelier. The lights dim and flashing to the beats of music, in tune with the enthusiasm on the dance floor. Everyone is expectedly in their shiniest gowns and priciest suits, ornamenting themselves with shimmering pieces of accessories — an effort to feel like the main character of a cliche coming-of-age movie. It's happened way too many times, and there's a drunken beauty to it still: pulling you in with the desire for a memorable high school experience.
Jay, with his complicated nature, analyzes it all too well. And when you're wise enough to see through the futility of everything, it gets all vain. High school whispers a sweet lie and passes by like a roaring wind, loud and deafening and leaves you with nothing but empty silence after. It's way too short for happiness to last, and it isn't worth his effort.
Correct: it wasn't worth his effort.
Jay eyes their intertwined fingers. Maybe it isn't all vain.
Because now he's looking at the prettiest boy he's ever got the fortune to meet, who's gazing in amazement at how glorious their plain school hall could turn into; his eyes hold the galaxy and his mouth agape in awe. Jungwon looks like those princesses in fairy tales, breathtaken at how sublime the regality could be, but always fails to realize they're the most gorgeous sight of all.
Jay thinks high school is actually pretty simple. You walk into it, and you fall in love.
Jungwon turns to him, smiling wide. Their eyes meet. "I've never thought it could be this beautiful."
Jay hums, lifting his hand to gently brush away a hair strand from Jungwon's vision. He's had his eyes on the boy this whole time. "Me neither."
The younger blushes at the answer. He catches Jay's hand when it falls and cradles it with both of his. "Wanna get some drinks?" He asks.
Jay deftly pulls a hand from Jungwon and lifts it to his lips, a kiss plants itself on the back of it. "Everything for you, my angel." Jungwon blushes even harder, pulling back but doesn't suppress the smile.
"You are so painfully cheesy." He nags, poking a finger at the other's chest.
"You like it." Jay counters. And Jungwon doesn't disagree.
His hand meets Jungwon's waist (Jay thinks it's its rightful place), and they walk over to the drink station. The barista, Sunghoon, who is one of the organizers of the event, as well as Jay's best friend, greets both of them with a teasing whistle.
"Looking good, eh?" Sunghoon half-shouts above the thundering music, smirking; and Jay rolls his eyes. Doesn't mean he disagrees though. "Alcohol?" The former asks with a low voice, clearly sneaking regulations. Jay shakes his head.
"Nah. Driving today. Gotta get Jungwonie home safely." He pulls Jungwon closer, and the boy smiles shyly at the barista.
Sunghoon purses his lips at the sight, shaking his head in disapproval. "Love really changes just about anyone." Jay lands a light punch at his arm across the bar, and Sunghoon pretends to be severely hurt. "It also makes you more violent, apparently. Jungwon-ah, keep an eye on him alright?"
Jungwon laughs at the joke, seemingly entertained. "I'll make sure he behaves well."
"You better. He only behaves well when he's with you." Sunghoon tuts and earns himself a deadpan. He chuckles triumphantly before pouring each of them a cup of mocktail. "Enjoy the night." He wishes, and watches the couple walks away hand in hand.
They blend into the swaying crowd just fine, not like there were any problems in the first place. Both of them dance, professionally, in fact. Jay, at some point, drops his public image of a popular senior and starts doing extremely bizarre moves; like crawling on the floor around Jungwon or picking the boy up bridal style, spinning rounds on his heels until they're both dizzy and limping. Jungwon just hits him teasingly, calling him embarrassing every so often and bursts into breathless cackles from time to time.
It's as if they were drunk, not on alcohol, but on something else. Something even more addicting and pumps their brain with more adrenaline.
The couple draws all eyes to themselves throughout the night. It's not something new. With Jay being one of the most popular seniors and Jungwon as a newly bloomed flower of the school, the news of them being together brought nothing less than roaring gossips, catching attention here and there. But high school is curious and high school has a taste for a good love story; and them dancing as if nobody else existed, like they're alone and deep in the sensations of each other — it might have given the audience just what they wanted.
Jay likes it. He's always had a thing for the spotlight, the way it entitles him. And it feels even better having Jungwon in his arms, like the world is watching and the world knows Jungwon is his, that Jungwon is happy with him.
That's all Jay needs in this very moment. Nothing else matters.
Except, he does need something more.
At one point of the night, when the music is still thundering and the crowd has more or less dispersed, Jay pulls Jungwon close and whispers in his ears. "I wanna show you something."
He shifts back and watches the hesitation in the younger's eyes be replaced with a glint of curiosity. His thumb runs on the knuckles of Jungwon's hand, wordlessly reassuring him that it's nothing to be concerned about. And Jungwon nods after a second, smiling shyly. "Okay."
Jay grins. It would be a lie if he said he's not excited for this.
He grabs at Jungwon's wrist and runs out of the school hall, tugging the boy along. They dash across the school grounds and through the hallways, lit up by nothing but moonlight and the dull luminescence of faraway streetlamps. Their footsteps echo against walls, leaving heavy pants escape their lungs.
For once, Jay feels grateful for how huge their school is. He's running with the one he loves in his hand, surrounded by almost darkness and secretly wishing he could run forever. It's like a movie. A very, extremely, stupidly cliche one that he's seen way too many times before, yet it never seem to bore him.
He knows the plot to this, he knows what's to follow. His heart drums. Only happiness comes after this.
They arrive at a gazebo located far back into the school, in the middle of a flower garden — a reserved area only for seniors. Jungwon recognizes this place. Jay has sneaked him here a few times before, stealing kisses in between lousy classes and short-lived recess periods. This time shouldn't be too different.
They can still hear faint music echoing from the distance. The school hall has let go of all those electric beats and put on something softer, sounding like a ballad.
If it felt like there was only them back in that party; this time it really is just two of them. It's quiet and it lacks of warmth from drunk bodies; spring is barely present yet. Jungwon instinctively scoots nearer to Jay, hugging his arm close to his chest.
The senior positions Jungwon to stand right in the middle of the pavilion. "Stay here." He whispers, adding foolish suspense.
"Where are you going?" Jungwon tugs at the fabric of his sleeve, neither seeming too fond of the darkness nor the teasing.
Jay coos. "You'll miss me?" He rightfully earns a smack on the arm immediately after. Jungwon's glaring eyes glint under the moonlight. Jay finds him adorable.
"Don't worry. I won't be long." He reassures, placing a kiss on the boy's temple. His fingers separating their hands gently before he disappears behind a wooden pole holding the gazebo up in place.
Jay was never someone who goes back on his words, so when he says he won't be long. He won't be long.
There's a click, ever so faintly as a blink; and the lights flicker before they shine in whole, strings of gold hanging on the ceiling and surround the gazebo like fireflies. It's dazzling and it sparkles on Jungwon, like he's a fairy, a celestial being that's been sent to earth, sent to Jay.
He watches the boy from the corner of his eyes. He's spinning around in slow steps, taking the sight into his eyes and his hands almost covering the shock of his opened mouth. He glaces up and down, pupils following the string light as if it was moving. There's water in his eyes; though Jay is sure he's not crying. The boy just has very pretty, watery eyes.
Jungwon spots Jay standing in one entrance of the pavilion after a while. The latter smiles at him, and he returns it.
It's an overplayed scene, exchanging smiles. It's cliche and ordinary, but God forbids Jay's heart to beat like it's anything of such.
Jay thinks Jungwon is beautiful, smiling at him like this. There's something breathtaking about this smile that he loves so much, how it makes his breath hitch and how he would cross oceans just to see it once more.
But he's lucky. Because Jungwon is only five steps away; a little more than an arm reach, a little less than an ocean.
"Hyung. What's this?" The boy asks when Jay walks to him.
Jay doesn't stop in front of him. He walks past and halts on his track when he's behind the shorter boy. "A surprise." He answers fondly, and held Jungwon's shoulders in place when he tries to turn around and face the older. "No, no. Just stay still."
A sound of confusion escapes Jungwon's lips, but he happily complies, straightening up in his stance. Jay fishes out something from his suit's pocket and takes a deep breath. Being born in a wealthy family and having his life steadied out, it doesn't give room for much hope. But Jay finds his heart beating with just that — the hope that Jungwon would like this.
He swings a necklace about Jungwon's neck, now bare under undone shirt buttons. The pendant lands perfectly between the two collar bands, and Jungwon picks it up to take a look. He lets out an exclaim right after.
"A necklace?" Jungwon asks, holding the pendant between his fingers and admires its beauty. The baby blue gemstone hued of turquoise under yellow lights, hugged by a shiny shiver bail that magnifies its extravagance.
Jay turns the boy around when he's done with fastening the clasp. A contented smile plays on his lips as he holds Jungwon's hand, making the pendant drop. It's dainty; a tiny connecting point between his collarbones. Its blue hue glisters on Jungwon's pale skin, like waves on golden sand, like a blooming flower among smooth leaves. Jungwon is indeed pretty, but he looks even prettier with the necklace.
Jay gulps, maybe spending a whole minute staring at Jungwon's neck isn't the greatest idea.
He diverts his attention to the boy's dewdrop eyes. Jungwon is half a head shorter than him, which means he'd always have to look up in such close proximity — making lights reflect against the water of his eyes, like stars in their orbits. It's mesmerizing.
Jay cups his face with both hands, planting a kiss on the boy's tiny nose. "Happy belated birthday baby."
Jungwon's nose scrunches against the kiss. "You already got me a plushie for my birthday though?"
Jay pretends to think for a moment, not letting go of the younger's face. "Then it's a Valentine's gift!"
Jungwon frowns, unimpressed.
"Do I really need an occasion to get you presents? Can't I just shower you with love all the time?" Jay sighs adoringly, palms pressed against both sides of Jungwon's face.
Jungwon squints at him playfully. His cheeks being squished, making a pout. "You're spoiling me." He accuses.
"Maybe." The older lets go of his cheeks and pulls him into a bear hug, enjoying how small the boy feels in his arms. Their bodies swaying in tune. "Maybe I am. But you deserve it." Then comes another kiss on Jungwon's soft hair.
He feels Jungwon giggles into his chest, little sounds of joy filling his heart. And that's all he needs.
He slouches down and whispers into the boy's ear. "Can my spoiled angel give me a kiss in return?"
Jungwon pulls back from the embrace and bites his lips. And he gives Jay that eye smile; the smile that lifts the tail of his eyes, those which looks at him like he moved mountains and emptied oceans for him.
And Jay would. He would do anything.
"You don't even have to ask." Jungwon grins, before he's tiptoeing and sealing their lips together. His arms swing on Jay's shoulders; and Jay wraps his around the younger's waist, pulling him closer until the gap between them is non-existent. His fingers curl against Jungwon's sides.
He smiles into the kiss. The sweet taste of Jungwon's lipgloss that's melting on his tongue is familiar. It's like inhaling a lungful of flower's scent, like it's spring and he's in the middle of a blooming forest. Like Jungwon is the season's fairy, and he comes blessing him with immense happiness.
Jay hopes it stays spring forever.
(Because as long as Jungwon is here with him, it's spring.)
His love for Jungwon is simple and uncomplicated. It just is. The way Jungwon's words echo in his heart and his smile etched in the nearest corner of his memories. The way Jungwon calls his name in a slightly fonder tone and looks up at him like he loves him just as much. There's nothing complex. It's just Jungwon, and the little things about him.
His love for Jungwon is easy. He does it mindlessly, like breathing in to feel alive, like recognizing the features of someone he dears, like he knows spring would always come. It's eventual, it's unavoidable.
And when Jungwon touches him, or kisses him like this. God. He's weightless, flying high and his mind hanging on clouds he doesn't think he ever wants to come down.
It's simple like that. He loves Jungwon. He would always love Jungwon.