Work Text:
Vow Made In Silence
Alatus Nemeseos Chapter: Act II
As per his contract with Rex Lapis, Xiao couldn’t allow his ability to deteriorate even if his soul did. Though Liyue was at peace after the sudden resurgence of Osial, his battle still waged on and a moment of weakness could be the difference between life and death. Indulgence in notions of desire and longing would only serve to distract him. Where lives hung in the balance, distractions could not be permitted.
Such a reason, and perhaps for that reason alone, led Xiao to abstain from lingering in her presence. Since that day, Ganyu’s involvement with him hadn’t altered drastically. She would arrive to deliver medicine or simply linger with him in silence. Rarely displaying the same boldness in asking for a kiss and no matter how Xiao tried to prepare himself, her spontaneity made it impossible.
However, his avoidance didn’t keep her from seeking him. More often than not he found his balcony filled with her gentle humming as she tended to the inn’s resident cat Wei, much fonder of her than him. Incidentally, such comparable aptitude with the feline earned her a place in Verr Goldet’s graces and Xiao knew the innkeeper would gladly divulge his whereabouts if she believed it would bring him a modicum of peace or her a bit of entertainment.
He needn’t explain why her actions were misguided despite their possible good intention.
Thankfully, her husband wouldn’t deign to speak to him no matter how much she needled him to try. His grasp on qi made for good practice in staying out of his sights. And though Huai’an prided himself on fearlessness, he was no fool. If Xiao valued his solitude then there would be no disparaging him.
At least from no mortal nor adepti.
Ganyu, on the other hand, was different. Neither one nor the other yet present within both worlds. It was interesting. How she showed such deference and blatant affection to the people of Liyue, committing to her tasks and allowing herself to dwell on her mistakes. She saw the best in others but even the slightest infringement on her part was met with chastising by no one but herself. Always putting her faith first, her time and effort committed to all others but herself. And when did it end? He knew she often left the safety of the harbor to fell beasts encroaching on its borders, at times moments before he could arrive.
His only glimpse of her was a flash of an ice-tipped arrow still buried in the throat of whatever adversary happened to cross her path.
Karmic debt built around her balanced itself with an acceptance he still struggled with to the present day, though he couldn’t rid himself of the fractures in her mask of placidity.
What pain did she feel, he wondered. How much of it was self-inflicted? Though the longer he allowed himself to wonder, the closer she became a distraction. After all, they each had their own burden to carry.
How could he teach her how to balance the weight of her own when he could barely hold himself together? If they lingered near one another, they would both fall apart —
And as he stared down at her from the roof overlooking the upper balcony, watched her turn away from the railing, likely believing he wouldn’t show today either, he came to a realization.
Ganyu didn’t make him weak.
Nor did her care for him cause her to falter. If one day he should miss a step and allow himself to be consumed, then surely she would —
Her nose twitched and she jerked her chin up, eyes glittering like gems with unfettered hope. He knew she could see well even in the night but he stuck close to the shadows, giving himself a wider berth as though stepping close to her would freeze him in place. Though, perhaps it did. Her eyes never left him and he couldn’t will his body to move, simply staring back at her from his place in the bough’s shade.
“... You are thinking so loudly,” she said. Concern skimmed beneath a short, blithe laugh as her fingers twined behind her back. He could almost imagine how she kneaded at her knuckles for comfort. A tell. His brows furrowed in consideration.
Her shoulders sloped more than usual and when she inhaled, it was as if she were trying to keep herself upright by sheer will alone. He’d noticed her head bobbing the longer she stayed outside and could smell the chilly, refreshing bitterness of qingxin from the tea she’d brewed under the watchful eye of Smiley Yanxiao. Tea she only used when she was trying to stay awake.
Ganyu was quiet when he descended, making little more than a light clatter that could easily be mistaken for wind rolling against the clay roof tiles. Dropping down in a lightless area of the terrace, he glanced back at her then looked forward, walking on without lingering to see if she would follow. Hearing the gentle ringing of a bell left him humbled by her faith in him as he led her through the shade.
Once away from windows and the clunking gears and grinding locks of the elevator, Xiao stopped then gestured upward before vanishing on the wind. His footsteps were light. Bounding from one tree branch to the next, higher and higher with only the intent upon reaching his goal in mind. Finally, when he stood at the top, he walked but a few scant centimeters to the tip of the branch and stared out at the entirety of Dihua Marsh.
Wetlands shimmered beneath the moon’s pale light, glistening brighter than the stars. If the landscape were a painting then the muddled highlands and destroyed bridges and structures amidst walls of fieldstone and endless grassland, patched in gold and green, were artistic choices cultivated differently than they were in years past.
Leaves of copper and bronze shuddered as a particularly cold gust of wind rummaged through them, not even a squirrel or bird dared to make a sound. Xiao lifted his chin defiantly even as cold nipped at his arms , “When did you sleep last?” he asked.
He needn’t turn around to feel her bristle at his words or count the hesitant flickers as she tried to compare fact with opinion. When her answer tarried too long, he turned briskly and met her halfway across the thick branch, submerged in shadow with her eyes meeting his own unflinchingly.
“There’s no need to concern yourself —”
“Rest.”
Her shoulders raised then as if the sheer-will she possessed could no longer keep them up, they drooped defeatedly. Upset flickered coldly across her averted gaze and Xiao curled his fingers into a fist. So this was something she didn’t want him to see. He wanted to ask why but thought better of it. If that was her wish, then he would respect it.
“We train at dawn,” he said and she nodded. “You’ll need your rest.”
Fatigue lined her features and she tensed when he turned away from her, uttering softly, “Understood.”
Sitting down on the branch, Xiao glanced up then beckoned for her to sit beside him. Verglas melted away from her eyes and confusion took its place as she looked between him then the spot offered. Shuffling about as much as the walking room on the branch would allow before crouching down then adjusting herself carefully, brushing the hem of her skirt down as she let her legs dangle over the edge. Knee almost brushing against Xiao’s own until she tucked her thighs close together, hands set politely in her lap.
Awkwardness settled between them filled with the low hum of nature and quiet chatter from within the inn. Out the corner of his eye, he noticed Ganyu’s head bobbing up and down with gradually deepening breaths. Careful not to brush against her arm, Xiao tensed when she began to sway to one side, grateful that it was near his shoulder unadorned by a spiked pauldron.
Ganyu’s hair pillowed against his shoulder, bunching up and catching most of the warmth from her exhales fluttering across his skin. Xiao’s fingers twitched against his thigh as he snuck a glance. Her eyelashes almost shone in the moonlight but the thick canopy of leaves rolled shadows across her, drawing attention to the exhaustion.
A few locks caught on her lips flitter with each breath and he hesitated before reaching up to brush them from her mouth. At the touch, Ganyu’s eyelids fluttered open and she gazed up at Xiao with sleep-glazed eyes that slowly slid shut with a soft sigh buried against his neck. Swallowing hard, he reminded himself to maintain control.
Even the lightest breeze could wake her and though he found himself essentially trapped beneath her as she slept, it was a necessary end. After all, Ganyu had to sleep or else she wouldn’t be able to train properly. Lack of training would mean a dulling of her ability which would put them all at a disadvantage. She was a protector of Liyue as well, and thus, his ally.
Something inside of him shuddered and throbbed, the briefest urge to disappear to the winds and into his thoughts arose.
But Ganyu was here, trusting him enough to sleep within his presence. To see her at her most vulnerable.
That was not a privilege to take lightly.
Xiao drew in a breath, steadying himself and centering his thoughts. Abstinence failed, consideration taken, all that was left was to meditate on what his next plan of action would be. If he was going to remain near her then there would have to be a line drawn. A boundary to keep her from turning against him and him against her, so they wouldn’t destroy one another.
He closed his eyes tightly.
She wasn’t Menogias, he reminded himself. There would never be another being like her. Nor like them. And to think of such things was an insult to their memory and Ganyu’s personhood.
Lulled into a state of tranquility by timing his breaths to her own, Xiao opened his eyes and looked up at the slivers of stars he could see between the leaves. Ganyu would never be her. He would not allow her to fall, even if his own attempts to assist were meager at best. If the day came he was tasked to raise his spear against her, or she notched an arrow directed toward his heart, then so be it. Whomever remained would bear the weight of their shared memories and even if his soul deteriorated, Xiao hoped it would be him who left their bout.
Not victorious, because Ganyu’s death could never amount to goodness or victory.
But he would rather suffer her memory than condemn her to a life of agony.