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"Stop it!"
Porco was too tired for this shit.
Trying to hold back a half-naked Braun from doing something stupid was not what he expected this day would be like when he woke up.
It was already a miracle that he did wake up…
That must mean all of this had been a dream, no, a nightmare, right? But, unlike his body, the damages in Liberio were too important to recover overnight to pretend it was only a nightmare. The broken houses, the dried blood, the corpses still lying dead here and there, it was too much. Porco was used to this sight. It was for battlefields, not for his hometown –especially not in this place.
His people had already suffered too much…
“Reiner! They must have reached Paradis already, it's too late.” Pieck intervened, thankfully helping him trying to resonate some senses into their stupid vice-captain’s head.
Was he their war chief now that Zeke was…?
Pieck attempted to stand up but her knees were still too weak to be able to stand up yet. Her wounds had finally managed to heal, taking a lot longer than his own. She had been the one out of the three that was the most injured even so it was Braun, the least injured, who took the longest to wake up.
Whatever had happened that night seemed to have broken his mind more than his body though he seemed to have no trouble struggling against Porco. Pieck might not be able to wrestle with that burly idiot but thankfully her words were getting their way into Braun who collapsed all too suddenly making Porco fall along. Upon letting him go, an insult almost made way past his lips.
Almost.
Porco's heart tightened at that view by his side, sealing his lips for good.
Braun looked devasted, more than usual and that said a lot judging how he would always be looking as if he carried the whole world on his shoulders since returning from that damn island. His parted lips were letting out quick pants, his eyes were unfocused, imagining the worst, his hands that used to be struggling against him so fiercely were now shaking hopelessly.
Insulting Braun had always been flowing naturally, a habit since they were kids. Yet, right now, his lips could not move. Was it how that idiot looked like upon losing Bertolt? Upon not knowing where Annie was? Upon failing his mission?
Upon Marcel’s death in front of him when he protected him?
There was no way Porco could utter an insult, a word even when he was no better than Braun in this case. The bitter taste of defeat was still present in his mouth. A taste like iron, making him sick. He had been there! He should have protected his home, his fellow warriors... Instead, he had been the reason why that asshole could take the Warhammer titan...
A woman…
He had killed her...
Even Pieck remained quiet now as the two others were sitting on the ground, side by side, their backs against the bed frame. They had lost so much, too suddenly for things to be like usual. For them to be arguing with Pieck reprimanding them, Zeke laughing in the distance. So, damn his resolution to quarrel with Braun on any occasion.
Right now, they were all they had left.
The three of them.
Before everything went to hell, they used to be seven.
“Vice-captain Braun, I see you're awake.”
At Commander Magath's voice, the broken man by his side seemed to return to his usual self. Standing back still in a salute, ready to receive any orders and nodding at everything he would be told. The good Eldian boy who would make sure to lick the superiors’ boots.
Porco looked up, having no desire in standing even if it was deemed inappropriate. They could go fill a reprimand later on for all he cared. Pieck had not stood up either though, in her situation, it would be brushed aside.
“Commander, what's the situation?” Braun asked as if it was not obvious, just glancing outside the windows. Porco’s desire to argue with that dumb question was at least a good sign that not everything was upside down.
“Bad. Where have you—” The commander stopped abruptly before sighing. “We will have a reunion later on, for now just rest.” His hand reached for Braun's stiff shoulder in a rare demonstration of affection.
Guess, even this defeat would change a man like Commander Magath.
Instead of obeying like the good warrior Braun was, he shook his head. “Sir, we have to hurry and strike Paradis before they could organize their next move. If we—"
“Rest, Braun.” Magath scowled in a tone that left no room for argument. This was the first time yet Porco witnessed Braun defying his superiors.
What the fuck?!
From where he was, Porco could notice the way Braun's shoulders did not ease, how his hands turned into fists to stop him from shaking, how his bare back was big and strong yet in this instant, he seemed like a child fighting with his parents. It must be how he looked like when he had to convince his family from letting him join the warrior program with Marcel.
“We will get revenge for Liberio… Rescuing Gabi and Falco…. But we can't launch an attack in our current state. We have to mend our wounds first.” The commander's voice had softened, seemingly more desperate for revenge than he had first sounded like surely to show that he was not enjoying the smell of defeat as well yet he was realistic.
This was all it took for Braun to finally back down, nonetheless, nodding and saluting the commander when he left them. Porco stared at him until he sat on the mattress. His elbows resting on his knees while his hands were on his face, hiding it to them.
That idiot.
Porco stood back up, pressing an arm onto the bed frame to help himself up. Only Pieck looked at him, Braun was still overly focused on his thoughts and it made him want to punch that face again.
“If you've got something to tell us, do it. I can't understand anything that's going through your head.” Porco barked out at Braun, his voice a lot harsher than he intended.
Braun saved him in this battle and here he was arguing with him, seeking the usual bickering from old memories hoping it would bring back something familiar. But since returning four years ago, he was no longer the same child who Porco used to know and this battle with his former comrades in Paradis seemed to have brought him back to his hell...
Just hours before, the three of them along with warrior candidates were eating all kinds of delicious things in a festival, they were laughing and smiling! Fuck, even Braun had smiled when he heard Gabi's laughter. A genuine smile! Porco had noticed how he was slowly becoming more and more expressive again. It was still extremely rare moments but there had been signs of progress since his return. Porco hated those devils for coming in here and leading Braun to withdraw into himself again.
Marley needed the Armored Titan, especially after losing so many titans. They could not fathom losing another one.
The warriors needed a leader after losing Zeke. They would need his expertise and knowledge from spending years on that damn island.
Porco needed Braun.
“...” Braun's eyes were at least now focusing on him though he remained silent. It left Porco panicking that he might have said something aloud. Yet, the conflict he had sought from Braun, that sparkle of life he must have with the commander just a moment ago was gone. It was replaced with the usual tiredness which always seemed to be present within those amber hues.
If Porco did not know better, he might have thought Braun had only a few months left at best from the Curse but no, he still had two years. Porco couldn't imagine what he would look like on the contract's last days then if this was how he was with two years left. That would be a horrible sight for sure. How striking different it was for Porco to compare with that idiot he was seeing in those dreams from his predecessor's memories.
That man, so strong and reliable, imitating his brother, had never come across as more conflicted and weaker than in this moment.
“... How's Colt?” Braun asked then, his eyes darting from Porco's to Pieck's ones.
“Physically, he only has minor injuries… But it's been hard on him, saying how useless he had been from protecting Udo and Zofia, how he failed to stop Gabi and Falco from getting into that airship and the news of Zeke’s...” Pieck sighed, unable to continue and looking desperately at the empty bottles she had helped Porco drinking.
How he wished there were more as well! Despite them not being able to get drunk due to their powers, the bitter taste of cheap alcohol was a lot better than iron. Braun had refused to drink from the bottle he handed him earlier on despite saving it for that idiot.
“He's busy helping to find any survivors.” Porco added, hoping to get Braun to stop himself from thinking about his cousin and her friend and for Pieck to forget that sight of Zeke’s Beast Titan lying down lifeless...
There was nothing they could do now for them.
But at that remark, Braun suddenly stood up again. “Mom...” He muttered, panic showing once more into those features and he was looking around the improvised infirmary room for her. There were only soldiers in here, yet. Upon realizing this, Braun seemed to head to the door to get away.
Not again!
“Oi! Wait!” Porco stood back up quickly reaching for Braun's arms once more. This time thankfully he was not struggling against his grip, his troubles seemed to have taken away any desire of fighting him as he turned towards Pieck and Porco.
“Our families... They were in the audience...” Braun uttered louder, this time being the one to reach for Porco's arms for support. “Are they—” Something in Braun's mind stopped him from saying the word aloud though it was clear what he meant.
There were tears welling up in those eyes when Porco glanced up. How long had it been since he last saw that sight? Back then, Braun was small, fragile, a crybaby, and easy to bicker with. Now, Porco had to look up to stare at those eyes. Braun was massive with all the body mass he won during his time on that island, no longer showing much emotion apart from submitting entirely to Marley.
Only Braun's family seemed to be his weakness. He had shown more sentiments around them than he did in four years by Porco's side.
“My father is fine.” Pieck called from behind, Porco’s eyes were still glued on Braun. “They were thankfully placed away from the scene so he managed to escape before the situation became... Your mom should be alright, Reiner.”
Porco nodded, the ones closest to the scene had been soldiers, journalists and highly placed persons. He remembered mentioning it with Colt and Pieck. It was as if they knew which kind of deaths would be more meaningful to the world. No one would care if Eldians died after all.
Those words were all it took for Braun to finally lose some of that tension in his shoulders. Since he was shirtless Porco could notice. The way his Adam's apple moved as he swallowed, how his chest rose a bit more by taking a deep breath, the air filling his lungs made his torso bigger, and Porco wanted to touch him.
It was a fleeting desire –one he could not stop himself from having. Not when Braun looked like that. Unconsciously his grip onto Braun's biceps tightened. The muscles tensed up for a second under his palms before relaxing, his hands not leaving Porco’s forearms as he definitely needed the support or he might collapse once more.
“Thank God...” Braun muttered, lowering his eyes. His hair had grown too long that it hid his upper face from everyone else’s scrutiny.
However, from up close, Porco could see the tiny pearls of water falling on the ground along with the wet trail from which it came from. It was the first time Porco was seeing Braun crying upon his return. Unlike how loud and ugly it used to be when they were kids, he had grown better at hiding it. This must not be the first time he cried since then, having practiced in being this quiet.
Being a warrior was emotionally a burden. There might be no wounds on their bodies, their injuries healing in the span of a moment but their powers could not heal their broken hearts and minds.
Reiner Braun was the perfect example of that and all they could do was trying to mend, patch all of it up. Being there for each other because no one could understand their burden better than themselves.
Porco moved closer, pressing his face against Braun's shoulder, inviting him in his arms to hide his breakdown to others. With their height difference, it might not work much for Braun but at least, it would hide Porco’s wet cheeks just fine.
It was too late to have any animosity towards Braun. Having face those devils himself, he could understand just how heavy that Paradis mission must have been to Braun. It might have been worst to have Marcel coming back broken up like Braun or for him to have lost his power to one of those devils like Bertolt… This made Porco grateful for that Ymir, she could have stayed on that island, by the one she loved and still chose to return the Jaws to Marley, return Marcel to Porco…
Porco’s grip on Braun’s back tightened at the thoughts of Marcel.
Now was not the time to dwell on the past, Porco had to move forward and acknowledge the cruel reality. Braun was not his enemy, never had been. Their rivalry fueled by Marley to become a Warrior had made them lose the opportunity of being friends or more. Marcel’s death and blaming Braun had blinded Porco in a cycle of worthless rage.
And at this instant, in each other's arms, Porco became aware of just how futile their bickering had been, hating him would not bring back Marcel. He might never fully understand all his choices on Paradis yet there was no denying that Braun was his ally in this. Pieck as well.
They were going to have each other's back because Porco was not going to let any of them die again under his watch.
He would protect them from those devils.
Only then did Porco seem to understand Marcel's action. He was younger than him back then and yet as a warrior he had taken the right decision. Protecting his comrade. He would not let this sacrifice go to waste. Braun was going to live until his term was over even if he had to spend those two years depressed, Porco swore to himself.
The sobs grew sparser in his ears, was it his own or Braun’s? He had no idea, anyhow Braun’s body was completely loose against him. Porco feared he would fall on him from how relaxed he seemed to be. Porco’s arms had moved to hold that thin waist just in case. How uncanny was it for such a buff man to have a slender waist?
You can fall, I will catch you. Porco thought securing his grasp onto the other.
There was no way to soothe his own erratic heartbeats at how close they were, still not quite used to hold someone else. It was the first time... Yet, Porco would not let go of him for anything in the world, not even for Braun’s voice calling out his name, not even for Pieck's soft chuckle in the back, not even for those injured soldiers and nurses staring at them. Porco was not letting him go.
Reiner saved him and Porco would make sure to pay his debt back to him.
One way or another.