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Colin knew from the beginning that he had to share Penelope with Eloise, but he did not know to what extent. At first, he thought it would not be an issue because he was used to it and even grew up with it. However, he was wrong, so very wrong.
It used to never bother him when Eloise was around them; hell, Eloise and Penelope had been inseparable ever since the two of them met at 16. They went to the same secondary school, the same university, and ended up in the same publishing company. It was only normal for them to continually be together.
However, that was before a freight train hit Colin, and he fell hard for Penelope and married her within the same year he realized he was in love with her. He adored his wife, and he wanted to be by her side every waking moment.
It was more so his heart and brain wanted to make up for the lost time with Penelope. However, it was challenging to do so when your most plaguing nightmare of a sister decides to crash everything you do with your wife. They barely had time alone. Since Eloise and Penelope worked together, they would sometimes come home (well to his and Penelope's home) together, and she'd eat dinner and watch tv with them until Colin kicked Eloise out. Sometimes, Eloise would just sleep in their guest bedroom, uninvited.
"Eloise, do you not have a boyfriend? What's his name, Philip? Phillipa?-" Colin demanded.
"Phillipa's my sister," Penelope interjected with a giggle.
"A dog to tend to? Other friends? Anything else at all?" Colin asked exasperatedly whenever his sister would barge into their flat, basically every night.
"Oh, no matter, Philip knows where I am at all times," Eloise answered.
"That's not why I asked." Colin huffed. "Please find other friends or bother Philip more, please!" Colin had resulted in begging, but it fell on deaf ears.
"She is everywhere. Can one of you adopt her, please!" Colin begged his older brothers. Colin usually went over to the local bar, The Clubhouse, with his brothers once a week, a tradition they always upheld even after getting married. He was thankful all their wives understand that they needed this, or they would go crazy. Like right now, Colin was going crazy.
Benedict and Anthony burst out laughing.
"We can't adopt our own sister, and she is nearly 30. She is not adoptable, thank God," Anthony said, swiping a drink down.
"Well, you did marry her best friend," Benedict pointed out. "Those two have been playing in the proverbial sandbox together since they met. In fact, they've been together longer than you've been with Penelope. What did we call them at one point because we were tired of asking where is Penelope and Eloise? We just started asking where is Peneloise!" Benedict chuckled.
"What?! No! We all met Penelope at the same time!" Colin argued, but he knew what Benedict meant. "Also more like PESTeloise," he huffed.
"Yeah, but Eloise stakes claim all the time, that's just her style," Anthony said, shaking his head. He raised his fingers to do a count. "Let's see, she picks Penelope for group partner games, she picks Penelope for night's out, she picks Penelope for holidays," as Anthony went through the list, he tried his darnest to keep his face straight and not burst out laughing again. "I mean, it's absolutely absurd!"
"Eloise can not stake claim to my wife. I married her! I stake claim!" Colin pointed to himself, scowling at Anthony. He didn't know if he was genuinely annoyed or his 2nd glass of beer was getting to him.
"Did you, though? It seems like Penelope got married to Eloise first," Benedict snickered. Colin whipped his head to glare at Benedict.
"Thank God we married other people that our sisters weren't close to,"Anthony stated, glancing at Benedict, who nodded vigorously.
"Fucking terrifying," Benedict trembled.
"Can you imagine?" Anthony asked, and Colin knew this was to just stir him up, but he took the bait anyway.
"Yeah, I can," Colin barked, taking a swig of his beer. Anthony and Benedict laughed before smacking Colin's back at the same time, making him spit his beer back out.
Fucking brothers, the worst.
Maybe Simon could understand him better since he was married to Daphne and had to deal with all three brothers. Colin groaned, poor Simon. Now he knew how he felt. But for the most part, they left Simon and Daphne alone after they got married. So maybe, not Poor Simon. Colin wanted to cry into his glass of beer.
"Someone get this man another beer, he needs it," Benedict yelled out to a bartender.
"Eloise!" Colin jerked up a couple of times a week to find his sister on Penelope's side of the bed. "What the hell are you doing in our bed again?!"
Eloise, not even batting an eye, continued to turn a page on the book she was reading.
"What? You were sleeping."
Colin glared at his sister before shifting his attention to his wife, who was literally red in the face because she was holding her laughter in.
Penelope was enjoying this torture. One of the many reasons he married her, while she was the sweetest wallflower on earth, she was also the most diabolical.
"Darling, are you seriously going to let this happen? In our bed?" he groaned, on the verge of pouting. A Bridgerton man did not pout, but his sister was seriously reducing him to deeds he would not do before.
"Oh Colin, sorry she's like this, that's just Eloise" Penelope smiled softly. "Philip is away on business, and really, this rarely happens," she whispered, her eyes darting to the side to look at Eloise.
"Rarely?" he spluttered in disbelief. "It happens way too often," he grumbled.
"I mean, we used to be roommates. It's a hard habit for Eloise to let go off," Penelope breathed apologetically and stroked Colin's hair. He immediately relaxed, even with his bothersome sister on the other side of Penelope. "And even then, we rarely stayed in our own beds, we were always on the couch."
"Or each other's beds. Whoever was the laziest that day, the other will perch." Eloise spoke, still not looking up from her book.
"So you're perching here?" Colin questioned, annoyed. Colin gawked at Penelope, his eyes screeching, but Penelope's delicate gaze and apologetic smile made him melt.
God damnit, he loved her so much. She would flash any look at him and he was a puddle of goo. Could he ever deny Penelope anything? He slid off the bed, leaving his wife and best friend on his bed. No, he couldn't.
Note to self, next time, sleep in the nude so Eloise would be grossed out….
And that's precisely what he did a few days later.
Colin thought he had reached his limit, but nothing could prepare him for this. After a few days of traveling for work, he just wanted to go home, take a nice long bath, preferably with his wife, and then cuddle all weekend long.
He opened the door to this apartment only to get slammed backward, feeling pressure on his chest and slimy slobbers on his face.
He opened his eyes to see a sizeable wet snoot on his face.
"Ba...be… wha… what-," he sputtered.
"Colin!! Look!" Penelope squealed as she rushed to his side. Colin thought she wanted to help him up, but as he outstretched his hand out for her to grab, she instead grabbed the dog and squeezed it.
"Okay then," he mumbled, getting up himself. "Babe, what the hell is this?!"
"How do you like Lady W, LW for short, Lady if you feel kindly that day!" an annoying grating voice came from the living room. Colin's jaw locked as he saw a snickering younger Briderton at the living room doorway.
"I...I don't want Lady W…" Colin blinked, his brain trying to process the dog barking and jumping around Penelope while his sister was obviously relishing the situation. "Lady W is a stupid name."
Not really, Colin thought. Lady Whistledown was Penelope's pen name for her books. It made sense, but Colin did not want to admit that, nor did he want a dog.
"This stupid dog looks like Kate's," he stared at the short, long dog that was incessantly barking.
"It's a corgi!" Penelope screeched. "It looks like Newton! They'll be cousins!!" Penelope said too excitedly, letting the dog lick her face enthusiastically.
"I heard you guys are trying to get a kid. What better way to practice than with a dog!" Eloise said gleefully, clapping her hands. She was incredibly proud of herself, but Colin wanted to strangle the living daylights out of her.
"Colin?" Penelope let out a soft sweet voice.
Oh, no … not that voice.
"Penelope, no…"
"Colin? Please?" more soft sweet honey suckling tone escaped her precious lips.
He sucked copious amounts of air in, closing his eyes, a hand going to that throbbing vein on his forehead. He opened an eye to peek at Penelope. She was gazing up at him with her wide bright glossy eyes. They were twinkling. He looked at the dog, and the dog gave the same look Penelope was giving him, equipped with a whine.
Fucking puppy dog eyes.
"Are you both kidding me?" he stared incredulously at the dog and his wife. After a few seconds, Colin exhaled loudly and raised his hands up at his side in defeat.
"Fine! But Eloise cleans up his poop and walks him every day! Not me got it?!"
Nope, no one got it, because Colin ended up picking up LW's poop because he ended up loving LW as much as Penelope did.
When Penelope announced she was pregnant, the problem definitely persisted exponentially. Eloise would be with her every waking moment, shoving down as many 'what to expect when you're expecting' facts at Penelope, citing that it could hopefully make the baby as smart as Penelope, and would cut down the dumb genes from Colin. And if she wasn't, she was calling every second of the hour, asking about Penelope's welfare more so than him. And he was the husband.
"Penelope, tell me the truth," Colin suddenly asked his wife on one fair Saturday. There was time before Eloise came over or called. Colin memorized the times Eloise would be asleep or had to run errands before she started storming around.
Penelope peered at him, her eyes tinged with slight worry. "Yes?" she quirked a brow.
"You have to truly answer me, no lies," Colin said gravely.
Penelope's eyes widened. She was alarmed. "Colin! I would never lie to you ever. What is this about-?"
"Is Eloise the real father of this child or me?"
Penelope blinked rapidly, confusion staining her face before she understood what he just said, exploding into the most earth-shattering laughter he's ever heard from her. She kept laughing, her face turning purple from lack of air. Colin beamed, his heart slamming against his chest, roaring with such happiness - he could watch her laugh all day.
She placed a hand on her bulging tummy while the other slapped her thigh. She was out of control, gasping for air, tears rolling down her cheek from so much laughter. Colin couldn't help but laugh along with her, as he swept her up into his arms to joyfully hug her, his hands rubbing her tummy. He was going to be a father with the love of his life. His life was great.
Colin tried his best to swat away the pest that was his sister. He tried pretty valiantly.
"Colin Bridgerton, did you change the locks?" Penelope asked walking into their flat after a full day's work. She placed her bag on the kitchen chair, dropping her new set of keys on the counter.
Colin, not raising his head from his laptop, kept typing. He kept his snicker at bay, holding a most stoic expression. "Yes, Darling, I did! But no worries, I swapped out your keys without you knowing. It's seamless isn't it?"
He could feel her frowning. "Knowing that, don't you want to know how I know the locks were changed?"
Oh, Colin knew precisely how she knew, but he wasn't going to fall into that trap. With all his might, he quelled a smirk he shrugged.
"Oh, I don't need to know."
"Colin Bridgerton."
He finally looked up, a smirk plastered on his face when he observed his wife's disapproving face. She had her lips pursed to the side, an eyebrow arched in an inquiry.
"Your sister is livid. She tried to come by this morning to pick something up, and nothing could work."
"Why does Eloise even have a spare key??!" Colin questioned in disbelief, his eyebrows knitting together. "I don't even give my brothers my spare key." He scowled. "We don't even give our mothers our spare key!"
Penelope grinned. "I know, she just likes the option of coming over whenever she wants," she shrugged.
"But you moved out from your apartment with her, and into mine. So technically, she has keys to my-," Penelope raised a brow, " -our apartment." Colin corrected. As Penelope got closer, he grabbed her waist to pull her against him. Making her sit on his lap.
"Darling, are you married to Eloise or me?" Colin asked as he wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder. She squirmed as his hands fluttered about her stomach, hips, and thighs. He turned his face so his lips were now touching her neck. She sighed.
"Oh, don't be silly, of course, y—,"
The door banged open, and heavy, deliberately loud footsteps stomped into their flat. Colin gritted his teeth as Penelope sighed and jumped out of his lap.
"HELLO, DEAR BROTHER," Eloise purposely yelled out, making Lady W jump up and bark perpetually. Colin began to feel a migraine coming on.
Colin glowered at his sister. "Hello Eloise…" he glanced back at his wife. "Did you not lock the door behind you?"
He heard the jingling of keys, snapping his head up to see Eloise. She had a hand on her jutting hip and a set of keys in the other.
He frowned, and one shameful look from his wife told him everything he needed to know. "Pen, really? Barely a day, and she has the new keys."
"We work in the same office and department, Colin! When she couldn't come in this morning, and I already left, she came charging at me at work," Penelope hissed at him.
"Yes, and I made an extra set of keys," Eloise announced, throwing a set of keys onto the kitchen counter. "Nice try, Colin."
Short of killing her, Colin didn't know what else to do to get rid of this pest.
One day Colin came home early and found the door to his apartment unlocked, and Lady W wasn't barking and greeting him at the door. Regularly, a person would start freaking out if his door was unlocked, especially when he knew his wife was still working. However, their family was not normal since they often had a third wheel rolling into their house.
Eloise was here. He rolled his eyes as he walked in, Lady W finally trampling out to bark and greet him. He heard a few snickers and voices coming from the guest, well , now incoming baby's bedroom. He slowly tiptoed to the room to find Benedict and Eloise. The floor of the bedroom was covered in plastic, and there were paint cans on the floor. Benedict was clutching a paintbrush, and Eloise was right next to him.
"What… what is happening here?" Colin demanded, his nostrils starting to flare, he felt growing anger fill him.
"Uh-Oh," Benedict took off his gloves after he set down the paintbrush. "Hey Bro, so we-,"
"No," Colin raised a finger at Benedict, motioning him to stop talking. "Out, Benedict."
"Well, okay, but-," Benedict glanced nervously at Eloise, who started to move.
"No. You. Stay. Benedict. Out." Colin ordered.
"Benedict.. outttt," Benedict said, giving a thumbs up to Eloise and mouthing "good luck', slinking past Colin, patting Lady W before slamming the door shut behind him. Benedict knew better than to hang around when Colin was in a mood.
"Why are you like this?" Colin demanded, his mouth set in a grim line.
Eloise sputtered at him in disbelief. "Like what?? Like being nice and sprucing up this room? It was dull, dull for the baby."
"No Eloise! I mean everything! Penelope and I are married, and you keep barging in like you still live with her, you call her every day, you jump in our bed, you get us a dog, you paint the baby's room!" Colin let everything flood out, just unloading it all on his sister. He's had it, and he was going to let her know.
"You know if this were someone else, they would've kicked you out a long time ago, but you're my sister and Penelope's best friend, so I didn't," heat licked his skin, he was furious.
"Colin, I know that! Okay! Geez!" Eloise snapped back.
Heat left him just as quickly as it came. Colin blinked rapidly. He did not think Eloise would agree with him. "Excuse me?" he frowned, pursing his lips in confusion. Was he getting pranked right now? He looked around to find Benedict, but he was nowhere to be found.
"I know, I know I do things that annoy you, but I don't mean it! When you've actually been with your wife for 12 years non-stop, it's hard to just let go." Eloise said, crossing her arms, as if trying to contain whatever emotion she had in.
"You mean, my wife, right?"
"Yes, I mean, if you were in my shoes, being with YOUR wife non-stop, you'd understand," Eloise said impatiently. Colin did understand. Ever since he fell in love with Penelope, all he wanted was to be with Penelope.
"It's just a hard habit to let go of!" Eloise bowed her head, casting her gaze downward. Avoiding Colin's.
"She was my best friend first before she became your wife." She pouted. "I was there whenever she was sad because my dumbass brother was too dumb to notice her. I thought we would be spinsters together. But instead, she married…you, guh," she stuck her tongue out in disgust.
Colin exhaled out loudly. Damnit, Eloise had a point. While he was out traveling, overlooking his feelings for Penelope for most of their years, Eloise was there. He owed Eloise not only for bringing him his wife but for keeping her happy for the years he neglected to do so. Her arguments were valid. That was probably why he was able to let Eloise trample in their lives for this long.
Without Eloise, he probably would've lost Penelope a long time ago. His sister kept Penelope around and close by, making him realize how much he couldn't live without Penelope throughout the years. If anything, he actually owed this relationship to Eloise.
He sighed loudly. Lord help him. He strolled over to Eloise and gave her a pat on her shoulder.
"Ugh fine! Fine! But you have to have boundaries El! Because you have none!" he said gruffly. She looked shocked but then broke out into a large smile.
"Fine fine!" she said, nodding. "I understand why you're mad. And I get it—no ill feelings. You're honestly a great brother and husband." she said, even if she cringed a little saying it.
Colin chuckled.
"I'll make you a bargain, you leave us alone most of the time, and I'll give you Benedict's spare key to his apartment, so you can torture him instead," Colin offered.
"Oh?" Eloise's eyes flickered. "Wait, how do you have Benedict's key? He doesn't give it to anyone! And I am his favorite sibling," she stated, cocking her head to the side, checking to see if he was lying.
Colin grinned and shrugged. "I have my ways, maybe you aren't Benedict's favorite sibling after all."
Eloise stared at him before smirking. "You stole his keys and made a copy. Why didn't I think of that!" she snickered. Colin rolled his eyes because she did exactly that to Penelope's keys.
"Because you don't know where he puts his keys at home."
"And you do?!?"
"Only when we get him shit-faced wasted after the clubhouse and have to drag him home, yeah."
"You're the worst…." she murmured, then grinned. "But also the best."
"Do we have an agreement Eloise Bridgerton? Please give me and my wife space, and you'll get keys to Benedict's so you have someone else torture."
"Do I still get to come over often?" she inquired cautiously. "Penelope is giving birth soon."
"As often as you like, just CALL first, or KNOCK. It's hard trying to sex your own wife when your younger sister barges in cock blocking at every turn."
"OMG EW Colin!" Eloise blurted, face scrunching in disgust.
"I don't care, Eloise, I've been cock blocked enough you're gonna hear all this."
"Okay! Okay! I'll call when I come over I won't barge in."
"And stop buying us things."
"What did I—"
"The dog!!!"
"Oh, but LW is such a good doggo," Eloise crooned at Lady W, who came and sat by her leg.
Traitor , Colin shot LW a dirty look. LW whimpered, laying on all fours.
"No more, Eloise. And no more imposing your opinions, thoughts and whatever on us-,"
"What since when-," Eloise started to argue.
"Since everything. Case in point, this room! You painted the baby's wall without our permission!" he pointed to the bedroom, with paint on the wall.
"Well technically, Benedict did. I just told him what to paint," Eloise mumbled, rocking back and forth on her heels. She was dodging this. The nerve.
"No more, Eloise," he warned. Colin rarely used such tones with Eloise, but enough was enough. He had to set some boundaries. Eloise got the point as her sly facade dropped.
Eloise crossed her arms and pouted. She glared intensely at Colin before letting out a loud exhale and started to shake and move her body akin to a baby throwing a tantrum.
"Ughhhh. Fine. But…" she paused, a thumb flying to her mouth, and she started to bite her nail. A sign of nervousness on her part, Colin recognized. His expression softened.
"Do you not like it?" her voice just a whisper now.
Colin looked at the wall, it was a gorgeous baby blue, a Bridgerton color, and it painted the walls so softly. It served as a base and a background, as in the middle was a beautifully drawn tree, full of vibrant green leaves and blossoming pink flowers. It was so serene, impressive, and so Bridgerton.
He smiled fondly at the art. "I love it. Pen would particularly love it," he nodded, approving of it.
"Yay!! Oh my god, I really thought about this," Eloise released a sigh of relief, a palm pressed to her heart.
"And when the baby comes, you'll be its godmother and will take care of both baby and Lady W, when we need a break." Colin had a whole Eloise list to take care of if she wanted to stay in this relationship.
Eloise gasped. "I mean, of course! I mean I am not surprised because who else could you have picked -,"
"Kate, Daphne, Michael," Colin said flatly.
Eloise shut her mouth, her jaw jutting out. Colin had a surplus of people that could be his children's godparents. However, he knew that Penelope would have wanted her best friend to be their firstborn's godmother. There was no bargaining that, but he had to keep Eloise on her toes.
"Of course," Eloise mumbled.
He then smiled and stretched his arms out.
"What… what is this?" she asked, baffled, moving her fingers to indicate "this" and in a very Eloise style, it was both funny and insulting at the same time.
"This is a fucking hug Eloise, take it as a Bridgerton bonded pact. You keep your promise, or else."
While Colin and Eloise had an agreement, he truly did not trust his sister. How could he? All the Bridgertons were ruthless and despicable. So the next day, he tested out his theory.
"COLIN EW!" a shriek pierced his ears, waking Colin from his slumber. He jerked up, groggy and so pissed he was getting woken up this early.
He glared at his sister, who was standing over the bed. "Put a shirt on!" she yelled, covering her eyes with her hands. "And by god, you better be wearing -,"
"Nope." He replied cooly. He knew what she was going to ask him, did he have pants on. No, the answer was no.
"Disgusting!" she shrieked.
Penelope, who was stirring from her sleep, blinked slowly. "Good Morning Eloise…" she yawned.
"Not a Good Morning, more like a traumatizing morning," she said bitingly at Penelope. "Tell your husband to wear some clothes."
"Well, you should've knocked like you promised," Colin smirked.
Eloise turned on her heels and stormed out, slamming their bedroom door. Penelope glanced at Colin, her eyes darting up from his face, dropping to his chest and then lower. The ends of her lips upturned into a coy smile. She was studying him, and he gathered she liked what she saw.
"Good job Colin," Penelope said, her eyes twinkling.
"Oh, I dare say I should sleep in the nude more often. In fact, I should walk around our house nude more often," he gave Penelope a cocky smile, starting to move predator-like towards her.
"Oh? To keep Eloise away?" she asked playfully, pulling the covers over her chest.
He flashed her a seductive smile, pulling the covers down, running his hand down her shoulder blade, softly trailing over her chest. She shuddered against his touch.
"No, so I can easily have access to you," he grinned, fully towering over her, pinning her down. "You should do the same too, sleep and walk around the house nude," his fingers intertwining in her red hair before slanting his mouth across hers in a demanding but tender kiss.
"Colin!" She sighed against his lips. "Eloise is right outside."
"And if she knows better, she's staying outside." He grinned again before hearing the bark of Lady W, and a click of the door. Eloise took their dog for a walk to give them some peace from her and their dog.
Bless, maybe it wasn't so bad having her around after all.