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It was getting late at night. Normally that wouldn’t mean anything to the average person . But to
me it was nerve racking. So I ignored it for a while, but the clock kept ticking down until my
doom. It kept getting closer and closer, so I kept putting it off and trying to forget about it. Then
when my boyfriend Rantaro got up from the couch and said he was going to get ready for bed.
Suddenly the fear multiplied by seven fold. My mind was in a panic and I finally mustered up the
courage to tell him “Hey Taro I’m not doing too well.” He looked at me confused for half a
second and then it clicked. “What’s wrong sweetie? Is it happening again?” he said as he sat
back down on the couch beside me. I started tearing up and my breathing started to speed up
as I said “yeah… i’m really scared to go to bed…” Rantaro put his arm around me and said
“*sigh* hun you should have told me sooner. Now come here.” he said as he pulled me into a
hug. “It’s ok sweetie we can get through this together. Now come on let's go take your
medication.” I was hesitant to take my medication because I knew it would make me sleepy. The
thought of it made me very uncomfortable and afraid. “No! I don’t wanna!” I protested. He
backed away from the hug, held both of my hands and said “It’s ok I know you don’t want to, but
it will make you feel better. If you stay up all night and don't take your meds, you will feel sick.
Your sleep schedule will be off too .” Then with a concerned look in his eyes he said “Come on
let's go…” I knew he was right even though everything in my mind was trying to tell me to go
against his advice. “Ok… let's go” I said, feeling defeated as I let him lead me to the kitchen. We
got to the kitchen and I started to take out all the medication I needed for the night. “Ok now let's
get you some water…” Rantaro said as he went to get the glass of water from the faucet and
bring it to me. I started to get physically nervous. He took me into a hug and said “It’s ok, you’re
gonna be ok sweetie.” Our embrace ended. I took a few deep breaths, put the pills in my mouth
and swallowed them with the water. As I took my meds he rubbed my back.. He looked into my
eyes with such kind eyes and said “Good job, I knew you could do it. Now let me lock up and
then we can go upstairs, ok???.” Next he went around locking doors and turning off lights. He
came back to lead me upstairs, and said “Ok now lets brush our teeth, wash our face, and then I
need to take my contacts out also.” We went into the bathroom and did so. I went and laid down
in bed before he did. He came out of the bathroom with his glasses on. It is always cute when
he has them on. I don’t get to see him wear them too often so when he does it’s sorta special.
Rantaro walked over to the bed, took off his glasses, and laid down with a large sigh. I was even
more uncomfortable and nervous then before since it was actually time to fall asleep. My
breathing sped up and I felt like I wanted to escape. I didn’t know where I wanted to escape to…
maybe to a place where sleep doesn’t exist?? I was restless and Rantaro saw this, he said
“Come here” as he pulled me into an embrace. I snuggled into his chest. Being in his arms was
so warm and comforting. “Don’t worry sweetie nothing is going to happen to you. Sleep isn’t
going to hurt you. I won’t let anything hurt you.” I hugged him back as hard as I could and tried
to slow my breathing down, while he petted my hair and rubbed my back. As I became more
calm our hugging became more loose. We slowly drifted to sleep…
Even though I am stuck in this cycle of pain with no way out… having him here makes things better.