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No. No no no.
He didn’t do it again. He didn’t just do it again. He didn’t—
“BAEKHYUN!”
Kyungsoo stumbled forward, reaching Baekhyun in a fumble of frantic steps. It’s his prince, the one he’d killed hundreds of years ago, and now he was seconds away from repeating the same mistake.
“Baekhyun, no no no please no. Please,” Kyungsoo hiccupped, tears welling up in his eyes. He never intended for this to happen. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Kyungsoo felt his words rush out of him as if he were a broken cassette, accompanied by his sobs that seemed incapable of stopping—this was his fault, all his fault.
“Don’t cry,” Baekhyun coughed, trying to ignore the sharp pain in his chest—he couldn’t speak as the arrow had punctured his lung. And yet, he didn’t care; because as much as the pain twisted his gut and he’s struggling to catch his breath, he just didn’t want Kyungsoo to cry.
“You look ugly like this,” Baekhyun joked, feeling his head spinning even more, blood bubbling at his mouth. “So don’t cry... yeah?”
“Shhh, don’t talk. It’ll make the pain worse,” Kyungsoo managed to gasp out, clutching Baekhyun tightly in his arms.
“No, I want to.” Blood. “It’s not… your fault, Kyungsoo. It’s okay, I’m okay.” More blood.
Kyungsoo’s lips quivered, holding Baekhyun even more tightly in his arms. “No, it’s my fault. Everything is my fault,” he said, tears threatening to fall on his cheeks. “I shouldn’t have borrowed the arrow, leaving you here for a while, and I should have told you earlier about all of this. About this accursed cycle. I should’ve dug into my past memories more. I shouldn’t have killed you in our past life. I—”
“Stop. It’s not your fault, Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun smiled weakly, and it’s amazing how even in his last moments, Baekhyun was smiling as ever brightly—the smile that made Kyungsoo fall in love with him, over and over again. “Promise me, we’ll meet again? As we promised hundreds of years ago?”
It left Kyungsoo stunned for a while, and he hated himself for hesitating. It’s not even because he didn’t want to meet Baekhyun again—heavens knew how badly he wanted to always meet him, to fall in love with him all over again, and to be with him in every lifetime. But rather, it’s because Kyungsoo wanted it so much... so much that it hurt.
…So much that he didn’t want to make the same mistake again—he didn’t want them both to meet again only for it to end in Baekhyun’s death once more. If not meeting him in their next life could make Baekhyun live longer, he would do it.
But Baekhyun took his hand in his, his touch warm and reassuring.
“Please? Kyungsoo?”
Kyungsoo didn’t stand a chance; he never could resist him. That’s why he gripped Baekhyun’s hand in return, as if by squeezing it as tightly as possible he could ensure he would never lose the warmth it radiated. “I promise.”
“Pretty, pinky promise?” Baekhyun smiled, eyes crinkling with overflowing love and happiness.
“Pretty, pinky promise,” Kyungsoo smiled back, trying to hold back his tears. Now more than ever, he knew he had to show Baekhyun his happy smile.
“I love you, my prince. So much.”
And just like that, the warmth in his hand disappeared.
➵
Sometimes, he didn’t know whether to thank every God out there for this or not. Sure, he got to spend more time with someone he was having a crush on—his long-pent-up crush. But in his defense, he had his reasons for keeping his feelings to himself.
A reasonable one. A very reasonable one.
But if he told Jongdae about this, his best friend would think he was spouting nonsense.
“I swear, if this time you still insist on keeping your feelings to yourself and don’t take this opportunity to actually hit on him, I’m gonna hit my head on the wall instead. He’s obviously attracted to you too, for God’s sake!”
What a melodramatic person, Kyungsoo thought.
Jongdae was his best friend from college. They’d both been archaeology majors, and were now working in the same place as archeologists. That’s where they’d met Baekhyun.
But Kyungsoo couldn’t really blame him for being dramatic, either. Jongdae had been there for so long, watching them dance around each other but never actually work anything out. Mostly, it was Kyungsoo who was to blame.
But could anyone fault him? He’d met his past love again, for the fifth time. Really, Kyungsoo’s so happy to meet Baekhyun, but after all, he’s scared—to be the cause of Baekhyun’s death again. At the back of his mind, the same thought remained—avoiding all contact with Baekhyun would ensure that they couldn’t fall in love, which would in turn ensure that Baekhyun not die a painful, premature death.
He remembered almost every last bit of his past mistakes, and it never ceased to torment him—to know you were the cause of your lover’s death, and have always been, in every lifetime.
And that’s why, he swore he wouldn’t make the same mistake again this time.
“Good morning, Kyungsoo!”
But maybe, Kyungsoo couldn’t really avoid his destiny forever.
“Ah, good morning, Baekhyun.”
“So we’re paired together for this expedition, right?” Baekhyun grinned, and it wouldn’t have taken a genius to tell that Baekhyun was excited at the prospect of this. It’s likely because of the partner he was paired with, and Kyungsoo felt a pang at the thought of that possibility.
“Yes.”
“I still can’t believe they’re trusting us with such a big mission. Joseon artifacts!” Baekhyun whistled, shaking his head.
Honestly, Kyungsoo wanted so badly to say that it was not at all surprising, because it’s nothing but their fate pushing them towards the inevitable. And yet, he couldn’t get his mouth to open, because he knew he couldn’t tell Baekhyun. If anything, it was probably for the best for Baekhyun not to remember their past lives—they had done nothing but suffered, over and over again, and the last thing he wanted was for his Baekhyun to be hurt one more time.
It wasn’t for the lack of trying. God knows how hard Kyungsoo had fought to find a loophole. Each time, against his better judgment, he let himself believe that he had indeed found a way to break the curse; that this time, they could actually be together for every lifetime. But it was never to be. It didn’t help that his past memories never revealed much to him either. He never knew which weapon would be the cause of Baekhyun’s death at his own hand, and all he ever remembered was their meetings, their confessions, and himself hugging Baekhyun’s lifeless body.
Kyungsoo forced himself to muster a strained smile. “Yeah. I was surprised too.”
“You know, that era intrigues me a lot,” Baekhyun said, smiling playfully. “I’ve even dreamt of being in that time. Like, I was a prince and someone—I think it was the king? He’s wearing some kind of golden robe—and he’s aiming his arrow at me.” Baekhyun chuckles. “I’ve even gotten that dream not just once. Maybe ten? Twenty? Fifty? I don’t know, but honestly, it’s way too often,” he laughed, shaking his head.
Kyungsoo tilted his head to the side, feigning ignorance. Because honestly, it wasn’t a complete lie. The only thing he had knowledge of was how they were always princes in their past lives together. This king who was shooting Baekhyun in his dream was a whole new piece of information to him.
“What a weird dream,” Kyungsoo grinned in jest. “Just like you.”
Baekhyun faked a pout, but laughed anyway.
“Well, I can’t blame your subconscious for being preoccupied with the crown prince. History says he was extremely skilled with the bow and arrow,” Kyungsoo smiled. He was loath to admit it, but the simple sight of Baekhyun laughing so freely was enough to tug on his heartstrings. Even if he wasn’t quite his in this lifetime, even if this beautiful laughter didn't belong to Kyungsoo this time, he’s content this way.
“Oooh,” Baekhyun whistled, “seems that our pro archer is interested in their prince?”
Kyungsoo laughed, the irony of the situation not lost on him. Trust Baekhyun to be so dramatic as always. “I’m just interested in the art of archery, that’s all.”
“But it’s more than that, you have a real talent for it!” Baekhyun pressed, nudging him playfully in the ribs. “How can I forget all the bullseyes you hit during our archery club days? You know, you should teach me a couple of tricks someday.”
Kyungsoo chuckled, yet the pang in his chest only got sharper. It almost felt like too much for him to play off as casual conversation. It was taking him down a memory lane he didn't know he wanted to go down, because this was just like how they used to be—just like how the princes of Goryeo loved to bicker back and forth in their secret place, and how the same princes of Joseon loved to chat all day about nothing in particular. It’s the way Baekhyun playfully talked to him, how Baekhyun’s eyes lit up with mischief, and Kyungsoo wanted this to go on forever. Kyungsoo wanted him, but again, he knew he couldn’t. And he knew it was all to ensure that the smile on Baekhyun’s lips stayed there for as long as humanly possible.
“Maybe,” Kyungsoo snorted. “Maybe one day I’ll show you how to look half as cool as I do while shooting an arrow.”
➵
“Seriously, do they really think we can find something new in these ruins?” Baekhyun muttered, rolling his eyes.
“Well, they said there’s a hidden legacy from their prince,” Kyungsoo shrugged. “Let’s just collect as much data as we can.”
Baekhyun sighed in resignation. This was all useless; the former archeologists had found almost all the remains they could preserve. But he roamed around the prince’s room anyway, stooping down whenever necessary to prod something or another.
Hours passed and Baekhyun really just wanted to get out of there and grab something to eat. Not to mention, his back was starting to get sore.
He was just about to stand up for the last time when his eyes landed on something caught under one of the wooden floorboards. It was propping the floorboard up ever so slightly.
“What’s—?” Baekhyun murmured, even as he swooped down to pry the wood away. Carefully, so as to not disturb any other remnants in the room, Baekhyun freed the plank, gasping as he revealed a chest beneath it.
“Woah,” he breathed, “Kyungsoo, come here!”
Baekhyun knew they weren’t supposed to touch the newfound artefact without carrying out due processes, but somehow, he felt a sudden draw towards it. A strange, itching sensation spread to the tips of his fingers—his hand was already finding its way over to the latch. For some inexplicable reason, he had to know at once what lay within the coffer. He couldn’t wait for the whole team to inspect it.
And also strangely enough, it felt like he knew he’d been waiting for this all his life.
Now.
The creaking sound of the lid opening pierced the air, before a thick cloud of dust exploded into the air from within the ancient chest.
“Woah,” Baekhyun found himself thinking somewhat thickly. “It’s so old. And the artefacts in it as well.”
And through the fog in his mind, Baekhyun also found himself thinking.
Where had he seen these before? Why did they seem so oddly familiar?
A mounting sense of unease was rising in his throat.
Every single thing was neatly arranged: a stack of old scrolls (one of which was put in a separate bottle), books, rings, a set of royal garb, bloodied, and... a bow with its arrow. It’s like a déjà vu, yet a thousand times fiercer—
A sharp, stabbing pain gripped his chest as his head began to whirl. As the stinging pain continued, a confusing flood of memories came rushing back to him.
He could vaguely register Kyungsoo’s panicked voice, but all he could focus on was the pain in his chest and the voice ringing in his head. He knew it’s the effect of his headache, but the voice in his head sounded oddly like… Kyungsoo.
A warm sensation suddenly spread throughout his hand. It was the tight, desperate grip of someone—someone he’d known. Someone he’d known too well, and Baekhyun remembered now: how that person had smiled so reassuringly, how safe he’d felt. How Baekhyun had felt a burst of fondness as the figure linked their little fingers together.
“Pretty, pinky promise.”
That was all it took for the remainder of Baekhyun’s memories to overwhelm his mind. All at once, he knew who he’d been, where he’d come from. Who he’d left behind each time.
He’d been a prince during the Joseon era.
And the Goryeo era as well.
And Kyungsoo… had been his lover in every lifetime.
Like a bow snapping back into shape after its arrow has been released, Baekhyun returned to his senses. His neck cracked in protest from the sudden movement, yet Baekhyun could not have cared less.
Kyungsoo… Kyungsoo was here.
His love. His dear prince. Kyungsoo was right in front of him. And they met again in this lifetime as they promised. Baekhyun was finding it hard to breathe.
“Baekhyun? Are you okay?”
Baekhyun could see how Kyungsoo’s eyes glistened with concern, worry plain across his face. And in this light, Kyungsoo was so beautiful. Somehow, all he could think of was how his prince was still so stunning, just the same as he’d been all those hundreds of years ago, with his doe eyes that would grow bigger every time the man was surprised or curious.
The thought alone made Baekhyun’s heart swell with fondness. And of course, those thick eyebrows which he loved to touch every time Kyungsoo was sleeping soundly on his lap. His cute nose. His long eyelashes. His cheekbones. And his plump, red lips he always loved to kiss. Everything was beyond beautiful in its own way. His prince was as perfect as he’d always been.
He’d missed his prince. So much. Suddenly this was all Baekhyun was aware of. He wanted to take him in his arms at once, to kiss him until he ran out of breath.
So Baekhyun took a small step forward, hands faintly reaching forward.
But Kyungsoo was taking a step back.
“Kyung..soo?” Baekhyunʼs hand faltered. “It’s me—”
Kyungsoo had backed off—Kyungsoo had rejected him. It brought every confidence in him shattered, because through the hazy of his mind, he still hoped Kyungsoo still remembered him, still wanted him, and he didn’t know what to do if Kyungsoo hadn’t wanted him anymore.
As if in response to his unspoken questions, Kyungsoo averted his eyes, breaking their eye contact.
Oh.
Kyungsoo didn’t want him anymore.
Baekhyun couldn’t help but let out a hollow laugh.
Honestly, he should’ve known this would happen. It had been so long. Too long. Kyungsoo wouldn’t want him anymore.
Kyungsoo was too perfect. Too good to be true for him in this lifetime.
“Never mind,” he whispered, his voice soft despite the bitterness on his tongue. “I don’t know what I was saying. Don’t… mind what I said, just forget it.”
At that, Kyungsoo looked up, his eyes surprised and conflicted, and Baekhyun hated how it gave him hope that maybe Kyungsoo was just hiding his emotions—that maybe he could try again one more time.
That’s why, he took another step closer. And Kyungsoo almost didn’t take a step back in response. Almost.
It seemed like the last thing Kyungsoo had expected was for Baekhyun to take another step towards him, because he promptly tripped over the ancient chest which lay wide open on the ground, its wonders laid bare yet endlessly mysterious.
Baekhyun widened his eyes, crouching down at once to check on Kyungsoo. For a few seconds, he was hesitant—would Kyungsoo back away if Baekhyun got any closer? And yet, his body seemed to have a mind of its own; he was already drawing towards Kyungsoo.
“Are you okay? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to surprise you...” Baekhyun trailed off. Up close, every single detail of Kyungsoo’s features was there for him to appreciate. Baekhyun held his breath, sinking heavily to the floor, and in that long moment, just admiring Kyungsoo’s beauty over and over again. This was all so overwhelming to him. Like a strange lucid dream, he couldn't stop himself from getting lost in it. Baekhyun could hardly believe this perfect man used to be his.
Kyungsoo’s eyes landed on the opened chest, and his eyes widened.
Baekhyun could only watch him as Kyungsoo reached out to the chest, trailing the edge of the case with his fingertips. Before Baekhyun could even open his mouth, Kyungsoo’s fingers had closed around the worn-out bottle.
With trembling hands, Kyungsoo lifted it out and opened it, tilting it just enough for the scroll to slide out.
Kyungsoo gripped it tightly as he went on to read the ancient script that covered the surface of the scroll. His face froze as his eyes scanned the lines, his silent reading only interrupted by a few sporadic gasps.
Baekhyun could only stare at him with growing bewilderment as he let Kyungsoo be immersed in his own world of thoughts. That was, until he noticed a lonely tear running down Kyungsooʼs cheek.
Baekhyun panicked, and he couldnʼt stop his hand from reaching out, from wiping away the tears falling from Kyungsooʼs eyes.
But Kyungsoo only started sobbing even harder.
“No, donʼt cry. Donʼt cry, please,” Baekhyun rambled helplessly, his hand clasping Kyungsoo’s chin as tenderly as he could. “What’s wrong, Kyungsoo?” he asked, trying to calm him as best as he could.
And suddenly, abruptly, Kyungsoo smiled through his tears. He was smiling at Baekhyun with eyes glistening with something slightly inscrutable, something that looked like hope, and Baekhyun was beyond lost.
“Read this,” Kyungsoo instructed, thrusting the scroll into his hands. Uncertainly, Baekhyun took it.
The handwriting was weirdly familiar...
The letter—but how did he immediately know it was a letter?—was written in an ancient language, but gradually, as he stared down at them, the words began to make themselves understandable to him.
30th of January, 1442
Today, the night seems colder than ever. The sun doesn’t shine as bright as it used to, these days. Actually, it’s not only today, but yesterday, two days before, and years before as well. Somehow, I know tomorrow will be the same, too. I believe it’s your fault, Baekhyun. You left me. You left while taking all the warmth in this world with you. That’s unfair to the world, you know?
But it’s okay, the warmth fits you more.
I don’t know why I’m writing this. Baekhyun told me that I should try keeping a diary. Is this what you meant by a diary, Baekhyun? I remember you mentioned it being a daily thing to do, though, and I don’t think I’m fond of the idea. I don’t have much time, and I better sleep than writing an essay, every single day.
So let’s just say… I want to write down everything that happened. Maybe for the sake of a memento? I don’t know.
It was all started hundreds of years ago. We were both princes of Goryeo. To make it simple, we were not actually brothers. My father and his were both fighting for the throne and always at each other’s throats. We were not meant to be friends, let alone lovers. We always met in the secret garden on the palace grounds. As we were not meant to be, we could never be together. My father found out and tricked me into shooting someone from far off, and I never thought it could be Baekhyun. I never even entertained the possibility of such a horrific idea. And it was easy—I’m good at archery. But that was only my first fault, because it seems the whole world loves to mock me, as I keep making the same mistake. After all, we’re never meant to be together, right? And me being to blame is just the cherry on top. I guess this was the thing which has led to this accursed cycle happening over and over again...
I wish I could stop it somehow. But every time I found out how, it only proved to be too late.
My full memories always came back only after the arrow had pierced his lung. I always fail to dig into my past memories more deeply. And Baekhyun only gets his memories back seconds before his death.
All I need to do is find out the cause of Baekhyun’s death before it happens. But I’ve never succeeded.
Baekhyun. I don’t know if I deserve to be with you in any lifetime after all I have done, and my apologies will never be enough. But I only want you to be happy... I won’t ask for more.
I love you, my prince. So much.
Signed,
Do Kyungsoo, Crown Prince of Joseon.
Baekhyun stared agape at the scroll in his hands, trying to process every word written. He kept trying to form a coherent thought, but all that escaped him was— “—It’s... not a diary.”
Kyungsoo laughed, to the point his eyes appeared as two crescent moons and his lips formed the shape of a heart. A smile made its way to Baekhyun’s lips, and he felt his heart swell with fondness, as it always did whenever Kyungsoo was laughing at his joke.
“All right then,” Kyungsoo grinned. “Let’s not call it a diary.”
“Obviously,” Baekhyun retorted. They looked at each other, and a silence fell between them.
For a moment, they stayed that way, lost deep in each other’s eyes.
Baekhyun knew what was on Kyungsoo’s mind. Because that was exactly the thing weighing on his as well.
Kyungsoo had discovered the cause of Baekhyun’s death before the tragedy happened all over again. He knew it now.
The curse had been broken.
And yet, he was scared, still. What if Kyungsoo didn’t quite love him the same way as before, didn’t want what they used to have anymore?
But Kyungsoo was stepping closer and pulling him into a tight hug.
Kyungsoo… had hugged him first. Kyungsoo didn’t hate him.
Slowly, Baekhyun wrapped his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist. He’d missed this. He’d missed this so much. The warmth they shared every time they were back in each other’s embrace.
“Missed you,” Baekhyun mumbled, exhaling. He felt warm. He felt safe. He was home.
“I missed you too,” Kyungsoo replied slowly. “So, so much.” He closed the tiny gap between them, hiding his face in the crook of Baekhyun’s neck. “I’m sorry, Baekhyun. I’m so sorry. It was all my fault.” He was holding Baekhyun even tighter than before, as if he was scared Baekhyun would leave him again.
“Shhh, it’s not your fault.” Baekhyun caressed his soft, black hair. He’d always loved to play with Kyungsoo’s hair, because Kyungsoo would always close his eyes as he basked in the sensation of Baekhyun’s caresses. Just like old times, Kyungsoo was relaxing in his arms, letting Baekhyun take the lead. “Besides, the curse has been broken now, hasn’t it?” Baekhyun’s smile grew wider.
“Yes.”
Baekhyun could feel the twitch of Kyungsoo’s lips against his neck. Kyungsoo was smiling widely, too. It would be a complete lie to say it didn’t have anything to do with the way Baekhyun’s heart soared.
“This time, we—” Kyungsoo took a deep breath, slowly letting go of the hug. He reached Baekhyun’s hand, taking it in his. “We can be together. In this lifetime. And in the next lifetimes as well.” He took another breath as his voice trailed off, changed by a nervous yet hopeful laugh. “But only… only if you want to… of course.”
Baekhyun was taken aback, but quickly found himself giving a hearty laugh. Had he ever told anyone how much he loved this man in front of him? Right now, in this timeline, it was all he wanted to do.
“First, let me try something out before making any commitments.”
With that, he leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss on Kyungsoo’s lips.
“I’ll always love you, my prince. In every lifetime.”