Work Text:
He doesn’t consider himself to be
A particularly sad or traumatized person.
Sure, he’s seen some gruesome things,
But he just shakes it off and sucks it up.
Always moving on to the next lady
That shows up in his life without a second thought--
Except...well, that’s not true, is it?
But why think about that?
He ignores the barbed remarks
That his supposed best friends
Make at him, laughing it off--
Because why should he let it hurt him?
Internally, though,
He knows that it cuts deep.
He swallows his emotions
And deals with it.
After all, he’s just the comedic relief,
That’s where he fits into this story.
Edgy and Nick take the starring roles
And he falls back to be an extra.
Some guy you see in the background,
One of the folks clapping and cheering in the crowd,
But never in the spotlight speaking profoundly.
He was never destined for such a role.
Just some stupid fuck-up,
A failure that amounts to nothing,
Because what is he going to do?
Save lives?
No, that’s what his friends are for.
All he’s good for is wasting space,
Being a human obstacle.
That’s all he’ll ever be.
He’s accepted this,
Even if it means he’s always wearing a mask
To hide the genuine hurt, instead putting on
A dramatic show.
He might still think of Cindy,
Remember how he’s always been the third-wheel,
Always be dumped and cast out,
But you’ll never be able to tell if the tears are real.
He’s not going to think about that anymore.
Returning to his paintings,
He focuses on the way his brush
Glides over the canvas, how the wet paint glistens.
The portrait grows blurry, the colors blobs.
He swallows the lump forming in his throat,
Swallows another bottle full of feelings,
And wipes at his eyes so he can get back to work.