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There is a small crowd milling through the hallways; Donghyuck double checks his phone to avoid entering someone else's special event. Once he sees a couple of familiar faces, he breathes a sigh of relief and lines up to register his attendance on the guest book.
"Are you Mr. Lee Donghyuck, Mr. Huang's best man?" The lady manning the registration asks. He doesn't recognize the person so she's probably a staff member.
"Yes, I am."
"Cool!" She chirps excitedly and points to the door on the farthest end of the hallway. "The groom is expecting you to stop by his room before the ceremony starts."
Well, Donghyuck quite expected that. He was supposed to be here to help Renjun prepare, but his boss had suddenly requested an urgent meeting, causing him to arrive just moments before the wedding commences.
Knocking on the door twice, he turns the knob and goes inside. There's a lone figure sitting on a chair, back facing him, and looking through the windows. Clearing his throat catches the groom's attention, who smiles widely and beckons him to come closer.
"Hyuck! I thought you'd never come!"
"Of course I will, Renjun. I'm the best man after all."
Renjun rolls his eyes and huffs, acting pissed, which Donghyuck finds endearing. "Yeah, my best man who can’t be here before my own wedding to psych me up. You know I need my best friend right now, please — all of these preparations are nerve wracking. Oh God!"
And so he recalls every bit of his day while Donghyuck listens, eager and elated to know that despite his best friend's complaints about his makeup or the entrée, he is glowing with mirth. Wearing the custom-made all white suit and bow, he recalls the struggle they both faced just to choose the best design.
"You look beautiful, Renjun," his tongue slips, unable to keep such thoughts to himself. How could he when Renjun's entire ensemble and aura tonight is very captivating?
Renjun shyly smiles and gives him a tight hug.
"Thank you very very much, Hyuckie. I wouldn't be here without you."
Donghyuck doesn't need to be reminded that he made this happen, especially by Renjun himself on his own wedding day. There is still a lingering mix of ugly emotions seeping from his chest; he still can't believe this is it. It's the end of everything without anything even starting.
He gets shooed away by the coordinator who reminds them it's time. Donghyuck hesitantly lets go of his best friend, but he sighs and goes towards the hall.
Donghyuck remembers it as clear as day.
He is sitting across Renjun, who had pulled him to the nearby cafe to study since the library only makes him sleepy and it's awkward to sit in the cafe alone for hours. Being the understanding friend that he is, he agrees, and so the two try to focus on their own assignments, Donghyuck with his data science problem set and Renjun with his political economy paper, on the only table they’d manage to secure after waiting for so long. It's cramped, but they make it work.
"Hey Donghyuck? Oh it's you!" Someone calls his name and he looks up, finding it to be Jeno, his blockmate.
He grins and shakes hands with him. "Jeno, what are you doing here?"
"Ah, I figured I need a coffee fix before Mr. Kim's latest prob sets drive me insane."
"Cool!" Donghyuck looks over the table where his papers, calculator, and pencil are sprawled over. "I'm currently doing it right now and it's frying my brain. Do you need to be somewhere now? Wanna join me with the agony?"
Jeno is about to go to his dormitory's study room, but he accepts Donghyuck's invitation as two heads are better than one. "Uh, your company wouldn't mind?" He hesitates, glancing over at Renjun, who seems to be too focused on speed writing his paper.
Donghyuck chuckles and taps his best friend thrice. "My classmate's here to join us, is that fine?" Renjun squints his eyes as he looks at the stranger beside his friend and shrugs, not minding an additional person at their table. The more the merrier, after all.
"Nice! Renjun, this is Jeno, he also takes Computer Engineering. Jeno, this is Renjun, my best friend who takes Sociology."
Perhaps the glint in Jeno's eyes and the blush on Renjun's cheeks are already a sign, however, Donghyuck is quite oblivious. He doesn't think there will be more than just one night of being study buddies between the two. How foolish of him.
"Presenting, the groom... Huang Renjun!"
The entire crowd stands up as the huge door swings open. There, on the end of the aisle, is Renjun, whose arms are around his parents, eyes full of joy and smile as bright as day. The piano humming on the background is soft and sentimental, and as Renjun starts walking down the aisle littered with flower posts and petals on the plush red carpet, the majority of the crowd wells up with tears.
Donghyuck lifts his chin, widening his eyes to stop any of the tears threatening to fall. He sighs and looks at Renjun who locks eyes with him for the briefest second, making Donghyuck’s breath hitch in his throat, before settling on the man behind him.
On Jeno, his soon-to-be husband.
Donghyuck smiles, albeit bitterly, and bites his lip. He can't believe, of all people, he'll lose to Jeno.
Not that he fought for Renjun in the first place.
It's Donghyuck's fault.
He fell in love with his best friend, all so suddenly, without even meaning to. Renjun just had to be the one who makes him feel weirdly complete; his eyes have so many stories to tell, his smile gives warmth, and his entire presence embraces Donghyuck. He is not perfect — far from it — but the way he can make him happy by just... being there is doing wonders on Donghyuck's poor heart.
He wants to let Renjun know how crazy he makes him feel — but he can't. Scared of ruining the friendship he dearly treasures — seven years is a lot — he is unable to do something about it, only pining from afar. Words he so long dreamt of pouring over Renjun are left unsaid, tugging his heartstrings, a throbbing pain in his chest.
He is too afraid to take this huge step in their relationship that he fails to see that someone has taken it ahead of him.
The one study session turned to two, to three, to plenty more. Soon enough, Jeno has joined their circle and Renjun invites him not just on their study nights, but on their hangouts too. From a duo, they're now a trio. Jeno becomes the referee for every bickering the two best friends do over anything petty, and Renjun lets himself be coddled by him afterwards.
Donghyuck realizes he's far behind when Jeno now sits beside Renjun, his arms looping around the latter's thin waist, a bubble of understanding between the two, and he's just there. Across them.
Jeno used to sit beside him. Funny how he didn't notice that earlier too.
"We are gathered here today to witness and celebrate the union of two hearts," the officiant starts after the two have settled in front. All the attention is on them, the main characters of a love story who are about to embark on a new chapter in their lives.
Donghyuck looks at them. They look perfect together and he unfortunately cannot refute that.
The officiant ushers the couple to speak their vows to each other and the audience sits at the edge of their seats, enthusiastic to hear from them. Donghyuck grits his teeth.
Renjun holds both of Jeno's hands. There's a microphone between them, amplifying their spoken promises for the whole world to hear. For Donghyuck to hear.
"Jeno, y-you..." He pauses as his voice cracks, pressing his lips together to halt any impending overflow of emotions. "I met you at the most unexpected time. I didn't know how to love back then, but you were there and you taught me how to love -- myself and you. As cheesy as it sounds, Jeno, my dear, you are the best thing that has happened in my life. Loving you is easy, and I know I will feel the same forever, as we begin our lives together.
To this, I, Renjun, take you, Jeno, to be my partner for life. I promise to be true to you, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of your life."
Donghyuck sniffles, wiping his cheeks with his handkerchief. Someone beside him, perhaps Jeno's best man, pats his back and he gives him a half smile.
There's flashes of memories coming back at him. The times he almost got the courage to confess, but never did. He has always imagined a perfect scenario inside his head: a dinner at their favorite local diner and a walk in the park they used to hang out in middle school before he lets his heart out, the night sky a witness to his act of bravery.
It never happened, though. The perfect scenario remains as a product of his imagination.
One time, he prepares a bouquet for Valentine's day. The idea is to give it to Renjun and start from there; maybe confess if his mouth spills over. As simple as that.
“Donghyuck! My class ended early because our professor has a date. Can you believe it? He’s even dressed to the nines and looks like a different person. Oh if you just see him, you’ll know —” Renjun stops blabbering once he notices his best friend looking constipated. There’s sweat on his forehead when he’s supposed to feel chilly from the winter air. He has been breathing unevenly, which alarms him until he takes note of the flowers he has been hiding behind.
Quirking his brow, he grins mischievously. “Who’s that for? I didn’t know you’re pursuing someone. Is it that for J… Jimin? Oh right, Jaemin, that guy from your lab class, hm?”
Donghyuck’s lips become dry and he licks them wet. He doesn’t know what comes over him when he holds the bouquet out and timidly offers it to his best friend, eyes drawn to the white tiled floor of their university’s hallway.
Renjun sputters, face beet red from surprise. He opens his mouth to say something, eyes looking back and forth from the flowers and his best friend, but closes it as he tries to take in the situation at hand.
Donghyuck steps back, eyes wide and heart loud, panic etched on his face. Oh God, he will ruin their friendship if he confesses now. Seven years will be turned into dust if he commits the sin of confessing, when Renjun obviously doesn’t feel the same way. One look at the nervousness on his best friend’s face already sets alarm bells ringing in his brain.
He swallows and makes the worst mistake of his life.
"T-That's not what you think it is,” Donghyuck starts, clearing his throat and thinking of any possible way to get out of this.
Right.
“J-Jeno... yeah Jeno — he asked me to give that to you. That bastard made me a messenger, hah, am I cupid now?" He chuckles awkwardly and scratches his head, hoping Renjun buys his excuse.
Renjun looks at him for a long while before nodding, then takes a sniff of the fresh chrysanthemums in his hands, his cheeks pink as he smiles shyly. “Really? That’s so sweet of him.”
"My love, the brightest star in my universe, the only one that has been and will be my world, Renjun..." Jeno beams, his eyes twinkling crescents and his face painted with euphoria. Renjun giggles at his lover's reaction, nodding at him to move along.
Donghyuck holds his breath.
"Renjun, thank you for accepting me when I'm... this. I know I have a lot of things to work on to be the perfect man to be beside you forever, but I swear to you, and to everyone who is a witness to our love, that I will keep striving to prove to you that you are worth every breath, every tear, and every inch of my life. I remember looking at you for the very first time and I know then, that you are the one. I'm so very grateful to the stars for aligning me to you, my dear.
To this, I, Jeno, take you, Renjun, to be my partner for life. I promise to be true to you, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of your life."
The crowd preens at the vows of the loving couple. Evidently, it is that they're fated, and it is the greatest joy of everyone to know that they have promised to stay by each other forever.
Donghyuck agrees and lets out a sigh. Jeno is to Renjun as Renjun is to Jeno. The struggles they faced along the way only strengthened their love and led them to where they are right now.
It's just funny how every single time they fight, there’s a tiny part of Donghyuck that lights up with hope.
Renjun runs to him crying and he welcomes him with open arms, consoling him and trying to make him feel better. He listens and listens, never speaking over but just letting his beloved let out his frustrations.
“Do you want to watch your favorite movie? I have microwavable popcorn on my shelf and it’s cheese flavored,” Donghyuck asks once Renjun’s sobs become quiet, leaving only faint hiccups and sniffles.
“Have I ever told you that you’re the best?” Renjun pouts and hugs him tight.
Donghyuck laughs, hollow.
“I know right? Only one of me in the world.”
At times like this, he becomes hopeful and his heart aches secretly. Oh how he wishes Renjun wakes up and realizes that Jeno isn't for him, then he ends things and Donghyuck will be there. He hopes his best friend will notice that he has always been here for him, and maybe, just maybe, they can start from there.
It's an ugly thought, hurting Jeno who is also a dear friend to him, but Donghyuck's heart wants and wants. He wants to be more than what he has foolishly settled for. Even though it'll hurt everyone.
Oh, how he prayed every night that this day would never come.
He doesn't voice these thoughts out loud nonetheless. Always quiet, always keeping it inside, always scared — that's Donghyuck.
"Now you, Jeno and Renjun, have promised to give yourselves to one another, to love each other through your sacred vows, and through the giving and receiving of these rings, I have the great honor and pleasure to now pronounce you married!" The officiant proclaims and everyone applauds, avidly clapping their hands and hooting with cheers. The now wedded couple face each other once more, chuckling as they lean closer and seal the ceremony with a kiss.
This is the end, Donghyuck admits, defeated.
Heat prickles across his skin; he stares at the couple in front of him until the surroundings seem darker. His eyes close and he lets out everything from his chest. His lips taste salty and he desperately tries to wipe everything off.
If anyone notices him, they would not know the reason. The truth of his outburst is overshadowed by his image as the best man; just the groom's friend who is extremely emotional over his best friend getting married. Nobody knows.
It is a secret… just like the feelings he has kept and shall bury forever.
A secret he’ll bring to his grave.