Work Text:
Dear Kei,
You're the moon that glows in the sky
Lighting up the world when it's blue
Stars they dance, though late in the night
Don't you know they dance just for you?
Always Yours,
Shadow.
--
"Shadow posted another poem!"
"Let me see!"
"Woah, does Tsukishima know about it yet?"
"Wait-- Hey, Yamaguchi! Did your friend see this?"
"Tsukki's class doesn't start until later. He's not here yet!"
"You should take a picture."
"Shadow is so sweet, sending all these poems to Tsukishima. They're all so beautiful."
"Yachi, I'm literally right here. Your boyfriend? "
"I don't know, this Shadow person must be blind. The Tsukishima I know isn't like that at all."
"Oh shut up, Hinata. Nobody's asking you."
Tobio meets the small group of people crowding the university Freedom Wall.
When Futakuchi Kenji won the elections as Student Council President, the Freedom Wall was one of his platforms to encourage and exercise freedom of speech among the students. It seems to have caught the attention of many as they started putting their own messages. It ranged from rants to confessions.
Tobio, now a sophomore, particularly uses it as a medium of his confessions. He was never really good with words but something about Tsukishima Kei, his object of affection for the past four years, made him bring out his inner poet or something. He would rather get hit by a ball at the back of his head than say that out loud though. It's just an added bonus that the student body seems to like his works.
Tsukishima Kei? He's not so sure. He doesn't give them a comment nor speaks his mind about it but he sees and reads them all.
That makes Tobio both relieved and sad. Relieved he can share all his thoughts and feelings into words without outing himself as one who pens all of those words and is sad because there's just no way, Tsukishima Kei, whom he's known for as long as he likes him would ever return his feelings. There's just no way.
Tobio kind of knew that from the start but he's never been good at leaving things unattended, including his own feelings. His grandfather told them before that nobody can tell you what's dumb or not because as long as it matters to you, then it's important and Tobio thinks that his friendship with Tsukishima is much, much more important than his feelings.
"Hey, we have class in ten minutes," Tobio greets his friends who were still standing in front of the Freedom Wall.
"Oh, hey, Kageyama-kun. How was practice?" Yachi smiles.
Yachi knows how much both he, Hinata, and Tsukishima try to juggle being athletes and college students. Tsukishima most of all, studying to get his degree and playing for the VLeague's Division 2 with Sendai Frogs.
"Same as usual. Shadow wrote again?" He turns to the Freedom Wall, pretending to scan for the paper. His eyes intentionally overlooked the familiar blue post-it he used.
Hinata points it out, standing slightly on tipped toes.
"I don't get why you're interested, Kageyama. It's not like you would understand it." Hinata's head is cocked to the side, looking thoughtful.
"Oh, like you would?" He taunts back, a murderous glint in his eyes that sends the shorter male a few meters away from him. "Besides, I just wanted to see what the fuss was about."
Yamaguchi chuckles and moves to stand between Kageyama and Hinata, a habit he has developed from his time as captain back in their third year high school. He always mediated anything that could start a fight between their setter and their decoy.
"It does get a lot of attention, doesn't it? I mean, Tsukki is kind of popular." Yamaguchi says wistfully.
Tobio knows what he means and it takes his all not to pout at that fact. Although it is one of the things he would not say out loud, Tsukishima is attractive. It's one of the things he liked about him, no matter how superficial that sounds. It's also rare for Tobio to find someone taller than him and that gives him some sort of comfort knowing he could easily bury his head at the crook of his neck as he clings to him. Hypothetically, that is. God knows Tobio spent so many nights conjuring up such scenarios in his head.
Apparently, many people thought of the same thing too. He could count on both hands the boys and girls who were brave enough to confess to him, all of which whose expectations were crushed when Tsukishima turned all them down.
Sometimes Tobio would wonder if the outcome would be the same if he was in their place.
"Kageyama," Hinata whines. "Didn't you say we have class? You suddenly spaced out!"
Tobio is snapped out of his thoughts and hoists his backpack higher, making sure to keep his face neutral.
"Just thinking about our next practice match, is all."
Yamaguchi and Yachi laugh, already used to this side of Tobio.
"There's the Kageyama-kun we know."
--
Dear Kei,
You are the loudest
And brightest
Color of my life
My brushes refuse
To work when
Your shade isn't present
Always Yours,
Shadow.
--
Their college had an away practice in Tokyo for a week against Sakusa Kiyoomi's team when his phone buzzed from the bench. He was in the process of drying his hair when the device started going off.
The adrenaline was still running inside of him after an exciting game. He was reminded again how Sakusa was one of the top aces in the country back in high school and he only seems to keep getting better and better. Of course, his own team was just as good. Surprisingly, the older considers them close enough to share a polite conversation after the game, a promise of seeing each other in the professional stage soon.
Karasuno Five group chat was filled with messages that Tobio had a hard time back reading. He was able to get a gist of it when Yamaguchi sent a picture of Kei in his new haircut. Apparently, he was out babysitting for his neighbor when the kid accidentally put gum in his hair. He couldn't get it all out so he opted for a haircut.
Tobio's mind goes blank, staring intently at Tsukishima's picture.
Fuck. Fuck, he looks so hot.
He saves the picture and types out an indifferent remark. Kei immediately replies something as scathing, their banter in the group chat continuing until the team has to pile up in the back to their own university.
--
The sky is clear and the sun shone brightly. University has been tough but keeping his feelings for Tsukishima was tougher.
Hinata, bless his best friend's soul for coming up with this idea, thought it would be nice to visit the beach and unwind. That's how they found themselves in a lesser crowded part of the beach, trying to get some leisure time. Yamaguchi was in charge of grilling meat while Hinata and Yachi splashed in the shallow water, giggling like children.
That left Tobio and Tsukishima under the umbrella together, preferring to stay out of the sun for now. Tobio's skin is a little sensitive, always getting sunburned despite only staying for a short while under the sun. It didn't help his case that he forgot to pack sunscreen.
He's wearing a light long sleeved shirt and a cap he took from Hinata's head when he went frolicking in the water and munched on ice cubes. The cooler was placed conveniently beside him so he had no trouble scooping them in his plastic cup.
"King, you're going to lose all your teeth if you keep that up."
"It's not like I need my teeth to play volleyball."
Kei snorts and it turns to a full blown laughter. Tobio internally preens at the fact that he made Tsukishima laugh like that. God, he looks so handsome sporting the new haircut too.
"You're ridiculous," Kei huffs between his laughter.
"Your ridiculous," he mumbles under his breath.
"Seriously, you're going to have dental problems. Enamel loss and tooth decay, to be specific." Kei insisted.
It's not like Tobio does it on a regular basis. It was just too hot, he grabbed whatever that would cool him down in the blazing heat. It's not like he planned for it to be a bunch of ice cubes.
"But it's so hot," Tobio pouted, putting down the cup of ice cubes. He gripped the hem of his top and fanned it, trying cool down his body.
"Why are you such a baby?"
Before he could retort back, there's a can of cold soda being shoved in his face. He immediately grabs them when Tsukishima let's go of his hold on the can.
"Why can't you just give it normally," he grumbles, wrapping his fingers around the cold can.
"A 'thank you' would suffice, your highness," Kei retorted back and stood up. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go have fun now."
He says nothing and watches Tsukishima's back heading towards their friends in the water. Yamaguchi was playing with Hinata and Yachi now, laughing at their antics.
Tsukishima stopped in his tracks a few meters away from where Tobio was sitting, turning and looking at Tobio before getting something from his pocket and chucking it at his face. Tobio scrambled to catch it, cussing Tsukishima out as he went.
The laughter that followed was music to his ears. He looked down at the small bottle of sunscreen in his hands and tried to calm the racing of his heart. He raised his head to stare at the blond.
Tsukishima looked ethereal under the sun, his hair is brighter, like a halo was perched on top of it. His head was thrown back in laughter and Tobio longed to burn the image behind his eyelids just so he could still see it even when he closed his eyes.
--
"I want to disintegrate. I thought Psychology didn't have Mathematics," Hinata groaned and slumped against his seat.
Tobio was working on his own paper due in two days. He's been putting it off for a long time now he's scrambling to get it done. They were in the student lounge, laptops out and cramming requirements to pass their classes.
"Stop complaining and get it done, idiot. You've been at it for the last ten minutes," he snaps, poking his companion with the but of the pen in his hand.
Hinata only groans some more, batting away his hand.
"It's not fair! I should've just gone to Brazil or something."
"Like they'd accept you there. Do you even know the language?"
"Hey! You keep saying that as if you're smarter than me, Bakageyama. Don't forget we took remedial exams together!" Hinata fires back.
"Right, and it's me who had to endure tutoring the both you." A new voice butts in, one awfully familiar from behind Tobio.
He didn't need to turn around to confirm that it's Tsukishima Kei. He takes the seat beside Kageyama, a drink in his hand. He leans closer to Kageyama's screen, their shoulders barely touching and points out a mistake in his grammar.
"I knew that," he grits out while correcting his mistake, trying to calm the butterflies in his stomach.
"Did you now?"
Kageyama stood up abruptly and takes out his wallet.
"I'm gonna go buy a drink," he blurts out in a flimsy excuse.
"No need. I got you one already. Here you go."
Tsukishima slides a small carton of milk he pulled from inside his bag towards him, a nonchalant expression on his face. Hinata was unusually quiet, just watching their interaction with wide yes.
"How much?"
"What?"
"How much do I owe you?"
Tobio was about to pull out some cash from his wallet but the blond waves him off. They're in a little stare off for a few minutes when Hinata clears his throat. Tsukishima looks away first, pulling out his own laptop and working silently.
Tobio tried not to read much into the gesture.
--
Dear Kei,
The universe is a brilliant writer
It wrote your name
In my stars
Before any of us existed
So when the time comes
They’ll light up your path
And lead you straight to me
Always Yours,
Shadow.
--
Tobio pins the latest poetry he wrote on the wall. He smooths out the strawberry themed post-it and takes a moment to just. . . stare. If his count was accurate, it would be his 73rd note.
With a few more time to spare, Tobio read the rest of the entries and sympathized with them.
'I feel like I'm going to fail one of my classes.'
'She cheated on me.'
'I don't think I belong here. Everyone is so… different.'
'To the guy whom I spilled coffee on yesterday, I am so sorry.'
'I think I'm in love with my friend but I don't want to jeopardize our friendship.'
He turns to the right to head to the gym for morning practice when he sees someone at the end of the hallway, watching him. Tobio is immediately frozen in his tracks, looking at the familiar face staring back at him.
Fuck.
--
Suffice to say, he avoided his immediate friend group for a while, creating excuses and worming his way out of anything that involved them gathering together.
He's lucky enough that he shares only a handful classes with his friends. Hinata is the one whom he shares the most yet he doesn't point it out when he refuses to meet with the group after each class.
He managed to last three days before he's caught.
"Kageyama Tobio, you are a hard guy to pin down."
The newcomer smiles at him, cornering him right after the university team's afternoon practice. The locker room is empty save for the two of them. Tobio should've known not to take any extra practices that day.
"Yamaguchi," he acknowledged curtly.
Tobio turned back to unlacing his shoes, preparing to hit the showers.
"What's up?" He continued, aiming for nonchalance.
His friend sat beside him, taking a deep sigh before he turned to Tobio. Tobio refused to meet his eyes.
"You're Shadow." Yamaguchi says, like he's still not sure.
Tobio doesn't say anything. He continues his pre-shower routine. Yamaguchi patiently watches and waits.
When he runs out of things to do, his shoulders slump, still not looking at his friend.
"Yes, I am." He admitted with a heavy sigh. "Now, can you leave me alone?"
He was startled when Yamaguchi started laughing instead. There's amusement dancing in his eyes as he tries to calm himself down.
Tobio wets his lip in anticipation.
"What do you want?"
Yamaguchi hums, picking up a discarded towel on the ground and folding it. It seemed like he was also trying to gather his thoughts.
"Nothing, of course," he finally answers with a smile. It turned wider when Tobio looked at him. "But I think Tsukki might have something."
"No," Tobio croaks out in horror.
"Hey! Chill out! I didn't tell anyone! I swear!" Yamaguchi waves his hand in a placating gesture.
"Please don't, Yamaguchi. I'm begging you."
Yamaguchi stops and stares at him. Tobio isn't one to go begging for something (the thing with Oikawa in his first year high school excluded). He must've heard the desperation in his voice and saw the conflict in his eyes because he sighs and nods his head.
"Okay, but he has to know."
"What for?"
Tobio scoffed. Suddenly, there's a tightening in his chest he couldn't explain. There's just no way, he tells himself.
"You never know, Kageyama. What if he returns your feelings?"
He doesn't even want to entertain those thoughts now.
"Does he? Return my feelings, I mean."
"Kags, I'm sorry…"
He ignored the way the ache in his chest tripled. He didn't even confess outright but he's already rejected.
"See? Why should I even confess if there's no point?"
For a while, there's confusion in Yamaguchi's features before the realization dawns upon him. He shakes his head.
"I don't think we're on the same page here, Kageyama. What I was supposed to say was I'm sorry, I don't really know," he explains.
"Then… what do you know?"
Tobio doesn't know why he blurted that out. They're both surprised by it but before he could take it back, Yamaguchi is talking once again.
"I know he won't think badly of you if you tell him. Tsukki sounds mean most if the time but he's a really great guy, you know?"
Tobio chuckles, feeling just a bit lighter. The fear of rejection and their friendship dissolving into nothing is still present but the thought of someone finally, finally knowing that it's him sending all those poems for Tsukishima puts him at ease. He has never told anyone, not even a peep of it to his sister.
--
After the whole Yamaguchi fiasco, he's back to his regular programming and hanging out with his friends. They don't ask why Tobio ghosted them for a while especially with Yamaguchi also covering up for him.
Everything's back to normal. Or so he thought. It's a week before Valentine's day and that sends a buzz among students. While some didn't particularly care about the occasion, especially with those who would be spending it passing requirements, there were those who were looking forward to it. Tobio included.
He spent a lot of his time trying to complete a poem fitting for his feelings for Tsukishima Kei to his satisfaction. He's used up a good portion of a notebook where he kept all the poems he wrote. Some of them are too intimate to let the whole world see.
In the end, he writes what he truly wants. He wastes no time posting it on the wall, the white paper he used standing out amongst the red and pink. This time, he takes extra care not to get seen.
--
Dear Kei,
I could be anything
In the world
But I wanted to be yours
Happy Valentine's Day, Dear Heart.
Always Yours,
Shadow.
--
He's only a few steps away from his last class when Yamaguchi pulls him in an empty lecture room. There's a giddy smile on his face.
"Tsukki saw it!" He beams.
"Okay?" Tobio answers slowly, not really getting the point. He knows Tsukishima sees them.
Something shifts in Yamaguchi's face that makes Tobio gulp inaudibly.
"I think you should see it for yourself."
--
Tobio knew Tsukishima was popular. That much is evident especially now when he is being pulled across the campus by Yamaguchi towards the Freedom Wall where a sizable amount of students were gathering.
He swears he saw a glimpse of student council president Futakuchi Kenji and Terushima Yuuji among the crowd.
"Tsukishima never put anything on the wall before, right?"
"Wow, he must have the hots for this Shadow person then."
"Damn, I want what they have."
Tobio's head is spinning from the chatters left and right until he sees the reasons why. Below the poem he made, a blue post-it was now attached.
There's no mistaking it. It's a familiar scrawl he's seen in his reviewers and the notes he borrows.
--
Shadow,
I want to meet you.
Kei.
--
Tobio let himself lie low for a week, thinking deeply about it. There are no poems for that week, not until he's made a decision. There's guilt pooling in his gut every time someone brings up Shadow to Tsukishima in their group chat.
It's on a Tuesday morning when he catches Tsukishima standing in front of the Freedom Wall with Yamaguchi by his side. The latter gives Tobio a disappointed look and for a while, he feels like he's back in middle school again. The look of his former teammates' face passing in his mind. Tobio shook the thought off.
He's made up his mind right then and there after observing Tsukishima. He seems to be expecting a response by now but the lack of it made him anxious is the tenseness on his shoulders is anything to go by. He's done hiding behind Shadow, the whole charade has dragged on for too long. Tobio thinks that he owes it to himself and to Tsukishima to be honest.
If it all comes crumbling down, then at least he knows he tried.
"I'm going to do it." Tobio says firmly when he and Yamaguchi are alone.
They are currently waiting for Yachi to finish her class before they eat outside. It just so happens that Kei is also in the same building. Hinata would be sitting this one out because he had a night class.
Tobio's got it all planned out in his mind. He thinks that Tsukishima deserves a significant gesture, not just some mediocre confession. All the expectations of his Shadow persona started to pile up on him. He tries to pay it no mind.
"Something tells me it will go better than you think." Yamaguchi gives him a meaningful smile.
Before he could ask, Yachi and Tsukishima arrived.
"Are you alright, King?"
Tsukishima looked concerned, his brows furrowed.
"Hmm. Just cold." He mumbles distractedly.
Next thing he knows, there's a scarf being wrapped around his neck. The taller avoided his gaze doing so, coughing awkwardly.
Yachi calls for their attention and it's only then that they both realize the couple was a few meters ahead of them already. Tobio immediately took the moment to escape, jogging up to them if only to hide the flush on his cheeks. If anyone asks, he'll tell them it's because of the cold.
--
Dear Kei,
Time has woven
Courage on my skin
I'll shed myself whole
Before it's taken away
Gym 3. Friday, 5PM.
Always Yours,
Shadow.
--
Tobio felt a thrum of excitement and anticipation in the air mid-afternoon when his class finished. The whispers of Shadow finally, finally agreeing to meet with Tsukishima sent them in a buzz.
Beside him, Hinata is also intrigued with the happenings that he dragged Tobio towards the Freedom Wall. Tsukishima was there, a small smile on his face as he stared at Shadow's latest entry.
"Tsukishima! Looks like you're going to be meeting him or her soon!" Hinata bounded towards the blond in spritely steps.
Immediately, the smile on his face disappeared. He was looking at Tobio for a while, trying to gauge his reaction before turning to their shorter friend.
"I guess so." He shrugs. A moment later, he walks away with the excuse of meeting a professor.
Tobio let's out the breath he didn't know he was holding.
--
Friday came in a blink. Anticipation prickled through the back of Tobio's neck, like the feeling before a match with a strong opponent. There's a hum of both excitement and nervousness inside of him every time the clock ticks closer and closer to 5PM.
His last class ends at three but Tsukishima's ends at four thirty. There's much time for him to calm his nerves… or maybe change his mind. Tobio shakes the last thought off. It needs to be today.
Thirty minutes before the time, Tobio was in the gymnasium's locker room. Yamaguchi left long ago in the guise to accompany Kei. He's holding a familiar notebook in his hands, his constant companion through the emotional ride he calls his feelings for Tsukishima Kei.
It's still early and there's a possibility a few stragglers will witness Tobio making fun of himself in front of Tsukishima Kei. Still, even if the thought crossed his mind, it didn't deter him one bit if it means he can finally express what he truly feels. Yamaguchi sends him a message that Tsukishima is on his way. He pockets his phone and takes a breath before stepping out of the locker room.
When he sees Tsukishima entering the empty gymnasium in the corner, that is when his heart started to speed up like it was threatening to jump out of his ribcage. It's only then does it truly dawn upon him what he is about to do. Years of friendship on the line if it doesn't end well.
He is assaulted with a particular memory in their first year of high school. 'Don't go running away now, King.' He remembered Tsukishima telling him those words. It seems so relevant now. Tobio purses his lips and steeled his resolve.
When Tsukishima is looking around, he comes out of the corner where he is standing, walking towards the blond with purposeful steps. He catches the confused eyes of Tsukishima, a clear question upon his face but he says nothing.
Before the taller one could open his mouth, Kageyama beats him to it. He shoves a battered notebook towards his chest. There's some pages falling out, a few bookmarks here and there, some mismatched paper inserted between the pages. There were ink stains on the printed moon cover of the notebook.
"Here, open it."
"What? Why do you--"
"Just do it, will you?"
Tsukishima gives him an annoyed look before opening it. There's confusion on his features the more pages he turns until his hands stilled, head snapping towards Tobio.
Tobio knows he gets it.
"These are…" Tsukishima trails off, unsure what to say. He's still looking at Tobio with wide eyes. "Are you saying…"
"Yes, Tiredshima. I'm saying… I'm saying that I'm Shadow."
Tobio maintains their eye contact, a small smile on his lips as he watches Kei blinking multiple times as if he's trying to convince himself all these are real.
"How long?" Tsukishima asks slowly.
"Four years."
Tsukishima looks taken aback. Tobio is a tiny bit smug; he's managed to hide it well from him, from someone who's usually keen and observant about these things.
"That long?"
Tobio blinks, unsure what to make of that question. There's a prickling sensation behind his eyes and he hopes they wouldn't fall, not in front of Tsukishima anyway.
He nods in response.
"Are you disappointed?" Tobio asks quietly, biting his lips and curling his fingers into fists beside him.
This time it's Tsukishima who blinks before he releases a deep sigh, his form losing the tenseness it held before.
"King, you have no idea… Fuck, I was so scared…" Tsukishima runs a hand through his hair. Tobio is lost.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm glad, so fucking glad that Shadow is you." Tsukishima admits, a genuine smile on his face and Tobio is taken aback at how beautiful that smile is, especially now that it is aimed towards him.
Tobio feels hope blossoming inside of his chest. This is the most vulnerable he's ever let anyone see him.
"So? What now?"
"What do you mean, King?"
"How are you going to respond to my poems for you, Kei?" There's a teasing lilt to his voice especially when Tobio said his name.
Tsukishima laughs and steps closer to Tobio, eyes searching for permission to move even closer, to do something else.
Tobio responded by wrapping his hands around the Tsukishima's neck and pulled him closer, their lips meeting in a soft chaste kiss.
All his fantasies about kissing Tsukishima pales in comparison to this moment. His lips were softer than what he imagined as they moved against his. Tobio sighs into the kiss.
It felt a lot like coming home.
--
A few years later. . .
Tsukishima watches Tobio sleeping beside him. It's been a long year for them, with Tobio signing a contract with Ali Roma in Italy.
The strength of their relationship was tested, the depth of trust was explored, and the limit of their patience was stretched but the amount of love they had only multiplied.
In his lap, he's got the latest notebook of Tobio's poems that he's written while he was away. He kept all of previous ones in a safe, each preserved to the best of his abilities. When he misses Tobio the most, he pulls them out and starts reading them again.
Tsukishima reads each entry slowly, savoring each word while running his other hand through his beloved's hair.
It's only three in the afternoon and they're working on adjusting Tobio's body clock. He's in the last page of the notebook when he gasped, looking at the gold band taped against the page.
--
Dear Kei,
Constantly,
Consistently,
Continually,
You.
Will you marry me?
Always Yours,
Tobio.
--
END.