Chapter Text
New Years has always felt like such a revolutionary holiday. It was something to feel like a fresh start, something people used to reinvent themselves with resolutions that would be forgotten in the months following. Media always makes it feel like something bigger than it really is, that when the clock strikes midnight, you’re supposed to feel this intense change take over your mind.
In reality, it’s nothing like that. You feel the same as you did last year, you still have the same problems you were running away from, the same mental strains, the same knot in your stomach. Midnight on December 31st is the same as midnight on any other night. However, maybe you’re just a little bit more intoxicated, you feel a little more sweaty than a normal midnight, but if you’re lucky, then you are surrounded by people who chose to spend this revolutionary event with you.
In high school, Yoongi loved celebrating this holiday, only because he was able to spend it with his closest friends, however he’d never say that out loud to them.
There was Namjoon, Yoongi's number one fan. Namjoon and Yoongi met in elementary school, when Namjoon cried because he couldn't lace his own shoes. Yoongi says he never taught him how, but every time they went on the playground, Yoongi would stop in front of Namjoon and tie his shoes slowly, each move very exaggerated.
After three weeks, Namjoon was able to tie his shoes, and he thanked him every day for the next week. Yoongi just pretended like he didn’t know what he was talking about.
In the first year of middle school, Namjoon and Yoongi would walk home together. After the first three weeks, Namjoon told Yoongi of a kid in his class who wasn’t particularly lonely, but he had seen him sit outside, alone, during their lunch. Yoongi just rolled his eyes, what did he expect him to do about it? But then, another boy started walking home with them. Yoongi didn’t understand what jealousy was, but he felt it when he saw the two together.
He didn’t speak to Namjoon for three days, leaving school ten minutes before Namjoon could notice. On the third day, Namjoon wasn’t at school. Not that Yoongi noticed, or that he cared, he was still mad at him after all. But maybe after school, Yoongi waited until Hoseok was out of his class. Maybe they didn’t walk home together, but Yoongi was only three paces ahead of him.
In their last year before high school, Namjoon struggled in school. He started going to the after school tutoring program, and that’s when Seokjin came into the picture. He was a second year at the high school, but excelled greatly in academics and was fortunate enough to be a part of the program, which was supposed to be limited to third and fourth years.
Seokjin walked Namjoon out after their first session and saw the other two waiting for him. He asked Namjoon if after school sessions were ideal, or if he’d rather do it on the weekends. Namjoon, who was already involved in a few too many after school activities, agreed to the weekend session. Seokjin offered the other two to join, telling them of his new console and all his new games. Yoongi didn’t feel jealous this time around, he rather liked Seokjin.
Before moving onto high school, he had to have a fine arts credit, but none of the classes interested him. He had begged Seokjin to be his private tutor, to just say that he was doing something after school just to sign off on the credit. But Seokjin, always wanting to set a good example, said no, but he did recommend taking the beginner art class, since it was mostly just filled with people trying to get the credit.
That’s when Taehyung joined the group. He doesn’t remember when he invited him out, suddenly the five of them were at the arcade every Thursday. Taehyung was a quiet kid, but added a good energy, chiming in with jokes and insight you wouldn’t expect a twelve year old to have. Hoseok had felt such an instinct to look after him, to make sure he was having fun and he felt included. Yoongi watched them fondly, feeling envious of how easily Hoseok was able to express his soft spot for Taehyung.
In Yoongi's second year, Seokjin started tutoring this doe eyed middle schooler. He invited him over to play games with them one weekend, but Jungkook declined. In fact, he continued to decline every offer until Seokjin held a joint tutoring session with both Jungkook and Namjoon. It was the same weekend routine, where Yoongi would drive to pick up Namjoon and they’d meet Hoseok and Taehyung at Seokjin’s for Namjoon’s tutoring and for the other three to raid Seokjin’s newest games.
Jungkook just stared wide eyed at Namjoon the whole time.
("Hyung tutors him, too?" Was the first thing Jungkook said to Yoongi. "That's so cool."
"Yeah, but we mainly just come by because Jin has all the new games." Yoongi answers blankly.
"You play games every weekend?” Jungkook asks with his eyes wide. “All of you?”
"Yeah, every weekend we come over here and play. You should join us more often.” Yoongi glances at Jungkook to gauge his reaction. He doesn't say anything else but he does come over the following weekend.)
Jungkook is quiet on the weekends when he studies, but when he’s able to play Seokjin’s games, he turns into this competitive beast and Yoongi loves seeing his personality shine through. Every weekend, Jungkook talks a little bit more, and at some point, they can’t stop him. Yoongi doesn’t mind, however, he likes seeing how comfortable Jungkook had gotten with them.
That following New Years Eve was the first they had spent together. Seokjin had raided his parents liquor cabinet, claiming that they wouldn’t miss any of it anyway. This was the same year they learned of Seokjin’s lake house just a few hours away from their town.
(They wouldn’t let Jungkook drink, on account of “preserving his innocence”, according to Hoseok. Still, Yoongi and Taehyung would let Jungkook steal sips of their drinks when Hoseok had his back turned.)
In Yoongi's third year, Jungkook is finally in high school and Hoseok pretends not to care when he drinks. This was also the first year of Seokjin’s legal age, which meant they didn’t need to conceal the clinking of bottles in their backpacks from their parents. Yoongi’s pretty sure he doesn’t remember any of that night.
He's told that he kissed everyone directly on the lips, and when Namjoon fondly recalled how Yoongi cried over how much he loved him, Yoongi didn't talk to him for a week.
His last year, he was more careful. Seokjin had already gone to University, but came back for the winter holidays, on account that they had spent the last two New Years together, he wouldn't miss it for the world.
His senior year is also when Taehyung brings Park Jimin into the group. He encourages them all to befriend the boy who gives nothing outside of two word answers. Everyone has trouble speaking to him as Jimin only initiates conversation with Taehyung. Still, Jimin is at every event.
Naturally, Jimin is at the New Years party. This is three months after the poor kid is thrown to the wolves that are Taehyung's friends, but he seems to be adjusting. He talks to Seokjin a lot, but it's hard to not like Seokjin. Yoongi recalls a particular moment where Jimin asks him to open his beer for him, and Yoongi does.
That night, after the clock switched to 12:01, Yoongi told the group he was going to study in Japan once the semester was over.
Everyone congratulated him, but Yoongi heard Hoseok crying in the bathroom later that night. He doesn't say anything when he comes back out with red eyes and a puffy face.
The party continued like normal; they do karaoke, some move outside to smoke, others start to demolish the food. It looked normal, but anyone who was there would tell you that the mood had shifted since Yoongi’s announcement.
Yoongi felt like an asshole for ruining the party. Everyone seemed to be frowning except for Park Jimin, who had chosen to sit next to Yoongi for the rest of the night at the bar.
Jimin doesn't talk to Yoongi, just sits there. Yoongi catches him on his phone, other times talking to Taehyung. It doesn't bother Yoongi that the only words said to him that night were "can you open this for me" and a rushed thank you, but he'd like to know why. He doesn’t let himself think too hard about it, however. He joins Hoseok for a few songs, stands outside with Taehyung and Namjoon while they share a joint, and shows Jungkook the “proper” way to drink a beer.
Two hours later, Yoongi announces that he's going home.
“Ah, hyung, already?” Hoseok clings to his arm. His cheeks are flushed and he will most likely not remember this night.
“Do you need a ride home?” Yoongi rubs his back slowly.
“I’m gonna take him home in a little bit.” Taehyung assures Yoongi, “Are you sure you don’t want to stay just a little longer?”
“Ah, no,” Yoongi feels his cheeks heat up, “I have to, uh… I have a couple things I need to do for university tomorrow, I should head out.” He scans the room before staring at the floor. He feels all too aware of how everyone looks at him, how his clothes sit on his body, how hot the room is. “Namjoon-ah? A ride?” He looks up to see Namjoon curled up on the couch.
“I think he’s sleeping here, but you get home safe, okay?” Seokjin raises his half empty glass to Yoongi.
“Text us when you’re there.” Jungkook says all too quickly. Yoongi gives a nod and waves at the group.
“Ah, hyung,” Jimin stands up from his seat at the bar, “Hyung, could you give me a ride home?”
Yoongi looks around to see if anyone would respond to Jimin, but he only sees Jimin staring hard at him. “Oh, uh, yeah, sure.” Yoongi nods slowly, “Get your stuff.”
Jimin grabs two water bottles from the counter and his jacket from the back of the couch. He says a quick goodbye to Taehyung, giving his friend’s hand a squeeze before bowing to the group.
Yoongi feels like the ride to Jimin’s is awkward. Jimin lives nearly on the opposite side of town, closer to downtown where the nicer buildings are. He lets Jimin play the music, which is mostly just slower songs that make Yoongi want to sleep.
"Hyung?" Jimin says slowly.
Yoongi gives a hum in response.
"Do you… Not like me?" Jimin's eyes stay forward.
Yoongi tenses for a moment, "Jimin-ssi..." He says so slowly, "I enjoy your company, I feel like you, um, add something to the group."
"Then how come I feel like I'm on the outside?" Jimin takes notice of how long Yoongi waits to respond. "Sorry, I think I'm reaching the sad drunk, maybe it’s the music," He shakes his head and sinks into the car seat, suddenly embarrassed. He skips the next six songs.
"It's hard to assimilate to such an aggressive group," His grip on the wheel loosens. "I felt that same way when Namjoon and Hoseok became so close, like I was watching what I could have."
"And what did you do?" Jimin glances over to Yoongi with wide eyes.
"I learned how to like Hoseok. I learned how to have a relationship with him." Yoongi slowed to a stop in front of Jimin's apartments.
"Will you miss us all?" He fires another question, "When you go to Japan, will you miss us?"
"Of course I will." Yoongi furrows his brows and looks and Jimin, "You guys are my family."
"So you'll come back to visit right?" Jimin doesn’t look away.
Yoongi doesn't answer for a moment. It wasn't a terribly expensive trip back and forth, but he'd really only be coming back to see his friends, nothing else really mattered here.
"I'll try to visit as much as I can." He answers honestly.
Jimin fidgets slightly in his seat. Yoongi pretends not to notice how anxious the boy suddenly became. He puts the car in park and makes himself more comfortable in his seat.
"Hyung?" Jimin asks after a few beats of silence. "Hyung, do you think you could learn?"
Yoongi glances over to Jimin and then back out the window, silently trying to decide what the question exactly meant. He finally turns his head to Jimin fully, raising an eyebrow curiously.
Jimin’s cheeks flush and he stares at his hands. "Do you think you could learn to like me, hyung?"
"Jimin-ssi..." Yoongi exhales heavily. His heart aches, realizing how far Jimin must've felt from the others. He didn't realize how hard of a time Jimin was having being so close to the others.
Yoongi doesn't hug a lot of people, and even in the short months Jimin has known Yoongi, he noticed this. Which is why when he felt the older's arms wrap around him, his breath caught.
Jimin turned to look at Yoongi who was awkwardly placed over the center console and using Jimin's body as a support. A strange moment to have with someone you barely know. Jimin’s heart beat picks up and he’s worried Yoongi notices because he starts to pulls back. Jimin quickly returns to hug, holding onto Yoongi a little tighter.
"Jimin, you're an important piece to our group, we all like you, you don't need to worry so much about this." Yoongi releases the hug. "Get inside, okay?"
Jimin nods and wipes his face. “Drive safe, okay? And drink your water.” He smiles brightly with his glassy red eyes. Jimin collects his things and gets out of the car a little too quickly, stumbling when he shuts the door.
Yoongi watches Jimin walk up to the complex and waits a few minutes until he fully disappears from view. Even after, he finds himself still waiting before driving off to his home.