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Sent, it read. Sousuke signed, rolled over, and then threw his phone. He then immediately went to get it back. Kou was typing. Nothing he could say could change Sousuke’s mind.
It was over.
They would be happier apart.
Kou’s busy schedule meant all the time he had for Mitsuba was goodnight and good morning texts. That was aggravating and annoying and Sousuke had decided, not worth the trouble.
At some point he stopped waiting for Kou’s texts and instead dreaded them. He heard his phone ring. Kou must’ve texted back. He scrambled to read it.
‘Hey, that’s okay! I’m sorry my schedule got so busy. I agree, you deserve someone who has more time for you.’ He read it, and then read it again and again and again.
‘you’ve been really busy, I get it! I hope we can be friends again’ He didn’t understand why he put an exclamation mark. Suddenly he didn’t know what he was doing.
‘A bit of time might be good for both of us. To look at our relationship differently.’ Yeah, Sousuke thought. More time. That’s what they both needed. Sousuke began the text ‘I’ll miss you’ and then immediately deleted it.
‘I’ll miss your memes for the time being’ he typed out. And then quickly followed with, ‘Text me whenever you’re ready.’
‘I’m ready now. Or whenever you are.’ Kou immediately replied. Sousuke was stunned.
‘Thank you.’ He replied, and then threw his phone away.
Why did it feel like he was the one being broken up with? Why did Kou handle that so well? Why was Sousuke sad if he wanted to break up in the first place?
And suddenly, an overwhelming thought filled Sousuke’s head.
Why did I break up with him?
Why did I break up with him?
Why did I break up with him?
Why did I break up with him?
Why did I break up with him?
Why did I break up with him?
Why did I break up with him?
But Sousuke ignored it. He was fine with his decision. His mom called him for dinner, so he got up and left.
It’s like he was working on instinct. There were no real thoughts in his head. Just going from one place to another.
“Sousuke, honey can you set the table?” His mom yelled from the kitchen.
“Sure.” He yelled back, going to the dining room to set up the table for the two of them.
I want him back.
I want him back.
I want him back.
I want him back.
I want him back.
I want him back.
I want him back.
After a few minutes, his mom came in with two plates and set them down. They sat down, said ‘Itadakimasu’ and his mom started eating. Sousuke wasn’t hungry. He was starting to feel sick. His mom put her chopsticks down, and gently put her hand on Sousuke’s.
“What’s wrong, dear?” Sousuke turned to his mother with tears in his eyes. Kasumi got up from her seat and embraced Sousuke from his chair. Sousuke wrapped his arms around his mom and put his head on her shoulder.
After a beat of silence, he said,
“I broke up with Kou.” And then he immediately broke into tears. He felt bad for ruining his mom’s ugly sweater. Kasumi let him cry. When he started to stop, she asked,
“Why, honey?”
“He didn’t talk to me enough and- and he didn’t have enough time for me and-’ Kasumi comforted Mitsuba by stroking his back. It only made him cry harder.
“It was getting too serious!” He suddenly yelled, and then erupted into sobbing. Suddenly it seemed clearer.
Kou was busy, sure, but he cared about Sousuke and made as much time for him as he could. Sousuke was just scared. Scared of it getting too serious. Scared of what would happen if Kou knew what Sousuke really thought of him.
“Well what do you want to do now?” His mom asked, pulling away to look at him.
“I don’t know!” He said, just a bit too loud. He felt bad for screaming at his mom. But she smiled, and patted his head.
It reminded him of Kou.
“Is he home right now?” she asked. Sousuke nodded, and then immediately ran off. “Text me on your way back!” She yelled. Sousuke could barely hear her. He was already out the door when he processed what she had said.
He couldn’t let it end here. He needed Kou like he needed oxygen. He was Kou’s and Kou’s was his. Sousuke needed Kou by him.
He was running towards Kou’s house, and he was never all that good at that. But his lungs didn’t hurt, and his legs weren’t sore. Maybe they’d be later, but all that mattered now was getting to him.
He turned the corner and nearly burst into tears at the sight of Kou in his car. He fell into a full on sprint and yelled,
“Kou!” Kou turned his head towards the noise and his jaw dropped. At the sight of Kou, Sousuke finally did break into tears.
Kou opened the door to his car and stepped out, and then started running towards Sousuke with his arms outstretched. They met in the middle, where Kou picked up Sousuke in his arms and spun him around twice, before finally dropping him and squeezing him tightly.
There were minutes worth of whispered apologizes, and crying, and even more squeezing. Eventually they separated, and laughed at each other's state of disarray. Dried tears and runny noses aren’t very cute. But somehow, they were endearing.
Sousuke stood straight and carefully took Kou’s arms off of him, and instead grabbed them to hold. He blinked tears away, and in the suddenly freezing cold, said,
“I don’t want to break up with you. I want to stay with you for as long as you’ll have me. I love you, Kou.” Kou stood, stunned. Sousuke stood firm in his resolve.
Being a coward was worth nothing, not anymore. Not in front of Kou.
Slowly, a smile grew on Kou’s face.
“I love you too. I love you, Sousuke.”
Sousuke broke into tears, again.
“I’m sorry.” He choked through tears. Kou squeezed his hands tight.
“I’m sorry I didn’t spend enough time with you.” Kou whispered. Sousuke fervently shook his head.
“It wasn’t about that. I was too scared of getting serious with you. But I was wrong. I want to be serious with you, I want to be with you. I love you.”
ousuke watched a tear slowly roll down Kou’s cheek, and was too mesmerized to wipe it away.
Kou suddenly grabbed Sousuke and squeezed him tight enough to break a couple of bones. They stood like that for a while longer.
They were both cold, and tired, and in need of a nap. But they were happy. And out of denial. And in love.