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To say it was late was an understatement.
In fact, one could even say it was just extremely early.
Despite that, my phone was casting a harsh glare over my darkroom and ringing at a pitch much too high and loud.
Groaning, I slapped a hand over my face and rubbed at it as I sat up; reaching for the noisy phone.
A certain dark-haired fiend's picture lit up my phone and I couldn’t help it when my eyebrows knit together in a worried confusion.
The annoyingly shrill ringtone was now the least of my concerns as I swiped to answer the call.
“Oma? What’s wrong?” I asked quickly.
There was a small laugh on the other side of the line and I frowned.
“Can’t a guy call his boyfriend to talk?”
“Not at 3 in the morning, no.”
“Oh,” he paused. And I could see him in my head, smile momentarily disappearing before he plastered it back in and opened his mouth to speak again. “Well, we should change that!”
I sighed and smiled despite knowing he couldn’t see me.
“Well, what’s so important that you just have to talk about right now?”
No reply.
“Kokichi?”
Still silent.
“Hey, you there-“
“Can I come over?” He said at last. No hint of his usual playfulness at all.
“Like,” I checked the clock at my bedside again. “Right now? You do know it’s still only 3:15, right?”
“Yes or no.” I pulled the phone away from my ear to give it a quizzical look, rubbing a hand through my hair as I sighed.
“I mean, I guess? But ima’ just unlock the door so let yourself in when you get here and try not to wake my place. I’m going to try to sleep some more so-“
“I’m here.” He laughed a bit.
“Huh?”
“To be precise, I’m at your window.”
I swung my legs off of the bed and made my way to the window on the other side of my room.
Unlocking and opening it, I found myself staring into the eyes of the shorter man.
“Surprise!” He said, still speaking into the phone as he smiled up at me.
Ending the call, I lowered my phone and stared at Kokichi incredulously, arms crossing over my chest.
“What are doing here, Kokichi?” I asked.
He just shrugged and began to lift himself up, throwing a leg over the windowsill and reaching his arms towards me.
I rolled my eyes and got closer to Kokichi, he wrapped his arms around me and threw his other leg over.
Pulling back, he slid over and into my room, momentarily nuzzling into my neck and shoulder.
His face was cold.
Taking a deep breath and releasing it, he said softly: “Hey.”
He pulled away from me and walked past me into my room.
Running his hand over one of the tables and among the items that rested on it, he didn’t even begin to bother to give me an explanation.
Just simply made his way into the room already knew so well and sat on the edge of my bed.
He beamed up at me while I stood at the entrance of my bedroom.
Still giving him a confused look, he patted the edge of the bed next to him.
“C’mon, you said you were gonna go back to bed right?”
I made an ‘mm’ noise and came to sit next to him.
It was quiet.
He wasn’t talking.
Honestly, it sounded like he was barely breathing. It was so shallow and quiet I felt I could hear my own heartbeat.
“Oma,” I began, placing my hand on the smaller man's arm. “What happened?”
Bringing his hand to rest atop of mine, he just smiled at me.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about my dear Shuichi, But I do know that someone looks sleepy~,” He said in a sing-songy tone, circling and drawing little shapes with a finger on my hand as he spoke.
“So you just decided to leave your place to come visit me at 3 in the morning?” I asked, raising a brow. “You know I love you but my parents kinda freaked out last time you just kinda, uh, appeared at my place for breakfast in MY pajamas.”
He laughed and for a moment, his shoulders dropped.
Quickly perking them back up he retorted:
“Well, they still fed me so I’m gonna count it as a win. Plus, I called you this time instead of picking your lock.”
“Yeah but you also climbed through my window this time so, I’m gonna have to say that they’re pretty balanced.”
Another laugh and a drop of the shoulders.
“Yeah, I do some pretty weird things, huh?”
“I mean, duh but that’s you so-“
“Is it annoying?” He asked.
Kokichi turned to face me, brows knitted together as his lips were pushed into a straight line.
“What do you mean?”
His eyes didn’t meet mine and he shrugged, falling back onto the bed.
“Eh, it’s nothing, let’s sleep I’m tired.”
Running a hand through my hair, I sighed and stood, making my way back to the other side of the bed and sliding under the covers once more.
Kokichi didn’t move for a bit.
Just continued to lay there at the foot of my bed.
“Are you going to sleep there all night?” I asked.
“Hm?” He began, while he lifted his head to look at me. “Oh.” He stood and kicked his shoes off before pulling back the covers on the other side of the bed and slipping under them quietly.
I turned to face him, head on my arms as I looked at the dark-haired boy.
“Like what you see, detective?”
I rolled my eyes again and then shut them.
For a moment, Kokichi wouldn’t be still, tossing and turning this way and that before he seemed to just give up.
Opening an eye at him, he looked angry.
Or sad.
A mixture probably.
“You in a fight with the bedsheets or what?”
He stilled immediately.
“Sorry.”
I opened both eyes and gave him another quizzical look. Leaning up on an elbow as I leaned towards him.
“Ok, what’s going on. You’re never that quick to just apologize to something like that. Especially when you know I’m joking.”
He wouldn’t meet my gaze.
“Oh, ok.”
It was as if he had been drained.
There wasn’t any of his usual bouncy energy, no gags or jokes, no silly lies he would immediately admit to being false after a second.
He looked tired.
There were bags under his eyes and the skin on his lips had been pulled at and away.
Leaving them red and raw.
“Kokichi,” I said, bringing my hand up to his cheek.
At first, he flinched at the touch, and my heart clenched painfully at the action. Then, as if remembering who I was he eagerly shoved his face into my hand.
Bringing his own hands up to cup mine and rub it.
Cold, his skin was still cold.
As if he had been wandering around outside for who knows how long.
His eyes were shut tightly and he hadn’t let go of my hand yet.
So I just moved closer to him and did my best to give the other more blanket with a single hand.
After some time, his hands stilled and he let out a deep breath.
“Kokichi, are you ok?”
He brought his eyes to mine.
Red.
From here, I could see how bloodshot they were.
Making his purple eyes pop even more.
Worry instantly ignited in every part of my body as I sat up.
“What happened?”
He continued to lay there. Not moving for a moment.
“I’m a hassle, aren’t I?” He finally said. “I mean, it’s kinda a given but it still hurts to realize I guess.”
His knees had started to pull towards his chest as he curled together.
“I’m, a lot. I understand that. I do but I just wish...” His hands linked together and his head met his knees. “I wish they would understand it’s not all my fault. Right?”
“What are you even talking about?” I asked, racking my brain for an answer before he spoke.
“Who knows, maybe it is my fault.”
I stared at the small man, now appearing to be infinitely tinier.
Curled into a tight ball and hiding his face.
“Kokichi I-“
“Sorry, you can go to sleep”
Puzzled.
Completely and utterly puzzled. All I could do was stare at him for a moment.
What was he talking about?
Laying back down, I gently ran my hands up his arms before they made it to his head. Pulling him closer I played with his hair.
“No way in hell would I be able to go to sleep with you like that, nor would I want to. Now tell me what’s up.”
No reply.
I rested my cheek on his head.
“I’m not sure what you think is your fault, but I highly doubt it is.” Pausing, then adding with a small laugh: “unless you literally murdered someone or something, then that would probably be on you but you know.”
Still no reply.
One of my hands was still in his hair as the other made its way under his head, doing my best to bring him closer.
“I know you have a hard time believing it, but you’re a good person Kokichi. You’ve been through a lot, you-“
“I got kicked out of my house.” He said quietly.
My hand in his hair stopped moving and I felt myself go cold all over.
‘Kicked out?’ I asked myself.
“What do you mean?”
He lifted his head snickered. Eyes gleaming with unshed tears.
“It means exactly what it sounds like, Saihara.” He snapped. “My parents have finally had enough of my shit and got rid of me.”
He let his head fall back down.
“Simple enough to understand.” Kokichi finished.
My mouth opened and closed, as if not sure what to say first.
“I’m sorry,” I said lamely, and he sighed.
“There’s nothing for you to apologize for, it’s all my fault anyways.” He said.
Kokichi, the same loud-mouthed imp who had somehow managed to worm his way into my heart, felt thousands upon thousands miles away.
Despite the fact that he was lying in my bed right next to me.
Kokichi, the one who got told to stop crying because nobody thought his tears were genuine.
Kokichi, the one who immediately stopped crying to play along with the role he’s created for himself.
Kokichi, the one who just needed someone to understand it was nothing more than a role, was hurting.
My heart ached and I wish I could convey all my feelings for him in a single touch but, it didn’t work that way sometimes.
I took in a deep breath, held it, and let it go. Pushing away some of his hair, I kissed his forehead.
“Firstly, you’re welcome to stay here for as long as you need, as long as you want. Second, in case you didn’t know, you’re parents are kind of, Ya know, bad people.”
“The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree I guess.” He replied.
I scowled at him and continued.
“Not even close to the point I was trying to make but anyways, you aren’t a bad person.”
“Tell that to like, all of our classmates then.”
“Ok. I will.” I said simply. “I’ll tell them how amazing you are. And how much you care about others and how little you care about yourself. And how you lie simply because it’s often easier than telling the truth. The truth is scary, it forces you to get close to people. And-“
“And getting close to people means I get hurt.” He finished.
Kokichi had started to shake. At first, it was barely noticeable, then it continued to grow in extremity until the shaking was nearly overwhelming.
I could hear his sobs as well, quiet and small at first, but like the shaking, they grew.
“I’m not sure what happened between you and you’re parents, but I can guarantee you they’re the ones at fault. You’re their child, and what you’ve been subjected to, it’s horrible.”
His legs uncurled and he grabbed at my shirt, burying his face into my chest.
“But you won’t have to go through it again. I’ll take care of you, you’ll take care of me. We’ll take care of each other, keep one another safe, ok?”
Kokichi nodded and little by little, the crying and shaking lessened.
Until it became nothing more than an occasional sniffle and twitch.
I was going in between rubbing his back and playing with his hair. Occasionally whispering words of encouragement in his ear.
“Thanks, Shuichi.” He mumbled, voice quiet and scratchy.
“Mm,” I replied as I leaned into the crook of his shoulders.
He let go of my shirt and slowly wrapped his arms around my waist, rubbing his face against my shirt and inhaling deeply.
“When did it happen?” I asked.
“Around 10, right before they went to sleep. Haha.” He replied.
“10?! But you didn’t call me until 3?” I half asked half said.
“Yeah I kinda figured you were asleep, you go to bed early. But, I started getting cold.” Another shiver. “Really cold.”
I squeezed my arm around him.
“So I made my way over to your place, hopped the fence, and called you. Honestly, I figured you wouldn’t answer.”
I scoffed.
“Are you kidding me? I made your ringtone the loudest, most annoying sound there was just so I would always hear it when you called.”
He stiffened in my arms, then began to squirm slightly.
“That’s pretty cute, Saihara.”
I reddened and cleared my throat.
“You really should have come sooner, you’re still cold.”
The other just hummed in response.
“Hey, Kokichi?” I asked. And he removed his head from my chest to look up at me.
His eyes were still red. But now, they didn’t shine with unshed tears. Just a deep exhaustion.
“We can go shopping tomorrow if there’s anything you need, ok?” He shrugged and shook his head.
“I have some stuff, mainly clothes but it’s not that big of a deal.”
“Huh? I didn’t see you bring anything in though?”
He brought his head back to my chest and rubbed his cheek against it.
“I left it outside, if you had seen then immediately you would have known something was up.” After a beat, he added. “Well to be fair, I’m pretty sure you knew something was up as soon as you answered the phone.”
“Mmhm,” I replied.
For a moment, the silence was back, but it wasn’t like the quiet we had earlier.
That type of silence was suffocating, aggravating. Scary in a way that you didn’t understand why it was quiet.
This one was soft, calm, and tranquil. It was quiet because we both felt content. No need or rush to say anything anymore. Because what had needed to be said was said. Now, it was just whatever you wanted to add.
“I love you, Kokichi.” I added. And he squeezed his arms around me tighter.
“You do? You do, right?” He asked, a hint of timidness laced throughout his voice.
“I do, I love you so much it’s crazy. So much I just want to always make sure you’re ok, and when you aren’t, I want to be able to help make you better.”
“Saihara,” He groaned.
“I mean it Kokichi, you mean the world to me. And I’m so sorry not everyone sees you how I do, but I’ll make sure you’re safe from now on.”
"I like the sound of that, being safe with you. It sounds good." He paused, then added: “I can’t really be mad at other people’s perception of me though. But, I do appreciate the sentiment.” He laughed.
“Well if they just-“
“It’s ok,” Kokichi said.
“I have you, after all.”
My heart practically did a flip and I swallowed.
“You’re right, you have me. And like I said, I’m going to make sure you’re safe from now on.”
And I couldn’t help but imagine us in the hopefully not so far future.
Our own place, filled with plants and pets.
Seeing each other every day and living our days together.
“What’s that smile for, hm?” Kokichi asked. Pulling back, he had removed his head from my chest and was grinning at me.
I blushed and grumbled.
“Just thinking about the future.”
“Mmm, I hope it involves us and cats.” He said.
“It does. It most certainly does.”
“Then I’m all in!” His smile was large. Eyes shutting as he did so.
A small smile made its way to my face and I tapped my forehead against his.
He opened his eyes back at me and rested his forehead against mine.
No longer cold.
“Thank you, Saihara, this means a lot to me.”
“You mean a lot to me. You’re my best friend after all.” And it was true. He was my best friend, and so, so much more.
I grabbed the blanket and threw it over our heads, encasing us in a warm, and dark cocoon.
Kokichi let out a sigh of content and gave my nose a quick peck before he brought his head back down to my shoulder.
Our legs had intertwined and we had laced our fingers together.
Completely wrapped up in one another and in the warmth, my eyes started to droop.
Kokichi was safe, he was here in my arms.
Kokichi wasn’t cold anymore.
And Kokichi wasn’t holding anything in.
“I love you.” He said as if reading my thoughts.
“And I love you. So much.” Kokichi hummed and wrapped his arms around me tighter.
And with that, we drifted off to sleep.