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Lily has moved out and for the first time in her life. She doesn’t know if she likes it, Lily spent all her life surrounded by her family, she was their baby, so moving out was the hardest part, mostly for them, but also for her.
Dash keeps saying she will be fine, she is making an important move, but waking up every day to an empty house is kinda sad, she is used to a loud family, having a silent house now seems strange. Dash hasn’t been here much either, he has been working so much, he decided to make his way through this job, he wants so much to succeed.
Lily’s only companion has been the dogs and she couldn’t stress enough about the classes starting next week. It’s February, and she has moved only two weeks before, but she is already wanting to ask to go back home, it was her idea to move out, create her own home, maybe she made the wrong decision. But Lily knew her mom was staying only for her and she couldn’t keep her mother here and she didn’t want to be forever stuck in the bubble of being the baby of the family, she needed to make her own place somewhere.
She was still coming back though, Mrs. Basil E. told her that she could come back home if she wanted, all she needed to do was say the words. Grandpa thinks the same, he hated the idea of her moving, but after England she felt like she needed to find her way, live her way.
She is at Mrs. Basil E.’s house again, it’s where she passes all her free time when Dash is at work, it’s the times she feels like she is surrounded by her family again, but somehow it also feels strange in some way. Talking about Dash sometimes she feels that their relationship is a holiday kind of thing, when she sits here debating if she should come back or not, she doesn’t know if they’re in the right place.
In their first year she felt like they couldn’t be together, in the second year Dash was away, on the other side of the ocean, sometimes when he gets so caught up on his books she feels like that ocean is still there.
“You know you don’t have to prove any point right? You can stay here with me” Mrs. Basil E. says.
“I know, but I really want to live by myself” Lily answers.
“You don’t look happy living on your own Lily Bear”
“I remember you saying that letting go wasn’t easy, but we all needed to learn how to. I’m trying to do that on my side”
“But you’re our baby Lily” the woman says sadly.
“And I’m trying to be more than that, I’m trying to be my own person”
“Is it because of Dash?”
“It has nothing to do with Dash, I didn’t even see him much lately” Lily says.
“What happened I thought you two wanted to be closer?”
“Dash just has much work to do, that’s all”
“Sometimes I can’t understand the younglings, you two where so right about being here, together and now you’re telling me you don’t even see him that much?”
Lily looks down, there’s no Christmas this time to make things better, they have no time to expend together. Maybe she shouldn’t have put her life on the people she loves, maybe she made the wrong decision when she moved, maybe she isn’t ready to have a new home, a life living by herself, maybe she is trying so hard to be someone she isn’t.
When she is about to tell this to the woman in front of her Lily feels her phone vibrating, when she looks at it, she can see the message from Dash.
Lily I’m in front of your house, where are you? I’m here in front of your door for 20 minutes She looks confused at her phone.
Why are you in my house, shouldn’t you be working? She asks getting up.
Did you forget what day is today? Lily looks confused at the message on her phone, they had something for today?
Of course not, I’m on my away
***
Lily notices a little too late that she actually forgot something, now looking at Dash standing in front of her house she questions herself how she hasn’t noticed that it was already February 14th? Dash tilts his head to the side, a smirk on his lips.
“My holiday girlfriend forgot about the holiday?” Dash asks when he gets to Lily and hugs her.
“I’m not your holiday girlfriend, I’m your Christmas girlfriend” she says kissing Dash.
“You’re right, you’re my Christmas present” Dash says and Lily smiles, in times like this she feels that they have everything, because when he looks at her with this much love they are everything, but are they really everything or they’re only leaving in a snow globe that cracks when they’re apart? “Are you ready for what I planned for us?”
Lily smiles, maybe they’re alright, maybe she is in a blink again and everything will be fine after that “Of course, what do you have for us?”
Dash is already pulling her when she finishes her sentence. The first place they went was the Alice in Wonderland sculpture in Central Park, Lily feels her heart flutter when she remembers everything they did in their first Christmas. Dash stands in front of the Alice one.
“You know, when I first knew you I kinda felt like Alice” he says looking at her.
“Well I didn’t expect for that, it was like a wonderland?”
“Actually it was confusing, out of my comfort zone and half of the time I didn’t even understand what was going on, but it also was the best thing that could ever happen and after that I was forever changed” he walks closer to her again “So today I want to go back to our wonderland again”
Lily feels the tears in her eyes, because this is the cutest thing she heard in some time, but also because it brought her back for the same thought, their snow globe, the one she doesn’t want to see the cracks.
Even though she smiles at Dash, she can be in their wonderland for a little more “This is the best plan that you ever heard”
***
It’s really strange actually being here again, seeing this again, without the Christmas glow, but not bad, because Dash is here and she can’t now know how things were for him too. So they walk around New York, through Macy’s Herald Square, to the Grand Central Terminal and then they could make their way around, to the Union Square Holiday Market and the stop in the Ferrara Bakery.
They’re at the Washington Square Park now, looking around, the place when Lily decided she should live a little away from what she ever knew. When she found she needed to leave her bubble, the one they’re getting back now.
“Do we have so much more to go now?” she asks looking ahead.
“Only the bookstore”
“Can we go back home?” Lily asks and notices when Dash stops smiling, she closes her eyes.
“Is everything ok Lily?”
No “Yes”
“You know you can tell me if something isn’t going right” Dash walks closer looking at Lily in the eyes.
“I’m just tired about everything that is happening since we got back from the UK, it was too much to adjust to”
“You’re right, it really was”
“I was hoping we could just chill at home for the rest of the day” she says looking away, Dash sighs.
“Of course, let’s go”
Dash takes her hand and smiles while they make their way out of the Park. Lily feels her heart fall, because she wants to be happy now, she is with Dash the person she wants to spend the rest of her life, but she can’t stop her heart to feel that maybe they shouldn’t be together, maybe their relationship only works on the holidays, maybe they’re don’t belong together on the long term and when she thinks about that she can’t help but feels that she will lost him once he realises they won’t work out.
***
When they’re back at Lily’s place all she wants to do is forget her insecurities, Dash is here with her, isn’t it what she wanted? Isn’t it all she waited to have some time with him? Lily loves him, of course she loves him, but is it enough? When will the daily tasks become normal to them? And most important, will it one day? So many things happened in the time they were together, so many things put them apart, with their only interaction on holidays. Their relationship always was a Christmas one and she never was so scared of having only a Christmas present, what about the rest of the year?
“What’s wrong Lily?” Dash asks from her couch.
“There’s nothing wrong” she says, still lost in thoughts.
“Right because you normally stand in the middle of the room for no reason at all” he says rising a brow, Lily looks around noticing that she is, indeed, standing in the middle of the room, she looks at Dash seeing when he expression changes “Come here”
Dash stands his hand to her, Lily hesitates for a second before walking to him. She sits down with her back against his chest, Dash puts his hands around her waist and rests his chin on her shoulder.
“What have I done Lily?” he asks in a sad voice, Lily feels the tears in her eyes and she swallows a sob, what is happening to her? “Lily?”
“You didn’t do anything”
“Then what’s wrong? And don’t tell me it’s nothing, I know you”
“What are we Dash?” she asks in a whisper.
“What do you mean?” Dash asks trying to turn her around, but Lily shakes her head.
“What kind of couple are we? We don’t see each other much, our first year together was a mess and then we had the twelve days until Christmas and I thought we would be ok after that” Lily sighs “But we were apart after that, physically apart and I only saw you in London again and when we got back everything changed, you got a job I left for college and I don’t know Dash, but sometimes I think we have a holiday relationship”
“It’s not Christmas now” Dash answered.
“No, it’s not. But here we are in another holiday, always in the same pattern, in the same place, in a snow globe”
“So let’s break that globe” he whispers in her ear.
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t want to be with you because it’s a holiday Lily” he tries to turn her around again and this time she let him do it “I’m here because I love you and I want to spend time with you, the holiday isn’t the reason why we’re here, I don’t care if it’s a holiday or not, it doesn’t matter, all that matters is that we are together, we don’t need to be a holiday thing, I don’t want that and I don’t want you to think I would want this” Dash looks into lily’s eyes and right now she feels like she can see his soul “I didn’t even liked Christmas before I knew you, it never was because of the holiday for me, it was because of you. I want you, I love you”
“I’m sorry, it’s just - I don’t know I don’t have anything to compare us with, you are my first relationship and sometimes I just feel lonely”
“All you need to do is tell me what you want Lily, I’m not good at this either and sometimes I need you to tell me what you want, what is going on in your head” Dash brings his forehead closer to hers “I just want you to be happy, that’s all that matters to me”
Lily smiles at him “I’m sorry Dash for all of this, you had everything planned and I let my fears get in the way”
“That’s ok, we will be ok, we always learn how to work things out” Dash puts his hand on Lily’s neck “I love you Lily, it’s always you” She feels the tears in her cheeks when Dash kisses her, when she feels how much he puts her closer like he is afraid of losing her, the same way she is. Dash pulls away looking in her eyes, all his true on his face, all his love only for her “I love you Lily every day of the year, every hour, every second. I just wanted to be with you, it doesn’t matter when or where, it’s all because of you”
Lily is smiling now, she can see their colours now, even if it doesn’t even match, he is still her more beautiful palette. Dash is a happy holiday, but more than that, he is her constant. She wants to be with him, she wants to be close to him every day. They were a holiday and she thought it was magic because everything was magic to her family in the holidays, everything was magic to her, but being with Dash? She never wanted it to be a magic holiday, she wanted to be a magic life.
She never saw what it was for him, Dash learned to love Christmas for her, he learned to celebrate holidays for her and now she can see, for her they were a magic holiday, for him they were a magic life. Every day, he wants to be with her every day, they’re not trapped in a holiday globe, she was, but Dash is here to break her globe. She smiles again.
“We had another place on your map to go right?” Lily asks.
“I thought you didn’t wanted to go back to the same snow globe”
“This one I think I would love too, I need to see you sing when I’m sober” Lily gets up, pulling his hand “Come on we have a bookstore to see”
“Only you can make me doubt a visit to a bookstore” Dash says, getting up.
“And you love me for that” she says, turning around and walking to the door.
“I sure do”