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Din paced outside of the bedroom door. Cara had excused herself some time ago and he hadn’t heard from her at all since; he couldn’t help but worry. It was the 10-year anniversary of the destruction of her home-world, Alderaan. Of course, Din knew that, but that didn’t mean he knew what to do. Cara wasn’t someone who typically liked to talk about her feelings, but the two had become close over the past few months, so it felt right to want to be there for her, even if he wasn’t sure how to.
Cara being the first person he had been this close to in years, meant that he no experience with this type of thing. Talking to people, being their comfort, was not something he was familiar with. He was definitely at a loss, to say the least.
“Can I come in, Cara?” he asked with a soft knock on the door. Since she had gone into the room some time ago, he half expected her to be sleeping. But despite it being dark outside, it was still early.
“Oh, what the hell,” she muttered, barely loud enough for him to hear. He was almost certain she just didn’t have any fight in her to tell him to go away.
The room was dark, with only a hint of moonlight shining in from the small window across from the bed. He stood at the doorway, silently watching and waiting for some sort of further invitation. She sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the window, unwilling to look his way. She appeared to be concentrating on something off in the distance.
He waited, unwilling to disturb her. It was her day to mourn; he wasn’t going to try and tell her understood, having lost his family as kid, because right now it didn’t matter. He wasn’t there to compare his experiences to hers. He was there for her, to listen, to comfort; whatever she needed from him.
He wasn’t sure how long he had been standing there, but after some time, her voice broke the silence between them.
“It’s funny how the night can make us blind,” she said humourlessly. But before he could question what she meant, she continued. “I have- had- a daughter, Luna. She was only two years old when Alderaan...” she trailed off, unable to finish, her voice barely above a whisper.
Din barely managed to hide the shock. He had never suspected her to have had a kid of her own. After her statement of ‘not doing the baby thing’ he always suspected she just didn’t have experience with kids. He never would have thought that caring for another kid would bring back every painful memory from her past. He had thought, on several occasions, that she was a natural with the kid, but he always played it off as her ability to adapt, not from experience.
Din opened his mouth to say something, anything, but he was completely at a loss for words. Before he could come up with something to say, she continued.
“You know, one of the last things she said to me was ‘Mommy, please don’t go’ like somehow she knew something bad was going to happen. Maybe that’s just what kids say to their parents, but the way she said it nearly broke my heart; it was my first time leaving her overnight. I told her I’d be home in a few days, that it was going to go by quickly, that she would have so much fun with my parents and I’d be home before she knew it. She smiled and I told her to look the stars every night at bedtime until I came home, and I would be looking at the stars too.” She stopped to swallow, unmoving from her spot on the edge of the bed, eyes still focused ahead “My mother told me to stay safe, like I was the one… who was going to be in danger.” Her voice broke at the last statement. “Work took me off-world for a couple damn days, and I lost everything. Everyone.” Her hands balled into fists on her lap as her gaze held the stars outside.
He took a careful step closer to her, watching for any sign of hesitation, thankfully there was none. Taking a seat beside her on the bed, he placed one hand gently over hers, giving her the space to pull away if she needed. She didn’t.
As she turned her hand to take his, he glanced over at her, he couldn’t help but notice the way the light from the moon reflected off the tears running down her cheeks. Like diamonds; rare and beautiful in the most heartbreaking way ever possible. He knew the tears came from a place of love and longing, of happiness and sadness; the memories of her daughter were precious yet beyond painful.
He wasn’t sure there was anything he could do for her or anything he could say that would comfort her. The truth was that when she told him about her daughter, and everything she had lost, he was barely able to hold back his tears. However, seeing her tears broke him. He leaned back to hide his own tears from her. She was strong and fierce, a warrior, a survivor, yet, above everything else, she was only human, just like he was.
She reached her free hand up to rub her eyes, the motion not going unnoticed. Din wrapped his arms around her and eased her back to lay on the bed, taking the spot beside her. They were facing each other, his arms wrapped around her, but Cara kept her eyes on his chest before she eventually closed them, shutting out the darkness of the night.
“I’m so sorry, Cara. I had no idea,” he whispered gently after a few minutes. The silence had seemed right, but he felt the need to say something once he was able to gather his thoughts enough.
“I’ve never told anyone before,” she breathed. “You’re the first person I’ve talked to about my… life before all of this.”
The thought of the fact that she had gone through all of this completely on her own, with no one to talk to, broke his heart even more, and at that point he hadn’t thought that was possible.
“I will always be here to listen, whenever you need me,” he vowed.
“There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of her. At first it was agony, every living moment of every single day. It still hurts, more than I could ever express. But it’s manageable, most days. Not today though. Today is the one day every year that I feel like I can’t take it anymore.”
Din pulled her closer, holding her tight. He wasn’t sure he would be much help, but he would give anything to try and wished he could take away her pain.
“I wish you could have met her,” she whispered after a while. He had honestly thought she had fallen asleep. “She would have loved you.”
This brought a smile to Din’s face, although he tried to suppress it since it didn’t exactly feel like the right time to smile. “I’m sure I would have loved her too, especially if she was anything like her mom.”
Her felt her relax into his embrace a little more. “She was a lot like me, even at two. I gained a new appreciation for my parents, that’s for sure. I mean I’ve changed a lot since then, but I’ve always been…”
“You,” he finished for her. He knew what she meant; underneath it all, part of her was still that woman. It was something he had come to learn about her over time; something she didn’t share with others but had chosen to share with him.
“Yes, exactly. Anyways, she was so kind and gentle, but also had a stubborn streak, and she was incredibly outgoing, nothing could slow her down. She stole the hearts of everyone who met her,” Cara let out a soft sigh. “She had beautiful dark hair with the most adorable curls and gorgeous big brown eyes,” she paused, and Din reached up to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “I think I’m the only person in the whole galaxy who remembers her… and that’s all I have, memories. I’ll never see her face again. I’ll never wake up in the morning and see her innocent smile.”
“She sounds a lot like you,” he whispered, gently kissing her forehead.
After another long span of silence, he heard Cara’s soft voice. “I was all she had. Her father skipped out as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I was young, I didn’t know what I was doing, but I was the only parent she had, and I wasn’t even with her when she died.”
He watched as she squeezed her eyes shut, tears continuing to spill, her breath shaky as she sobbed. He hadn’t missed the anger behind her words. As much as he didn’t want to imagine a life without having ever met her, he knew what she meant. He’d had similar thoughts when he was child, after losing his parents; why had he survived and lost the ones he loved.
“I know. I know you were- are- an incredible mother. Nothing will ever change that,” he breathed, unable to think of anything better to say. But it wasn’t about the words, it was about him being there for her. Holding her tight, he fought back his own tears as he stroked her hair while she continued to cry in his arms.
“I’ll be alright,” she said after her tears stopped and her breathing returned to normal. “Just not tonight.”
Part of him wondered how she was ever alright, having been through everything she had. He wasn’t sure how she hadn’t been consumed by the darkness that accompanied the rage and anger of everything that was taken from her. He had seen her express it, on several occasions, especially in the way she didn’t hesitate at any opportunity to fight the Imps; the monsters who had taken everything from her.
Perhaps it was the light that kept her going; much as it had been for him. Knowing that there could be a life beyond what used to be, that she could have a purpose again. Maybe it was knowing she was the last one holding onto memories of her precious little girl that was taken far too soon.
He heard her breath even out and felt her body relax against his; she had managed to shut out the night and fall asleep. Some part of him knew that once the sun came up, she would be okay, as she had every other time.
~~~
Sunlight began to fill the room, just barely peeking through the small bedroom window. Cara stirred before opening her eyes. She was immediately greeted by a still sleeping Din, his arms still wrapped snuggly around her. A faint smile crossed her lips.
She hadn’t exactly planned to confide in him the night before, but it felt right. She trusted him with her life, and this was part of it. She knew the information had shocked him, to say the least, yet he hadn’t pressured her with questions or anything; he listened and held her when she hadn’t even realized that was exactly what she needed. It hadn’t made things easier, per se, but it made the darkness more tolerable; she hadn’t felt the same lost feeling that she usually experienced.
Cara carefully reached one hand up to caress the still sleeping Mandalorian’s cheek. She loved him, and although the words hadn’t been spoken between them, she was absolutely certain she did. As certain as she was that the feeling was mutual.
Her eyes felt stiff and sore, and she had no doubts that they were puffy from the tears she had shed. What she hadn’t been expecting was to see that same evidence of tears on Din’s face. Her heart swelled knowing that he had shed tears for her. Tears for Luna.
Before she could remove her hand from his cheek, he placed his hand over hers, lacing his fingers with hers.
“Did you sleep okay?” he asked sleepily as he opened his eyes.
A faint smile crossed her lips as she nodded slightly, searching his eyes for any indication that something had changed between them when she confided in him about her daughter. There wasn’t anything. He had the same adorning look that his eyes had always held for her.
“Thank you… for last night. For being here with me. For listening…” she said after rolling onto her back. Staring at the ceiling she continued. “The nights on the anniversary are always the hardest. I feel so alone, like it’s all I deserve... If you hadn’t asked to come in, I would have stayed blind to the fact that you were right there…”
He leaned in to kiss her forehead, eyes locked on hers when he pulled back. “Cara, I love you. There’s nowhere I would rather be.”
She turned to look at him. He had just casually slipped into their conversation that he loved her, and she wasn’t even sure he realized it.
“Yeah?” she asked with a faint smile.
“Absolutely.”
She lifted a hand to his cheek and pulled him to her in a short and sweet kiss. “I love you too, Din.”
His eyes grew wide at his realization of what he had actually said to her.
“I didn’t…” he was cut off when Cara kissed him again.
“You better not tell me you didn’t mean to…” she warned lightly.
“I just wanted it to be the right time when I said it. I don’t want you to think that I only said it because of last night. I’ve always cared about you, Cara. I love you, and nothing will ever change that. Nothing from the past, and nothing in the future,” he said as brushed a stray hair from her face.
“I know,” she smiled as she sank back into the bed. “I love you too,” she repeated.
They lay side by side, hands linked together between them and Cara thought about how it had been perfect, the way he said he loved her. Like it came naturally, like it had been something they had said to each other a million times before.
“How about some caf and maybe something to eat?” he asked after a few minutes of silence. She nodded in response; it was exactly what she needed right now.
Cara sat up in bed, rubbing her hands over her face. It was still early but she knew there was no way she would fall back asleep right now. She felt Din sit up as well, shifting so he was almost behind her as he brought his hands to her back and began rubbing her shoulders.
“If you ever want to talk about her, Luna, I will always be here to listen. But don’t feel obligated, I respect if you don’t want to,” he said softly.
She rested her cheek on his hand and let out a sigh. “I’d like that.” She wasn’t sure when she would be ready to tell him, but she felt a sort of happiness knowing she could, and would, someday talk about Luna. She fought back the tears that threatened once again, however, for the first time in ten years, they were not tears of sadness.