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Varuna was suddenly aware that he’d made a mistake.
No. He knew he was making a mistake from the very beginning. As much as he tried to play his role ( the God of Justice , how laughable! ) he couldn’t. His heart was never in it. His heart was in Omega. In Cuento. In Hariette.
Shiva looked like Hariette, true… and that was the vessel he was meant to serve…
But she wasn’t Hariette. Never in a million lifetimes could she be.
Death was like floating in the water, like when he was 9 years old and nearly drowned in Luisa and Hariette, two years younger but with twice as much courage ( and she’d always been braver, kinder, more than he was ), helped pull him to the shore. Like when he was newly 16 and he dove into one of the castle’s deeper fountains, looking for the bracelet Hariette’s mother gifted to her before she passed when. Like when was 19 and she wept on his shoulder as they placed a grave for Luther.
Death was like hurting the only person who had cared about you. Death was leading them into the tiger’s maw and letting the beast sink their teeth in. Death was like betrayal. It was like,
Being alone.
Varuna drifted with only with his memories, his regrets, and his should-haves, a flashback montage of everything he’d done wrong. ( He could laugh. Justice! Like he’d ever understood the concept. ) The ones he had as a Photoner were weak; meaningless. He was made, he was used, he went to sleep. There was more to that, much more, but Varuna didn’t care. He cared about Hariette.
Varuna loved Hariette, and all at once cursed himself for realizing it too late. Varuna loved Hariette, and he had likely doomed her in the same vein.
There was no one else in the vast, empty space his spirit now occupied, but Varuna could still hear something. A quiet voice, spoken like a prayer.
“I want to help the Guardian. Please.”
Varuna knew that voice.
Hariette.
That he had heard her at all was welcomed and, yet, paralyzed him. He wasn’t sure if he should have heard her prayers at all, but she was still alive. She was alive -- for now. If the Guardian was in danger, then things were dire...
But not everything was lost.
Varuna couldn’t ask to step in himself. He had made his bed, and he would lay in it. But someone needed to act, even if he had no right to. He wasn’t sure who, but if he could just get one person to hear him, then… He’d never been one for making a fuss, not in life, not in death, not in Omega or anywhere else in the universe, but now was as good a time as any to make a change.
“ Heeeey !” He hadn’t realized how hoarse he’d sounded until his voice cracked. “Is there anyone out here? Anyone!”
No reply.
“Listen to me, someone! Please! If we don’t do something -- If I don’t do something --” Varuna stopped. He still hadn’t a single clue what was happening in the living world, save for that Hariette needed help. He didn’t have a right to see her.
“I have to do something --”
“ Can I not get any sleep around here?! ” Another voice -- another woman’s? -- followed, and Varuna suddenly felt heavy as he dropped feet first to the ground, while the infinite darkness around him shattered into brilliant light. He turn-stumbled to address the strange, irate woman. He could hear the familiar scratch of his Cuentian armor and was acutely aware of its weight.
“I’m sorry, I --”
“Oh. It’s you . You’ve got some nerve! First you play the loyal servant shtick for years, cry crocodile tears when Hariette gets kidnapped by Identity Crisis the Clown,” she started.
“Who?”
“Ugh! Elmir, as if I had to explain that. Anyway, don’t interrupt me while I’m chastising you!”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“You cried crocodile tears, then you ended up joining up with some chick who wants to destroy the universe while sporting some edgelord title, and now you want to play the hero? If you’re going to be dead, can’t you be dead and quiet?” The woman, who felt familiar, floated closer to Varuna and hovered over his face. He instinctively straightened his back in response.
“I… This is important. I wouldn’t ask otherwise. Lady Hariette needs help, and while I am ill-equipped to provide it, I…”
“You decided to holler into the void in hopes the void would holler back.” She looked incredibly bored.
“You… aren’t incorrect.”
“And what made you think anyone was going to come?”
“I didn’t know. But I had to try,” Varuna said, certain in his actions for the first time in a long while. “And… you did show up, so I wasn’t entirely incorrect.”
“Okay, My Life As A Teenage Turncoat, don’t get smart with me.”
“I… apologize, ma’am --”
“And quit calling me ma’am! I’m not some old lady, damn it! Klariskrays, call me Klariskrays! There, now you have my name,” Klariskrays huffed. “And look, just because I showed up doesn’t mean I can help you. Maybe I’m just dead like you are. Sans the horrid double-crossing. Maybe I just came here to poof your sorry ass out of existence for waking me from my nap. Just, fhwip! Like that.”
“I wouldn’t fault you for that, Ms. Klariskrays,” Varuna said, meeting Klariskrays’s gaze. “I’ve caused more problems than I’ve solved. I know that I’m in this position through no fault of anyone else’s, save my own. But… I want to set things right. I need to set things right,” he continued, his line of sight unwavering.
Klariskrays massaged her temples, eyes closed, and groaned.
“Okay,” she started. “Let’s say I can help you out here, kid. What’s the plan? What am I getting out of this? Like, what proof do I have that you aren’t just going to try to pull a fast one.”
“I would rather suffer endlessly than hurt Lady Hariette again. And hurting anyone else would wound her as badly as if I’d turned my blade on her,” Varuna answered immediately.
“Wow. Dramatic . Anyway, that answers only one of my questions. What about the rest?”
“The Guardian has to be in some kind of danger, otherwise… Otherwise I wouldn’t have heard Lady Hariette worrying about them.” Klariskrays looked a little more interested. “I’m not sure what exactly she would be doing, but when I last saw her she and Queen Margareta were at the site of the Anima Thread -- no doubt they’re still protecting it. If I can just… protect it in her stead, then she can save the Guardian.”
“That’s putting a lot of faith into Hariette. You sure about that?”
“Lady Hariette is infinitely capable. I’m sure. I would be willing to stake my existence on it.”
“Oh, look at you, catching on quick. Is that your final answer? Your entire existence for a second chance?”
“Yes. Even if I can only aid her this once more but think of her no further, I would be content with that.”
“Okay, that’s a crappy deal on my end. We’ll work out what you owe me later. Otherwise, consider our pact in effect.” Varuna wasn’t sure what she meant, but before he could ask Klariskrays snapped, and in a blink he was surrounded by Cuento’s forest. He knew what he had to do.