Work Text:
“That’s the Big Dipper. Come on, it’s the easiest one.”
“I told you, they look all the same to me.”
Reiner moves his eyes to Porco who is laying on his back in the opposite way from him. His muscular arms are crossed over his chest as he stares up at the sky with his typical scowl on his face.
They are far away from the city, away from the harsh sounds and vile smells.
It’s quiet. It’s peaceful.
It’s just them and the blue field of stars that keep them company.
No armbands or curfews.
“It’s seven stars-” Reiner tries again, pointing at the constellations.
“Seven?” Porco sneers, his nostrils flaring in irritation. “There are like billions of stars over there.”
Reiner snorts, a chuckle rises up from his chest.
“You aren’t even trying.”
Porco moves to his side, putting his hand on his right cheek and holding himself up with his elbow on the grass. “Stargazing is overrated,” he says, giving Reiner a deep once over. “I prefer looking at something else.”
Predictable but Reiner can’t help the smile, his heart longing.
It’s a chilly night but Porco is only wearing his usual white t-shirt that shows his prominent adam’s apple and the sharp line of his collarbones. His coppery blonde hair is all slicked back like always, showing his youthful face.
A sharp jawline, round upturned nose, big keen eyes, and a mouth with a fleshy lower lip that could say the most belligerent things and give the most passionate kiss. So many contradictions. It’s like Porco was sculpted by a confused artist, and yet, Reiner could stand there and just watch him for hours, to never forget him.
“Aren’t you tired of looking at the stars too?” Porco asks him, his voice sharp like the claws of the Jaw Titan.
Being tired is a constant feeling for Reiner Braun, but here, so far away from civilization- he can finally let go of everything, let himself fall, like a moth to a flame be burned by those hazel eyes that are always so crystal clear, showing every emotion Porco feels.
“Marry me.”
Porco raises his eyebrows at him, trying to mask his embarrassment that still shows by spreading a red hue on his cheeks.
“What?”
Reiner gives him a little teasing grin.
“You heard me. Marry me, Porco Galliard.”
A bitter smile touches Porco’s lips now, it makes him look older, so out of place, and Reiner just wants to kiss it away.
“You know I can’t,” Porco says with a thin voice that again doesn’t belong to him. There isn’t something that Porco Galliard couldn’t do, no brake that he will hit.
“Why not?” Reiner asks, sounding like the child that he once was who begged for attention.
Porco reaches out with a hand, he doesn’t touch Reiner but his finger, like a light touch of a brush, follows the line of Reiner’s nose, from the bridge to the tip, from the cupid’s bow to his lips.
Reiner’s breath catches on his throat as he prays for a touch that will not come, to feel the heat burn his skin.
“It’s not meant to be,” Porco says, withdrawing his hand.
Reiner frowns and moves to his side as well, being face to face with Porco, trying to feel his essence against his lips.
“What do you mean?”
Porco looks up at the night sky, eyes gazing at the stars above them like he didn’t really before.
“You know what I mean.”
“Reiner!”
A scream so far away. A roar that Reiner can’t stop.
“It’s time to go,” Porco says, his tone too low but Reiner can still hear him. “Return home, dead last. There is still time for you.”
“Reiner!”
Porco is on his feet now, so far away. He is pale, wearing a dirty uniform that doesn’t belong to him.
Reiner moves to his knees, he has to reach Porco out, to touch him before he disappears and the true colors of this world that are made of blood and crushed grounds blind Reiner again.
“Reiner!”
No, please no- shut up, don’t come here, stay where you are! They have to leave him alone, let him save him-
He keeps his gaze on Porco, he has to catch him- it’s the only way to not let him go.
Smoke hides half of Porco’s face but Reiner can still see. Blood trails down from Porco’s head, down his nose, his mouth is curled in a little smile, a single tear falls from his left cheek. His scarlet lips move but his voice is cut off, the light is gone-
“Reiner!”
Reiner blinks, takes a breath like he is breaking the surface of a deep sea. He is on his feet, his hand reaching out to nothing but a sky full of bright stars.
Alone.
Nobody’s here anymore, only Reiner with his broken mind, trying to catch a ghost created by his own imagination.
“Reiner!” Gabi calls him again. Reiner can hear her footsteps getting closer but the only thing he can do is keeping his eyes fixed over him.
“There you are, you got us worried.”
Gabi reaches his side, touching his shoulder. She grew up so fast.
“What are you doing here alone?”
He isn’t alone, Porco was here just a moment ago, watching the stars with him- no, Porco is dead. It happened years ago. Reiner feels another stone fill his chest and yet he doesn’t suffocate.
It was just a fantasy. Hallucinations that he wants to follow and swallow him, make him disappear from this new world that he doesn’t deserve. Reiner wants to cry, or to scream, but he doesn't have a voice anymore and he is empty of any tears that could be shed.
“We should get inside, Reiner. It’s getting cold out here.”
Cold? Inside or outside it would not make difference. Reiner doesn’t feel warm anymore. He only feels the cold crawl under his numb skin, reach his insides and squeeze his heart in an icy vise. There is nothing that can warm him, nothing that can burn him.
“I see, the stars are really pretty, hm?” Gabi says, trying to catch his attention, trying to reach him- but Reiner can only continue watching the vast night and let the stars judge him, look down at him and mock him for his ominous fate like Porco would have.
Porco who deserved to live and not him, but the universe is too cruel and always let the brightest star burn out the fastest.
“Let’s go home, Reiner.”
Gabi takes his hand and Reiner lets her take him away. He just gives a last look behind and for a moment he can see Porco.
Always young and impossible to touch.