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Kathryn collapsed, exhausted, onto the couch in the ready room. Even hopeful moments, like finally making contact with home, seemed to be marred by the constant warring of the Delta Quadrant, and now the Alpha Quadrant as well. Spotting her discarded letter, she shoved it into her desk and pressed her comm badge, “Janeway to Chakotay. Can I see you in my ready room for a moment?”
Seconds later a very tired first officer entered. “Yes, Captain?”
The pair stared at each other for a moment, neither knowing exactly how to proceed. The tension, which had hung heavy the room hours earlier when he had learned of the Dear John letter, still laced air between them.
“Are you alright?” the captain asked, concerned etched on her face. “I had the chance to speak with B’Elanna earlier today... Chakotay, I know about the Marquis.” Kathryn’s heart ached as the storm of anger and hurt engulfed the man in front of her. Crossing to him, she gently placed a hand on his chest, “I know you like to handle things on your own; but, maybe it would be best to talk to someone. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, what all of you are going through. Just let me know how I can help.”
She gestured to the couch and the two sat facing each other. Chakotay sighed, his gaze fixed on the streaks of stars passing the viewport. “We always knew this could happen. That it likely would happen. We all accepted the risk when we joined. But being stuck out here tens of thousands of lightyears away somehow makes it worse. Our friends and families were in the Alpha Quadrant fighting every day against some unknown alien lifeform from a different quadrant, all the while we’re stuck out here totally unable to help…”
“Survivor’s guilt.” Kathryn said quietly. “It may not be the same scenario, but it’s definitely something I understand. It’s something most captains have to come to terms with, like when we were first trapped out here. I couldn’t understand why I was kept alive when most of my senior staff was killed.”
“I think this is a little different.” He said, his voice tense with unidentifiable emotion.
Kathryn studied her hands folded in her lap; a shell of the fearless captain who had commanded the Bridge mere hours ago. “How much did Sveta tell you about the annihilation of the Marquis?”
Righteous anger grew in his voice. “Enough. The Cardassians had aligned themselves with aliens from the Gamma Quadrant and been bent of the destruction of the Bajorans and Marquis.”
“I’m afraid it’s more than that, Chakotay. It isn’t just the specific destruction of colonies, it’s all-out war. We thought things were bad after the battle of Wolf 359… they sound much worse now.” Kathryn stood and began to pace, “I didn’t want to tell you this before. Well, technically, I was ordered not to tell you… When the Doctor met with Starfleet after his time on the Prometheus, they sent him back with some classified documents.”
She walked to the computer and open the files. “Look,” she gestured to the screen in front of her.
Leaning beside her, Chakotay read the casualty reports, scouting briefings, and tactical analyses. “Why did they send you these?”
“Because, at this point, everything is an unknown. They sent us this information in case we somehow run into more of the ‘Dominion’ or find a way to get ourselves back to help them.” Kathryn took a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair. “But you see why I can understand how you feel. Voyager was the newest ship in the fleet. We had the fastest speeds, the greatest technological capabilities. We should have been the first ship to respond. I- We should all be dead; destroyed by a threat we didn’t even know existed when we were pulled across the galaxy. This should be a ship of ghosts and, until we somehow manage to get back in contact with the Federation, we are- once again- totally and completely alone. Starfleet doesn’t have available resources they can dedicate to getting us home right now. That’s up to us. But I couldn’t tell anyone that. Even if I had permission from Command, how could I face this crew? How do you tell someone that the family they’re hoping so desperately to get back to is fighting for their own lives?”
Her voice quivered with the fear threatening to break free. Chakotay pulled her to him in a strong embrace and Kathryn found herself wondering how he had ended up the one comforting her.
“Kathryn, this crew has fought aliens from fluidic space, beaten the Borg, and survived countless other hostile encounters. We will find a way home with or without Starfleet’s help. Will it be hard? Yes. But this crew is strong. If there ever is a time where we have to tell them about the problems back home we can; but, we’ll do it together. Voyager is a family and family is what we all need during times like these.”